What's the most idiotic thing that you've EVER heard someone say?

[JanMichael]

Mine?

"I vote republican because we live in a republic"

This little gem of insanity was uttered in sincerity by a SS using, Medicade abusing, emergency utility assistance begging, hippy freak who's rarely had a job and loves the Bushites.

It wasn't a joke, just the dumbest thing I've ever heard in earnest...

[Ekirh]

1. Dinosaur

Bones were placed in the Earth by Satan to test our faith in God.

This game from the younger brother of an high school friend of mine. I don't want to go into complete detail about him and his family, it's too much to go over.

[nini]

6. This reminds me of a story about the dinosaur exhibit at a park

the San Diego Wild Animal park to be exact. My nephew worked there one summer and said a woman was pissed off and wanted her money back because the dinosaurs weren't REAL.

uh ok.. :D

[JanMichael]

9. Oh dear something or another!

I am simply astonished by some of the ridiculous shit that spews from some people...

[Zomby Woof]

24. She MUST have thought Jurassic Park was REAL

Which scares the shit out of me, while at the same time making me laugh. :scared: :D <---- like this!

:loveya:

[arcane1]

8. I used to work w/a guy who believed that, too

there were no actual dinosaurs, just faith-testing phony satan-planted bones...

sigh...

[GirlinContempt]

60. I admit it

it was me. It's true.

[arcane1]

93. Um.....

last time I checked, you were not a guy :P

[nini]

2. I'm voting for Bush because Kerry is odd looking

:eyes:

[Emops]

76. Gotta admit, he is odd looking...

But Bush looks like something Kerry had trouble digesting.

[Paranoid_Portlander]

91. "I voted for Bush because Clinton had sex with Monica."

One of my relatives said that.

[BrklynLiberal]

3. Anything that comes out of Bush's mouth.

[LibDemAlways]

7. I second that.

Too many utterly moronic pronouncements to even know where to begin.

[arcane1]

4. newspapers get all their info from TV news

thus it's smarter to watch TV news than to read the paper

:eyes:

[stellanoir]

5. "If I were her, I would treat me a lot better than she does."

. . .an actual quotation from a really flaky client.

[yvr girl]

10. More people died in the (American) Civil War

Than in all other wars combined.

I was in junior high and I was arguing with a man in his 40's. I couldn't believe he thought that.

[GOPisEvil]

16. He was SO close to being right...and yet he was so wrong.

[yvr girl]

22. Even back then - it was only American deaths that counted

What did I know, I was only a kid.

[GOPisEvil]

23. Well, American deaths are the only ones that matter.

To most Americans anyway. :)

[Ekirh]

11. Hmmm another gem...

That has been laid upon me...

"When is the Fourth of July?"

"Umm, I think Saturday, or Sunday".

"No I mean what day?"

"Ummm, it's on the fourth"?

"Oh.... that makes sense".



To be fair, the person was only 12 years old, and not the most riped apple on the tree, but egads the questions and stuff I got working at a boys and girls club at times. "Including the infamous, how dare you suspend my kid for climbing a christmas tree when the forbading of such is not written specifically in your rules".

[baldguy]

12. "If it wasn't for that horse..."

[YellowRubberDuckie]

17. "If it weren't for my horse...

I wouldn't have spent that year in college."

[stellanoir]

13. oh yeah and the other one was. . .

"Where is the Cannes film festival being held this year?"

Britney Spears about 3 or 4 years ago.

[Turn CO Blue]

Or this other doozy from Britney...

"Honestly, I think we should just trust our president in every decision that he makes and we should just support that."

It's a wonder she can memorize the lyrics to her songs...

[Mad_Dem_X]

72. LOL! She can't, that's why

she always lip-syncs...:silly:

[Mad_Dem_X]

74. Another gem from Britney:

"I like to travel to overseas places, like Canada."

[Emops]

78. Actually, when I go to Canada,

I travel over the Detroit River, so it's kind of technically overseas.:)

[Seabiscuit]

85. Not really. A river isn't a "sea".

[Spinzonner]

14. Let's get married

[JanMichael]

15. Hey! I said that some 18 months ago!

It seemed appropriate at the time and has worked out just beautifully since, so THERE!

[Spinzonner]

20. Statistical Anomaly

[JanMichael]

21. If I am anything it's an anomoly.

An enigma wrapped by a pretzel covered with a fruit roll-up.

[Left Is Write]

18. I asked this question of my husband.

He said, "I don't know. Pick anything that's ever come out of George Bush's mouth."

[democracyindanger]

19. Most recently, at Staples, as I'm being rung up

"So, do you need any ink cartridges today?"

