What exactly are the signals that a woman gives

[Wapsie B]

that tells a guy she wants more than just a casual friendship? How and when do I know that her friendliness is just that, being friendly? What should I be looking for that tells me that I should be finding the nearest motel room?

I asked this question on another thread but I was looking for more points of view on the subject.

[gyopsy]

1. I also need help with signals

Women are truly a mystery to me sometimes.

[yvr girl]

2. Motel room?

How romantic.

[CanuckAmok]

6. Zut allors!

Quelles bons niveaux que nous possédons-ils pour une religieuse, " Madmoiselle Aucune Chambre de Motel Pour Moi, Merci" !

[Wapsie B]

24. Oh please.

[yvr girl]

26. What's wrong with at home?

[Wapsie B]

28. Home is good too.

Just that depending on where you were, like traveling somewhere, a motel might be closer. But anyplace agreeable to two consenting adults is fine by me.

[MissMillie]

52. My thoughts exactly

there's a pretty big leap between being interested in something more, and getting a room... at least I think there is.

[JVS]

3. They have been known to present

[Dookus]

4. oh, lots of 'em

they often look down after speaking to you, they touch their hair more often, they may stand closer to you than usual.

[Ellen Forradalom]

5. Hand down the pants

is a sure sign.

[gyopsy]

7. It would be nice if things were that obvious

n/t

[HEyHEY]

11. Holy shit - you free this weekend?

[Ellen Forradalom]

14. Didn't say nuthin' about your pants

Now I just saw that brawl with CanuckAmok in the other thread. You're not picking up anyone with blood dripping out your nose.

[HEyHEY]

16. Women, always leaving you when you've just had the crap kicked outta you

[Ellen Forradalom]

19. That house-arrest ankle bracelet

didn't really turn me on either.

[HEyHEY]

20. Really? I can take it off? But the car's gotta be running

[Ellen Forradalom]

21. Is that your probation officer

I see coming up the front walk?

[Wapsie B]

31. I should be so lucky.

LOL

[HEyHEY]

8. I get the finger alot...I mean the BIRD... I get the bird alot

[CanuckAmok]

9. Nothing says "I'm interested" more than a swift tasering of your groin!

At least that's my experience, but it could be a regional thing.

[Ellen Forradalom]

18. Canadian Mating Ritual

[HEyHEY]

10. Honestly as a guy I'll tell you this

Just get up close to him and lock eyes.... that should do it.

[Technowitch]

12. Signals? Just listen for WORDS!

And if she's not saying them, then have some huevos and ask, "Hey, are you interested in more than a casual friendship?"

And if you feel the same way, say so. As in, "If you are, so am I."

Yeesh... 'signals.' What a frellin' waste of time.

:banghead:

[Wapsie B]

29. That's a good point.

I like that. Direct and cuts through the crap.

[Technowitch]

35. I've found the direct approach to be far more effective

Plus a lot of guys really love aggressive women.

:D

[Celeborn Skywalker]

13. Licking her lips, playing with her hair,

leaning toward you, etc. Most clues are in the body language. Also I've noticed that a woman who likes you will often laugh at anything even remotely funny that you say, as if you were the world's funniest comedian or something.

[HEyHEY]

15. Oh shit I mistook you for someone else -you're a guy

In that case I have no idea... and even if I did, no WAY would I share that info

[zann725]

17. "Your place or mine?" might be a hint. Women pretty much ask for what

they want these days. If you're not getting pretty strong verbal or physical cues...chances are they ARE just not ready. Sorry.

In short: If a woman says nothing, OR "No"...she means just that. "Not NOW."

Although with time, a Woman can change her mind. So if you truly are interested, keep politely persevering. Nothing breaks down a Woman's "walls" more than a patient, gentleman.

[snowbear]

22. When she wants it... you'll know..

Unless she's incredibly shy. O8) If not, trust me.. you'll know when she wants to stick around for the night.. ;)

[Wapsie B]

25. Hmmmmmm

That's the trouble. I focus on one or two women and I misread the situation mistaking their friendly small talk as being interested in more. I just need to be more direct and perceptive about women. 'cause I tell ya I've not been seeing it

[bridgit]

23. when she offers the times & dates of her cycle freely...

:thumbsup:

[Wapsie B]

27. Never happened to me.

[Freebird12004]

55. *

:rofl:

[sandnsea]

30. If she's talking to you???

Thinking that guys that have to ask might be a little, uhm, shy???

