Headlines We'd Like to See, April 22, 2005, TGIF TGIF TGIF TGIF

[skip fox]

President Requests Third Morgage On Soul


Dr. Suess Predictions %100 Right To Date


L. Bush's Favorite Philosopher: Dale Evans


yikes!


any more?????

[Arkana]

1. Cheney And Rove French-Kiss At Press Conference

[skip fox]

2. Rove's Secret Ray-Gun Discovered: Hypnotic Lobotomy to Silly-Putty Brain

on demand. (What calibrations!!!)

more?

[skip fox]

3. Bush "Depends on Depends"!

Found in President's Desk: Bags of Adult Diapers


:toast:

[skip fox]

4. New: Drive-Thru Lobotomies! Presidental Testimony

or, maybe: "Administration's Testimony"

:toast:

[skip fox]

5. One which is (with a heaped plate of pathos) true:

Ailing Specter Now Pushes Stem Cell Research

[BurtWorm]

6. Retiring Rep. Hyde Admits His Whole Life, Conservatism Are "Rotten Lies"

[Mutley]

7. Ann Coulter and Jane Fonda to Fight In Celebrity Death Match

GO JANE FONDA!

[Misunderestimator]

8. Mass Resignation of Republicans in the House and Senate.

(They've been told it's time for the rapture.)

[Zuni]

9. Sen. Majority Leader Frist arrested in Wendy's Chili finger case

[Zuni]

10. Sanford elected new Gov. of California. Watts Junk Dealer "very pleased"

[Zuni]

11. Idi Amin has House Majority Leader DeLay for Dinner

actual pic of Idi Amin's fridge after he escaped from Uganda--

[bertha katzenengel]

21. . . . with some fava beans, and a nice chianti

[Zuni]

12. Jenna Bush to be new co-star of "The Simple Life"

[Zuni]

13. Bolton, Donkey caught in bizarre love tryst

[Zuni]

14. High School revokes Hannity's diploma out of principle

[Zuni]

15. FreeRepublic Founder Jim Robinson linked to Saddam Hussein

[HughBeaumont]

16. Sen. Boxer Pulls her Hair In Frustration at Condoleeza's Pandering

Ann Coulter Hides Alien Hands And Back Tentacles In Cleverly Placed Time Photo
Presidope Bush Shakes Rattle To Press "I WANT MY BOLTON!! I WANT MY BOLTON!! WAAAAAAH! WAAAAH!"
Potential UN Destroyer/Friendless Poopypants Bolton Still Enraged and Drooling like a Crack-ho; Rest of UN Said To Laugh with Glee
Domestic Violence Problem Kicking US in the Teeth
Bush to Torch National Park For Earth Day
Vatican to Enact Caligulan Events; Benny the 16th to Wear Goat's Head
Karl Rove and Tom Delay to Wrestle in Steel Cage Teabag Match; Determines "Head Neo-con In Charge"
Bush Outlaws All Middle-Class Healthcare; In Running Bet With Cheney To Finally Alienate Slobbering Following
Fox Ubershill Neil Cavuto to Proclaim His Love For The Republican Party At 12 Noon Today
US Urges New Firestorms and Plague in Ecuador
Fox Host Brian Kilmeade To Become Roger Ailes' Biznatch Sunday

[NewJeffCT]

17. OK, more from me

Bush Caught on Film Saying "Sieg Heil" to Picture of Hitler
subheadline: Fox News runs story on how Hitler restored German pride

Richard Mellon Scaife Apologizes to Bill & Hillary Clinton
subheadline: I worked out my hatred in therapy, will donate to MoveOn

Bill Frist Haunted by Cat Nightmares
subheadline: Says "They're so cute and loveable."

Laura Bush Says Husband Needs Viagra
subheadline: "All those years on coke added up."

Sean Hannity Caught in Gay Love Triangle with Jeff Gannon and Rush Limbaugh
subheadline: Lover's spat over Gannon goes public

Abramoff Linked to all top Republicans
subheadlines: Cops Plea to Spill the Beans, Promises Explosive Stuff

[tigereye]

18. that's my favorite!

Richard Mellon Scaife Apologizes to Bill & Hillary Clinton
subheadline: I worked out my hatred in therapy, will donate to MoveOn

[skip fox]

19. Wow. What an edition today!!

:toast:

[Zuni]

20. Minutemen arrested by Federales after illegaly crossing Mexico border

[Zuni]

22. Bush admits to toilet training 'difficulties'

[UrbScotty]

23. Benedict Egged

The Pope, of course.

[skip fox]

25. Crafty as h*ll! ("Eggs Pope Benedict")

:toast:

[skip fox]

24. New Christ Passage Found: "No Nuclear Option"

:toast: