It official as of today I AM A LOSER!

[elshiva]

Miss Loser here:
Live with my parents at age 23, out of shape, ugly, have a nowhere job, sitting in my parents basement typing this which makes me a loser.
Also don't have a driver's license.
Arrrrrrgh!

Also stupid and can't write for shit
Note Severly Depressed

[GOPisEvil]

1. I was living at home at 23.

I was out of shape, and had a nowhere job. Within a year, I had a real job, and moved out on my own.

[elshiva]

4. Thank you for the vote of confidence!

[GreenPartyVoter]

2. Pfft. Don't make me smack you, girl. None of us are ugly. *hugs*

[BikeWriter]

3. Look on the bright side, I was living with my parents at age 20,...

...out of shape, ugly, had a nowhere job. Then I got drafted!

[elshiva]

5. Sorry! God that stinks!

SHIT Nothing could be worse! Sorry! :cry:
At least you are still alive and a wonderful person!

[BikeWriter]

12. Nope, not a wonderful person...

...but at least they got me into shape...

[elshiva]

13. At least you have a good sense of humor is all

[BikeWriter]

63. ROFL! Thank you, Dear. I think you're a lovely person. :-)

[Borgnine]

6. Hey, I'm 21 and I live in my parent's basement.

I hate the stereotype, but I'm in college so I use that as a rationalization (I hate dorm life). Still, I really don't see myself moving out in the next two years.

Hmm.

[elshiva]

16. I hated dorm life, too. I only stayed when I knew I wouldn't

have a roommate.

[DerekG]

35. Dorm life is truly wretched

You know that whole "you're missing an experience" bit? It's really code for: "You're missing a four-year pajama party of the middle class, consisting of boozing and screwing." After one semester, this ascetic commuted and saved $8000...and pulled a 3.91 GPA.

[elshiva]

40. AMEN!

Thank YOU!

[HEyHEY]

64. Heretic! What would Bluto say?

[DerekG]

68. When John Belushi did it, I laughed

He elevated depravity to an art form; the hundred or so denizens of my dorm complex, however, were far too banal to be interesting.

[MrSandman]

7. I know I can...

Keep a positive mental attitude.:hug:

[HEyHEY]

8. Holy shit you need to chill out

23? Jesus man, that's nothing by today's standards.

Anyway you're 23, if you don't like it... CHANGE it.

[elshiva]

10. You are right

I can change and move out. Either live with by brother and his wife or get a cardboard box...
Just feel like kicking the shit out of myself. I used to cut myself and beat on myself, but I am trying not to do that anymore.

[progmom]

59. My brother does that too.

Are you seeing anyone for your depression?

[Goathead]

9. Don't worry about it, you're probably justa late bloomer.

At least you're not alone.:hi:

http://www.time.com/time/covers/0,16641,1101050124,00.html

[elshiva]

11. Thanks!

[Nikia]

14. I thought that you just got a temp job

Or am I thinking of someone else?
Anyway, aren't you better off then someone who is married to someone who they don't like, but is staying because of the children, economics, family/social pressure, or fear of being alone? Aren't you better off than someone who has a barely living wage job which they hate, but they can't get anything better and even calling in sick will mean that they will starve or be late with their bills?
Don't worry. There is still time to fullfilll dreams. Since you live at home and have no attatchments, you are still better off than people who are committed to things that they don't want in their lives.

[elshiva]

17. Got a temp job, but it goes nowhere

I know I am better off then most...DEPRESSION IS SPEAKING!

[Sugar Smack]

15. DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PM me, PLEASE? I don't think of you as a loser in the slightest! You're a goldmine, waiting to be dug. Well, guess what? WE DIG YOU! If you're in F*n Cackalackee maybe I could get you a job if that's what you need.

Yours in true misshapen form and speaking sanskrit-
Steffi

:hug:

[elshiva]

18. Thank you!

[roguevalley]

22. Sweetie, you are NOT A LOSER! Now after that, lets talk about

what a person could do without killing themselves. :)

Do you live in a nice area? Get out and walk 1-3 miles EVERY DAY! You will be astounded what it can do for your mental health and your fitness. And its cheap. :)

You are 23. You are a baby yet. Young. With a life ahead. Don't expect it all to come to you NOW. It will. Also, you have to meet it half way. That is where the walking comes in. ;)

Thirdly, you are much appreciated here. That COUNTS. You are not alone. Consider what else you can do and what you want to do and go out and find that job. Go find it. Preferrably by walking in that direction.

Remember, you are young, decent and reaching out. We are here. Try these few simple things and let things happen. DO NOT BE DISCOURAGED! DO NOT PUT YOURSELF DOWN! Shortly, when things change because you are doing something about them, this will be a faded memory. Trust me.

RV, been there, done that, doing pretty good anyway

[elshiva]

29. Thanks! Great dogs! Are they yours!

[roguevalley]

36. They are my boys, those dogs, two of my five buddies. The little one

died last Monday and I'm feeling so blue. I know how you feel about sadness but you can do something about it, honey. PM me if you need to chat. :) I am someone who has been there and done that.

[elshiva]

39. Sorry he died! That stinks!

[Goathead]

23. You live in Carolina?

n/t

[merh]

19. Hey, at least you have parents to live with!

Some of us didn't get that option!

Also, you have a basement -- how cool is that. I live in the South, no basements here, if we had them they would be full of water and mosquitos!

Cheer up! You are still a baby -- don't rush to age, just pray for wisdom and understanding.

No one is ugly (with the exception of BFEE family members)!

:hug:

[Sugar Smack]

25. YOU ARE A BABY-

Man, you are lucky to have age on your side, baby! You've got the world by the balls. I live in the South too. There are plenty of things we can all do to be happy. Elshiva, I worked in assembly for 1 and 1/2 years before becoming a graphic designer for this company I'm working with. For $8.00 an hour. No problem. I swear to God it was fine.

[elshiva]

27. Thank You! Love ya, merh!

Actually like the basement I live in now even though its cold and in summer has fleas.

[Bronco69]

20. Been There, Done that!

You're only 23. You've got plenty of time. It'll get better. :-)

[YellowRubberDuckie]

21. I'm 25, unemployed, just graduated from college, and I live with my mom...

Who's the bigger loser? Oh yeah, and I'm fat.

Duckie

[elshiva]

24. You look sweet, hon!

:hug:

[YellowRubberDuckie]

31. Thanks...

:hug: back at'cha.
Duckie

[elshiva]

32. You are welcome!

:hug:

[roguevalley]

26. I live in Alaska where I can't get outside everyday. When I lived

in Oregon I walked and rode my bike everyday. I was happier and thinner.
YellowRubberDuckie, you are a pretty girl. This home stuff is temporary. Have faith, DO something about what ails you even if its small and have faith. I know. I know. But trust me. Walk, lobby for the job you want by being the squeaky wheel that gets the job and have hope.

RV, who knows how things can turn around.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

33. Thanks...I keep telling my self that...

But I keep going on interviews, but I they keep going another way. It's getting frustrating.
Duckie

[roguevalley]

37. Don't give up, Duckie. Find something you like to help you get to what

you love. Its a stepping stone thing, honey. Don't be disappointed and think you haven't got a shot if you don't always get the job. You will get what you need eventually. Trust me. :)

[_TJ_]

78. Dammit - why do women obsess over their weight like this?

I've known lots of big girls who I thought were gorgeous. I think
you are too! :hug:

[Dastard Stepchild]

28. I lived with my parents until I was 26

:thumbsup:

Didn't quite find my niche right away. It's all good now, though.