If she stands close to you, if she touches your arm or knee, if she smiles coyly. If she touches your hair, find the motel room.

[Wapsie B]

32. Yes, you got it.

Shy around available women especially. If I know they're in a relationship with someone else, I'm cool around them. But get me in a situation where I may have a chance to meet a single woman, and two things happen. 1. I do not know who's out there and single 2. At the crucial moment I freeze.

Touches my hair? Ain't never happened.

[snowbear]

33. Maybe a drink to break the ice?

Have you tried something to relax you?

Hey you know.. woman end up liking the shy ones once they.. you know.. ;-)

[Wapsie B]

41. Yeah I've tried a relaxing drink

but still freeze at the moment of truth. So women like the shy ones? That could very well be true. Maybe after they've had their fill of the not so shy ones. Thing is I've not been out meeting a great deal of available women. I've taken classes, gone to church functions, smile at everyone I meet at work and make chit chat. Zippo.

[sandnsea]

34. One will

And it'll be MAGIC!

All you're doing is interviews to find her. The ones that aren't her, aren't her. So they're just people. Know what I mean?

[Wapsie B]

38. I hear your words but I've never felt that.

I'm an intensley private person but would love to get out of myself more. I just need a new life.

[sandnsea]

39. we are who we are

:hug:

[bettyellen]

106. get out of yourself more is right.....stop the self conciousness-- it's

just a negative form of narcissicm. learn to focus your energy on being open and curious about others and take your mind off yourself. you'll be a more of a joy to be around if you aren't plauged with your own insecurities. believe it or not, you'll fel more connected in all aspects of your life if you can shake off the "self" conciousness.

[NYC]

36. Dilated pupils.

Applies to both sexes. I read about it many years ago. See if you can find something through Google.

[jswordy]

49. DING-DING-DING-DING!!!! THIS WORKS! Listen to that wisdom.

If you look her in the eyes and her pupils are dilated, THAT IS A GO SIGNAL.

Now it is up to you to indicate YOUR interest, as well, by casually suggesting a drink, or a hike on trail, or a ride in the car...someplace that is innocuous and non-threatening, but where you two can be alone or sorta alone and things can develop.

This dilation thing is really the ONLY THING that you can watch for that will not EVER let you down. She may SAY something else, but the pupils NEVER LIE!

At the risk of appearing sexist, a second excellent sign is minor flushing of the face and hardening of the nipples as she converses with you. I'm JUST SAYIN'....it is a sign.

[UncleSepp]

54. She's a woman, not a replicant

There are other reasons why someone's eyes might be dilated, and there are other reasons why a woman might get a flush to the face and hard nipples. For example, she might be cold.

She's a woman, not a replicant. Sheesh, this is kinda creepy.

[jswordy]

62. Geez, I JUST KNEW someone would go off....ROFL!

So ready to JUDGE, aren't we????

*shaking head in amazement*

Oh BTW, I never said there were not other reasons for my secondary signals. All I know is

WORKS FOR ME...and a LOT, too.

---sigh---

But then, why waste my breath? ROFL. Amazing.

[UncleSepp]

63. You might want to stop exfoliating with a belt sander

Your skin's getting a bit thin.

The replicant remark, in case you missed it, was in reference to the Voight-Kampff empathy test in "Blade Runner". The test was used to determine if a person was a real person or a replicant based on involuntary dilation of the pupils in response to emotional provocation. Its most interesting use in the movie was to determine if the love interest was a replicant or a real woman.

[Medium Baby Jesus]

90. Is this test to determine if I'm a replicant

or a lesbian?

Love that movie!

[AlienGirl]

73. I've had to learn to socialize from the ground up

I never had an "instinctive" sense of what any social signals meant, beyond very basic smiling/crying. So I've studied these things since I was eleven.

Part of the reason watching pupils works "A LOT" for you might be that it forces you to look at women's eyes very closely, which a neurotypical woman will usually take as a sign of interest and respect.

Tucker

[UncleSepp]

74. There you go, "going off"

Or is that "replying"? I have such a hard time telling the difference.

[jswordy]

87. WAIT Y'ALL! I haven't gotten a tan on my backside yet!

OK, I turned now. Flame ON!

LOL

[UncleSepp]

89. I'm afraid you'll have to mark a spot

Please, don't allow your head to get in the way.

