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To make a reall long story really short...
She's 19; she's just finishing her freshman year of college. We've been friends since she was 14 and I was 18 (I'm 23 now but still in college... we ended up at the same school.) We have always been close, but throughout the first few years of our friendship, she always wanted to be boyfriend and girlfriend- so did my parents and her parents- but I always wanted to stay just friends, which was hard on her.
To eliminate a LOT of detail, which could fill a small book... (which may or may not be relevent, depending on your point of view, feel free to ask any questions... I can't guarantee I will answer them all... )
...in November or December of 2003, she told me that she had begun talking to "somebody."
About a month or two later, she told me it was 25/26 year old high school teacher/coach. This was her senior year.
In the late summer of 2004, while I was taking a college class for the second Summer Session. She called me crying. She said that her boyfriend, desperately wanting to move out of his parents house and having nowhere else to go, decided to move back in with his ex-girlfriend- who has a child from another guy, I think. I also think, but have never been sure, that he became, for a period of time, re-engaged to her, but this is based on rumors from unreliable sources.
I also found out that they had become sexually active, and were not using condoms of birth control- just the withdrawal method. After a while she got on the birth control, but her mom found the pills in here purse (she lived at home and commuted) and for the next several weeks, her mom was a total bitch. During an intense, heated argument that happened during September of 2004 (I think), she told her dad, in anger in frustration, what her mom had found in her purse. Her parents kicked her out of the house and she moved in with some friends in the town where we go to school- I still commute. This is also where her boyfriend lives. I don't know if right now he is still living with his ex-girlfriend.
We ourselves have gotten into several fights over the past year- I was the instigator in most of them.
This past Friday and Saturday, I was out of town judging at an Academic Tournament. Yesterday afternoon I drove back home and decided to stop by campus to watch the University Beauty Pageant- she was supposed to be competing, and the school happened to be on my drive home. A few minutes before the contest started, I ran into a mutual friend of ours who told me that she wasn't going to be competing- she had gotten really sick. I had called her earlier that day and just gotten her voice mail. I called her againg and got only her voice mail. I called her house and her mom told me that she was sick. I asked her where she was and she told me that she was at home. I didn't know where that was- she moved to a different place a few months ago.
Today she called me and told me why she didn't compete at the pageant. She had a miscarriage. She didn't know she was pregnant; she was on birth control. To spare you a lot of ugly, explicit details, she had to go to the emergency room.
I didn't know what to say. She started to cry a little and told me "If you have something to tell me, than just say it now. I know what you are thinking: what was I thinking going out with him, what was I thinking getting involved..."
I told her stop. I told her that I was just glad she was okay.
There are several things that are tearing me up inside. For one thing, I'm looking back and wondering if I could have become more than her friend and spared the pain that she is going through now, and most of the emotional burden that she has gone through with this guy and her previous boyfriend (long story). I also can't help but think about the hurtful things I have said to her in the past.
But what hurts most of all is something that I don't think I should mention in this post.
Peace,
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