[elshiva]

30. Thanks and love the avatar!

[Zuni]

34. No, No. Don't ever think that.

23 is not 43. If you lived in Mom's basement at 43, i might think otherwise. I didn't move out fully until I was 21 or 22. I still have a shitty job. I am probably more out of shape than you. I still can't quit smoking and I have struggled with various substance abuse problems.
I haven't had a serious girlfriend in about a year.


You are not a loser. You are just going through a rough spot.

This is a loser:



This is a loser.


This is a loser

[etherealtruth]

38. Oh God, I think this means I AM a loser...

43, kids and I moved "back home" to my mom's while I changed careers and finished a degree.

Just about died quitting smoking----which made me gain a HUGE amount of weight...

I've read elshiva's posts in other forums, that writer is definitely NOT a loser!

(Actually, I really don't feel like one either----your post just made me LMAO)

[elshiva]

41. YOU ARE NOT A LOSER!

YOU are lover! :hug:

[Sugar Smack]

48. Hey, guess what?

:hug:

[hickman1937]

42. Hello fellow Michigander. You're just south of me.

:hi:

[hfojvt]

67. really, and I just turned 43

Have my own house though and a fairly decent job, although I hate the work and the hours and my bosses's attitudes. I never did date all that much - seems like a waste of time, effort and money, if not WOMBAT (Waste Of Money, Brains, And Time, I love an acronym).
Anyway, at 23 and 25 you cannot have lost very much yet, you still are only potential losers, not nearly as out of shape as you will be in 20 years. So I can tell you, life goes on, even for losers, and it has its moments.

[xmas74]

43. Honey, don't feel that way.

I'm 30, single mother and just had to move back home last month(bad economy and the rents keep getting higher). I have a degree and still can't get a decent paying job. I have to work two jobs just to get by. By the time I paid for rent, utilities, phone, gasoline, groceries(not much more than beans and peanut butter sometimes), insurance and child care plus student loans I was actually $300 in the hole each month. I couldn't afford to have an emergency-hell, I couldn't afford to pay for health insurance for myself. I was living off of so many starches last year(they do tend to be cheaper) that I gained 20 pounds, which I am now trying to lose.
Just remember, it's not just you. Things are bad all over (hope that helps out a little bit).

[Hand]

44. Insh'Allah... nt

[hickman1937]

45. elshiva, Things will get better.

I know it sounds trite, but it is true. You can't be an ugly loser if you're at DU. You wouldn't have got past the gargoyles at the gates. Ugly losers get put on the express elevator down to freeperland.

[DerekG]

46. I'm 22 and living at home with my mother

My family is comprised of Christian socialists; ergo, rugged individualism and appeals to consumerism hold little sway over our household. My siblings and I pursue our studies (I am entering graduate school next year), and our mother has been nothing but generous; if I choose to have children, and they desire to remain with me, I'm confident I will feel no trepidation.

You're not a loser, you are simply avoiding the prospect of accruing debt. In two years time, you knows we're you'll be? Enjoy your sojourn, for all things pass.

[Longgrain]

47. WHAT! I 32 and living with parents!

I've got a nowhere job!

I didn't get my driver license until late in life...

You have to keep trying...you'll make it, I know.

Look at me, I'm a loser, and I haven't given up yet...

[Pushed To The Left]

72. You mean I'm not the only one?

I'm 32 years old and have lived in the exact same house for ALL OF MY LIFE! I live in Southern California, which is part of the problem. Rent is ridiculous out here! I do pay a relatively small monthly rent. I'm not thrilled with where I'm at in life, but I will have a Bachelor's Degree in IT in either 2006 or 2007. Hopefully, that will lead to a higher paying job and I'll actually be able to live on my own one day!

[Onlooker]

49. Today's loser is tomorrow's winner

Don't know if that's true, but it sounds good. At any rate, an optimist would say you're young, exotic looking, free to start anew, and paying no rent. Just take a chance and move to another place. It's easy to get a nowhere job anywhere.

