I'm Jerry Falwell. Ask me anything.

[GOPBasher]

[kanrok]

1. Why are you such a douchebag?

No offense intended, Jerry.

[GOPBasher]

4. I'm not. I'm saved and you're going to burn in hell forever.

Luckily, I'm almost God, so I can judge.

[ronnykmarshall]

2. Would please step into this hot tub ...

while I throw this radio into in?

[GOPBasher]

5. Sure. God will protect me. Why do you think it'll hurt me?

Science? Science isn't true; it's the instrument of the devil.

[Coyote_Bandit]

3. How was that ventillator and feeding tube?

And how are you feeling?

[GOPBasher]

8. I'm feel good!

I know Christ and I don't know adverbs.

[Coyote_Bandit]

12. Sorry, Jerry

You don't look so healthy to me. And you are, after all, getting just a wee bit older. How many times have you been in the hospital with pneumonia this year?

You may know CHrist but you contradict him all the time.

And I'm glad you don't know adverbs. I would hate for you to be any more verbose.

[GOPBasher]

15. LOL I couldn't think of any comebacks there. :-)

:thumbsup:

[Coyote_Bandit]

27. Well, Jerry

the truth shall make us free.

Isn't that in Scripture somewhere?

Guess you've never read it....

[GOPBasher]

29. I've read the bible. I says to

piss on poor people, judge others, bomb brown people, kill fags and spit at unsaved non-Christians.

[Coyote_Bandit]

31. Must have your own translation, eh?

Guess you wern't exactly a Hebrew or Greek scholar at Baptist Bible College.

Tell me, why did you turn down that offer to play for the Saint Louis Cardinals? With your heft I'm sure your would have excelled in those pre-steroid days. Baseball players were heroes in those days.

edit for spelling

[GOPBasher]

33. Scholars of anything are bad.

Adademia intellectual, librul elites are and bad. We don't need scholors; we just need the bible, translated however I say so.

[Coyote_Bandit]

37. That explains it

Now I know why the graduates of your school, Liberty University, can't find jobs.

Has nothing to do with the Dumbya economy. Just a very poor - and very expensive - education.

What do you do with all that tuition money anyway?

[GOPBasher]

38. Use it to convert people to Christianity and promote a Jesus-

friendly right wing agenda in the USA and the world.

[Coyote_Bandit]

39. Then You Won't Mind

disclosing your personal finances to the rest of the world so that we can see that you are not profiteering at the expense of others less fortunate than yourself.

You don't mind do you? I'm sure your lifestyle is quite moderate. Nothing lavish or extravagant. Nothing including your travel and your medical care.

[GOPBasher]

42. Well I can spend all the money I steal, cuz this shows

favor from God. I'm rich cuz God loves me and hates poor people. So I'll live just as a want - so neener neener neener!

--Always Christian acting..

[Coyote_Bandit]

45. So what you're telling me, Jerry

is that everything comes down to the almighty dollar for you. My that sounds a bit greedy and selfish.

Isn't there something in Scripture about the love of money being the root of all evil?

Jerry, are you an idol worshipper?

[GOPBasher]

47. Only you libruls are against greed and selfishnish. The bible

is totally for greed! Jesus loves rich people and wants us to piss on those lazy poor people.

[Coyote_Bandit]

50. But, of course

Seems you are getting a bit lazier as you have aged. How many days have you spent recovering from that recurrent pneumonia? Why are you laying flat of your back oogling those nurses instead of being out and about doing the work of the ministry?

And I'm sure that ventillator and feeding tube and hospital room and nursing care wasn't cheap. And I'd bet the stock market declines haven't exactly helped your fortune.

Ever think that maybe, just maybe, you've lost God's favor?

[GOPBasher]

53. That can't be. I'm a wonderful saved Christian with

tons and tons of faith.

[Coyote_Bandit]

63. Uh-huh, whatever you say Jerry

Funny, I seem to remember Scripture talking about how deceived Christians would be in the last days. You are Christian, right? And you think we are in the last days, right?

You can believe whatever you choose. That's the difference between you and me.

And, just in case you are wondering, I have absolutely no interest in being anything like 99.999999% of the folks I have known who have called themselves Christian. There's a reason for that. But, you will never figure it out.

[GOPBasher]

64. Okay, now you're getting too serious for me.

It's almost like you actually think I'm Jerry Falwell! LOL :evilgrin:

[Coyote_Bandit]

67. Sorry

I went to school at Six Flags Over Jesus for 7 years. We had mandatory chapel twice a week. I was a troublemaker from day one. I've had ***LOTS*** of practice. I've been compelled at some point to see and hear almost all of the tv evangelists - including several that later were embroiled in scandal. I've learned the language and the twisted logic. And what buttons to push.

