What's the most stupid thing someone has ever said to you.

[MrScorpio]

It has to be a face to face conversation or a place where you were actually in the audience.

Unless his Chimptitude was talking to you personally, he doesn't count.

Now me. I still remember this shit 23 years after the fact:

This fool told me in 1980 that he was installing an 8-Track tape player in his car because he KNEW that their superior sound quality would ensure their continued popularity as far as the eye could see.

I told him he was an idiot but he did it anyways.

Later that year, 8-tracks went the way of the Dodo.

What about you?

[JackSwift]

1. Hey, watch this!

Ah, famous last words.



On a camping trip when I was four. My dad: "We don't need to put the ice chest in the car, there isn't enough room. It's got latches and the racoons aren't smart enough to open it."

40 years later, this is still good for settling any argument with the old man. "Yeah dad, the racoons won't get it." "You're never going to let me hear the end of that are you guys?" "No."

[dolo amber]

2. After placing my rather odd order

at a restaurant, the blonde waitress looked at me and said in perfect Valley Girl form... "Are you SURE?" <mouth open, head tilted>

[MrScorpio]

3. Damn!! That one was good

Eom

[On the Road]

10. Oh, God! As a Former Waiter, I Can Really Picture That

That is very funny.

[oxymoron]

4. At my Dad's funeral...

A family acquaintance came up to me and said: "There's and old English saying that I think is appropriate and I want to share with you. Keep your chin up."

[luckyluke]

40. Why is that stupid?

[oxymoron]

60. Because...

he acted like no one had heard the term "Keep your chin up" before. I just thought it was weird and funny.

[BlueJazz]

5. When I worked for a VERY large.......

...maker of Photographic stuff (you know the one), I was told by
an Upper level Manager that Digital Camera's were decades from being
even remotely comparable to film camera's. I thought to myself
"And this idiot makes 270,000 dollars a year?..What an stupid head-in the-sand bastard" (and this was in 2000)

This company now makes a whole line of Digitals...

[MrScorpio]

9. Oh yeah, That reminds me:

1994

"Don't buy a Mac. Apple's going under pretty soon."

2003

I just wrote this post on a iMac

[Piltdown13]

6. Not so much stupid as clueless, but...

Two from the same (male) friend:

A few days after I'd had my hair cut and colored, he complimented me on my new 'do, then carried it a bit too far: "Yeah, your roots got really too long last time."

During another conversation about our respective workouts and their effectiveness: "You're looking really good and toned. In fact, I was looking at an old photo of you last night, and you used to be much chubbier than you look now!"

And the worst part is, he seemed not to understand that those comments ought not to have been spoken out loud! But, he's a good friend anyway! :-)

[Redneck Socialist]

7. People have said alot of stupid things to me...

...too many to mention, but I think the stupidest thing I ever said was this: "Where do they push the snow?" I was driving around the hills of Marin County California with a friend and I was struck by how close to the road the houses were. I mean right up on the road. It being the first time I was in CA I wondered what any good New England boy would, where the hell they put the snow.

My friend was polite enough to not laugh in my face, he just stared at me until I said "oh...never mind."

[Submariner]

8. My blue-eyed attractive

supervisor (a female senior manager in the firm and also reserve Lt.Col in the USAF) looked into my hazel eyes and said, "Did you ever notice how sneaky people with brown eyes are?, they just can't be trusted".

It happened only about 6 years ago. She was elevated to a Vice Pres position a few months later, but after a year was fired for incompetance. I don't know where the comment came from, I forget the context of the conversation except that it was about business, and I had no response whatsoever except probably a blank stare on my face from total and absolute bewilderment.

When I see questions like yours, I recall that incident immediately.

[MrScorpio]

12. I hope that I never met her while on active duty

Sometimes I wonder how these obvious idiots ever became officers

[rucky]

11. My younger brother came into town

for a visit, and my neighbor caught us at the front door. I introduced my brother, and my neighbor said, "man, you two look just like cousins."

[MrScorpio]

13. LoL!!

Good one

[On the Road]

14. In All Seriousness, a Guest Said to Me:

"Where do you keep the ice cubes?"

