I am so lonely.

[Soft Georgia]

Can I post this here? Seems the best place.

I sobbed and sobbed last night. I got done reading a book at about 1:30, and I couldn't sleep, and suddenly I started crying out of nowhere. I cried for like half an hour and the only thing I can think is it's because I'm lonely.

I'm married, happily and that might surprise you (since I say I'm lonely) but it's true. But my other half is the only person I ever talk to besides at work. I used to have a busy social life and lots of friends, but then we moved and I haven't met anyone here, really. Outside work I don't have any friends here.

Anyway I was afraid I'd cry again tonight and I don't want to. It helps me to talk about things and this is going to have to pass for talking to someone for a while. So thanks for reading.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

1. I'm very sorry to hear that.

Have you looked into joining any type of social clubs in your new home? Since you're on DU, maybe if you joined the local Democratic party that could help hook you into the social structure there.

[Soft Georgia]

15. Have been thinking about it for a couple days

Maybe that's why the loneliness just hit me. I like your name, Vash.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

16. Are you into the series?

:hug: I know how hard it can be to overcome loneliness. It can be quite paralyzing, no doubt.

[Soft Georgia]

47. No...

it's a book series? Sorry, I'm lame. I just like the name. and your lizard. :)

Thank you very much for your kindness.

[Lilith Velkor]

68. It's anime

I've been meaning to check it out but am busy with Samurai Champloo, Standalone Complex and various books and movies.

[wtmusic]

2. How long has it been since you moved? n/t

[Soft Georgia]

18. three and a half years

I was in love (still am). I'm probably not the only person who thought that would ever be enough.

[Lars39]

3. ~

:hug:

[Soft Georgia]

19. thank you

[Roland99]

4. Attend some local Democratic meetups

Always helps being around people of similar interests.

[Soft Georgia]

21. good idea, thanks

[Bullwinkle925]

5. Where in California are you?

I'm in CA too.

[Soft Georgia]

22. San Diego

Hillcrest

[Lisa0825]

25. Here ya go...

http://du.meetup.com/58/

Only one member so far... make it your project to promote it and get it going!!!:-)

and here would be a good place to start! http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topics&forum=141

[Soft Georgia]

52. Links!

I love links.

Thank you, Lisa. :)

[Bullwinkle925]

62. Shux - I'm up here in the SF Bay Area

How long ago did you move to San Diego? I know when I first moved to California - it seemed like forever before I made any substantial friends. Is there anyone at work who you can relate to? Are the people friendly?

[realFedUp]

6. A common feeling for all of us...sorry you are sad now

you aren't alone.

[Soft Georgia]

24. I know

Sorry for whining. I just got overwhelmed.

[OldLeftieLawyer]

7. It's so hard when you move

I did that a lot of times in earlier years, and it's really rough. I trust you don't have kids, or they're no longer at home, because parent groups - t-ball, soccer, school stuff - are a great way to meet people.

If you're any kind of religious, there's always a church or synagogue. If you're not religious, there's the Unitarian Church.

How about volunteering somewhere? Just one evening a week or part of a weekend might make a huge difference.

Crying is good. It releases bad chemicals that build up and that's what crying is for.

Posting your thoughts here is also very good, and I hope it helps.

[Soft Georgia]

27. Been thinking about volunteering at a meals on wheels or the humane

society. In the past if I could get outside myself I felt I could help where help was needed, I mean I thought I did some good. Maybe I can again.

Thanks for your thoughts.

[OldLeftieLawyer]

38. Of course you can

And just keep in mind how good it will feel after you take that very hard first step.

I'll be thinking of you...............

:hug:

[Soft Georgia]

48. gosh

thanks, OldLeftieLawyer.

[bunkerbuster1]

58. "If you're not religious, there's the Unitarian Church."

Hey! we're religious!

I think you meant to say "if your belief system doesn't include a specific deity, perhaps the Unitarian Universalists could provide a good church home." And I should add, many UUs do believe in God; some consider themselves to be Christian, after all.

Otherwise, excellent suggestions, all, oldleftielawyer.

[LiberalEsto]

64. Amen!

-- another UU

[OldLeftieLawyer]

67. You caught that, eh?

<wink>

[bunkerbuster1]

70. You were just seeing if I was paying attention.

gotcha.