[Thor_MN]

50. 23 is very young... (even though you probably disagree)

:grouphug:

I didn't think so when I was your age but trust me, you have barely had a chance to be an adult yet. And I'm sure there are people here that would tell me to check back when the back of ears dry out.

I was living in my aunt and uncle's basement when I was 23 and just out of college. I shared it with a Newfoundland (huge long haired, drooling dog) I finally got a real job after paying my dues in a go-nowhere job. I moved into an apartment with a roomate and bought a house about 12 years later.

Considering that you could have an apartment or house while running yourself into severe credit problems and the 'rents basement isn't too bad a deal.

Depression and out of shape often go hand in hand, I'll bet that "ugly" is the depression talking. Get yourself on a regular sleep cycle - no more laying around in bed!!! Naps are OK, but naps mean 45 minutes or less. Spend the extra time doing something active, eat what you should be eating and the amount you should be eating, take a multivitamin at least until the better eating kicks in and you will start feeling better.

Some of the wisest advice I have ever received was while being turned down while attemping a first kiss, don't think I've worked it out completely yet, but I'm working on it. It was "You can't love someone else until you learn to love yourself."

You have time to make what want out of your life.

Now if I could just follow my own rambling....

[efhmc]

51. Don't know you but still know that you are great and beautiful and

wnderful and smart. If you can, come on over for some good conversation and food and wine. I'll ask my daughters and we will make a fine time of it.

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

52. I'm almost fifty, and

I'm just now really coming into my own, mentally and spiritually. Have patience, never stop learning, and never EVER give up. If I ever hear you call yourself a loser again, I'll hunt you down, turn you over my knee, and spank you like a child. And believe me, I know a LOT of people who need to be spanked!

[khashka]

79. That's really cool

Ya know, I was smart, cute, funny, great to be with and more fun than a barrell of monkeys when I was 17. And then I was 20, and 25 and 30 and 35. And there was a part of that that scared me - oh I wouldn't be so cute anymore, boo hoo hoo!

But you do start to come into your own. You know yourself better which allows you to see other people better. It may well not be wisdom, but it sure as hell is experience and it changes the way you see things. I was terrified of getting older, but now it's happening it's....well, so fucking amazingly cool! I'm really getting off on it. When I see grey hairs in the mirror... I don't pluck 'em out. Instead I think, ah yes, finally the physical representation of what I have done what I have seen who I have been.

When I was younger, I woulda paid good money to get those white streaks in my hair.... So it's cool to hear someone else feeling much the same way as I do

Khash.
p.s. and if you are passing out spankings willy nilly like that, where do I sign up?

[Ellen Forradalom]

53. NONE of the above make you a loser

It takes a long, long time to build a life in our society. Be patient.

[CanuckAmok]

54. Oh yeah?

I'm 37, just lost everything as a result of a very poorly chosen four year marriage. Went from borderline retirement to working in a gravel pit, while my ex hangs out in the condo I paid for with her rich corporated VP boyfriend, who left his wife and kids for her. Lost my job, my wife, my friends, the whole "she"-bang.

The thought of sex or intimacy fills me with dread.

I got in a fistfight with my neighbour.

I suck, basically.

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

55. Let's see if can enter the Wayback Machine and see what I was doing at 23

Dating someone I should NOT have been dating...living with two roommates who brought their stinking boyfriends home at all hours of the day and night, and one of the roommates was the slob of the century...getting laid off from my nowhere job at the hospital and doing crummy temporary work just to stay alive...slimmer than I am now, but feeling ugly...

Look at this way - you still have your parents. That's huge! I hope you have a good relationship with them - enjoy every moment you have with them, for they won't be around forever.

[leftofthedial]

56. man, I wish I was 23

[progmom]

57. Wait a minute.

You're this well grounded, this considerate, this wordly, this kind and wonderful....and you're 23??????????????????????????????

Damn.



Oh. And what's this this ridiculous standard you're holding yourself to? If you're a loser then I was too. At 23 I was living with my parents and working at a record store, trying to figure out what to do with myself.

