If Jesus Came to Your House

[datasuspect]

If Jesus Came to Your House

If Jesus came to your house, to spend a day or two,
If he came with out warning..I wonder what you'd do....

Yes, if Jesus came to your house, to spend a day or two,
If He came unexpected, just dropped in on you.

I know you'd give your nicest room to such an honored guest,
And all the food you'd serve to Him would be the very best.

And you would keep assuring Him you're glad to have Him there,
That serving Him in your home is joy beyond compare.

But when you saw Him coming, would you meet Him at the door
With arms outstretched in welcome to your heavenly visitor?

Or would you have to change your clothes before you let Him in?
Or hide some magazines and put the Bible where they'd been?

Would you turn off the radio and hope He hadn't heard?
And wish you hadn't uttered that last loud hasty word?

And would you hide your worldly music and put some hymn books out?
Could you let Jesus just walk right in, or would you rush about?

And I wonder, if the Savior spend a day or two with you,
Would you go right on doing the things you always do?

Would you go right on saying the things you always say?
Would life for you continueas it does from day to day?

And would your family conversation keep up it's usual pace?
And would you find it hard each meal to say a table grace?

Would you sing the songs you always sing, and read the books you read,

And let Him know the things on which your mind and spirit feed?

And would you take Jesus with you everywhere you'd planned to go?
Or maybe would you change your plans for just a day or so?

Would you be glad to have Him meet your very closest friends,
Or hope that they would stay away until His visit ends?

And would you be glad to have Him stay forever on and on?
Or would you sigh with great relief when He at last was gone?

Oh, it might be interesting to know the things that you would do,
If Jesus came in person to spend some time with you.


If Jesus came to your house, I wonder what you'd do.

[liberalnurse]

1. I'd want a weeks notice

so I could really spring clean for him ......Anything else is fine with me.

[Auntie Bush]

3. I'd be glad he was gone...so I could snuggle up at

night with my dog in my my jammies.

In thew morning I'd walk around nude just to show my freedom.

Frankly I can't imagine anything worse or stressful. Yes I think I'd give a sigh of relief.

I'll have all eternity to be with him after I die.

Now back to the Pope news...I miss it!

[liberalnurse]

18. Additionally, I always feel

comfortable around Liberals!

[Dave Reynolds]

2. He better bring some good beer.

Not some cheap-ass shit he makes from tap water.

[Auntie Bush]

6. I keep laughing at that everytime I think of it.

:rofl:

[Dave Reynolds]

8. I sometimes amuse

even myself..

:D

[undergroundpanther]

7. I'd say

Walk across my swimmin'pool!

And ask him why the fuck does he let shit heads like Bush control nations,and abuse people why did god make us so obedient to authority, especially authority that screws us? Why did he make birth so traumatic and life so hard,and on top of that this idiot"biological clock" in people becoming parents who cannot cope with themselves or their own emotions let alone kids? Why is your word a bunch of contradictory gibberish?
How come you NEVER denounced slavery or genocide in your "word?
?

Why do bullies abuse people,colonialists commit genocide,what is it with this reality that everything good in it dies or decays?
And did you let the fundies out? If you did,Jesus fucking Christ shut the god damn gate and keep them away from me!!! Why was neocons invented...Howcome the Earth hasn't swallowed up Falwell,or Dobson yet?
I could go on and on....Oh and I'd like to kick your tripartite ass for inventing or creating the potential of evil in this world ,making it happen, even though you knew that you knew this suffering would happen.

I wanna point my finger at Jesus and say Oh ye Hypocrite!!!

[flakey_foont]

4. I'd ask Him

Hey, how accurate was the Passion of the Christ movie? and do you get any royalties? BTW, the book was much better

[Elidor]

5. Almost anyone is welcome on short notice

I don't hide my vices, except from the law. I'd offer him a puff if I had a spliff. And if he had a problem with it, he's free to seek lodging elsewhere. Jesus would be more welcome than many of his followers. He was tolerant (if dismissive) of non-believers. It was the "chosen" who received his harshest treatment.

[Atlas Mugged]

9. 'Door' rhymes with 'visitor'?

[datasuspect]

11. ask red sovine

i don't condone the song, just enjoy the saccharine cheesiness (sweet cheese?)

[aeolian]

10. I'd try and get him to open up about his dad. (n/t)

[Cadence]

17. LOL! Now that was good!

:D

[-..__...]

12. If he does, I hope he brings his tool box...

I have some transmission work that needs to be done.

[HEyHEY]

13. I'd ask him to "Heal" the leak above the fireplace

[Nevernose]

14. Blow-byblow breakdown

If Jesus came to your house, to spend a day or two,
If he came with out warning..I wonder what you'd do....
Hello, Police? Yeah, there's some schizophrenic hippy on my front porch claiming to be Jesus. Oh, wait, now he's casting demons out of the neighbors. Come quick, okay?

Yes, if Jesus came to your house, to spend a day or two,
If He came unexpected, just dropped in on you.
Without calling first? How rude. I'd like to think that the son of God was brought up with better manners than that

I know you'd give your nicest room to such an honored guest,
And all the food you'd serve to Him would be the very best.
We're having Ramen and canned green beans, same as last night. Why? Because it's all I can afford. Besides, can't this schmuck feed ME? At least some fish & chips or something, I know he's capable of that much...

And you would keep assuring Him you're glad to have Him there,
That serving Him in your home is joy beyond compare.
Of course I would, even if he pissed on the toilet rim, because that's just what good hosts do.

But when you saw Him coming, would you meet Him at the door
With arms outstretched in welcome to your heavenly visitor?
Again, there's a lot of long-haired, stoned-looking hippies in my neighborhood. If I went around hugging all of them, I'd get hepatitis or headlice or something.

Or would you have to change your clothes before you let Him in?
Or hide some magazines and put the Bible where they'd been?
Of course I'd have to change my clothes. It's a three-day weekend, and I've been wearing nothing but this pair of boxers for four. ANd yes, I'd probably replace the back issues of Texas Monthly and Newsweek with the bible. Assuming I knew where the hell it was. My grandparents gave it to me for Christmas in 1983, so I just haven't had the heart to throw it out or give it away, so it's probably in a box around ehre somewhere.

Would you turn off the radio and hope He hadn't heard?
And wish you hadn't uttered that last loud hasty word?
No, I wouldn't turn off the radio. If there's a god, he'll be listening to the Beatles, too.

And would you hide your worldly music and put some hymn books out?
Could you let Jesus just walk right in, or would you rush about?
You mean those hymn books I "accidentally" walked out of the church choir room with three years ago and just forgot to bring back? Shit no, I don't want him knowing the lengths I went to in order to seduce that Lutheran woman from down the street. And remind me next time we talk to take those damned things back, okay? They don't even look good on the shelf.

And I wonder, if the Savior spend a day or two with you,
Would you go right on doing the things you always do?
Yes. But I'd probably do them with pants on.

Would you go right on saying the things you always say?
Would life for you continueas it does from day to day?
What? Are you shitting me? Would I keep on acting normally if a deity walked into the room? No. No, I wouldn't. After I cleaned the shit out of my drawers, I'd probably stammer for a few hours. Maybe beg for forgiveness. Then I'd get drunk and send an email to my Southern Babtist friends saying "No, when I say you don't know Jesus like I know Jesus, I mean it literally."

And would your family conversation keep up it's usual pace?
And would you find it hard each meal to say a table grace?
See above. And what would be the point of saying grace? He'd be sitting at the fucking table!

Would you sing the songs you always sing, and read the books you read,
And let Him know the things on which your mind and spirit feed?
Sure. "Hey, Jesus, check out this Phelps' dude's website. Do You really hate fags, or are these people just out of their fucking minds?" and "Say Jesus, which do you think is the better punk band and why: the Dead Kennedys or NOFX?" and "So Jesus H., good to see ya. Just what does that 'H' stand for, anyway

And would you take Jesus with you everywhere you'd planned to go?
Or maybe would you change your plans for just a day or so?
Sorry, I'm a teacher. Jesus wouldn't be allowed in school, unless he agreed to wear shoes and got a pass from the office.

Would you be glad to have Him meet your very closest friends,
Or hope that they would stay away until His visit ends?
Man, if Jesus showed up at the house, I'd be calling everyone I know. "Dude, you gotta come over. Some schizo claiming to be Jesus just barged into my house. Guy's a riot! AND he brought a case of wine!"

And would you be glad to have Him stay forever on and on?
Or would you sigh with great relief when He at last was gone?
Well, you know what they say about house guests. They're like fish: after a few days, you just wished that they were transcendent spirits existing in a higher dimension. Besides, in the Coptic texts, Thomas claims that Jesus snored.

Oh, it might be interesting to know the things that you would do,
If Jesus came in person to spend some time with you.

If Jesus came to your house, I wonder what you'd do.

Why would it be interesting to know what I would do? Mind your own damn business, you nosy bastard! Jesus Fucking Christ, the nerve of some people...

[datasuspect]

16. i like the cut of your jib

good job!

[Dan-W]

19. I'm dying ova here! No, wait, no, I'm cryin', I tell ya.. ya, that's it.

[GreenPartyVoter]

15. he'd clean it for me? *hopeful*

[onager]

20. Ack! I remember hearing Porter Wagoner...

...sing that song on his TV show when I was a kid. I occasionally listened to the music on that show, when I wasn't marveling at the wonder that was Dolly Parton.

Songs like that are one reason I'm an atheist. Songs like that, and all those damn Billy Grab'em crusades. :evilgrin:

<edit>

But NOBODY could tug the ol' heartstrings like Hank Williams Sr. This is a great message for the Morality Nazis:

A neighbor was passing my garden one day.
She smiled and I knew right away
That it was gossip, not flowers, that she had on her mind,
And this is what I heard my neighbor say:

"That bad girl down the street, she should be run from our midst!
She drinks and she talks quite a lot.
She knows not to speak to my child nor to me!"
My neighbor then smiled, and I thought...

A tongue can accuse or carry bad news;
The seeds of distrust it will sow.
But unless you have made no mistakes in your life,
Be careful of stones that you throw.

A car speeded by, the screaming of brakes
A sound that made my blood chill,
For my neighbor's one child had been pulled from the path
And saved by a girl lying still.

Her child was unhurt and my neighbor cried out,
"Oh, who is that brave girl so sweet?"
I covered the crushed, broken body and said,
"That's the bad girl who lives down the street."

A tongue can accuse or carry bad news;
The seeds of distrust it will sow.
So unless you have made no mistakes in your life,
Be careful of stones that you throw.

[Bzzzz]

21. I'd close the fucking door...

just like I do to the Jehovah's Witness freaks.

[Dukkha]

22. I'd say "Jesus Christ look at this place!"

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