[AlienGirl]

72. Thank you!

I was just about to post about dilated pupils and hard nipples. Hard nipples are frequently the result of being cold, of having clothes that are slightly irritating, or of being at a funky breast-hurting point in the menstrual cycle. As for dilated pupils, pupils will *dilate* when someone sees something they're interested in, but also due to light conditions. And the key to look for is not the absolute size of the pupil, but the sudden motion of dilation. Some people (like me) have naturally huge pupils for extra-good low-light vision.

Tucker

[Bouncy Ball]

69. Or she could be cold.

(Spoken by someone who often has a "headlights" problem....)

[dean_dem]

77. Yeah, stare at her nipples the whole time you're talking to her...

...she'll love that.
:sarcasm:

Sorry, I just wanted an excuse to use the new icon.

[Radical Activist]

37. Sometimes you can't tell.

What is flirting to one woman is what another woman thinks is being friendly. Some women give signs they think are obvious but are lost on a lot of men who aren't watching for them.

Now, I can tell most of the time after years of missing positive and negative signlas. I'm not sure its something you can tell a person. Maybe you just have to learn for yourself from experience.

This makes me think of that McDonalds commercial. She was trying so hard to be obvious but the kid just didn't get it.

[snowbear]

40. Too bad you're in the Iowa cornfields...

I'd run over there and show you how they make the move.. ;-)

Don't worry though.. when you find her, you'll think back on these days and laugh.

You sound like a real catch.. a sweetheart :hug:

[Wapsie B]

42. Thank you.

[MrScorpio]

43. All women are different

But I found that they responded well to what I had to say. Whatever that was since it was so long ago.

It worked and they let me know, sometimes in very direct ways.

Ah, the days when I was single.

[SarahB]

44. I've found that I pretty much have to be direct and spell it out.

Most men I tend to be interested in ends up being, in one way or another, a more quiet, introverted sort of guy or would somehow be less inclined to make the first move.

[WoodrowFan]

45. here you go

I found this site online. it's kinda cheesy (especially the ads, shhesh) but the section on body-language is useful.

http://www.becomeaplayer.com/bodylanguage.htm

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

46. Ask HEyHEY

He knows all about it

[Bunny]

47. I've been pretty successful using the following:

Cup both hands under boobs, shake them up and down, while looking at the man, making kissing noises, and saying "Hey stud! Want some of these?".

:silly:

If a woman ever does that to you, you can be pretty sure of her intent.

[tigereye]

50. Bunny

you vixen! ;)

hanging around their apartment til 4 am is usually a clue as well.

[Bunny]

51. Yeah, if hanging around until sunup doesn't register, they are

probably not worth any further effort!

:hi:

[Wapsie B]

58. Thanks for the laugh!

LOL!!
I needed that. :)

[Lydia Leftcoast]

48. Fellows, you obviously need tutorials

Find a platonic female friend or relative and ask her to demonstrate some of the signals, like the difference between the "I'm a friendly outgoing person" smile and the "I think you're hot" smile, the "neutral" eyes and the "I think you're fascinating" eyes.

If a woman who doesn't normally touch people touches you a lot, that's a signal. If she stands really close to you (and isn't from a culture where that's normal), and if she winks when she sees you. In other words, if her behavior toward you is not the same as her normal behavior toward other people. (Of course, I'm talking about positive behavior here. If she turns away in disgust when she sees you, that's a negative sign. However, if she becomes stammering and inarticulate when she sees you and isn't that way with everyone else, that means she's a shy person who is attracted to you--or else you've caught her stealing :-) )

Then again, I know of two cases (granted, these were people in their forties) in which the woman simply said, "Is that going to be a date? Because if it is, great!"

However, among younger women, one verbal signal you'll get is, "I was thinking of going to that concert/movie/play/exhibit/game on Saturday..."

Guys, that is your cue to ask if she wants to go together and maybe get something to eat beforehand. Don't drop you cues!

[Wapsie B]

60. Yes we do need tutorials.

For some guys approaching a woman is like breathing; it's no big deal. Maybe if I didn't wrap my entire identity and sense of self-worth into whether this one woman approves or disapproves of me it would be a good starting point. As cynical as I can be sometimes I try to see the good in many people. I see the beauty in things and people that maybe others pass by. But that also means that I can give my heart away too easily.

