Engagement Ring -- What Should I Do?

[GiovanniC]

Okay, here's the story. Several years ago, I was dating this girl and was getting a lot of pressure from her family that we had been together for a while and we might start thinking about maybe getting married. I was young at the time (I still am, actually) and wasn't really sure about getting married, especially to her (our relationship wasn't all that great).

One day I was at the mall and I was looking at how much engagement rings are. I see this engagement ring that I like and the price was good and everything, and I thought, "I will buy that ring so I will have an engagement ring when I feel that the time is right." Stupid? Yeah, probably. But I did it.

The time never felt right with that girl. I gave the ring to my mom to keep in a safe at my parents' house and I never asked for it out. We eventually broke up.

Some time later, I started dating another girl and eventually decided to propose to her. She said yes and I gave her the ring. After almost a year, she decided to call off the wedding, giving me back the ring and telling me she had always hated that ring. I tried to sell the ring but cannot get anywhere even CLOSE to what I paid for it. So I still have it.

Flash forward to the present day.

I have decided to propose to the girl that I am with. I have been gun-shy given my past history but I am certain that this is the right choice (much more so than before).

Now here's the dilemma. I have a platinum and diamond engagement ring with a wedding band. The ring is beautiful and I own it. I could give it to my present girlfriend and not have to spend another dime on an engagement/wedding ring. But some people are saying to just buy a new ring because it's bad luck to give her the one I have now. Another possible solution is to pay to have the ring redesigned so that it doesn't look exactly the same, although it looks very nice the way it currently is.

My girlfriend is aware that I have this ring, and knows that my ex-fiance had it and eventually gave it back. This doesn't bother her, but she's a little unsure now because she doesn't want "bad luck" for our wedding/marriage.

What do you think I should do?

[JimmyJazz]

1. I think this has been mentioned before. I don't see anything wrong

with keeping the stone an resetting the ring. Best wishes to you, btw. :hi:

[MissB]

2. A ring isn't worth going into debt

I'd work on that idea. Redesigning it sounds good, but I'd get the girlfriend involved in all the decisions. That way she could feel some sort of ownership.

[liberalitch]

38. here, here

[LynzM]

3. Talk to a jewelry shop

About an appraisal and trade toward what your soon-to-be-fiancee wants. You might be able to make back closer to what the ring is worth that way, and your fiancee will get the ring she wants, no 'karma' attached. We women are weird about that stuff ;)

[LisaM]

9. Speak for yourself!

I wouldn't care....I don't even wear jewelry much, so if it were me, it would be sitting in a box most of the time. I MIGHT wear a band all the time, but I don't like the feeling of jewelry on my fingers much.

[LynzM]

17. Point taken

But he did say she was feeling a little weird about it... in that case, why have that hanging over anyone's head?

You're right though, everyone is certainly different in how they feel about stuff like that. I fall into the 'weird mental games' camp, apparently :D

[SlackJawedYokel]

4. 3rd times a charm.

And that beats out any nasty, old "bad luck" any day.

Congrats.
Save the money from the new ring and buy her something nice or put it towards the honeymoon.

Cletus

[MissMillie]

5. Either get it re-set or

trade up. Lots of time a jeweler will take one diamond in trade for a better one.

You'll end up spending a little money, but not as much as having to buy completely brand new.

[yellowdogintexas]

88. I totally agree with this poster. Trade up is a good idea,

particularly if you have any documents that came with the ring. Some jewelry chains give certificates with their diamonds that give discounts on trade ups.

This way your sweetie can have one that is all hers, maybe have some say in how it looks and you won't be out a ton of money.

Do find out for sure the type of mounting she likes. Some women like plain simple, some like tall settings, some like flatter, less likely to snag setting (that would be me); some like solitaires, some like 3 stone rings, etc.

If I were surprised with a tall Tiffany type mounting, I would be hard put to be totally excited because I don't like to wear anything that is in danger of hanging and catching on stuff. (fear of losing the stone is topmost)

Have fun with this, she is the ONE so enjoy it to the hilt.

