Changes to be made by new pope.

[Deep13]

1. New papal parking space.
2. Hat wired for satellite radio.
3. NY Yankees to be excommunicated.
4. Vatican constitution to include new papal getting-some provision.
5. Pope may no longer confer with angels during poker night.
6. Pope mobile to be filled with cannibis smoke.
7. Revised censorship laws ban blastphemeous images of dogs playing cards.
8. Geocentric universe reinstated.
9. Nun teachers prohibited from beating the living shit out of children.
10. Cave constructed beneath Vatican to house lab for new crime-fighting super-pope.
11. Papal staff updated to include bottle-opener, screw-driver and leather-punch.
12. Priests who rape children must put quarter in "molestation jar."
13. St. Michael to descend on Rome to stop Vatican pigeons from shitting on tourists.
14. New efforts for world peace--um--yah know what? Fuck it.
15. Condoms approved for balloon animal use.

[Deep13]

1. a couple more

16. Wearing printed tie with striped shirt now a sin.
17. Exemption to homosexuality ban granted to Swiss Guard.

[NoPasaran]

2. Even more

18. Indulgences to be replaced by frequent flyer miles.
19. "Ten sins or less" lane available during peak confessional hours.

[Deep13]

3. That's hilarious

Ten sins or less!
:spray:

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

4. On (2) - why the Yankees? Wasn't it the Sox who beat the Cardinals? (nt)

[Deep13]

5. Yuk, yuk!

Seems like the Yankees are everyone's favorite team to hate. Why should the pope be any different?

[Deep13]

6. yet more

20. New bishops must demonstrate faith by belching the Hail Mary.
21. Third World outreach: masses to contain more blaxploitation films.
22. Save money by using two-buck-Chuck's at communion.

[CO Liberal]

7. More

23 - Tasteless communion wafers replaced with Oreos.
24 - Spanish Inquisition expected.

[Deep13]

8. Low fat communion wafers:

"I Can't Believe It's Not Jesus!"

[CO Liberal]

9. Tasted Great - Less Filling

:-)

[loudestchick]

12. ROFLMAO!

:spray: :rofl: :spray: :rofl:

[Deep13]

14. Sorry, I stole that joke.

[Zuni]

10. other changes

St. Peters Basilica now to have laser light show, smoke machines.

Michael Jackson to be named new Cardinal of Boston Archdiocese

People possessed by demons to be charged Exorcism fee.

Special 'Ladies of the Vatican' calenders to be released

[YellowRubberDuckie]

11. Oh, that was so funny.

:sarcasm:

[Deep13]

15. Sorry

I did not start this thread with the intention of bashing Catholics or Christians generally. I began it in the spirit of the Letterman top 10 lists and the Onion parody news stories. It is just supposed to be silly is all. I made one reference to the priest abuse scandal which is old news anyway. Everything else I wrote was just suppose to be nonsensical. (Yeah, I'm sure they are going to start showing blaxploitation movies!)

Anyway, how did the job interview go?

[Terran]

13. Stop it!!

You're persecuting me! :rofl::rofl::rofl:

[Deep13]

16. and more

-Vatican gift shop prices to be so low, they are practically giving it away!

-During premarital interview with priest, engaged couple must now swear, "I will never use birth control. Honest! Seriously, I mean it. For real."

-Ball-lobbing prohibited in ecclesiastical bowling alley.

-Pope's Jewish doctor to be granted exemption from Christ-killer status.

-Cigarrettes must not be used as currency. Anyone found using cigarrettes as currency will spend a night in the box.

-His Holiness' 8-track collection to be replaced with MP-3.

-Special pope-signal will alert local clergy whenever anyone in the area tries to have sex.

-All church doors to be replaced with nail-proof steel.

[Abelman]

17. This is funny stuff

"molestation jar?" Priceless.

[Deep13]

18. a few more changes

- Church officials confirm that hell is for children.

- Caller ID installed in papal office to avoid calls from Mel Gibson.

- Catholic children to be given first-rate parochial education, then told not to think.

- New pope to demonstrate his angelic power of levitation by buzzing Italian traffic.

- "Gas, grass or ass" sticker removed from pope-mobile.

- Cheap gin cleaned out of Vatican liquor cabinets and replaced with cheap vodka.

- Excommunicate that kid who keeps ringing the Vatican door bell and running away.

- Initiate new ecclesiastical inquisition to find out if the dry cleaner has been trying on the pope's hats.

- Cardinals must wear sneakers on gym floor.

- New holy father declares Conan O'Brien to be hillarious, but still going to hell.

- Church releases Jimmy Hendrix and Janis Joplin from custody.

- Communications reestablished with planet Zarkon-4.

- Opus Dei self-mortification rituals to include Ben Affleck films.