[OldLeftieLawyer]

71. Testing, testing,

One

Two

Three

Nine





:)

[progmom]

8. Hi. We're here.

:hug:

[Soft Georgia]

28. thank you progmom

is that like "progressive" or are you a diver and used the wrong consonant? ;-)

[progmom]

32. it's like progressive.

and i do wish i had chosen a less dorky sounding name. oh well!

:hug:

[Soft Georgia]

41. it's not dorky

I was just teasing. thank you for the hugs.

[LiberalEsto]

9. You came to the right place

We're here, and we'll try to help and listen.

I was in a similar boat 15 years ago when we moved from NJ to Maryland. I was absolutely miserable. We all need to feel that we are part of an extended family and/or community. What finally helped me was joining a great Unitarian church that's like a second family.

Do you have a religious institution nearby with beliefs that you are comfortable with? Or is there an adult education class you can take once a week?

Please PM me if you need to talk!

:hug:

[Soft Georgia]

29. I can see that, from all the responses!

Thank you, LibEsto. I moved from Maryland. Where do you live?

[LiberalEsto]

63. Derwood

between Rockville and Gaithersburg

Where did you live in Maryland?

[Sperk]

10. Sorry you're so sad. At least you have a happy marriage. That

means a lot. I don't think there is anything lonelier than being stuck in an unhappy one.

Join a group that shares your interests..whatever they may be. You'll be making new friends very soon.

Take care.

From your cyber-friend. :-)

[Soft Georgia]

30. hi Sperk

Thanks a lot. :)

[papau]

11. Hang in there - depression like yours can be mitigated by excerise,

drugs, dogs, church going ... indeed there are many ways to getting back to happy - or at least more happy with a lot of "bored" replacing "sad".

I'd try excercise and dogs if you have room for them.

[wtmusic]

26. An exercise club, like a biking club

is ideal

[Soft Georgia]

33. Have drugs, have a cat, can't have a dog

but I can exercise. That is something I have "been meaning" to do for a long time. It'll help my heart I guess in more ways than one.

[papau]

61. good luck!

:-)

[sui generis]

12. you have to go out to the world

it won't beat down your door you know!

Also, nurture something. A garden, a hobby, a critter or two.

Look for a soup kitchen or maybe a Meal on Wheels or other organization that will help you help make a difference in someone's life.

Do you play any instruments? See if you can find a pianist to accompany you. Start a social club - run an ad to see if anyone wants to start a culinary club with weekly or monthly dinners rotating at different people's houses.

Does the highschool need debate judges? Can you get involved in local theatre? Is there a historical building or place you could docent for? Take an art class or organize an art class and find an instructor to teach it. Get involved in your community - find out if there are lonely old folks who might need someone to talk to or run errands for them or occasionally have a meal with. I'm sure you'll think of something.

No matter what you do, taking action to "do something" will make you feel better.

[Soft Georgia]

36. hi, and thank you

for your thoughts.

[bigwillq]

13. Welcome to DU!

There's lots of nice people here but you also need to get involved in your community.

I wish you the best. :hi: :hug:

[Soft Georgia]

55. missed one -- sorry, bigwillq

Thank you very much.

[jswordy]

14. I completely understand, having moved quite a few times.

As long as you remain open to possible friendships, you will eventually find them. It has always taken time, after each move.

I should have looked at your profile to see where you live. When we moved here (red country TN/AL border), my wife got connected by meeting women in a feminist chorus here. There are also women who meet regularly here in groups, all of them liberals. And she made a point of getting to know women faculty in the women's studies program at the local university. It was amazing, the "underground" of liberals she uncovered here!

I found a sense of connection (and she did, too) by involving myself with men's group work and getting hooked up with the local Democratic Party. But I also have a number of friends who are Republicans. We may disagree on some issues, but we have this other 90 percent of life where we can enjoy each other's company, so we just don't talk politics. Easy enough.

If any of those routes are available to you, you might consider them. Again, I completely understand. And I like it that you know this will eventually pass. It's just an adjustment period.

[jswordy]

17. This thread is really cool! You guys are great! Great read!

:yourock:

[Soft Georgia]

39. I agree completely and thank you all

Thanks for your post above jswordy.

[kslib]

20. If you were in Kansas, I'd hang out with you!

:grouphug:

[Soft Georgia]

42. thanks, kslib

Fun hug smiley there. :)

[Lisa0825]

23. Is there a DU meetup in your city?

check http://du.meetup.com/ . Maybe you can meet some folks in person you have already seen around here!:-)

I was pretty lonely for a couple years. My friends are busy with their families. No S.O. Just me and kitty. But when the primaries rolled around, I really dived into them, and then got involved with local DUers, and now I have some great new friends!

:pals:

[CanuckAmok]

31. That's tough... and not sustainable.

One of the major factors whcih contributed to the end of my marriage was that same dynamic of being isolated, beyond the partnership of a marriage, due to moving to a remote area.

You can't, in fairness to your spouse, expect him/her to be your sole source of friendship, entertainment, etc.

My advice to you is to try and develop real (ie not internet based) interests in your new community... take a karate course, join a gym, do some volunteer work, join a gardening club (Spring is here!). Pick up one of those community events calendars.

Do something for yourself, by yourself. Now only will yo be cultivating some new interests, but you'll be taking the pressure to entertain you off your spouse.

[Soft Georgia]

46. oh, no, I'm sorry to hear about your marriage

and I thank you for the caution. Damn.

I know you are right and thank you CanuckAmok.

[CanuckAmok]

34. That's tough... and not sustainable.

One of the major factors whcih contributed to the end of my marriage was that same dynamic of being isolated, beyond the partnership of a marriage, due to moving to a remote area.

You can't, in fairness to your spouse, expect him/her to be your sole source of friendship, entertainment, etc.

My advice to you is to try and develop real (ie not internet based) interests in your new community... take a karate course, join a gym, do some volunteer work, join a gardening club (Spring is here!). Pick up one of those community events calendars.

Do something for yourself, by yourself. Now only will yo be cultivating some new interests, but you'll be taking the pressure to entertain you off your spouse.

[radwriter0555]

35. May I suggest getting out and doing some volunteer work with things that

you enjoy?

Helping out some seniors in a nursing home, or the invalids in a hospice; at the local SPCA, or in a children's hospital?

In the thrift shops of local charities, the American Cancer Society, or Out of the Closet? The local art museum, or at a school? There are so many organizations that could use your help.

I'm moving to FRANCE in June. We won't know a soul and will barely speak the language. We're talking now about our plan so that we aren't isolated and lonely.

I have been in your shoes before... and the only solution is the one you divine. You'll be fine, but get out and do something you enjoy.

[Wapsie B]

37. I can relate. I really can.

What did you do to have a busy social life before the move? How did you meet your friends you had before? Was your previous home your hometown and you naturally knew a lot of people? Do you have any hobbies that have clubs in this area? Just brainstorming..........

I have a sister in the same sitation as you. Her and her family were living in a nice little town, lots of friends, kids loved the place. Hubby wanted to get a different job far away but still in the same state. She was miserable. Couldn't make many new friends, and this is a person who's not the wallflower her brother is. Very outgoing, schmoozes with everyone. Eventually hubby moved everyone to Alaska and that was the final straw. They've been there a few years and I think she finally put her foot down as they're moving back to the midwest this summer.

[Soft Georgia]

40. I volunteered twice a month at the humane society

on weekends, and whenever they had big events. I also did the adopt-a-cat at the pet stores. Had lots of friends through them and the vet's offices.

But I got burnt out so Ithought I'd take a break. I'm sorry for your sister and wish her good luck moving back where she'll be happy.

[Wapsie B]

45. Thanks.

It should be close enough to home for kids to see everyone once in awhile.
And I wish you good luck in your search. Maybe we should work on me next. I don't get out much at all. Just work and DU. :)

[gardenista]

43. What are some of your interests?

Do you have a job?

Sounds like your heart is telling you to get out in the world and start meeting people.

I felt the same way when I moved across the country to live with my husband, leaving a thriving social life. I was used to friends just stopping by day or night, and didn't know how lucky I was. When I moved, it was wonderful for a while, but then I realized I needed more. It wasn't fair to put the burden on him to be the source of all my social interaction.

Then I went back to school, and met all kinds of great people in my department. Started to make friends, threw a few parties, etc. Now I have lots of friends, and some of them have become close friends. I have to admit, it's still not like it was before, but I'm a lot happier.

Still think I might get a dog...