[flamingyouth]

6. Either have it redesigned or get a new one

I can't decide which option, but I can see where your fiancee is coming from here.

[GiovanniC]

12. My Fiance Wants Me To Just Give Her The Ring "As Is"

It's other people who are saying it's bad luck that's starting to worry her, because she doesn't want bad luck for our wedding or marriage.

She thinks the most practical decision is to save any money that would be spent on a new ring or redesigning and use it for something more productive for us (honeymoon, etc.).

[redqueen]

20. She sounds too smart

to be getting sucked into that 'bad luck' hogwash. Hope she gets over it.

[flamingyouth]

22. Ah, she is a smart woman

I guess I inferred from your post that she was feeling "bad luck" from it.

Then if that's the case, keep it and use that money for something better.

Best of luck to you. I wish you many years of happiness together! :hi:

[seaglass]

51. Has she seen the ring? I'd let her see it and then go with

what she wants. It's not bad luck, it's good luck. You could have been stuck with one of the other two and you weren't.

[GiovanniC]

53. She's Seen It And She Likes It

[sweetladybug]

15. I've been married to the same man for 35 yrs. I would not have wanted

a ring that he had given to someone else. I would trade the ring you have in on a new ring.
Have you two set a date yet? Good Luck!
Gayle

[GiovanniC]

18. New Year's Eve

Of this year.

[sweetladybug]

85. GiovanniC, Best of luck to you both and by the way, that is my oldest

grandchild's birthday.
Gayle

[LisaM]

7. Work on a design together....

It's just a ring - it's your marriage that counts. Get it put into a gold setting if you want it to be really different. Don't fall into the trap the jewelry companies set regarding the amount of money you are "supposed" to spend on a ring. Get it in a new design, and you will not only have a fresh looking ring, but a great story to tell your kids. Plus, I like the sounds of your girlfriend - she's not really trying to hit you for a new ring.

[BrklynLiberal]

8. Diamonds and platinum have both gone up in value. It is hard to

understand why you cannot get your money back on these items.
Try gettng them appraised.. Perhaps you can use them as part of the payment for you new ring.
Good luck with this relationship.

[InvisibleTouch]

10. It will only bring you "bad luck" if you believe it will. n/t

[Debi]

11. Redesign using the stone from old ring

I just took the diamonds from my promise ring, engagement ring and wedding band from my first marriage and put them in a cocktail ring. I asked the jeweler the value of the rings and he said they'd maybe be worth $12.00 to $15.00. It only cost $30.00 labor to add them to the ring I purchased making it an original design.

The two of you can shop for wedding sets knowing that all you'll be paying for is the gold/platinum. Then the rings become yours.

If she objects (and you have the money) start from scratch and see what you'll get by 'trading up' with the jeweler.

(edited for spelling)

[texas1928]

94. Hi.

How are you today?

[Debi]

95. This is eerily satisfying

:P

[montanacowboy]

13. Very simple

have the stones popped out and reset in another semi-mount - no need to redesign, there are many wonderful semi mounts to choose from - ask the jewelry store to take the old mount in as credit on the sale, or just take the old mount (sans diamonds) to anyplace that buys gold and you will received instant cash for the gram weight

I myself NEVER EVER buy anything in a jewelry store - I am an amateur gemologist and these places just rip you up - they can charge as much as they want to and Will, HUNDREDS OF PERCENT OVER COST AND FOR MOSTLY INFERIOR GOODS

GO TO THE INTERNET - NEVER BUY IN A JEWELRY STORE

[BlueJazz]

14. As you said in your post.

"It's the love that counts, not the jewelry!"
Maybe on your 2nd or 3rd anniversary, you can buy her a different ring.
My Grandparents were married with Grandma wearing a Dime-Store ring.
(They were married 61 years) :)

[radwriter0555]

16. Trade it in towards the new one that is made or bought special for this

woman that you love and want to marry and spend the rest of your life with.

