Step-Parent Adoption and Parental Rights Termination: Question

[GiovanniC]

Here's the story... Dianne and Thomas are together for a couple years, and Dianne gets pregnant. During the pregnancy, Thomas loses his temper during an argument and begins destroying the house. Dianne kicks him out.

In February of 2004, Emily is born. Thomas drops in a couple times early on, although he spends more time arguing with Dianne than visiting his daughter. One time, he brings diapers. No other support is ever offered or received.

After about April of 2004, the visits stopped. Dianne soon began dating me, and we got engaged in March of 2005. We are getting married in December of 2005 and I would like to adopt Emily.

Recently, Dianne got a letter from her county's attorney's office asking her to turn over any information she has about Thomas because they want to pursue him for child support and medical expenses (Dianne also receives day care assistance and the state wants to recoup some losses). Dianne gave them this information.

Here's the question: Thomas is aware that Emily is his daughter, although it has never been proven in court by a DNA test or anything. As of now, because Thomas has willfully had no contact with Emily nor has he paid any support. A case could potentially be made that he has legally abandoned her, which would be cause for a court to terminate his parental rights (based on what I understand of how parental rights/termination works).

If the state manages to force him to pay child support, will that essentially mean that he has not abandoned his child any more, and should be able to exercise full parental rights? As a matter of pride, Thomas is unlikely to consent to an adoption (only the prospect of not paying any further child support might sway him).

Anyone here have any experience with this sort of thing, or know anything about this at all?

[Kali]

1. not exactly

I was awarded legal guardianship of my niece with consent of father and posting legal notice to unknown whereabouts of her mother (my sister).

My state was at the same time trying to collect support from the father as well. - Don't think it has much bearing - more evidence of abandonement, really. (don't need real proof he was father if its recorded that way on birth certificate)

I would say ask the folks at County attorneys office - also you might want to hire one yourself for the adoption - that is who you should really talk to.

[GiovanniC]

2. She Didn't Put His Name on the Birth Certificate

He and his family and all his friends knew that he was the father. He had the baby's name tattooed on his arm. In fact, that's the most money or time that he's spent on her, getting her name permanently inked into his skin.

I'm sure we'll be contacting an attorney at some point, but we know that we can't go ahead with the adoption proceedings until we're married anyway, which isn't for another 8 months.

The main fear is basically that even though he has nothing to do with her, he will fight against me adopting her out of sheer spite. However, since he seems to be motivated by money, the prospect of him not having to pay any future child support might "purchase" his consent to sign over his rights.

[rug]

5. The county must establish his paternity before they can

collect child support. Paying child support can be a defense to termination of his parental rights on the ground of abandonment.

[GiovanniC]

7. That's What I Was Afraid Of

After all this time, he's done nothing, the county goes after him for child support and he pays one payment and he has suddenly un-abandoned the child. It is seen as highly unlikely that he will pay child support on any kind of consistent basis, but he may pay just enough to stay out of jail.

If I have to, I will pay him off by offering to pay back all his arrearages and he won't have to pay any future child support if he signs off on his rights. Putting him basically in the same situation he's in now.

The girl he was with most recently told my fiance she dumped him because he hit her. He never hit my fiance but she was afraid he would they day he started trashing her house, which is why she kicked him out. Understandably, she doesn't want this man to have visitation of Emily, nor does she want him to get custody should (heaven forbid) something happen to her.

[happyslug]

3. The General Rule (and this is VERY STATE SPECIFIC)

Is that if a parent has had no contact with the child DO TO THEIR OWN ACTIONS for a year the parent's rights can be terminated. Notice the rule is HIS ACTIONS, not your actions. If someone prevents a parent from seeing the child, that does NOT count. If he is overseas against his will (i.e. in the Army) that does NOT count. If he sends her a letter once a year that does count for his once a year contact.

The courts only want to terminate parental rights if it is clear that the parent has failed to act as a parent (Please note I am assuming normal adoption NOT an adoption s part of a Children and Youth Investigation).

[GiovanniC]

4. Last Year

When he came around for the last time, she pointed out that he had been extremely inconsistent about coming by, that he did it only when he felt like it, and that there had been a number of incidents where he said he was coming to see her and never showed. She told him that he needed to grow up and either be a parent or not. She said something to the effect of, "If you're going to be around for your daughter, great. If you're just going to run around with your friends and just occasionally drop in when you feel like it just to check up on me, don't bother coming back."