:pals:

[Bossy Monkey]

58. You know that voice in your head that says, "You're worthless!"? Tell it

to go fuck itself. Say it aloud if you have to (though obviously, this goes over better when you're alone). Or read "Learned Optimism" by Martin Seligman. It doesn't help in the sense of making you better; it just helps in letting you see why. I cried like a baby all the way through reading it. I'm also still fucked up. However, when the coconut telegraph inside my head tells me I'm worthless, I see it for what it is (nothing) and ignore it. I'm still alive and still (mostly) amused.

[Left Is Write]

60. Honey, you are a lot of things, but "loser" isn't one of them.

I moved back with my parents twice after moving out the first time at age 18. Once at 26, between radio jobs - my lease was up on my condo, and I knew I'd be likely to move soon, so I didn't want to sign a new lease. I stayed with them for four months.

Again at 29 I moved back, and my daughter and I lived there for two years. I was a contributing member of the household, and the arrangement worked for all of us. (As luck would have it, I was preparing to move out when I met my husband, so we got to go home shopping together.)


Anyway, enough about me. Lots of people share quarters with their parents for lots of reasons. You're a beautiful person and I hate to see you berate yourself.

[CO Liberal]

61. I Can Emphasize With You

I've been dealing with depresion all my life - even before I knew what it was. If your employer has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP), see if you can talk to a counsellor. If not, contact your local Health Department.

Better days are coming, and there are a lot of wonderful people here at DU pulling for you.

Wayne
(CO LIberal)

[DerekG]

62. By the way...

The very fact that you're not only a leftist (judging from the Kucinich frames splayed across my screen) but a *Christian* leftist (which this country sorely needs) makes you a very unique individual, and suggests that your compassion is damn near infinitesimal.

Sorry, but ya just don't come across as a loser.

[coloradodem2005]

65. I'm sorry.

Coming from someone who has had 2 years of sustained disappointment, I am sorry. :hug:

[tammywammy]

66. I'm 24 and I live with my parents.

I lost my job and moved home 2 1/2 years ago.

And I'm out of shape, and could stand to lose a little weight. But I'm happy with myself, most of the time. I just don't care really.

I'm also a 6 year and going college student...yeah I think I'm on that 10 year bachelor program.

If you need help with an essay (that kind of writing) you can PM me, and I'm good at grammar and punctuation.

[Coyote_Bandit]

69. Hang In There

You are not a loser as long as you have hopes and dreams and as long as you are giving this life your best shot.

We all have limitations and disappointments. Don't fault yourself for things you can't control. Choose your battles carefully. You are where you are and you are responsible for choosing your course of action from here. Don't let someone else define what does or does not make you a success. That choice is yours.

I have a birthday coming up which reminds me of my own lack of accomplishment. Not that I really need a reminder. I will be 40 something. I went to college for ten years to get four degrees. I've been unemployed for nearly two and a half years now. I've collected well over a thousand rejection letters. In the two years before I was laid-off I was responsible for managing over $800 million in various financial securities. I loved my job but I have come to realize that I am genuinely content with no longer having that responsibility. Yes, I have been very frustrated, angry and depressed. I've come to see that there is so much that I do not know or understand. I also believe there are forces that are greater than I. But that doesn't mean that I am going to give up and quit. Sure I whine and feel sorry for myself. But I know that I can do whatever I decide to do (though I cannot rightly make you do anything) and ultimately everything will be allright. I have no doubt the same is true for you.

And, yes, I could stand to lose some excess pounds. I started exercising late last summer for the first time in decades. I have lost a few pounds. More importantly, I feel better, physically, mentally and emotionally.

Good things will come to you. Be patient. Look for them and expect them. Follow your heart but don't rush blindly into the unknown. As they say, what goes around comes around. Give your best it will come back to you.

