Hey DU'ers, it's the "Make Your Own Flame War" Kit!

[Writer]

Haven't gotten your daily fill from others' discontent? The standard posts concerning common irreconcilable differences haven't stirred enough dirt? Well, here you go, ladies and gents - a kit that will do all of this for you and MORE!

Here are the rules:

1) Become an asshole.
2) Become an asshole that has quit his/her job and therefore has enough time to post on every single political thread on DU. (Typically that's all of them.)
3) Be sure to use several words off the MYOFW inflammatory word choice list, included with the kit: fucktard; bullshit; freeper-lite!; canard; extremist; moran; twerp and so much more!
4) It doesn't matter what THEY say - you're NEVER wrong! Narcissism is good. Narcissism works!
5) While you're busy being a flaming asshole, make sure to point out how OTHERS are being flaming assholes. Watch them explode at their keyboards!

After it's over, you'll have enough fellow posters so pissed off that you can forget about your own sense of inadequacy and focus on the glory of your handiwork. Flame War complete.

Only $19.95. Order now!

[punpirate]

1. And...

... with Nomex bathrobe, $149.50. :)

[Robeson]

2. So YOU'RE THE ONE who's been responding to my post.....

...You Asshole!!!! ;-)

[Anarcho-Socialist]

3. This is flame bait n/t

[jeff30997]

4. Become an asshole ?

But if you're already an asshole that kit is worthless.

[Writer]

7. But but but...

it comes with the handy list of inflammatory words!

Imbecile! Nitwit! Twerpus Maximus!

[orleans]

11. twerpus murpus?

na na na na na-na

[thecai]

5. Does It Come With A Money Back Guarantee?

If not, I ain't buyin it.;-)

[BikeWriter]

6. At that price can't you throw in jane fonda or a cat.?

[Jamastiene]

8. How dare you flame me.

I did nothing to you. I've been a perfect angel. And I am right. You are wrong. ;) :pals:

[BikeWriter]

9. You noticed that, too? Wanna get three or four more folks and...

surround him?

[Writer]

10. Her!

How dare you flame me by making emasculatory assumptions about my gender! ;)

[orleans]

12. him...her...a little pronoun here, a little pronoun there

here a pronoun
there a pronoun
everywhere a pronoun pronoun

[BikeWriter]

16. It's because I'm a chauvinist, though I claim to be a feminist.

[hfojvt]

20. To quote Johnny Torch - "Flame On!"

to assume that a female is a male is not "emasculatory". That would be the opposite, so you should have said "non-emasculatory". Also with a little creativity you could have made your screen name "writeher" and thus prevented any gender misconceptions.

Of course, how can a person talk about more creativity in screen names when he came up with "hfojvt"? Well, I suppose it is a little bit creative. Pathetic and sad, but creative.

I sorta like the generic pronoun "shet" which stands for "she/he/it" but I am afraid it is too close the name for that brown stuff to catch on for general use.

[NewJeffCT]

34. no wonder you throw like a girl!

;-)

[Jamastiene]

19. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Let's do it. I cannot believe he would have the audacity to do such a thinng. :P

[enigmatic]

13. THIS is good...

And spot-on; good job:)

[Vektor]

14. Ooooooh! Don't forget important keywords!

Use one of, or a combination of the following controversial keywords to assure maximum flammability:

Pope
Abortion
John Kerry
Religion
Sexism
Vegetarianism
Howard Dean
Immigration
Wes Clark
SUV
Jesus
Virgin Mary
Vagina
Election Fraud
Jenna Bush's Butt Dance

[Extend a Hand]

18. you forgot

9-11
conspiracy

;)

[Vektor]

21. OH NO! How could I forget that one?!

Thank you for being on top of that! :-)

[tammywammy]

15. If I order within the next 5 minutes

do I get a second one absolutely free?

[KitchenWitch]

17. Become an asshole?

What if I already am one???

[The Magistrate]

22. If This Kit Is Available, Ma'am, It Would Explain A Lot....

"In any difference of opinion between us, you may take comfort in the assurance mine is right and your's is wrong."

[Writer]

23. Special offer for today...

An extra can of whoopass! A $49.95 value - yours for free just for ordering!

[BikeWriter]

30. That's pretty cheap.

[short bus president]

24. don't forget

to advise yer clients to use the "search" function to stalk their snark targets around all of DU, and then to PM furiously, soliciting friends and acquaintances to make the target "feel unwelcome" here. Throw in a buncha of random cliques and whistles, some yapping of small dogs, and a total inability to realize when one's nose is stuck in business it knows nothing about. THEN you'll have a kit...

;-)

[Cyndee_Lou_Who]

25. UNDIES... don't forget plenty of undies to wad up into bunches!!

[short bus president]

26. Hee! Don'tcha mean granny-panties?

;-)

[Cyndee_Lou_Who]

27. Yes!

D'oh!

[Writer]

28. Wait - we've got a couple of exchanges here - good job!

Excellent beginning of a flame war. I know you have it in you - I know you've got the spirit. Flame! Flame! The power's inside you!

Writer
AKA Tony Robbins

[short bus president]

29. put those chompers of yers away, Tony!

We're lovers, not flamers. ;-)

[Writer]

31. Let me eat you first...

Rarrrrrrr

[short bus president]

33. "Tony Robbins Eat!"

[Cyndee_Lou_Who]

36. .

:loveya:

[Arkana]

32. *Scottish accent* You sonuvabitch--I'LL KILL YA!

:rofl:

[Kingshakabobo]

35. You HAVE to have a freebie with purchase. It's T.V. marketing 101

Might I suggest, as an extra, a kit for posting in ATA?

"Why was my post deleted/locked?"- to be posted thrice daily.

"What's with all the ______ bashing?"- once a day will work