Note that it was NOT during a party when the question might actually have made sense.

[Dogmudgeon]

15. In Honor of the end of Daylight Saving Time this weekend

A family friend once asked my Mom, "how does the Sun know to come up an hour earlier?"

Oh god. The humanity.

--bkl

[toddzilla]

18. here's a couple..

a few years ago i had brought my guitar and amp to a friends house to crank it up since he lived out in the country and i lived in an apt. so his idiot friend comes by, sees my guitar, goes and puts the strap on and stands there staring at the neck.. then he says..


"i guess you can't just "do" this can you"


i was like.. uhh.. no you have to learn how.. "

he really is one of the dumbest people i've ever met.


other one.. a loooong time ago.

my mom sent me to KFC to get some gravy for a big dinner she was making and didn't have time to make enough. so i go to KFC and order 4 large containers of gravy and the girl behind the counter says...


"is that for here or to go?"

it's been 15 years and i still remember that one.

[sam sarrha]

16. an elderly woman asked me if i was "born again" i said...

I dont believe in that there reincarnation.... she got all excited and said that she didn't either and was so happy that i felt as big as a bug... for messing with her mind.

[arwalden]

17. "Condoms Don't Work" and "Marriage Is Between A Man And Woman Only"

And "I'm fucking tired of being PC"

-- Allen

[MrScorpio]

19. "No more muthafuckin' profanity..."

"I can't stand that shit."

I just made that one up.

[stopbush]

20. Heard at the music store

I worked at the eastside HMV store in NYC when it opened in the early 90s. Here's some questions that I was asked (I'm not making this up!):

"I really like Beethoven's Fifth Symphony. Did he write any other symphonies?"

"OK, if Beethoven's 9th is so great, why didn't he write just all Ninths?"

"I like Maria Callas, but doesn't she have anything new?" (She died in 1977)

"What's that piece? Oh yeah, the Taco Bell Canon!" (Pachelbel Canon)

"I want La boheme...but just the music." (A typical query in the classical department from customers who want an opera recording without any singing. Yes, they exist. I guess the singing doesn't qualify as music!)

"I heard this piece on my car radio. Maybe you know it. I can't hum it, but they played it sometime between 2 and 4PM. Does that help you?"

"I want that piece they used in the movie 'Platoon.'"
Answer: you want the famous Adagio by Samuel Barber
"No, I don't think that's it."

There's more, but they only get worse.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

22. LOL!

After 20-some years of wedding gigs, I refer to it as "the Taco Bell" all the time!

I'll bet you had a lot of folks who wanted "that Symphony by Haydn" or "the Bach Cantata" too.

[catzies]

52. I'd never heard it before so it's killing me now!

I am a classical music aficionado, and a complete snob about its use as wedding music. if I was at a reception and heard "Taco Bell Canon" I don't know what I'd do! Probably die laughing.

[Ilsa]

66. Or that Brandenburg Concerto.

Has the store considered hosting a classical music appreciation class?

[NightTrain]

28. Here's one I once overheard in a record shop:

Do you have that song about the female astronaut? You know, it goes, "Ride Sally ride upon your mystery ship."

[slackmaster]

46. I have an aunt who worked as a music librarian at a university

She has dozens of similar stories. My favorite is when an undergraduate asked for help finding a recording of the Grand Canyon Suite by "Fred Grief".

[GoddessOfGuinness]

74. That's a good one!

Fred Grief sounds like some punk singer's name...

[RandomKoolzip]

21. "Man, if we keep selling Hot Dogs, we're gonna run out!"

Said to me by my redneck coworker at the restaurant I toil at.

[noiretextatique]

23. today at the bank, the teller asks me if i have an account

at the bank after i presented her with a check made out to "cash" drawn on my account at the bank :shrug: she kept asking me this same dumb-ass question about five times, and i kept telling her "um...yes i have an account here: that's why the check is made out to cash." she kept saying if i didn't have an account, i would need two pieces of id...what a dumbass! how in the hell could she honor a check made out to cash....even with two pieces of id, if i didn't have an account at the bank?!