You bought it and absorbed the expense (see what happens when you shop in a mall???) a long time ago, and jewelry is like a car, it doesn't increase in value, especially not the mass market made stuff of today.

Diamonds and jewelry are NOT an investment, no matter what the commercials say. It's luxurious extravagence meant purely for enjoyment and adornment.

Congratulations, btw, and pick out something pretty!

[redqueen]

19. Bad karma? WTF?

Give her the ring the way it is, and let her decide.

karma from a ring... *shakes head*

[hunter]

31. He should get rid of the old ring, "bad karma" or not.

History is important.

He is promising to spend the rest of his life with her. Whatever that old ring is "worth" is a trivial expense compared to that.

The ring he now holds is worthless. Sell it, throw it into the ocean, or sell the diamond to Janet Jackson to decorate a nipple shield, and melt the metal down.

He MUST put this behind him. That's just the way it is.

I think women are much too practical sometimes. "Let her decide," you say, redqueen. That doesn't work for a guy. Every time he looks at the ring he's going to remember old girlfriends, no matter what he feels for his wife.

It really sucks to be a guy sometimes.

[redqueen]

33. Actually, he hasn't said what he thinks one way or the other.

He bought the ring for a woman to be named later, not that woman specifically.

Some people are more sentimental than others, and attach more meaning to material things than others.

Not all men are the same, nor all women. Consider all the women on this thread who said they'd want a new one... whereas I think that's just a silly waste of money.

[GiovanniC]

36. That Ring Doesn't Make Me Think of My Ex-Fiance

Except how lucky I was that she gave that ring back (ie, called off the engagement).

[Divameow77]

97. Not to mention

everytime she looks at the ring, she will know another girl wore it first, plus it was originally intended for yet another girl.

[Commendatori]

21. I am not trying to be rude, but it seems to me that

you know what to do and are hoping that we give you a different answer to save you some money.

Buy a new ring and pretend that you don't have the other one to begin with. If she's even remotely unsure, as you said she was, then the answer is clear - don't even think of giving her the ring you already have. You'll look cheap and cavalier towards marriage.

[GiovanniC]

24. I Have a Bias, True

It's not a bias toward saving money, necessarily, although that would be nice. It's a bias because I'm not really big on all the talk of bad luck and bad karma. I didn't plan on giving her this ring initially, but she really liked it and wanted me to give it to her, saying it was silly for me to go out and spend money on a ring when I had a perfectly good one that she liked already.

Everything was fine until some people like my mom and her boss told her that it was bad luck and she would be somehow "cursed" with the bad karma that ended my previous relationship. Earlier in the thread, I wanted to clear up that this "bad luck" idea wasn't something she was initially concerned with, but she really wants this to work and doesn't want to risk "jinxing" us somehow.

[Commendatori]

34. Take my word for it...

...if the ring gives her even a tinge of doubt, you'd be better off eating it through your nose than giving it to her. Christ, I had to sell a car once because my then-fiancee didn't like sitting in the same seat as a certain girl I once dated.

[GiovanniC]

37. The Soon-To-Be Mrs. GiovanniC

Is a very practical girl. When she says that she is personally fine with the ring, I believe her. But when it comes to marriage, she wants things to be great and she doesn't want us "hexed" from the beginning.

Another problem I have is that the ring I have now is very nice, platinum and diamonds and the works. It's really a pretty ring, as rings go (and bearing in mind that I am a guy who doesn't possess a fine appreciation for jewelry in the first place). If I bought a new ring now, I wouldn't be able to afford anything nearly as nice. That's why I bought this one back then... I had come into a bit of money and saw it as a way to not have to worry about buying a ring in the future. Haha... that didn't work out so hot.

[Commendatori]

56. What about

trading it in? It sounds like that sort of ring should be able to get you a lot knocked off the price of a new one.

Apologies if this is a stupid question, I know nothing about shopping for jewelry. My wife proposed to me and picked out her own ring (thank God).

[GiovanniC]

57. One Store Said That They'd Give Me $2500 For It If I Spent at Least $5000

So basically trade in the ring to get a half-off sale. They are the only ones who have offered much of anything.

