Fighting terrorism, one pair of lace panties at a time (not a joke)...

[Redstone]

This, verbatim, from the Victora's Secret catalog order form:

"To help the U.S. government fight the funding of terrorism and money laundering activities, the USA PATRIOT Act, which is Federal law requires all financial institutions to obtain, verify and record information that identifies each person who opens an account. This means that, as part of World Financial National Bank's processing of your preapproval or application for a Victoria's Secret credit card account, you will be required to provide your name, address, date of birth, social security number and other information that will allow us to identify you. You may also be asked to provide other identifying documents, such as driver's license, passport or alien identification card."

So, ladies, the next time you're walking down the street and some guy stares at you with a lustful look, it probably means he's a Federal anti-terrorist expert, and he he's visualizing that Wonderbra and skimpy thong that he knows you're wearing.

What a way to fight terrorism! Don't you all feel safer from the Bad Guys, now that Homeland Security is keeping a close eye on your underwear and nightgown purchases?

Redstone

Note: I posted this earlier in GD, but nobody cared. Figured the Loungers would appreciate it more.

[youthere]

1. I wondered what that Secret Service guy was doing in my skivvies....

:blush:

[BattyDem]

2. Homeland Security: "We don't know what the terrorist's next target is ...

"... but we know what color underwear they'll be wearing when they blow it up!" :eyes:

[-..__...]

3. I'll bet they don't ask for all that personal information...

on panty orders shipped to Abu Gharib. :smoke:

[Hardrada]

4. I wonder if they have color coded alerts for panties

Which is more sinister, black or red? And what does blue mean? Which would you feel the safest with (if you knew who was wearing what). They'll have to bring back the microskirt.

[Zuni]

5. Homeland security requests that all young ladies please submit photo

in said undergarments, in order to best protect the nation from terror. Also, any pics of you looking coy in a bathing suit would also help us track down the villians who wish to destroy our way of life. Thank you in advance

Homeland Security

[Redstone]

6. You will, of course, be volunteering your email address

as a kind of "clearing house" for these pictures, so Homeland Security only has to concern itself with the ones that genuinely rate special attention, yes?

All of us True Americans appreciate your willingness to make such a sacrifice for your country.

Redstone

[LeftyMom]

7. Do terrorists really try to launder money through their Victoria's Secret

cards?

Maybe that's how the hijackers were identified so quickly, they matched their distinctive taste in lingerie with records in the terrorist brassiere alert system. :eyes:

[Bossy Monkey]

8. I'm still goggling at World Financial National Bank

which isn't what I'm normally goggling at with regards to Victoria's Secret catalogs.

Also googling. Eddie Bauer uses the same bizarrely named bank, but somehow manages to leave out the Patriot Act and terrorism. Do you think Victoria's secret might be that she isn't very bright?

World Financial National Bank. Sigh. Which nation? Which world? How many banks aren't financial? We may never know.

[Redstone]

9. Actually, we just got an Eddie Bauer catalog, and

it had the same text on the order form.

So the Homeland Security folks want to know about the clothes you buy for your outside, as well as underneath.

Redstone