[kodi]

24. ahem.......an ultimate stupid person story

once upon a time i had to hire quickly an employee to work in a chemical plant; hard work, heavy lifting, grease, and grime.

i interviewed a half a dozen guys who all were inexperienced. the end of the day came and i was in a jam and in walked the last interveiwee. he was big and strong and had hands like cinder blocks. i was hopeful i had found my man.

as i interviewed him and discussed his experience i glanced thru his application papers and upon observing an item of interest, i asked him......

"brian, in the space where you were asked to provide a phone number in case of an emergency, why did you put "911?"

he replied, "I thought it was a trick question."

he was hired immeditately.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

25. "I HATE chamber music!"

....followed by, "What IS chamber music?"

Only my mother-in-law could've come up with that.

[NightTrain]

26. I was 17 and working as a fast-food fry cook.

One day, I inevitably got some of the hot oil on my hand, which I immediately ran under some cold water.

The other cook on duty, a guy about my age, said, "No, man! When you burn yourself, the worst thing you can do is run it under cold water."

At that time (1983), there was an animated PSA (public service announcement) running on TV, which directly stated that the best treatment for a minor burn is to immediately immerse it in cold water. Obviously, my co-worker hadn't seen that PSA!

[MrScorpio]

27. Wouldn't you hate to think of HIS alternative?

I know I couldn't think of it.

[MrScorpio]

29. I overheard this American woman's voice in Amsterdam's Red Light District:

"Oh you love it when I stick my finger up your ass."

When I turned around they were gone.

Man, that was freaky.

[MrScorpio]

30. What?!? No more stupidity?

There has to be more.

[otohara]

31. I Surround My Self With Really Smart People Like George Bush

the guy who fired me from my radio gig.

I sued and this is what he said in his deposition. He got eventually was fired from this job, as he was from every job prior and the jobs he got after lawsuit - he no longer works in radio.

[corarose]

32. Some Idiot asked me what day the 4'th of July was on and I said

It was on such and such day and they said no what date is it on and I said the 4'th.

Damn Idiot!

[luckyluke]

43. Ignore me

Duh, I posted my message in the wrong place and now I'm editing it out. How... stupid!

[corarose]

47. I didn't say anything to the person about being naive

She was an American and she didn't know the 4'th of July was on the 4'th of July.

Sometimes I think that they have been pushed through school.

[JackDragna]

33. "Terrorists envy our democracy."

eom

[Ridley Park 704]

34. a guy at work was getting crank calls

so he wanted to explode an M-80 right next to the phone the next time they call, that way the guy calling will get an ear-ache or something from the very loud noise he hears on the phone. (I talked him out of it, saying it would destroy our ears.)

another guy at work once said, "You mean flies come from maggots??"

[Ridley Park 704]

35. i'm guilty myself

when i was a clueless 15 year old in High School I had a detention one day. At the end of the school day the disciplinarian came on the loud speaker and said that everybody who is scheduled for detention is given an amnesty.

Later I showed up for detention and he said, "What are you doing here? I said there was a general amnesty," and I replied, "Amnesty? What does that mean?" He got so mad he said, "Well just for that, YOU stay for detention."

ps. that was a long time ago before I escaped cluelessity.

[Dulcinea]

36. "Goddamned feminazis! Most of 'em are too ugly to get a man! Ha ha!"

Said to me by a coworker/Limbaugh fan.

I'd ask him what he thinks of his idol now, but he has since retired.

[Maddy McCall]

67. All my friends know I am a feminist. Guy at party asks "Dou you shave...

your armpits?"

I just looked at him and said, "Fuck off, idiot."

[kayleybeth]

37. I've got a good one...

Some guy in Texas: What part of Louisiana are you from?
Me: New Orleans.
SGIT: Cool! Do you know Joe <so and so>?
Me: Not by name. Is he from New Orleans?
SGIT: No, he's from Shreveport, but he's BEEN to New Orleans.

[radwriter0555]

42. Whoa. Now that's a small worlder.

BUT my siser in law might beat that.

Talking on the phone to her for the first time. I was living in Chicago, my reply when she asked where I live, of course.

