Burn Your Bridges or Stay & Grovel????

[Cats Against Frist]

I was just passed over for one of the biggest postgraduate fellowships, in the country, for a trust-fund baby* who (I've heard) is sucking the dick of the giver-a-way-er, even though I deserved it.

In the aftermath of just being informed of this, today, I'm trying to decide whether to raise hell, or grovel for a different position, later on. This is a very insular field, and the guilt that particular giver-a-way-ers might feel could help me win fame and fortune, down the line.

For those who have been screwed over by genital nepotism, I ask:

Burn the bridge? Or stay, grovel, and participate in the most self-effacing, hierarchical nonsense ever devised, at the expense of my pride, hoping to benefit from the very same nepotism, down the line?

Which works out better? Those of you who've been in this situation: how did your conscience feel, years down the road? Were you ever rewarded for being a "good sport?"


*I live in the ghetto

[RPM]

1. "sucking the dick"?

literally or figuratively?

If literally, then you have some great leverage - no burning, but perhaps some thinly veiled threats followed by a letter to the suckee's boss

If figuratively, then probably grovel time....

[Cats Against Frist]

Literally

But I don't think it would help -- it has to be the most corrupt industry in the world -- the arts -- and those who make waves usually end up looking bad.

I wouldn't know where to start with threats/lawsuit, anyway. And I don't know if I have that in me, at all. Until this point, they've been really good to me.

[Bossy Monkey]

2. You don't need a poll; read your own post. You want to get out. Get out nt

[Dogmudgeon]

3. Smile Sweetly and Plot

Revenge is a dish that tastes best when it is served cold.

--p!

[crispini]

4. Ooooo, personal politics. Nasty stuff.

You need to do what you can do to salvage your pride, AND not burn any bridges. From what you said in one of your responses, raising hell isn't going to do you any credit in your field.

Figure out a way to let the give-a-way-er know that YOU know what happened. This should be done very, very subtly, and with a bit of wit, if possible. Also, find another fellowship or a way out so that you don't have to "stay" around as you put it. Neverthless, put the marker down with this person that you are owed.

Does that make sense? I'm not 100% sure of the specifics of your situation but I'm trying to suggest that you figure out a middle road solution that will allow you NOT to burn any bridges but that will also get you out of the "nonsense" situation that you're in... fwiw... :shrug:

[miss_kitty]

5. can you get out without bridge burning?

As someone who walked around for years with a flamethrower designed especially with bridges in mind, I found later on through observation one could leave a position one did not like, not burn a bridge, and be able to use it later. It's quite handy, especially in a limited field.

There are many charred ruins of bridges in my past that would have been better left intact.