...as I'm buying an ink cartridge, which I had to ask the cashier to get from behind the counter.

[Spinzonner]

26. Your sales clerk had actually been outsourced from

another retail dimension

[regnaD kciN]

25. Rob Scribner (California Moral Majority) defending the death penalty...

"It's a Biblical principle. After all, Christ dying on the cross is an example of capital punishment."

So, the Moral Majority supported Jesus's execution? :crazy:

[hunter]

75. Duh...

Of course they did.

[ghostsofgiants]

27. A dude in my history class once asked if James Bond was a real person

There was another really dumb thing he said, but I forget what it was. And this dude was a straight A student.

[ghostsofgiants]

31. Another "What was that one Ernest movie where he goes to camp?"

Not from the James Bond dude though.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

28. "The reason that I'm against prostitution is that

the Bible says that if you have sex with a prostitute you're married to her in the eyes of God. So if you then if you later marry another woman, you're not only committing adultery but making her commit adultery, and you'll both go to hell."

A college classmate from a small Minnesota town said this in a discussion in our dorm lounge about 35 years ago, and it was such a bizarre line of thinking that I've never forgotten it.

[Blue-Jay]

29. "Did Ray Charles get a chance to see this movie before he died?"

(after watching the movie Ray)

:D

[geniph]

30. Jesus spoke English...

that's why the Bible is in English.

Um.

Okay.

I have to go lie down now.

Did you know Jesus was an American?

[Zomby Woof]

37. Jesus was a supply-side Repuke too!

:grr: Get your theology straight, ye sinner! ;-)

[StaggerLee]

56. I thought Jesus was latino

With a really sweet lowrider and cousins with hook ups.

:)

[BlueIris]

32. SO many to choose from, (including shit I've said) but I'll go with:

"Real feminists don't kill babies."

Yes, I know, more offensive than stupid, but the person who said it then proceeded to attempt to give me the most bizarre definition of feminism you've ever heard, which I can't describe here because it was too convoluted and insane for me to even try.

[SOteric]

33. It was over the phone, from a complete stranger

at my business number.

"Now, you guys are out there on the other side of the Space Needle, right?"

I had half a mind to just say yes and hang up, but instead I asked him where he was calling from so that I might better answer his question.

[Kerrytravelers]

34. "I'm a uniter, not a divider" from the guy who waved hi to Stevie Wonder.

[BreweryYardRat]

35. This one's pretty impressive...

World History HONORS class...

"Germany is an island, isn't it?"

and one real doozy I heard second- or third-hand...

"Anne Frank came from the country of Hitler."

[JanMichael]

39. That's a tough one to beat.

Then again Americans are the most geographically retarded people on the planet...

[AllegroRondo]

82. "Is New Mexico part of Mexico, or its own country?"

[Lydia Leftcoast]

99. "Does Minnesota have a seacoast?"

A guy who invited me out to lunch one day when I studying at an Eastern university opened the lunchtime conversation with that question.

My reply:"Not in this geological period."

[xmas74]

36. I'm prolife but I'm for the death penality.

I never could understand that argument.

[jmm]

38. Some of the idiotic things I heard in college classes-

Why do poor people call it Walmarts?

I don't think life in the ghettos was that bad when the Nazis were running things because the Jews didn't wear sweat pants and jeans like poor people do.

I think Eva Peron was a great woman because I saw this episode of Friends last week and they proved that you can never do anything altruistic.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

100. How about in high school classes?

We were studying the brain in eighth grade science, and there had been some episode of Ben Casey or Doctor Kildare that featured a patient in a coma.

So our teacher was explaining what a coma is and how some people are so brain-damaged that they can't perceive or think at all and are completely unaware of their surroundings. (He was describing a persistent vegetative state, but he didn't call it that.)

One kid raises his hand,"So if they're brain-dead and can't think or see or hear or anything, what do they do for entertainment?"

[BlueIris]

40. Here's a runner-up:

"I think if this glass of water really had any pollution in it--you'd be able to see it. Hold it up to the light. Do you see anything? 'Kay, then it's probably fine."

[Atlas Mugged]

41. "The bible is a letter from god"

As for your's, why doesn't he vote Democratic because we live in a Democracy?

[fleabert]

42. From a teenager, about 8 yrs ago...

Reading trivial pursuit questions to pass time at work:

Q: Who wrote 'The Hunchback of Notre Dame'?
A: Walt Disney!

[TrogL]

43. Dubya's insane rants on economics

[unsavedtrash]

44. "my daddy said Bush was the best so my sorority sisters and I voted for

him. Plus he is a hotty." I swear a girl in one of my classes to me this. I told her to grow up and stop relying on her daddy to make life decisions for her.