[Commendatori]

59. Live in a major city?

There's got to be a better deal out there somewhere. It's just a thought; I could be completely wrong.

[GiovanniC]

61. I Live Near Ann Arbor, Michigan and Spend a Lot of Time in Louisville

If anyone knows of a good place to go, let me know.

[Commendatori]

63. All I can do is

wish you the best of luck. Keep us posted no matter which way you decide.

[Misunderestimator]

86. Sheesh... take her to a "healer" and have it cleansed...

if she has such a problem with the "energy" of the ring. I had a girlfriend like that... we had to throw salt all over the new place we moved into... and she lit a "smudge stick" to get rid of all the evil spirits. I went along with it, without even rolling my eyes. :eyes:

Didn't work... we broke up a year later. :)

[hunter]

39. Now we are off in a whole 'nother dimension...

She knows all about the ring.

My prediction is that once you are married she will put the ring in her dresser drawer and buy a new ring without a stone for "everyday" wearing.

Myself, I expect I'l be buried with my wedding ring because my kids won't want to cut it off. (In my family our knuckles tend to get gnarly as we age.)

Anyways, in marriage it will work so long as you both want it to work. There's no "jinxing" that.

[Rabrrrrrr]

80. People are fucking stupid

I just found this post of yours - I hadn't realized that she was originally okay with the ring, and has now been hesitant because of the insane, superstitious, medieval ramblings of a bunch of idiots (or at least, people who are idiotic about that one particular thing - I don't want to impugn your mother!).

[GiovanniC]

84. I Already Impugned My Mother On the Phone Earlier

[sportndandy]

23. There is no resale value for diamonds and rings.

Well, there is some, but it is a fraction of the price paid. Jewelers make a huge mark-up, but they have too. Many local gov'ts have special requirements for jewelers, and the insurance is usually pretty heavy. Why should a jeweler pay you more for your used ring then he would pay wholesale for a new one? It doesn't make sense. You can get a trade in, but expect to lose a lot. Might as well keep it and get another ring.

[stellanoir]

25. Cheapest and easiest alternative. . .

If she truly likes the rings as they are, then just put some sea salt in a small cup. Place the rings in the cup so they are completely covered by the salt. Leave them there for one lunar cycle in a southern window.

Then take them out rinse them off and POOF !!! All the bad vibes will be gone.

That will eliminate all negativity associated with the rings.

Do it soon because we have both a solar and lunar eclipse this month which can enhance the cleansing process.

[GiovanniC]

46. Where Do You Get Sea Salt?

This idea makes at least as much sense as the idea that the rings would be "cursed" or "bad luck" in the first place. And it's something that fights those ideas on their own turf.

[Rabrrrrrr]

69. I think it's pure bullshit horsehockey, but you can get sea salt

at the grocery store. Unless you're in a small town, perhaps. But it's easily gotten pretty much anywhere that sells regular salt.

[GiovanniC]

71. I Think The Idea That The Ring Is Somehow "Cursed", "Hexed", "Jinxed",

"has bad karma" or "has bad luck" is also pure bullshit horsehockey. Maybe we'll fight fire with fire.

[Rabrrrrrr]

76. Yep. If we're gonna believe in "bad vibes", everyone's ring would be

filled with the bad vibes from the sufferings of the people who dig the goddamned things up, and anyone who owned one of those blood-diamonds would suffer from curses and poxes and boils already.

[sportndandy]

26. There is no resale value for diamonds and rings.

Well, there is some, but it is a fraction of the price paid. Jewelers make a huge mark-up, but they have too. Many local gov'ts have special requirements for jewelers, and the insurance is usually pretty heavy. Why should a jeweler pay you more for your used ring then he would pay wholesale for a new one? It doesn't make sense. You can get a trade in, but expect to lose a lot. Might as well keep it and get another ring.

[cmf]

27. Buy a new setting for the stone.

Get a very plain gold setting for it, propose to your girlfriend with the offer to go with her and choose a new setting together if she wants. That way, I think the "karma" associated with the ring is gone, but you keep the stone and thus don't waste as much money.