There is a long pause, and she says "Chicago? Isn't that near Philadelphia?"

Now, I have to admit she's retarded. Literally. No, I mean it. Her IQ is two digits. I think the first digit is 6.

Once she and my brother spawned, it was the best thing that ever happened to her, since she finally had a topic she could converse about, excepting that she pronounced it "prennick".


I had a family-ectomy for all the right reasons.

[alwynsw]

38. I was once informed by a "pharmacy tech"

in a pharmacy that the proper word was genetic not generic equivalent. I had my prescription filled elsewhere.

[Cheswick2.0]

39. it's good that you are asserting yourself, just don't do it with me

d'oh! That from the person who was more abusive and had the most negative effect on me of anyone I have ever known.

[The Lone Liberal]

41. You mean besides,"screw you duckface!"

n/t

[luckyluke]

44. I'm disappointed

A lot of the responses here aren't really stupid... seems like true unvarnished Stupidity (TM) is hard to find these days.

My story too is not about stupidity so much as well-meaning ignorance. I was chatting with this taxi driver once. She asked me where I was from, I said India. She then asked me what things were like in Indonesia. After I explained India is different from Indonesia, she said she was part American Indian so we were obviously racially related. I wondered for a moment if she really was that naive, or she was just pretending to be so as a joke. But she was really in earnest.

She was an extremely nice person though. I much prefer well-meaning stupidity to intellectual snobbishness.

-ll

[slackmaster]

45. "You're parked too close to my car"

There was about 1/2 inch between my front bumper and her rear bumper. When I parked there I had to pull forward as far as possible to keep from blocking a driveway behind me.

There was a red zone (no parking) in front of her car, so she had no difficulty driving away. At no time did my vehicle ever make contact with hers.

I asked her "How much distance would you like to have between our vehicles?"

She kept repeating "You're parked too close" over and over.

[baldguy]

48. Zero isn't a number.

The store I worked in just got a new POS system, and I was asked by Boss Moron to design the new inventory database. I made the first dept number "000" and titled it "Miscellaneous", mainly because we had about 10,000 different items. I knew that some woulnd't fit into standard catagories, and we would miss catagorizing some during the conversion. The ones we missed would end up right on top when the item list got sorted.

When I presented my database plan to Boss Moron a later that week he immediatly told me to change it, because "Zero isn't a number".


on edit: you should know, I quit abou six months after this exchange and the store closed about four months after that.

[progressiverealist]

49. "Your baby died because Jesus needed him."

Said to my wife and I by a family member. Trying to help I know but sheesh... that's supposed to make us feel better????

[Submariner]

50. the most stupid thing someone has ever said to you

A nun in grade school told me that an old guy lives in the sky in the form of a father, son, and a holy ghost, that he/they/whatever know everything, and that he/they/whatever created everything in the universe in a week 6000 years ago.

[Maccagirl]

51. I'm 4'11" and someone asked me once

"Have you always been this short".

My reply "No, I was 5'10" but I went to a Who concert and haven't been the same since."

[Booberdawg]

53. A pick-up line ...

where do you get your teeth done?

[BigDaddyLove]

54. Just recently...........

my brother in law said that he thought George W. Bush was a 'humble' man, just after he told me how good it was that we invaded Iraq.

[Nay]

55. When I worked in a store that sold wallpaper borders (which all

come in lengths measured in yards), I had many people who came in with measurements of their rooms in feet who had to ask me how many feet there were in a yard.

How can you get out of grade school not knowing that?? And what else did these people not learn? From the way things are going now, I would guess a helluva lot.

[Piltdown13]

56. I thought of another one

I went to high school with a girl who looked quite a lot like me. She was a year ahead, so it took people at school awhile to figure out we were two different people, since we were rarely seen together at first ("Hey, were you at the mall last night?" Me: "Nope, sorry." "Could have sworn it was you.")

So, that spring she and I were both on the track team. Even better, we ran the first and second legs of the 4 x 400 meter relay :-). Anyhow, at one meet we were sitting in the bleachers discussing our strategy for the upcoming race when we noticed a couple of guys from another team looking at us and whispering. Pretty soon one of them comes over to us:

"Hey, are you guys identical twins?" (They couldn't have known about the age difference, but there WAS a considerable height difference...)