Touching? Stammering, inarticulate around me? nope. But then if there were those cues I missed them. That's the frustrating thing. There's what, about 290 million people in this country? And many are single and in no relationship, or divorcing or married and miserable. There's gotta be a better way to bring people together.

[crispini]

67. Yes, you just said it right there.

Do NOT wrap your entire identity and self worth into whether or not this one woman disapproves or approves. DO NOT DO THAT. It's an ENORMOUS TURNOFF. Especially if she's someone you just met. Just have fun, relax and enjoy her company and treat her like a friend for the first few dates.

THEN you can start trying to jump her bones. :evilgrin:

Why don't you do some internet dating? That will toughen up your skin right quick, especially if you are meeting a new person every week or so. I highly recommend it to sort of de-sensitize someone to the whole dating "scene."

[Lydia Leftcoast]

76. Crispini speaks the truth in the first paragraph

If you appear desperate, that's a turn-off.

As a friend of mine who had your problem in the opposite direction once said, "I divide the world into people and (here her voice went into a panicky squeak) available guys."

But I reiterate, watch for the woman who treats you differently than she treats other men. If a woman is touchy-feely in general, her being touchy-feely to you means nothing in particular except that she doesn't hate you. If a woman is NOT touchy feely (and I am in that category), suddenly becoming touchy-feely to you is a definite signal.

Really, though, consult a platonic friend or female relative about this and get some demonstrations of the typical signals.

Remember also that sometimes you'll just "click" with someone when you least expect it. Then all nervousness disappears.

[Wapsie B]

88. That's probably one thing I've been doing.

The look of desperation I'm sure has been on my face a time or two. But after one rejection I wouldn't get right back up and try again. I'd sulk and lick my wounds and not get enough practice putting myself out there. Dating can be a numbers game. You gotta kiss a lot of frogs as the saying goes.........

[Schema Thing]

100. Aha! I KNEW those women had been stealing!

[RagingInMiami]

53. I wish I knew

It would make life much easier

[ScreamingMeemie]

56. Touchy feely stuff. She puts her hand on your arm when she's talking

to you. But that might not necessarily mean a hotel room just yet..It would mean she is interested in you. :hi:

[Wapsie B]

61. Touching?

Maybe I make myself appear unapproachable. I dunno. But touching? no

:hi:

[Aristus]

57. Telephone salutations:

If she says "Good-bye", a casual relationship is all you're getting.

If she says "Bye-bye", there may be something there.

If she says "Mmm-bye", she wants to rip your clothes off and start a family! :P It's true; it never fails.

[Arkana]

59. Dude, I have absolutely NO idea. Women are like Neptunian to me.

I don't understand them at all. They're a labyrinth within an enigma. It's like trying to catch smoke.

[leftofthedial]

64. giving you a lap dance is NOT a signal

if you are paying her $20 to do it.

[B Calm]

65. A man just knows when a woman is in heat. They have an aroma

that only men can smell.

[Scout]

103. oooooh, ick!

what kind of women do you hang out with?

[bearfan454]

66. If you and her are alone and she excuses herself to use the restroom

and walks out naked, that is a pretty good sign that she wants to be more than friends. Just my opinion.

[supernova]

68. *raising hand*

I'm a normally reserved, but friendly type.

Invariably when I like a man, I touch him, usually arms or shoulders for some reason. Nothing overtly sexual, but definitely touchy feely. For me this is different because like I said, I'm very reserved around others I don't know.

I also do the nervous laughter and the hair flippy thing. Though, at 43, I do hope I've learned to be more graceful about it all. :silly:

[Bouncy Ball]

70. How did we go from

"is she interested?" to "let's get a hotel room?"

:shrug:

But anyway, back when I was single, I would stand closer to someone I was attracted to, I would make eye contact, then quickly look away (coy), give meaningful looks (can't describe it, it's better seen), tuck my hair behind my ears, laugh a lot, touch his arm, shoulder, pretend to pick a piece of fuzz off his shirt.

It all sounds so stupid now, but I was just listing what I used to do. Please keep in mind last time I was single I was 19 years old.

So take it for what it's worth, which probably isn't much.

[Wapsie B]

78. Sorry.

I was being facetious.

[Bouncy Ball]

79. Oh ok!

:hi:

[FuzzySlippers]

71. She presents her backside for you to sniff.

Oh wait......that's the female baboon.......never mind.

