Love this comment from Miss Manners about cash for wedding

[question everything]

Yes, I read her, no apologies here.

So today she dedicated her column to requests about how to ask for cash gifts for their weddings (and included several examples).

Her reply:

Miss manners is sorry to to have to tell them all that she does not have a gracious and tactful extortion plea in her files, and that their qualms about sounding tacky, greedy, and crude are fully justified. Only gimme pigs regard their wedding guests as cash cows.

[Rockholm]

1. Gimme Pigs.....I LOVE THAT!

[July]

2. Don't apologize, Miss Manners is a goddess.

Despite a lifetime of reading in every spare moment, as well as many years spent studying literature, I can honestly say that Miss Manners' books are the only ones I've read that have truly had a measurable effect on my life. Her advice is sound and delivered with great wit.

Best lesson I've learned from MM (Judith Martin): When you say no to someone, you are not required to give an explanation about why you're saying it. Hard to put in practice -- AT FIRST -- and wonderfully effective once you get the hang of it.

[BBradley]

8. I usually read Miss Manners after I'm done with Family Circus.

Then it's on to Dear Abby(but not the racy letters), and Dennis the Menace.

:eyes:

[unblock]

3. ms. manners shows you can be both polite and cruel at the same time!

i haven't read her stuff for years, but i miss it greatly. i just love her way with words.

[intheflow]

4. Why not just say

"As a new couple starting out, we would like to become as debt-free as possible. Therefore, if you plan on giving us a wedding gift, cash would be most gratefully accepted."

I don't think that sounds greedy, but like common sense. :shrug:

I also had friends who requested cash as a wedding gift so that they could visit a long-time friend of both in New Zealand for their honeymoon. They'd been living together for years, had all the necessary household goods. Their request for cash also seemed valid to my mind.

[question everything]

5. She gave many examples of similar invitations

I am not going to type them all, and don't know if she has a website..

The point is, really, you invite people to your wedding to share in your celebration, not to get gifts. Gifts should really be optional, nor should be payment for the food..

[LynneSin]

6. I totally agree

I mean registries are ok, but sometimes a couple just would prefer the cash and I have no problem giving the cash. Especially at age, many of the weddings I go to these days are couples who have been together for awhile and possibly even cohabiting for a bit. Surely they don't need another picture frame or set of candlesticks

[question everything]

7. What is the purpose of a wedding invitation?

First, if a couple need the money - how much do they spend on the wedding itself? If they need the money, let them have a simple ceremony - in City Hall or in their house of worship - and save the money.

But if they just want to have family and friends to share in their celebration then, really, the company itself should be enough.

Yes, I know, too logical and too common sense.

The letters that Miss Manners printed all were in the same line: we don't need more gifts, we'd rather have money - how can we say so in the invitation whiteout appearing crass or crude.

And her reply was: you cannot.

[LynneSin]

9. Yes, but it's natural to bring a gift to a wedding

And believe me, the people I know aren't throwing $50,000 weddings anymore. If anything is tacky - it's showing up to a wedding without a gift.

There is absolutely nothing wrong on the wedding invitation to ask for cash instead of a gift. The only people who think it's crass to ask for cash are those who actually rely on someone like Miss Manners to tell them what is polite and what isn't

[REP]

10. Well, Actually, No

If I were to receive an invitation demanding cash, I would not need anyone to tell me that indeed that is indeed crass, rude and vulgar. I would respond to it the same way one responds to a public fart - by acting as though it didn't happen - that is, if I were to attend the wedding of people who viewed me as an ATM rather than as a guest.

[LynneSin]

12. What's the difference between giving cash as oppose to a gift...

..they'll either toss in their closest, re-gift or return to the store.

Maybe it's me, but I've seen it done and I've never thought twice about doing it either. And these weren't people who spent oodles of cash on their wedding either.

[MrScorpio]

11. She's on point

Goddess bless her

[Coventina]

13. You gotta love Miss Manners

I COMPLETELY OPPOSE THE WEDDING-INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX.

NOTHING should be mentioned in a wedding invitation about gifts.
An invitation is meant to invite the guests to your celebration, not dictate what they should give to you.

Since when did "gifts" become expected?

Expecting gifts is crass, vulgar and greedy.
Sheesh!

on edit: If a couple doesn't "need" material items given to them, why do they need cash?
:shrug:

[RobinA]

14. Miss Manners

cannot abide any mention of gifts in wedding invitations, including, "Please don't get gifts." Her reasoning is that it's presumptive, since gift giving is optional. I quite agree with her. There are worse fates on earth than getting two toasters, although you'd never know it based on the behavior nowadays. Regifting....don't even get me started.

[gollygee]

15. I agree

No discussion of gifts. And certainly no discussion of money.

[latebloomer]

16. No request for cash in my wedding invitation

however, I must admit that I responded several times to people who asked me what we wanted for a gift-- "Well-- our apartment is very crowded, but our bank account has LOTS of room in it!"

I know-- crass. . .