Us: "No."

Him: "Are you sure?"

Us: "Pretty sure."

Him: "Cool. I just won a bet."

Sheesh!

[rbnyc]

57. I have to pick one?

I've had people say some weird shit to me regarding my recent car accident. The worst one was when a friend said, "Do you think your baby was in pain?" when she heard about the resulting miscarriage. I can understand being curious about that, but I wish she'd used her head a little more before coming out with that one.

Anyway, sorry I keep bringing up my accident but I need to talk about it. It's just a very big part of my life right now. But I don't mean to be tiresome.

On the lighter side, here are some stupid things said to me at the front desk of the community center where I work:

(Pointing at stairs) Do those stairs go up?

What time does "High Noon" meet?

(On the phone) Where are you located? (I give address.) I'm at a payphone on 16th Street. Do I turn right or left? (Let me consult my satellite surveillance of you so I can see what direction you're facing.)

(Facing huge wall clock.) What time is it?

This group here, called "Indoor Plant Discussion Group," what is that about?

[LibertyorDeath]

58. The Fish & the Blond

Had been dating this blond for about a week

She comes over to my place just as I'm about to add some

new fish to my Aquarium just as I'm opening the bag they came

in so they can swim out she SCREAMS NO DON'T THEY'LL DROWN.:eyes:

[imax2268]

59. One day at work...

I was putting a boiler back together...I got it done and filled it with water and fired it up...place it back in operation...Before I got done with my twelve hour shift...I logged what I did into the log book...

My relief that was here just twelve hours before went out into the plant and looked around...noticed the boiler was back online and up to operating temp...comes back in the office and asks..."So you got the boiler back up and running...?"...I just sat there and looked at him and thought to myself..."you can't be that stupid...you were just here twelve hours ago and it wasn't working was it"...one of those missed opportunities to say what I really wanted to say...!

[Ookie]

61. I was in Hawaii

at a Napa auto parts store and there was this loud woman from Wisconsin (I knew that because she kept saying she worked at a Napa store in Wisconsin) and she asked the clerk if they took American money! Yikes!!!

[zelda7743]

75. Living in Hawaii

I get a ton of dumb comments. The most recent was on the phone with the Geico dude to get a jump start. He proceeds to ask me "If the jump doesn't work, would you need a tow?" I told him where I lived (an outer island) and where I would need the car towed. He asks "Is that in Honolulu?"
I told him that he'd be hard pressed to find a company that would tow my car 100 miles across the ocean.
It's not the dude's fault. Geico should have maps available or something.

[Zorro]

62. "Don't get rational with me!"

Kind of stopped the argument I was having with a co-worker. I couldn't counter such a classic line.

All I could do was laugh and stop the argument. There is no value in arguing with a nitwit.

[beanball]

63. Stupid thing

you gotta remember stupid things are spoken by stupid people.My exterminator(bugman,no not Tom.)told me he listens to Rush three hours everyday.

[soleft]

64. I do

my husband when we got married

[carpetbagger]

65. "Everyone knows cancer comes and goes"

Your Social Security Administration, on denying permanent disability to a guy with terminal cancer.

Runner up, ca. 1988:

Me: "My pop's flat"
Fast food employee: "Would you like more ice in it?"
"no, it's flat"
"flat?"
"flat"
"so..."
"you need to fix the machine, or get me some water or a shake or something?"
"flat?"
"yeah, no fizz. Like it's been sitting on a table or a day"
"would you like more ice in it?"
"no, that won't make it less flat."
"uhm, let me get you another one."
(pause)
"see, it doesn't have any carbonation. You need to fix your machine"
"Can I put some more ice in it?"
"no thanks. Just maybe go ask your manager what it means when pop gets flat."

[VermontDem2004]

68. Dean can't spell spondylolysis

therefore you must vote for someone else.

[Hubert Flottz]

69. "I Voted For George Bush!"