[Gormy Cuss]

45. The phrase 'jewing down" isn't a slur

This said at a table of my coworkers including a Jewish woman who was the speaker's good friend. Her contention was everybody said it where she grew up, and there were no jews there, so there you go.
I thought I had beamed into a parallel universe.

[Patiod]

50. Some of the intelligent, well-educated, well-employed women

in my book club were saying they liked Bush and that he was "really good looking" back when he was running for his first term. And this was in the suburbs of a Blue State big city.

Aside from the sheer appallingness of voting for someone because he's "hot", where in the hell<\i> is their taste?

[Lilith Velkor]

64. *cough*John Edwards*cough*

ah-hah-hem. 'scuse me.

[amandae]

46. AIDS (HIV) spontaneously occurs when two men have sex

This guy I knew honestly believed that if two men (HIV free) had sex that they would both spontaneously contract HIV. Like it would just develop because they had intercourse.

I laughed at him (he was 18 when he told me this) at first until I realized he was serious. Then I educated him on the truth of the matter.

What amazes me is that SOMEHOW he passed health class??!!?? We didn't go to health classes in the same state, btw, so I have no idea what they were actually teaching kids in his area.

[Richardo]

47. Shamedly, my dad: "Democrats love it when the stock market goes down."

I was literally speechless. My brain's speech center froze up.

He knows nothing about finance and listens to Limbaugh and O'Reilly. Can you tell?

I still love the big lug, though.

[GOPBasher]

48. Hahahahahaha

:rofl:

That really is the stupidest thing ever. I can't think of anything off the top of my head that comes close to that in stupidity. :-)

[Misunderestimator]

49. "War is great for the economy"

Heard by someone as the Iraq war began.

[Patiod]

51. That there's this parallel universe, and people travel

between here and there all the time.

I was having a good conversation with another (amateur) actress at a cast party. Talking about politics, theater gossip, etc., when she tells me about this parallel universe.

"Uh, okay, do you need another beer?" (/I say, edging away slowly, avoiding eye contact)

[Lilith Velkor]

67. That doesn't sound crazy to me

My physicist friend in college said there are at least ten other universes. However, they are not parallel but perpendicular.

Maybe your colleague has read the Talisman or Dark Tower series too many times. I know I have.

[Patiod]

68. Okay, if she were a physicist, that would be one thing

but she's not. She's sort into crystals, etc.

This is not stemming from quantum physics or string theory, but from la-la theory.

[Lilith Velkor]

90. OIC

That sounds rather mild for that type. She could help you with your acting, y'know. If you can keep a straight face when she gets into the further-out stuff, you will have acheived mad thespian skillz!

[Magrittes Pipe]

52. "I love you."

Like anybody with an ounce of sense could ever love me. :eyes:

[pilgrimsoul]

53. That infamous Scalia quote

that said (I'm paraphrasing because I don't have the exact quote): "Factual innocence is no reason not to carry out a death sentence properly reached."

[StaggerLee]

54. "Why do they call them donut holes??"

"I mean really, there's no holes in 'em!"

For real. I kid you not.

[BikeWriter]

55. "It is my God-given right to have a car at 16!"

A quote from my Neice to my Sister. :)

[fudge stripe cookays]

57. Working at a retail entertainment store in about '94....

when they finally released Snow White to video...

They were having us hype it all over the place. This soccer mom came in to buy a bunch of Disney vids for the kiddies, so I was suggesting some recent releases.

Then I pointed out the Snow White, and our special introductory deal on it.

"Uck no. Crappy quality. The animation in that thing looks like it's 50 years old or something."

Um, yeah. I guess it does. :eyes:

FSC

[StaggerLee]

62. sounds like the type person

Who would never watch black and white movies because they think they are inferior in quality for that very reason.

Vey.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

98. More like 65 years old, incredibly enough

I think it was made in 1938 or thereabout.

[happyphantom]

58. 2 stupid quotes--I don't know which is worse

A co-worker of my husband

"The Olympics would be a lot better without all those foreigners"

My Aunt (no blood relation..thank goodness)

"Ni**er" is just short for negro...it's not a racial slur"

[Hissyspit]

69. Welcome to DU!

[AngryAmish]

59. "You know this weather hasn't been the same since they put that Sputnik up

I was on a bus when I was 14. I just shook my head.

[seemunkee]

61. Why are the wagging their tails, are they happy?

My mother-in-law watching Koi in a Japanese garden.

[newportdadde]

63. Better we fight them over there then over here.

[Hand]

87. Next time someone sez that...

tell them "Maybe we could WIN over here." ("YOU FUCKING MORAN" optional.)