[Kipepeo]

70. You are not a loser!

Most of the people I know this age are struggling with who they want to be and what they want to do - it is better to be sitting in your parent's basement figuring it out and how to do it than to be chasing after something you HATE but doing it b/c you feel you have to and then waking up in 15 years and wondering why you didn't take more time to figure out what your heart wanted.

I know so many people struggling with this, including myself, and it's bullshit in the end because we become our own worst enemy. Lack of self-esteem will *keep you* from trying for the things you want. Don't do that to yourself...there are enough assholes out there who will try to do it for you. Fight 'em.


:pals:

[MrScorpio]

71. Don't give me any of that crap

You're a beautiful lady inside

The world is waiting for her

Bring her out

Don't piss me off

[Vektor]

73. Hey! You are talking about one of my favorite

DUers! Don't you say that! Besides - you're 23! You have your whole life ahead of you, and I find it hard to believe you are ugly, because when you're that young, you don't even NEED to be pretty to be pretty.

But I'll be you are a knockout any way!

Psst - are you wearing the proverbial pee-stained pajamas? Tee-hee.

[malmapus]

74. Not a loser

When I was 23 I was at home with my parents too, I had a rough time getting back into the swing of being a civilian after being in the Army. Couldn't hold down a job for longer than a few weeks, had no direction in my life, and my ex had left me after she got her greencard lol.

Cheer up =)

Things will get better, know things are easier said than done but go out there and take charge of your life. If you're in a nowhere job, make a goal to get one that takes you somewhere and work to get to it.

Put on some Fawlty Towers too, that cheers me up =D

[victim]

75. Haha

This post got my attention bc I too am 23 and also as someone put it "on the 10 year BA track" I'm actually a full time student but have been sidetracked by illness, transferring, wearing out my welcome (see transferring), colossal lapses of judgment, etc

I started college in 1998 btw as a junior in HS and have been going at it non-stop since then (save a summer I took off and lost semesters to aforementioned illness/transfers/bad judgment)

So, yeah. Kinda like Groundhog Day (semester after semester after...)only without any of the self-betterment Bill Murray eventually undergoes or landing the chick in the end. And less funny if you can believe that.

Also, I've never held a job so...beat that!

[khashka]

76. Dear Miss Loser

Actually if you think any of this crap matters, you might be heading toward loserdom.

But let's examine the facts first:

Live with your parents at 23. OK. Are you in school? Do you have a job? If you are in school - well it can be tough and expensive. You do the best you can and so does your family. If you're working, then you might not be making enough to set up your own household and be independent. Going back to school might make that possible But it's hard work - either school or job.


Out of shape - Ok if you aren't 4 ft 2 and weigh 300 lbs you have little to complain about. What shape should a woman be? Muscular, slim, curvaceous, voluptuous, fat? It's your choice - but whatever shape you choose, there are people who find it atrractive. So feel comfortable in your own body and then look for those people who find it totally sexy.

Ugly - your evaluation and I can't say much about it except you are deluding youself. Unless you are somehow hideously deformed, there are lots of people who will look at your ugliness and see beauty. It's all inside your own head.

And the driver's licence thang - total bullshit. It does not matter in terms of your worth. I didn't get mine til I was 30.

I'm sure right now you are in a bad place,,, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, whatever.....but just because you feel stuck in a bad place it don't mean you don't deserve better You do. So find the place where you can shine, cause it's there and you deserve it and you can do it - and when you find that place where you shine so brightly....well, not only do you reap the rewards but everyone else shines a little brighter, too.

Khash.

[_TJ_]

77. Please cheer up elshiva

It's just the depression that's making you feel this way about
yourself. Have you seen a doctor about this problem? - I highly
recommend that you do!

Getting a driver's license isn't so hard if you want one - anyone
can learn to drive.

For the record - I live with my folks and I'm 31. My sister lives
at home too and she's 27.

I've read lots of your posts too and you actually write really well.

Please don't beat yourself up over this. You are anything BUT a
loser.

TJ