They might have well have an 'I'm A Total Moran' sign stuck to their back with some John Asscroft Duct Tape! As soon as they tell me they voted for Bush I discover another mortal enemy! Most go on to say that they won't vote for Bush next time, but we all know Republicans ALL lie, even to themselves!

[Ilsa]

70. I'm asking the police operator directions to the branch

police station so I can fill out a report:

Me: "Do I go east or west when I exit I-35 onto Loop 12?"

Operator : "It depends on which direction you're coming from."

[TrogL]

71. Tourist stuff

I grew up in Niagara Falls, Ontario. I spent a lot of time around tourists or hearing friends in the tourist industry tell their stories.

• What time to they turn the Falls off?
  
• How do they get the colour in the water (daytime)? Water is blue - get over it?
  
• How do they get the colour in the water (night)? You mean besides the big blinding spotlights??
  
• (4th of July with racks of skiis)Where are the ski hills? In Alberta, 4000 miles away, and they open in four months
  
• (4th of July)Where can I see an igloo?
  
• Do you know my sister in Montreal? For starters, what's your name?
  
• (9 a.m.)Can I drive to Montreal in time for lunch? Can you go 300 mph?
  
• Do Canadians speak English?
  
• Is Canadian money real?
  
• (having just looked at his Rolex after driving across a 300 foot bridge)Is it the same time here?
  
• Can I go to church here?
  
• Why aren't there any American flags?
  

[ScreamingMeemie]

72. "If you lose this one, I'll kill you," my father-in-law told me after

we told him we were expecting after two late term losses. In his defense, he was an alcoholic...but at the time we told him he was sober. He also thought I shouldn't breastfeed...that I should pump and serve because it was "wrong" for a mother to breastfeed her male child. I mean look at how many messed up men we have who were breastfed as babies....?

That last part was sarcasm. ;)

[TrogL]

73. AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII Just happened

I just bought a gallon of chocolate syrup. I was about to pour some into a pint-sized glass of milk. Somebody said "don't use it all".

[Darth_Ole]

78. I've got everyone of you beat:

Back in 8th grade I had a Humanities teacher who was a stupid hillbilly!!! and I mean STUPID, folks.. here's a few of her quotes:

"Graphic designers have it easy today.. They have printing presses. Kris(me), when was the printing press invented? it was the early 1940's, right?" I told her it was in 1450 and she said "Really? That early?"

We were looking at Dorthea Lange's 'Migrant Mother' photo and she said, "There was a lot of suffrage in the 30's."

On the same day, we were looking at another of Lange's photos where Japanese children in the detention camps in the 40's were saying the pledge of alliegance. She said the meaning of the photo was that "We give them the right to say the pledge of alliegance and they bomb us at Pearl Harbor so they are being unfair."

I knew that they called the Colosseum what they did because of a large, "colossal" statue of an emperor near the stadium. So my friends and I asked her to tease her why they called it the Colloseum. So she went to a dictionary on the shelf, looked up the word 'colossal' and came back and said "Because it was so big!"

[FDRrocks]

76. "If It wasn't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college"

Just answering for Lewis Black, there.

The stupidest thing I have ever heard is... "The fundamental question is, 'Will I be a successful president when it comes to foreign policy?' I will be, but until I'm the president, it's going to be hard for me to verify that I think I'll be more effective." - GW Bush

On a side note... relating to Bush, I just started reading "Inside the Third Reich" by Nazi Architect and Armaments Minister Albert Speer. In the first couple of chapters he emphasized how Hitler would break down every complex problem into the simplest black and white terms and that was a large part of his appeal.

That totally reminds me of Bush and, well, politics at large in the country (to a much lesser degree than the aforementioned).

[Cat Atomic]

77. Do you want cheese on that cheeseburger?

[MrScorpio]

79. I get this all the time...

I've had people ask me this plenty of times over the last 20 years since I've been in the Air Force:

Them: "Oh, you're in the Air Force. What do you do?"
Me: "I'm a Personnel specialist." (i.e., NOT a pilot)
Them: "Oh really!! DO YOU FLY AIRPLANES?"
Me: "No, but I do pilot a desk back in my office."

I'm waiting for this comeback. It's never happened though:

Them: "How fast does it go?"