[CornField]

28. Another option

Take the ring you have to a jeweler or pawn shop and trade it straight across for another set.

[flvegan]

29. That ring is nothing but good karma as is, right now.

You bought the ring thinking one day that you would give it to the one true love that would return your love forever.

The first girl...not the one.

The second girl...mistakenly thought she was the one, turns out she wasn't. BUT, had she kept the ring and married you, you wouldn't be with the lovely woman you're with now. If the hatred of the ring was even a remote part of her calling off the marriage, then that ring helped get you where you are...holding that very ring that you bought thinking one day that you would give it to the one true love that would return your love forever.

Wherever you go, there you are.

[GiovanniC]

35. I Really Like That, and Knowing Her, She Would Like That Too!

That's a very unique way of looking at things. Thanks for that.

We have often had discussions in a similar vein. I didn't know it when my previous engagement got broken, but that event set in motion the circumstances that led me to meet the woman of my dreams. She was unaware of it when it happened, but some family tragedies in her life put the wheels in motion for us to end up together.

So many things happened to clear the path for us to be where we are now. It is more than a little possible that ring had a hand in it too.

[northzax]

30. other-

pawn the ring and spend it all on increasingly cheap hookers and booze. Then see if she still loves you.

if so, you gots a winner!

[jpgray]

32. If she's the paranoid, insecure type, get a new ring

If not, give her the one you have. That's no foul on her part if she is--but you'll have to expect to cater somewhat to her psychoses. :D She'll be obsessed with discovering slights real or imagined if you give her the old ring.

[imenja]

40. a new ring, not a diamond

get something that isn't mined and sold with the loss of human lives: a sapphire, jade, imperial topaz, whatever you think she might like. In case you dump her and decide to marry me, I'll take imperial topaz. :blush:

Sell the old one if you can get a decent price for it.

Seriously, it is not cool at all to give a woman an engagement ring that belonged to someone else. If she finds out, which she surely will, it will make her feel terribly sad.

[gollygee]

41. If she EVER were to find out that the ring was intended for someone else

you would pay and pay big time.

Start over. Trust me!

[redqueen]

42. Read the thread.

Not all women are the same.

[gollygee]

43. I wish I'd read before I voted!

I know not all women are the same - I told my husband I didn't even want an engagement ring.

This woman sounds like a keeper, that's for sure.

[GiovanniC]

44. Second to Last Paragraph of Original Post

My girlfriend is aware that I have this ring, and knows that my ex-fiance had it and eventually gave it back. This doesn't bother her, but she's a little unsure now because she doesn't want "bad luck" for our wedding/marriage.

(new emphasis)

[gollygee]

45. I didn't read well enough

sorry :D

She sounds like a keeper. You've got good luck if you've found such a sensible, nice woman. The ring doesn't matter.

[JohnnyBoots]

47. Is this a commercial for De Beers? What ever happened to

getting married becasue you love and respect someone and want to have a family with them. Not because they give you a rock (and that's all it is) that was dug up by some poor bastard in an African fuedal state whose whole existence is to mine those diamonds at gun point for a monoplozed corporation to get some sucker to buy it to make some yenta feel loved and eventually to make big business rich. Don't believe the hype. I thought love was supposed to last forever if we're going to get all sappy about it, not an F'ing diamond!

[GiovanniC]

48. That's the Most Romantic Thing I Ever Heard

I will include that in my proposal speech.

"Darling, I want you to accept this symbol of my love for you, which is this ring, the centerpiece of which is this rock, dug up by some poor bastard in an African fuedal state whose whole existence is to mine those diamonds at gun point for a monoplozed corporation. So, will you marry me, my love?"

What girl would say no?

[JohnnyBoots]

49. You buy

into romanticized corporate marketing way too much. Wouldn't a better symbol of your love be a child or doing something together for the betterment of humanity, hell get a tatoo it's cheaper, rather than pissing away money on what is basically a bribe? Wouldn't you be better off offering her a porsche or a shopping spree at Prada as a bribe?