And I really enjoy making fundies squirm. When questioned carefully their belief system - especially as applied to politics - lacks the internal consistency required to validate any philosophy.

edit for grammar

[GOPBasher]

70. I agree. In fact, when I'm not making light of it,

like I am now, it really pisses me off. I try to keep a sense of humor about it, or else I'd cry over all they people they've duped.

[GOPBasher]

73. I agree. In fact, when I'm not making light of it,

like I am now, it really pisses me off. I try to keep a sense of humor about it, or else I'd cry over all they people they've duped.

[Huckebein the Raven]

6. When the hell are you going to phone home ?

and take up with your lizard brothers

[GOPBasher]

9. When the Rapture comes. It's close. n/t

[Maat]

7. Aren't you the least bit ashamed about running such a racket?

And are you bisexual yourself?

[GOPBasher]

10. Racket? I'm just doing to Lord's work by running an

organization that contributes to pissing on poor people and starting wars. No, I'm not bisexual. I'm a good, saved Christian. Why do you want to go to hell? Why don't you save yourself?

[Maat]

21. LOL!

Jerry, do you have 'truth' issues?

[GOPBasher]

26. The only truth is in the bible.

Science is never truth and neither is anything else. But the bible is always true -- even when in contradicts itself.

[Maat]

51. YOUR version of it, right, Jer?

[GOPBasher]

55. Right, my version. n/t

[Kingshakabobo]

11. Is gluttony as sin?

If so, why haven't you been struck by lightning?

[GOPBasher]

13. That's not really a sin. The bible is just kidding when it says that.

But them queers are DEFENTLY sinners. (Grammar is not my friend.)

[Kingshakabobo]

24. A follow-up Sir, If I may.

Just how fat CAN you get before you pop, Ala Mr. Creosote?

[GOPBasher]

28. I don't know. I'll see I guess. Questions for you:

Why do you hate America?
Why do you hate God?
Why do you love queers?

[Hobarticus]

14. Are you visiting Thailand for pleasure or business, sir?

[GOPBasher]

16. To get the hellbound people to accept salvation through Christ.

Right now they have the wrong religion, which causes our loving father to burn people in hell forever.

[warrens]

17. Does god hate you and your basketball team?

I mean, he had them slaughtered in the NCAA's, so he MUST hate you and everything your college stands for, right?

[GOPBasher]

18. We may lose basketball games, but when it comes to eternity,

I'm going to heaven and you librul slimes are gonna burn in hell forever, cuz me and God ain't takin no prisoners!

[Blue-Jay]

19. May I please shit in your hat?

[GOPBasher]

22. You're an America-hating, Godless librul slime who's gonna

burn in hell forever cuz God hates you faggot unsaved libruls who like gays. Or something. Umm no, you can't poop in my hat.

[Blue-Jay]

40. OK. Shit in your own hat, Mr Falwell.

The phrase "go shit in your hat" is underused, I think.

[GOPBasher]

44. You librul scum! Stop swearing you fag! n/t

[TK421]

88. OK-did you ever laugh so hard that you had soda

squirt from your nose? You bastard! It burns, it burns!:rofl:

[terrya]

20. Do you like little boys in a SPECIAL kind of way?

Come on...fess up, Jer.

[GOPBasher]

23. Yes, I want them to be saved like me and so I want them to

come unto me.

[ImpeachBush]

25. Is your wife anything like Tammy F. Baker?

Does she know how to wear makeup, or is she a graduate from a clown school?

[GOPBasher]

30. Ummm women shouldn't talk in public. It's in the bible.

Women shouldn't have any rights.

[ImpeachBush]

32. My teenage daughter never gets home before curfew. Should I ...

1. Nail her feet to the floor so she can't leave the house?
2. Get her father to impregnate her, wait for the baby, then kill her? (I don't want a good female body to go to waste)
3. Check her into the Betty Ford Clinic so they can whip her into shape?

Or do you have a better suggestion for me?

[GOPBasher]

35. Throw stones at her. Jesus loves when people throw stones

at women who have sinned.

[AntiCoup2K4]

34. Been to any waterslides lately?

And did you wear your suit this time?

[GOPBasher]

36. Yeah, that's how everyone should dress when they

go watersliding. It's a sin to show skin.

[Arger68]

41. Is it true

that you lost your virginity to your mother in an outhouse??

