How do you make nervous girls feel comfortable when you go out?

[JohnnyCougar]

I went out with this girl tonight for the first time to see the Illinois game. Of course, they lost. But this girl seemed really nervous, and I couldn't get a conversation going. She was really nice, though. I tried to make her feel comfortable. I wasn't really nervous myself, though. I think me not being nervous might have made her more nervous.

But I tried looking her in the eye and asking her a few questions...it didn't really work. I just wanted her to feel comfortable. Girls, do you have any advice? What can a guy do to make you feel comfortable? Is it impossible sometimes if it is the first time you are meeting?

[pres2032]

1. i wish i knew that too

i went to dinner with a girl who i think was really nervous and so really quiet and i too was placed with starting the conversations and it was hard to keep them going.

[MrSlayer]

2. Smoke a joint with her.

On the way to the restaurant or wherever you are going. Nice ice breaker. Otherwise, just act as if you've known her for years. Be natural, crack a few jokes, lighten the mood, show some personality. Act confident without being boorish, be chivalrous without being haughty and be charming without looking like a lech. A good bottle of wine never hurt anyone's chances of scoring either.

[Radical Activist]

3. I'll make two suggestions

First, make an innocent compliment. Compliment her hair or how she's dressed. Stay away from things like "nice ass!"

Second, try to joke about something. Humor helps lighten up the mood a lot if you can think of something funny. Even a bad joke that makes her laugh AT you might make her more comfortable.

That's what usually works for me.

[AlienGirl]

4. Don't stare at her eyes unless she seems to be returning the stare...

There's a chance that direct eye contact feels threatening to her at first, or she feels like you're interrogating her.

Asking questions is good, but they should be open-ended questions like, "If you had a million dollars, what would you do with it?" Questions that have no right or wrong answer but are less personal than "Tell me all about your early childhood" (one of my early-date non-starters) seem to be good.

Telling goofy stories in which *you* are the butt of the joke can do wonders to make a person feel at ease. It's the verbal, human equivalent of rolling over and exposing your neck.

Allow silence to *be.* Don't feel like you have to fill every moment with conversation--some people are naturally quieter than others.

That's all I can think of right now. It can also help if you eat somewhere non-pretentious together--eating together suggests non-competition, and avoiding an overly pretentious place takes the element of status-competition out of it.

Tucker

[MrScorpio]

5. I make women around me very comfortable

It's a curse... I can't turn it off

[JohnnyCougar]

7. Hehehe...I'm usually pretty good at it too...

It just wasn't working tonight!

[Jamastiene]

15. Indeed.

You seem to just KNOW how to get a hug from me. :hug:

[Floogeldy]

6. Touch her where she least expects it

After she slaps you and momentarily verbally abuses you, her nervousness will dissipate and be overridden with anger. After the anger subsides, she will calm down and not be nervous anymore.

Also, this way you will quickly find out whether or not you ever had a shot.

B-)

[JVS]

8. Scream at her to stop acting so fucking nervous

;-)

[Kali]

9. "I'm feeling kind of nervous -

got any advice for a guy on a first date with you?" Its funny and truthful and might even get you some good info. Easy on compliments with a new person - too much may create a self concious situation. Ask a question so that it can't be answered with one word answers, something like "tell me how you came to (live, go to school, work, whatever)here in this town or state." Things like that. Enjoy yourself - be yourself. It will get smoother.

As an old middle aged person, my first thought was to say ENJOY the sensation! But you might not get it till you are my age.

[xmas74]

10. I'm a girl.

Humor does work wonders. The campiest jokes will usually make anyone laugh. Also, talk to one of her friends and find out what she is interested in. Make an effort to do some quick research on the subject(not too hard to do now w/ the internet).
Ask her about herself w/o putting too much attention on her(might make her nervous). Ask her what she does at work(or at school). Ask her something that seems silly but might get her to open up. A good example is "A few of my coworkers and I were talking the other day at work about what we were like in high school. I told them that I really enjoyed(blank-subject, class, club, sport-and be clean about it!). What did you like?" Sounds silly, but a favorite subject in school can sometimes be an easy icebreaker. Maybe she loved history. Then you can say something like American, European, Asian,African-or whatever else. You can ask about a time period. This can get the conversation going. Same w/ English, science, any foreign language, etc.
I can be a loudmouth in the everyday world but I tend to get nervous and shy on dates. The guy who calmed me down the most used a similar approach to the one above. We talked about history(rather stilted on my side) and then he asked me about clubs. I told him a few and he said that he wished that there had been more girls like me in school. Why? Exact quote from him "I have a confession to make. I was the biggest geek in my high school." And then he went into examples of why (Star Wars, Star Trek, computer club-all told in a funny way). I laughed throughout the whole date.