[JohnnyBoots]

50. Whatever you decide to do, good luck

[GiovanniC]

52. That's a Good Idea... I Will Get Down on One Knee

and tell her to hold out her hand and close her eyes... and say, "As a symbol of my love, please take this child. Will you marry me?"

Now do you know where I can get a child on the cheap?






Just messing with you.

[JohnnyBoots]

54. Go brush your face!

[hunter]

55. Bang, bang, Johnny Boots! Well done!

It is death in Africa.

Many years ago, before I became the incredibly cynical middle-aged-son-of-a-bitch that I am (Hi Mom!), I named one of my stomach ulcers that.

Peace.

[GiovanniC]

58. And It's Not That I Disagree With That

But since I already have the diamond ring now...

[hunter]

60. You didn't know.

You are forgiven.

[GiovanniC]

62. The Secret to Living Right Is This:

When you know better, you do better.

[Magrittes Pipe]

64. That's what makes it romantic.

The next best thing to "I'd give my life for you" is "someone has probably already given his life digging this out of the ground for you."

:loveya:

[GiovanniC]

65. "Diamonds: Take Her Breath Away

Like we took away the breath of that Nambian diamond miner who worked 75 backbreaking, grueling hours per week digging this rock out of the ground for her."

[Lisa0825]

67. This is why I love my best friend....

She insisted her boyfriend have a ring made for her out of rose quartz, because it is symbolic of love, and no one was killed over rose quartz.

[Magrittes Pipe]

70. I killed a man over rose quartz once.

[Rabrrrrrr]

72. Was he snoring? Or did you just want to see him die?

[Magrittes Pipe]

74. He was lookin' at me funny.

[Lisa0825]

79. hehehehhe

:rofl:

[cassandra uprising]

66. ask her what she wants

a girlfriend of mine was purposed to with an heirloom and i thought that was pretty classy. her man knew her well enough to know that she would want to pick out the ring she wanted, but she didn't loose out on the 'romanticism' off being popped the question.

i'm not into that sort of thing myself, but some women are.

i didn't want to buy into debeers, or feel like a piece of cattle, so me and csthet decided to ask my mother if we could use her engagement diamond. i also didn't want to carry over any bad juju from my parent's (failed) marriage, so i had the the diamond reset into a new band. it served as an opportunity to bring us all together.

be creative in problem solving, it's a great way to start of on the road to marriage.

good luck!

[hunter]

73. I like that, "Creative Problem Solving."

Sometimes you get stuck in the box, and then one of you figures how to climb out.

Marriage is a wonderful partnership.

[cassandra uprising]

81. thanks! i should remind myself more often

it's hard not getting sucked into the negativity of wedding planning. it can be a real strain on the relationship.

[Rabrrrrrr]

68. Get a new one

But not because of any superstitious bad luck bullshit mumbo jumbo.

Get a new one because your soon to be fiancee knows it's a used one, and if she feels uncomfortable about, and you feel uncomfortable about it, you wiull both likely always feel uncomfortable about it and spend your life wishing you had just bought a new one.

Avoid your future misery. Get a new one. And don't redesign the old one, either. Save it for something else.

[hunter]

77. "Save it for something else?"

Like what?

Scratching "http://democraticunderground.com" on the bathroom mirrors of truckstops?

[Rabrrrrrr]

78. Actually, I have no idea, and as I wrote that I thought, "I can't think

of anything". So I left for the original poster to come up with something and just said "Save it for something else."

:7

I suppose he could give it to his mom, or his sister or cousin or something. Or melt it down.

I don't know. it's not up to me to figure it out.

:-)

[GiovanniC]

83. I'll Use it For Evil Voodoo Spells on My Ex

Problem solved.

[freebird1]

75. If the jeweler is still there, you may be able to trade it toward another

Reseting a stone would be less expensive than a new ring - unless you bought a stone other than a diamond in the new ring. Sapphires are nice and there is a white sapphire that looks exactly like a diamond.

