See, this is the problem with how society deals with pain...

[WindRavenX]

...expression of pain is seen as abnormal.
I just got off the phone with my mom, who suffers from anxiety attacks and is currently battling depression.
She said my crying and weeping over someone I lost- perhaps not permanently, but this is not the point- due to mental disorder was "not normal". I said, it isn't when it truly interfers with daily life.
I cry because I am hurt when I see BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE in this world get DESTROYED and SUFFER because of the cruely in this world- why is my pain and grief over this somehow "not normal"?
Am I crazy? Why do I feel like my mother's attitude is so...offensive, almost?

[Mnemosyne]

1. No my dear, you are NOT crazy. It is called empathy,

and it is a very good thing if you keep it in perspective and don't let it overwhelm you with sorrow. It should be "normal", whatever the hell that is anymore. Even though at times it may not seem like it, empathy is a true blessing on a kind soul.

Remember to treat others the way you wish to be treated and in the long run it will be alright somehow.

Many can't feel another's pain because you have to be able to see yourself in others and vice versa to have empathy and they are to self-centered. Others can not because they are overwhelmed by their own pain. Much of the lack of empathy in the world today, I feel, comes from conditioning by the media and society and the "pull yourself up by the bootstrap" mentality that still prevails.

No room for human frailty at all in this society. Fat=lazy and weak-willed Poor=lazy and stupid Unemployed = no motivation and lazy Most are myths perpetuated by those that want to feel superior. It is much easier to label entire groups of people than to try to understand individual circumstances or to educate themselves.

You have a kind soul WindRaven, the Earth is a better place with you here.

[hfojvt]

2. any type of superiority is not "normal" either

so what is so great about "normal"? Is it like the world's cutest kitten or something?

[WindRavenX]

3. Well, define normal

Normal is simply defined by the norms of society.
And it's not healthy.

[hfojvt]

10. if the society is not healthy or sane

then its norms are not to be trusted either.

[SarahB]

4. We grieve sometimes.

It's human. :hug:

[Floogeldy]

5. I think it is okay to cry when you lose someone

I lost my mom's personality to Alzheimer and I cried.

U all right.

B-)

[Floogeldy]

6. I think it is okay to cry when you lose someone

I lost my mom's personality to Alzheimer and I cried.

U all right.

B-)

[jdj]

7. I want to answer that question so bad.

but I can't articulate it.

you wanted empathy for your grief, and she shamed you in stead. She judged you, she made an evaluation where one wasn't asked for.

and if you have the kind of relationship where you have played lay psychiatrist to her (this is the case with my mother) then you also probably feel betrayed and duped on top of that.

and then you will probably blame yourself for expecting otherwise out of her, and tell yourself you should have known better.

your pain and grief are fine but that isn't even the point, the point is her judgement and invalidation of you.

but I could just just be transferring my feelings about my family here, because my family is completely wacked.

[WindRavenX]

8. I think I understand you

And no, thankfully, I am not a lay psychiatrist to her.
My family is fucked up, big time. I feel you there.
This goes beyond my family. I find it hard to find people who actually understand why I get upset and why I feel sorrow for things like this...except, of course, the one I lost, who did understand.
I see too many people today in society who are brilliant, gentle souls who are crushed and destroyed by the world, and I grieve for them.
And I don't understand why my grief for these people is somehow abnormal. I guess that's it.
:hug: to you, jdj

[khashka]

9. It's offensive to me

I think you are dealing with two things...

Your own sense of loss and grief. And your empathy and compassion for the person you have lost.

That might not be "normal", but it is good. Calling it "good" might seem cruel now - but it is good. Pain is a sort of distress signal. It lets you know that someone you valued in your life is no longer there. But it also works as a goad to change that. I don't know if that is possible, sometimes it's not. Only you can decide if you can do that. Dealing with a mental disorder is unbearably awful ( but it can be very rewarding - if not in the ways you expect).

It doesn't really matter what you do or don't do. You can't fix the problem. I don't know what sort of help this person is getting - is he or she out of control and you've backed off because you realize that? Has he/she been committed? Something in between? The answer to that determines your actions.

But, whichever, your sense of grief is real, your pain is real. And it should be respected.

However, with your Mom, don't judge her too harshly. If she's battling depression, she's hurting a lot. And that makes her not competent to understand your pain. Depressed people take pain upon themselves and make their depression worse. So she's not the best person to take your grief to.

I would like to make things all better for you, but.... the pain is real, the grief is real, the hurt is real. You don't have to be crazy to see a psychologist. It sounds like you've been hit with a lot of tough issues lately - the sort of stuff we don't learn how to handle growing up. Maybe you should see a counselor. Just to talk all this through.

You may not like that advice, but I still offer it. I don't think anything you have said is strange or unnatural or bizzare. But people who do feel empathy, who hurt when others hurt, who recognize their own hurts and admit them are often ignored. But that doesn't make it less real or immediate. Our society values strength, the ability not to feel or care. But the people who do should be cherished.

I don't want to say I cherish your pain - but in a sense I do. I cherish your ability to care about the person you wrote about, I cherish your ability to admit your own feelings - right out here for the gods and everyone to see. Which is why I want you to talk to a professional.

If this helps at all... 90percent of what I do as a psychologist is not dealing with sick people (although I wish it was! It'd be easier!). It's just decent, good people thrown into situations they have no experience with and that hurt them and then helping them to find their own ways of handling it.

OK, I'm lecturing, now. Bad habit of mine. But whether you agree or disagree with me - at least take it seriously....

Khash.

[WindRavenX]

12. I am seeing a counselor

Just to be sure that I am not suffering from any accute mental psychosis right now (I'm not).
It's just so fucking frustrating to be surrounded (but not on DU, which is my refuge of sanity) by people who simply DO NOT GET IT. The fucking insensitivity by EVERYONE. Not that they mean to be insensitive- they just don't get it. They don't get why I am hurting about things that I ecounter.
Thank god I write. Otherwise I truly would be batshit nutty.

[Ladyhawk]

11. In an insane world, the sane man must appear insane.

My counselor says this is a quote from Star Trek. Both of us are Trekkies. :D It's the first thing I thought of when my mother said I was demon-possessed. It's the first thing I thought of when she tried to have me committed to a mental institution.

People who have no empathy are the insane ones. I hate it when people minimalize another's pain. :mad: