I was just told by the Vatican that as a protestant, I am not

[dorktv]

eligible to be the Pope. They also started to say something about being a woman but I was sure THAT was not the reason. :) How about you? What did they say when you called them about becoming the new pope?

[Cannikin]

1. They said they dont take flamin mo's

[Left Is Write]

2. My marital status pretty much leaves me out.

That, and the fact that I am Lutheran. And a woman. I'm sure there are other reasons also.

[tjwmason]

16. Being married is not a bar

The Lutheran and woman bits however would invalidate your election.

[Left Is Write]

22. The Pope can be married?

[tjwmason]

27. The election of a married man would be valid.

To quote from the Catholic Encyclopedia.

A layman may also be elected pope, as was Celestine V (1294). Even the election of a married man would not be invalid (c. "Qui uxorem", 19, caus. 33, Q. 5). Of course, the election of a heretic, schismatic, or female would be null and void.

http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/11456a.htm

Though it's not really going to happen. Their Emminences will elect one of their own.

[KitchenWitch]

3. They told me that they do not allow pagans

:(

Not to mention the tattoos!

[Goathead]

4. Well, I don't think I will call them now.

In fact you saved me the call, not believing in god was a big hurdle that I foresaw, now I just don't think I'll bother with it.

[Ellen Forradalom]

5. They heard I was considering converting to Judaism

so they said, "Make up your mind, then call us back."

[tnlefty]

6. Well, I've had sex so I guess that leaves me out.

And couple that with having used birth control so I only successfully reproduced 3 times. I didn't REALLY LIKE it though, so will that take some of the edge off?

[Lex]

7. My height disqualified me.

When I stood up to that Pope cut-out, I had to be "This Tall" and I didn't quite reach.

[Richard Steele]

8. Apparently, they don't accept inter-national collect calls, either!

[dorktv]

10. They accepted mine. Maybe because according to one of my

friends who is a pope in the Erisian religion I am a saint.

[tekriter]

9. No existential Buddhists, either...

dang

[libhill]

11. Well -

I didn't ask about the job, I just asked 'em if they thought Bush was a nut job - they replied "Does the Pope use Holy Water?"

[WoodrowFan]

12. they said I made the "short list"

but I think they only said because I kept calling and bugging them. :(

They did say I had the most "unusual" resume they ever saw! I think that referred to my listing my career as a lion-tamer (useful for handling the bishops). (Oh, like YOU never padded YOUR resume!)

[dorktv]

14. I would never! I only told them the truth:

that I was able to raise the dead.

[foreigncorrespondent]

13. I was told...

...they don't accept lesbians, but I could always contact a convent.

[Art_from_Ark]

15. They gave me an audition

I was supposed to say the lines "These things take time", and "I know you do, my son", but somehow I never could get the right intonation.

Oh, well, better luck with my Fed Chairman interview

[ikojo]

17. They said they don't take Jews....what is this?! Wasn't the first

Pope Jewish (I am assuming that Catholics consider Peter to be the first Pope but I could be wrong).

[Phentex]

18. The hat won't fit my large head.

seriously

[Anarcho-Socialist]

19. They don't take Unitarian Universalist humanists either

:( :shrug:

I would have been a good Pope. I'm sure I'd look awesome in a Pope's hat.

[matcom]

20. Pope Matcom

has a rather nice ring to it dontcha think? :7

[MrModerate]

21. I didn't actually ask, but as god is my witness . . .

I'm pretty sure atheists are excluded too.

It's OK, though I already have a job and it doesn't fill me with guilt or require that I believe I have some magic telephone to "heaven."

[catbert836]

23. So, what you're saying is you want me to run?

I do fufill all the requirements... I could be the DU pope!

[Nikia]

24. Several things

Protestant, married, and woman. Catholic nuns can't even become priests. My mother worked with nuns in a couple of organizations and a few wanted to be priests. One even told my mother about her meeting with the bishop in which she made her case for being a priest. I think that in some areas they can serve many functions of a priests, but they cannot become priests.

[trof]

25. It's not too late to convert.

I can make you a deal on the SpeeDee-EZ Catechism package.

[lumberingbear]

26. They said they won't consider a bear....

Especially a gay bear!

[LostinVA]

28. They don't allow gay women, only gay men

So I'm not eligible.

[SmileyBoy]

29. They don't take Muslims.

And I could never be celibate.:D

[Squeech]

30. Wasn't there

a female pope back in the Middle Ages? Maybe in that weird period just before the Avignon papacies?

What I think I remember is that she actually gave birth during her term of office, and the church had to cover it up. (Apparently a claim of immaculate conception was not viable.)

[LostinVA]

31. Supposedly Pope Joan

Has been pretty widely debunked by serious historians.... unfortunately. A great story.

[put out]

32. Well, I called them too. I needed to specify

if I was a woman and such like that, plus my religion. They sort of hemmed and hawed.

But when I told them I wouldn't wear white because it absolutely washes me out and is too difficult to keep clean, they said they would get back to me.