[vpigrad]

11. Try wearing pants next time.

Lack of pants seem to make girls nervous. ;)

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

12. I'm exactly like that girl

I don't know what to tell you. For me, it takes a few dates. We might not talk a lot the first date, but we are listening and do know what you're saying. After a few dates she should be more comfortable as long as you keep asking her questions and things.

Though I concur that the best way to accelerate this process is smoking pot.

[JohnnyCougar]

13. Pot...that makes people more paranoid...

not me, but some girls...

Who knows. At least we had the distraction of watching the game! Otherwise I would have felt like a fool!

I always think that when girls don't talk to me, that they think I am a nerd. But I just have to tell myself that they might just be shy.

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

14. That's funny

When guys don't talk to me, I always think that they think I'm a huge nerd. :P

[JVS]

16. When we are at the prom, my sweet. My lack of speech shall be from awe.

It will have nothing to do with any nerdiness on your part

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

20. awww

:loveya:

!

[JohnnyCougar]

22. Maybe they're just nervous cause you're so cute!

;)

[Technowitch]

17. Hmm... the last time I went out with a girl like that...

...after many fumbling attempts at starting a conversation, I finally had had enough.

Finally, I leaned in and whispered, "You know honey, I find you deeply, amazingly attractive. In fact, so much so that I am going to kiss you. Right here and right now. Unless you tell me not to."

She looked up at me with great big doe eyes and whispered something I couldn't quite hear.

I asked her to repeat it, saying something like, "It's very noisy in this bar here, and I couldn't make out what you said."

Blushing fiercely, she licked her lips and said, just the tiniest bit louder, "Please."

Ah, those Lesbian Bars... How I do miss them sometimes. :D

-Technowitch

[zann725]

18. Sometimes "less" is more. Like someone said below, sometimes you have to

let the silence just "be." I'm usually more impressed with someone who tries less to impress me. To draw an analogy with animals first checking each other out: at first, there's a lot of hesitancy, and 'circling' (seeming to go nowhere), just watching each other. That's all part of the dating(mating) process. I just hate the first few dates...until people get more comfortable with each other. Or NOT...and quit seeing each other, and move on.

My favorite "worst first date" story was the one I had with my husband. I was not particularly impressed with him at first. Yet I was uncommonly nervous...and threw up. I never throw up. But I threw up all over my clothes and shoes. Whether I liked him or wanted to impress him, no longer mattered. I was just soooo embarrassed. But instead of being turned off by it all, he was so empathetic and nurturing. He helped me clean up. And surprisingly, asked me out again. It's those random acts of chivalry that separate the proverbial 'wheat from the shaft.' And no amount of red roses, or quippy jokes, or forced compliments comes close.

The first question I had to your story however WAS: You took her to a sports event? Does SHE like sports as much as you? Perhaps if you went somewhere that "opened" her up more...she might forget "herself" and be less nervous?

[JohnnyCougar]

21. It was her idea...

we just went to a bar and watched the game. She was more into it than me.

But that's a good story...if he is not scared away by you throwing up, you know you have a good man!

[leftofthedial]

19. I usually leave

that works pretty good

[imenja]

23. activities are good

If you ask her out again, plan something fun. Bowling, mini-golf, something active that doesn't require any real skill. It's easier to be relaxed when you're having fund doing something rather than feeling self-conscious about making interesting coversation.

It's also great that you ask questions. My pet peeve is men who are unable to show an interest in another person.

Radical Activit is right. No nice ass or nice rack remarks. And keep your eyes off her chest. No leering. That tends to make women nervous. Men don't always realize they are being so obvious.