How do you keep your voice down during an argument?

[zanne]

For the past five years, I've been having plently of arguments (political and religious) with family members. I know this is a familiar story on DU, but my family has the infuriating ability to keep their voices down and sound "reasonable" while I'm yelling, shaking and about to go into a seizure. This completely invalidates any argument I make. And when they say things like "Calm down" and "take it easy", I just get worse. Does anybody else have impossible relatives like this? If so, how do you manage to sound sane and reasonable during highly emotional arguments? I really need help with this!

[MADem]

1. Work on brutal sarcasm

And mumble. Make them listen to you by LOWERING your voice, and speaking very slowly. Works for me.

Better yet, avoid politics and religion all together. Whenever the shit hits the fan (scandal, corruption, etc.) just say "Told ja so!" and leave it at that.

[Kali]

2. Let me know if you find out!

Have the same problem - public speaking kills me - I do fine arguing in writing, but with any king=d of audience this black cloud surrounds my view, I start shaking and stuttering, can't think or speak very well and either start yelling or panicking and walking out.

:banghead: :mad: :mad: :blush:

[uppityperson]

3. My husband does this and it is really distracting.

We're watching him shake and unable to listen to anything he says in case we need to duke and cover. Not that he has ever been violent, but it makes it difficult to have an argument. And my teenager laughs at him, smirkily, which doesn't help. He goes away for a while to cool down, then comes back and we can talk. Go away, come back. It works better than scaring people or having them just watch you quiver.

[Wcross]

4. Self control.

You can't win an arguement by force. Yelling doesn't prove your point, it just makes it louder. If I were confronted by a yelling, shaking person about to go into a seizure I wouldn't even bother. I would end the "confrontation" as soon as possible.

[uppityperson]

5. Exactly. It is scary for us and humiliating for you.

Don't yell, walk away, cool down, come back. Anger management classes can give you more ideas of how to do this. Evenif you're not violent, it is scary.