He never came back.

[happyslug]

6. IMO that is NOT her interfering with his right to see his child

If there is a dispute between parents he can always petition the Court for Visitation or send the child a present or even a card NO MATTER HOW HOSTILE the relationship between the Parents. The issue is NOT going to be the Hostility, but did he make any effort to contact the child AND did the actions of the Mother prevent him from doing so. To stop a termination of Parental rights he will have to show more than hostility, he would have to show actual interference WHEN HE MADE EFFORTS TO SEE THE CHILD.

Now the one year rule varies from state to state so you will want to contact an local attorney to start the proceedings, but I doubt the courts will NOT terminate his parental rights.

[GiovanniC]

8. We're Not Married Yet and Won't Be For 8 Months

I can't adopt her until we're married, and he can't sign off his parental rights unless there is someone else who is willing to take on the parental responsibilities. We are concerned that despite the fact that he has abandoned Emily and has made no effort to see her, pay support, or anything, that once he is forced to pay support by the state that he will no longer be seen as having abandoned her, and thus he will retain all parental rights.

[happyslug]

12. I do NOT practice in Michigan

But in my experience, the Courts do not look at someone paying support via wage attachment or other mandated method as fulfilling the obligation to have contact with the child. Thus the one year rule to STOP any termination of parental rights rarely ends because someone is paying child support. Payment of Child may do so, if voluntary, so done with minimal effort, but the courts generally wants the Father to do something with the child, for the child or for the child over and above paying child support.

[MollyStark]

9. Legal adoption may not be the best idea

It is not a good idea to go into this with the idea that you will protect the child from him with an adoption. In the end they will get together.

I have personal experience of this and the two, Father and Son, got together and all the adoption did was cause a lot of pain and fighting over the years and cause the son a tremendous amount of guilt over hurting his adopted father when he reunited with his biological father.

Can you see a way to love and raise this child without taking this drastic step?

[GiovanniC]

10. The Baby Is Just Over One Year Old

And has no idea what's going on.

The adoption would be for the following purposes: to eliminate the possibility of visitation with an uncaring, violent and abusive father (without having to prove violence/abusiveness in court, a much more daunting task); and to ensure that she would be well-cared for should something ever happen to her mother.

I am open to ways to accomplish this without going the adoption route... do you know of any?

[Floogeldy]

13. And another word of personal advice

I would wait until I was well settled into my marriage for several years, before I decide to adopt.

[Bridget Burke]

11. Please talk to a lawyer!

I'm sure we've got attorneys posting here, but you need detailed advice on your options--tailored to your state.

[GiovanniC]

15. We Intend To...

We just were thinking that nothing much could be done until after the wedding.

[Bouncy Ball]

14. I have too much experience with this. I was the child in the

scenario, only I was 5 when it started and eight when it ended.

If Thomas is forced to pay child support and does, you cannot adopt the child. (This might vary from state to state, though.)

If you adopt the child, he will no longer have to pay child support.

If the COURT does not terminate his rights, then he has to do it voluntarily.

Good luck, whatever happens. Glad the child is very young, maybe she won't remember any of this. It was a nightmare for me. It changed me FOREVER.

I agree with whoever said wait until you've been married a while.

In my case, I had a good solid relationship with my dad, loved him very much and he was a great guy. My mother simply wanted all our names to be the same because she didn't want anyone to know she had been divorced (mid 70s). Plus she wanted to really HURT him. Well, in the process she really hurt all of us.

[GiovanniC]

16. This Situation Sounds At Least Somewhat Different

In my case, I had a good solid relationship with my dad, loved him very much and he was a great guy. My mother simply wanted all our names to be the same because she didn't want anyone to know she had been divorced (mid 70s). Plus she wanted to really HURT him. Well, in the process she really hurt all of us.

I'm sorry you had to go through all that. In your case, it sounds like a grave injustice was done to you and your father. I would certainly not inflict that sort of injustice on anyone.

In our case, he has never been around, never helped out, never provided support, never even sent her anything for Christmas or her birthday. He's just... absent. I've been there all along. She doesn't know who he is... he's a total stranger to her (by his own choice). We wouldn't be breaking up a great, loving relationship between a father and a daughter -- we would be legitimizing the one that already exists.