Raising Boys

[hyphenate]

Raising Boys


a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!

b) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.

c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.

d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.

e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

f) For those who raised girls.....rejoice!


The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas...

Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixig the Clorox and brake fluid.

25.) Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

[Abelman]

1. I will not!

(will any bleach do, or does it have to be clorox?)

[Mz Pip]

2. As the mother of grown sons

this did make me laugh. They did forget a couple:

You really can light your brother's farts.

Dog food sticks to the ceiling.

Mz Pip
:dem:

[tigereye]

3. yeah I've seen that before

pretty funny, and a little scary. Fortunately my 8 year old seems to have missed a lot of those. Whew.

[MuseRider]

7. Give him time.

Most of this happens a little later when you could have sworn they knew better.

[tigereye]

8. oops I was hoping we were past some of that

he's an only child, so he has no brothers to encourage him.

[MuseRider]

16. Sitting here

smiling thinking, "Good luck with that." Heee Hee. Charming little fellas aren't they? His friends may have other ideas.

All I can really say is I raised two of them and they are wonderful and I adore them and always did. They did some crazy and stupid things but nothing I did not expect from them. Nothing is better than having them and if you have to deal with a little "fun" along the way then it is all for the best.

I am just pulling your leg a little.

[Book Lover]

4. So, he'll pass the Legos?

Whew! Thanks for saving me from the ER! ;-)

[Mz Pip]

9. As my son's Pediatrician

once told me, "Be glad you don't see everything that goes in their mouths."

My younger son loved garden snails. Shell and all. Yummy.

Mz Pip
:dem:

[Book Lover]

11. Shell and all!

Oh my; I feel faint... I'd better toughen up. I get all anxious when he picks up a piece of dinner roll off the carpet.

[wideopen]

15. I used to be like that too

but having seen some of the other things he's ingested, I'd let the roll go as long as it had no more than 4 dog hairs on it.

[purr]

19. So true..

its gross its true :)

[MuseRider]

5. Thank goodness I am done with

all of that. Add a couple...That stuff you smell is called Fumica and is a potion passed on from your father and his cousins to you and you will pass it along to your children and then you will wonder what the smell is.

Legos can cause injury and dents in the wall when tossed into a ceiling fan on high speed.

You can get arrested for shooting paint balls out of a moving car into moving traffic.

I am sure there are many more but raising boys causes lots of brain cell damage.

Love my boys.

[wideopen]

6. one more..

dog bones are perfectly safe for human consumption.

[notadmblnd]

10. yup.. boys are a mess...

but I wouldn't trade mine for anything. He's been pure joy, spraypaint axing and all. His most recent stunt was attempting to burn brush while it was in the back of the trailor. He didn't think to move the trailor away from the side of the garage. WE had a long talk about that one.

One thing I've learned about boys is that you have to tell them exactly what the rules are and you have to cover every possible angle with them. They don't have common sense at that age 4-14 and if you haven't explicity told them they can't do something.. they will assume that it's ok to do.

[Taverner]

12. Oh dear lord what have I done...

I have a 2 year old and he's already pouring superglue on the dog....

[Rambis]

13. I have to tell this one

My sister in law is a police officer and she got called to escort a kid to the hospital because he had a toy truck stuck in his nose. 45 minutes after being released from the hospital she was called to the same house because the father had the same truck stuck up his nose. Darwin award contender?

[bleedingheart]

14. you can get legos out of their nose if sprinkle their nose with pepper

then they sneeze em out....

both girl and boy have done this...

[LizW]

17. Always check the pockets before you do the laundry. Always.

And you might want to wear gloves for this.

[purr]

18. I can see my daughter doing these...

I'm pregnant with boy #2, my son is 4 and my daughter is turning 2 next month. She has been is so much more than my son EVER has. He is a cake compared to her!!

One thing my son did, well, he did it with my step-son.. threw lite-brite pegs up into my bedroom fan on high. I'm still finding the pegs 3 months later.

My daughter single handily broke my brothers VCR by putting various markers and crayons in it.. not to mention play dough and chicken nuggets. She still walks up to a VCR and goes CHICKEN!


I still say its easier with boys at this age :)