If you choose to reset the diamond ask for your old mounting back. You may want to reuse it with another stone at some point in the future.

Best wishes whatever you do. :toast:

[legally blonde]

82. my two cents

As a woman, I wouldn't want a ring that my boyfriend had given to someone else. I don't think that it's necessarily bad luck, it just symbolizes a past relationship and I wouldn't wanted to be reminded of that on a daily basis.
I think that you should redesign the band (maybe add some additional side stones if you want) and keep the center diamond, or trade the diamond for another one. You have a beautiful ring already and the small additional cost would be worth it. This way, you can give your girlfriend a "new" ring and you won't have to feel guilty about it.

[Orsino]

87. Ask your intended...

...if your relationship thrives on honesty. Just imagine how badly she could take it if she finds out that you once gave the same ring to someone else.

She'd have to know, eventually, so you might as well spill the beans.

Simplest of all is to trade it in for a credit, but I like the idea of redesigning it to her specs--just as long as she knows where it came from.

[GiovanniC]

93. She Already Knows

Second to last paragraph in original post.

[MidwestMomma]

89. Okay, imagine you are proposing to your sweetheart

Set the scene in your mind...I'm sure you've got an idea of the place and time. Now imagine your proposal and handing her that little velvet box. She opens it up and...

What do you think would make her happier?

Opening it up and seeing the ring you have?
Or opening it up and seeing a new ring?

I guess what I'm trying to say is don't make your decision based on some supposed bad luck. Base it on what will bring the most happiness to you and your sweetheart.

Best of luck and best wishes.

[haele]

90. Re-design it.

Both of you pick or create a design.
The act of removing the stone and melting down the metal should clear it of any bad vibes, especially if you change the balance of the setting. Another cleansing action is to add or change with a bit of color, (like little .5 pt emeralds, sapphires or topazes) switch the stone(s) out with a different cut or alternate a colored stone in the case of "diamond ribbons" or multiple diamond points; rounds or marquise for baguettes, etc...
A good jeweler will allow you to trade stones for others of similar or lesser worth with very little cost if s/he doesn't have to do more than pull out a findings case for the stones. And if you aren't going to reuse all the metal in the rings, they will generally "buy" the excess grams that you don't need and that will help cut down the price.
Also, if she doesn't care for the platinum, you can probably get the jeweler to switch for yellow gold for little or no charge.

Or, just trade the set in if both of you are not comfortable with the idea of "bad luck".

BTW, if you are a believer of any sort, you can probably get the set ritually "cleansed" by the local priest, minister, or holy person of your choice. That should also get rid of the "bad luck vibes".

Haele

[LibraLiz1973]

91. My 10 cents

(the 2 cents is free)

First it sounds as if your getting a great girl. Know the value of her. (& I don't mean monetary) An engagement ring is forever. With luck she will still be wearing it in 40 years. Don't have the story be that you kept trying till you got it right! Imagine telling your children you had an engagement ring and kept giving it to women until mommy got it & well... 3rd times the charm. Be romantic! This is the love of your life. Take that ring and have it reset. They should give you money for the platinum that you will be discarding. Don't tell her your doing it. Just do it. Then get on your knee and give her the memory of a lifetime. Do you really want people (including your mom)talking about her ring to her face and behind her back? We're not talking about any great expense here. You bought this ring years ago so it isn't like you owe money on it. You could have it reset and maybe have something added to it. Like sapphires, emeralds or something on either side. Make it HER ring. The love you two share allowed you to let go of your fear of relationship failure and look to a married future. Don't drag the past in with it.

[loudestchick]

92. Fuji apples are my favorite variety. Though Granny Smith's have a unique

charm. Apples!

[Radical Activist]

96. Somewhere in the back of her mind

she will be thinking about the fact that you got the ring for someone else, not especially for her, and that there are memories attached to that ring that involved another woman. She may not say it bothers her, it may not even bother her right away, but it will be sitting there in the back of her mind. You don't want that.
Have it redesigned at the least.