[GOPBasher]

43. I won't change the subject. The important thing to know is

that we need to turn the United States into a Christian nation and kill everyone else.

[Heidi]

46. Dear Dr. Falwell . . .

How was it, exactly, that you inspired Baptist youth directors, circla mid- to late-70s, to do "bra checks" on mid-adolescent Southern Baptist girls?

[GOPBasher]

48. I showed them God's glory of heterosexual perversion.

But homosexuals in monogamous relationships are bad.

[Heidi]

60. You're wrong. Wait and see.

And I will dance braless on your grave. :evilgrin:

[GOPBasher]

62. That's okay. Some good heterosexual men

may like to see that. But if some queer ladies start looking, you better go away. Or else you'll go to hell!

[louis-t]

49. Why do you blink so much?

[Maat]

54. Is it the drugs, Jer?

[GOPBasher]

58. I don't do drugs! They can brainwash you and make

you believe in anything anyone tells you, kind of like my church.

[GOPBasher]

57. I'm seeing the wonderful glory of God!

And sometimes some queers are in front of me, so I don't want to see them.

[bertha katzenengel]

52. How many of your relatives are gay, and what are their names?

[GOPBasher]

59. I have a list of names and addresses on my website.

The ones that are checked off have passed on, unfortunately, to go be with Satan forever. The ones that are not checked off are still alive. Please read their addresses carefully.

[Mutley]

56. WHY WON'T YOU DIE???

[GOPBasher]

61. God wants me to stay here and convert more people

to fundamentalism before I go spend eternity in His glory.

[Mutley]

74. Heh

You won't be spending eternity in God's glory I can guarantee that...

It's more likely you'll be spending eternity with this guy:

[GOPBasher]

82. No. Me and about 100,000 people worldwide will be in

heaven, and everybody else chose the wrong religion.

[Merrick]

65. What do you need with that box full of little shoes under your bed?

[GOPBasher]

66. I never change the subject.

Are you on God's side in the culture war against evil libruls?

[LynneSin]

68. I feel so impure from years of posting here at DU. Can I be saved?

Pretty Please

[GOPBasher]

71. Sure, but you have to know the following:

1. Jesus Christ is you Lord and Savior.
2. People of all other religions other than fundamentalist Southern Baptists are evil spirits of the anti-Christ who will burn in hell.
3. Science is all wrong and is the work of the devil.
4. Jesus hates all of the following: homosexuals, libruls, Jews, homosexuals, Muslims, Hindus, Homosexuals, Buddhists, Taoists, homosexuals, libruls, college professors, non-fundamentalist Christians, Hollywood people, leftists, peaceniks, homosexuals, people who help the poor, homosexuals, single mothers, poor people on welfare, homosexuals, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton and homosexuals.

[thecai]

69. Ever Gonna Tell The Truth, Falwell?

Starting when?

[GOPBasher]

72. I've told the truth.

Fundamentalist Christians are God's only people, the only ones He loves, and we should rule the earth.

[thecai]

78. GOD Cannot Lie, and The Devil Cannot Tell The Truth....

GOD Is Love
Love Never Fails
(hate-mongers are only fooling themselves)

We know ya by yer fruits, Falwell. Pretty thorny weedcrop ya growin!

[GOPBasher]

80. I hereby condemn you to hell for criticizing me!

You cannot talk to this wonderful saved person like that!

[noonwitch]

75. How was that first sexual encounter with mom in the outhouse?

Got to get in the Larry Flynt joke.

[GOPBasher]

81. I'm forgiven for everything and anything I might do, because

I chose the correct religion: fundamentalist Southern Baptist.

[TK421]

76. Falwell? I thought you were dead...it's me, Satan

:evilfrown:

[GOPBasher]

83. No, I'm not in heaven yet, but I'll be there soon.

Hey Satan, will you stop making all these people gay?

[TK421]

84. I can't! I'm too busy controlling all these Repukes.....

I'll put it on my to-do list

[GOPBasher]

87. Repukes? Who are they? I know you control the Democrats,

but who are "Repukes"?

[TK421]

77. Oh, and is masturbation REALLY evil?

Ask the big man himself and get back to me, K?

[GOPBasher]

85. Yes, it sends you directly to hell with all the other perverts. n/t

[GoddessOfGuinness]

79. Are you really still alive, or are the rumors of your zombifyment true?

:patriot:

[GOPBasher]

86. I am not in heaven yet. I'm still on earth with all you hell-bound

evil non-fundamentalist Southern Baptists.