[AlienGirl]

75. Please, just try asking!

The social-signals-divination game isn't the way to go with anyone you are *truly* interested in having a relationship with. If you aren't great at reading signals, you'll find yourself second-guessing everything, and being wrong half the time. Instead, why not go for honesty from the get-go, and establish yourself as a forthright partner?

The worst that can happen is she says no, and then you *know* and you can move on.

Tucker

[Wapsie B]

80. Good points.

[NoSheep]

81. I usually approach someone I am attrated to and ask them if they would

like my phone number. It's as simple as that. If a woman does not give very clear signals, then she's just feeling you out. After a while, if no CLEAR signals come that show she's interested in more than friendship, she is just that: a friend.
Good luck!

[Wapsie B]

91. Never, positively never has anyone done that with me.

I'd be floored if that actually happened to me. :wow:
But then again I don't see myself as a guy that women would do that to. Maybe I look unapproachable, or give off that vibe.
:shrug:

[NoSheep]

96. When I asked the love of my life if I could give him my phone number,

he said: Me? You want to give ME your phone number? No one has EVER done that to me before!"
Same thing!
He also does not think of himself as someone who would get that kind of attention. But when I met him, he was so genuine, kind, funny, cute, sincere....I had to get to know him better. He doesn't (didn't) put himself "out there" to be found. But that day, he was attending an outdoor music event and I was talking to a friend of his and he came up and that's how I met him. We had a chance to get a glimpse of each other through a mutual friend. Once folks get a chance to know you a little bit-chances improve on the possibility of mutual interest. I tell my single friends to try to go out and meet new people. You never know!
:hi:

[patcox2]

82. She will touch you. Seriously, its a big one.

Usually its like a hand on the elbow or grazing your forearm during conversation.

[NoSheep]

83. Yep. That too!

[regnaD kciN]

92. Not always the case...

I have a very good friend who does this a lot. And I know full well that she doesn't have that intention.

[patcox2]

101. There are those who are dubious about "Friends."

One is always secretly in love with the other, some would say. I have seen it in many a teen movie.

[Nikia]

98. I have never touched anyone who hasn't touched me first

For a while, I was very anti touch. I freaked out if anyone touched me. I'm not like that now, but it taught me that people can be sensitive to people touching them. As a result, I have never touched anyone first regardless of my feelings for them.

[name not needed]

84. If she sticks her arm straight out she's turning left.

[Skittles]

85. women are not nearly as complicated as men like to think they are

really, they are not

[the Princess]

86. I wish I could help you

But I can opnly speak for myself. If it was me - and I wanted you :) - You would know it. No *ifs* *ands* or *buts*. I'm very direct about sex. :)

[regnaD kciN]

93. As far as I can tell, the basic rule of thumb for guys...

...is that you should examine the situation very carefully, use your best judgement...

...and be sure that whatever conclusion you reach will be the wrong one.

;-)

P.S. The corollary to this is that, if your conclusion is that she isn't interested, you'll only find out differently years later...after she's in a committed, monogamous relationship with someone else.

:-(

[Borgnine]

94. I'd like a serous response to this question.

I have no fucking clue. Seriously. It turns out I've missed the signals for all the women who have wanted me, and by the time I figured it out, they had already moved on to another guy.

Of course, I'm also a self-doubter. If I suspect they're interested in me or pick up some vibes, I shrug it off and chalk it up to my imagination. That's why I've never had a serious relationship... I can't believe anybody would be interested in me for the first place.

Why can't they just stick their hands in my pants like mentioned above? That would be so goddamn easier.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

97. There are at least half a dozen serious responses above

:shrug:

[Robeson]

95. When they unzip your fly.....

...is always an obvious signal...

[Nikia]

99. Really my husband and I are clueless about signals

It's a good thing that we just suddenly started making out or we would probably just be friends. I don't know. Men and women can be friends and such relationships are common now. Sometimes someone really does only want to pursue a platonic relationship. When I was single, I may or may not have looked at someone differently in a noticable way. Other than that, I tried to spend a lot of time with both romantic prospects and male friends and do nice things for them.

[LoZoccolo]

102. If you are her friend it's over.

Women tend to put you in one category or another quickly.

If she's ever used you to talk about problems she's having, it's doubly over.

[Rob H.]

104. Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!

"If she's ever used you to talk about problems she's having, it's doubly over."

That's always been my experience, too.

[BBradley]

105. This has been my experience as well