[Seabiscuit]

65. "France is responsible for any American deaths in Iraq"

Really, some jackass married to one of my wife's cousins said this to my wife over two years ago.

[regularguy]

66. A co-workers's (adult) daughter told me that 9/11 was done by

the "Nation of Islam".

[NoSheep]

70. When my estranged father was dying, I went to see him after many years

of not seeing him at all. He told me, "Look, you're mine."
uhhhh....geeze dad....thanks...i think....uhhh.:eyes:
the second most idiotic thing was a perfect stranger came up to me at his grave and said "you know, he really did love you"
I'm like "who the fuck are you?" :wtf:

[CBHagman]

71. "Rich people are rich because they've worked hard."

"Everybody should pay the same tax rate."

"A man should get paid more than a woman because he has a family to support."

[JanMichael]

97. Those are both said far too often by people that HAVE to know better.

So I don't know if it's idiotic or balls to the wall lying:shrug:

[luvLLB]

73. Jesus wasn't a Jew, he was a Christian.

[Mutley]

77. when i was in 8th grade

a girl in one of my asked 'what is the capital of Boston?' no really, she did.

[Rabrrrrrr]

79. "Why do they cut the top and bottom off the film? Why not show the whole

picture?"

My brother-in-law, as well as many others in my life, have said that while watching, in fact, the whole picture of a movie...in WIDESCREEN.

[Emops]

80. "My band played the wrong song!"

And...

I got the president of my campus' College Republicans to admit this during a friendly discussion:
"Yeah, Bush has made a bunch of mistakes...but he's still the president and we need to support him."

Ladies and gentlemen, the future of America.

[Coventina]

81. "A free and democratic Iraq will help Israel"

guess who?

Hint: it was in the first presidential debate last fall.

[dean_dem]

83. Heard by many an overly-friendly cashier...

while I'm buying cat litter and cat food:
"So, do you own a cat?"

No, stupid, I'm just worried I'm not getting enough taurine and I don't have any running water.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

84. I love my SUV

[5thGenDemocrat]

86. During a bull session back when I was in the Army

I had a cracker tell me that "I don't have a problem with you regular Catholics -- just them ROMAN Catholics." It's hard to do -- but that comment left me completely speechless.
John
It is now 35 days, 21 hours and 51 minutes to FUNDAY. Catholics and, yeah, even crackers are invited.

[Crazy Guggenheim]

88. That the sqrt of -1 is i. Which means i2 is ALWAYS -1. What a

moran!

[Eagle_Eye]

89. I drive better after a few beers

[Lady Effingbroke]

92. My mother thinks a person can be paralyzed from their neck to their waist.

That is, they can walk, but not move their arms. :silly:

[davidinalameda]

94. if English was good enough for Jesus, then it's good enough for me

spoken to a friend of mine at a wedding someplace in North Carolina by the preacher who conducted the wedding

[knitter4democracy]

95. Several good ones from when I taught high school English

My personal fave:

"Mrs. G, I'm making an African hut for my project for _Heart of Darkness_, but I can't figure out how to make the lines go up to the hut."

"What lines?"

"You know, those lines that go up to houses up by the roof?"

"Electric lines? Um, they didn't have electricity in the late-1800's in central Africa."

"They didn't? Well, then, how did they watch TV?"

"They didn't. Television isn't very old, coming into most areas in the United States in the 1950's, decades after this book was written."

*shocked look on his face* "Well, then how did they watch Oprah?!"

*trying not to laugh* "They didn't. Oprah hasn't been on television all that long, and television wasn't even invented yet."

"Oh my God! How did they live without Oprah?!"

Yes, that was a real conversation from a student who was going to be a psychiatrist until I explained that he couldn't after more schooling. He thought it was a two year program (!!!), and he happened to be failing his senior psych course at the time. :eyes:

I've always wondered what happened to him.

[Mrs_Beastman]

96. "grow up"

after saying something completely dumb to stir up trouble...and then they couldn't take the 'attacks' they got in return.:eyes: ...all they could say was 'grow up'!!!

[badjuju]

101. At work.

A woman i work with had carpal tunnel surgery and was talking about it with a coworker.

She literally said "But my arms are still tingly and numb. Here, feel it!" I swear it's true. She actually thought someone else could touch her arm and feel the tingling.

It gets worse. The guy actually touched her arm and then told her he couldn't feel it.

[skygazer]

102. A friend of mine

She'd driven off the road and her car was hung up in the ditch, one tire dangling over the ditch. She ran her hand under the tire, realized that the tire was not touching the ground and said, "oh my god, my tire's flat!".