I lost my virginity to a 25 lb. tortise, ask me anything

[WilliamPitt]

Actually, don't. I have to go to New Hampshire to see my mom, and break the news to her about the turtle. How do you give a wedding ring to a creature with no fingers?

[matcom]

1. did you lose it S L O W L Y???

was the turtle drunk?

did you use a "shell"?

:spank: ok that last one really sucked :P

[Pale Blue Dot]

2. I've seen tortises go it many times

I think they are the most sexually active animals at the zoo. So I know that their must have been a low of low moaning and that it went very slowly.

But really, the important thing is not the ring, it's that you love her.

And you have to promise not to make soup out of her!

[WilliamPitt]

3. Or to use her as an ottoman while watching TV

[TrogL]

14. You're assuming it's a "her"

[thom1102]

4. Ahhh, but can you spank the monkey at speeds of 666mph?

That would be the true test of your freakatude.

[kodi]

5. um....., if you got some vids of that i'm sure can sell them for you.

brings a whole new meaning to flipper babies too.

[WilliamPitt]

7. Truly, I am a mere shell of a man

[matcom]

6. was she stuck on her back?

or was SHE on top? :shrug:

[WilliamPitt]

8. Ain't sayin'

bow chicka bow bow

[matcom]

9. give Mommy a big hug for me will ya?

:loveya: Raven

[wtmusic]

10. Are you sure she's ready for marriage?

It might make sense to wait. It's important to, er, talk about these things.

[WilliamPitt]

12. I tried

but she just remained motionless and said "Snnuuuuuuhhhhhhh" in a very low voice.

[wtmusic]

13. She is trying to tell you

that she's not sure. Give her some space, and a little time to think it over. I'd suggest you check back in 80 years or so.

[thom1102]

16. You know, she will probably outlive you...

turtles have a HUGE lifespan. Are you sure you want to do that to her?

[soupkitchen]

11. Did you sing "I can't see me loving nobody but you" to her

That's an old Turtle Turn on

[Old and In the Way]

15. "Happy Together"

The Turtles......

[Cheswick2.0]

17. I hope it isn't a snapping turtle

really, that could hurt

[Scairp]

18. Will Pitt

Will this tortoise make you quit smoking?

[SmileyBoy]

19. We need to get you to the hospital Will...

...if you're doing this with tortoises.

[LuLu550]

20. I'm calling my congressman

and asking him to support an anti-interspecies civil union law!
What would become of the children of such a union? How could they relate to either culture? Have you not thought of them???? It is wrong, I tell you, just wrong! :spank:

[jumptheshadow]

21. Come to New York

We probably have a parade for you.

[VelmaD]

22. Was it good for you?

;-)

Seriously honey. It's official. You've gone mental. :-) Seek therapy.

[Paragon]

23. You don't always have to fuck her hard...

...in fact, sometimes, that's not right to do...

[Don_G]

24. No Details Please

You get me fired up enough as it is with your articles.

I don't think I need to hear details about your escapades with land-crawling oysters.

[Loyal]

25. I hope you used protection

;-)

[SOteric]

26. If it's a 'snapping turtle,'

you'll want to be very careful with some of the more adventurous positions in the Kama Sutra.