[Soft Georgia]

49. I work in a garage, I'm the office manager for a mechanic

I like it but I'm the only woman and don't really want to party with mechanics. I like them but they're kinda a different breed from me.

I like animals and I like open and loving people. Where I live is kinda the Castro district of San Diego and maybe I can hook up with a gay service agency, if they take straight volunteers. Gay people are the most open and loving on earth I think.

Thank you for giving me your thougths and ideas.

[gardenista]

56. Gotcha. Yeah, it can be hard if you're the only woman in the office...

I like your ideas...

By the way, my classes were in horticulture. Gardeners are also open and loveing. So generous...

[Mari333]

44. Be glad you have your partner

Mine died in August. I know loneliness very well.

[Soft Georgia]

50. oh, jesus lord, mari

I am so deeply sorry. Oh, no, I'm sorry. I wish I could comfort you.

I am very thankful for him.

[Mari333]

59. I only mentioned it

because I took it for granted that he would be there. I know moving is hard, and new places are hard, its just that when you have someone, its a lot easier if you do, someone who thinks you are more special then any other human being on earth..just saying, be very very glad you have someone to come home to at night, to hold, to be there with you when you are feeling alone.

[redqueen]

51. I'm sorry you're feeling lonely.

I'm sure others have already suggested joining local clubs so you can meet new folks in your new area... the democratic clubs are always a good start. :)

Not to sound like your mom but take heart... look at all the good stuff you have, and really appreciate it. A husband you love, a job... that's a good start... keep going... by the time you finish a good list you'll feel loads better, I'm sure.

Crying is good for relieving tension, as long as you don't stay sad afterward.

And what the heck do you mean 'pass' for talking to someone? We're here... and we're talking to you... so... apart from body language and real-life hugs, what's missing?

Hope you feel better today. :pals:

[Soft Georgia]

54. crying is good

for relieving tension. How is it when your boss walks in and finds you crying at the computer because everyone is so nice? LOL

Thank you very much redqueen. I'm doing better for having come here.

Now I have to go. I hope everyone will understand if I don't post any more replies until tomorrow.

[redqueen]

57. You are too sweet...

apologizing for venting... explaining about not responding... hope you stick around this place. Most of the people in here are real assholes (don't tell 'em I said that, though). ;)

My boss catches me crying now and then after reading about sad topics or whatever. I just pretend it's the PMS.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

53. I moved halfway across the country in 2003, and as a self-employed

person, I couldn't count on work to provide me with friends.

Here's what I did:

1) Joined a church that had an active and busy choir. Choirs tend to be very social groups, whether in a church or in the secular community. I'm also involved in other aspects of the church's programs, such as meals for the homeless and Habitat for Humanity.

2) Started volunteering for the Kucinich campaign and attending DU gatherings

3) Joined the Y and began attending an exercise class that included a lot of other self-employed and retired people and others who were unscheduled during the day

4) Became a regular at my local coffee shop

It isn't easy to make friends in a new place. It took me nearly a year to really feel at home. However, when people say that they "can't make friends" in a new environment, one has to wonder whether they've really made the effort or have been looking in the right places.

You've been given a lot of great suggestions. Maybe your project for today should be to pick up the phone and find out about getting involved in something that fits your personality and interests.

[GreenPartyVoter]

60. I don't have face-to-face friends either. Thank the heavens for

the internet, my kids, and my coaching the middle school cheer team. Keeps a body busy.

[Roon]

65. I'm lonely also

I broke up with my lover of 13 years two years ago. I had a cool roommate for awhile but he got a boyfriend and moved out and I have been miserable ever since.

I workout,lift weights, go in lining, volunteer at the hiv food bank, but no matter what I do i still have periods of painful loneliness.I am just hoping things get better with the warmer months coming.

[OldLeftieLawyer]

66. Listen to me

Here's what a wise man once told me when I was getting over a series of seemingly impossible losses:

He said, "It will be all right. You will be all right. It won't be the kind of 'all right' you knew before, but it will be a different kind, and it will be just what you need and want. All you have to remember is that every storm eventually blows over."

I now give those wise words to you, my friend, with the assurance - twenty-five years after he spoke them to me - that they are true, that you will be all right, and that change is a necessary - and difficult - part of the human condition.

[HEyHEY]

69. Hey chin up

I spent the better part of a year with not one friend in town, at least you have your hubby.