Best "JESUS" Song

[UdoKier]

Best "JESUS" Song

[WI_DEM]

1. "Jesus Christ-Superstar"

[SarahB]

22. Ever hear Godspell?

More fun to sing.

[KitchenWitch]

2. Drop kick me, Jesus, through the goal post of life.

[Redstone]

5. Damn it, you beat me by ONE LOUSY MINUTE!!

Redstone

[KitchenWitch]

11. LOL

Scary, we think alike!

[jswordy]

10. DING-DING-DING! WINNER! Or...

I don't care if it rains or freezes,
Long as I got my plastic Jesus...
sitting on the dashboad of my car.

COOL HAND LUKE, man!

[KitchenWitch]

13. I almost posted that one too!

Me loves the funny jeebus songs.

[Fenris]

3. My brother had a kick-ass "Kooler Than Jesus" t-shirt.

I remember that from my childhood.

[flamingyouth]

14. But you have a "Shut Up About Jesus!" shirt

;)

[Fenris]

16. Yes I do!

:D

No one listens!

[Redstone]

4. Drop-kick me, Jesus, through the goal post of life,

of course.

Redstone

[PhuLoi]

6. 'Dropkick Me Jesus Through the Goalposts of Life' but moreso

'Jesus, Jesus, Jesus Christ Your Tall' by Harry Neillson

[PhuLoi]

12. Jesus Christ that's scary.

[dbt]

7. Jesus Just Lef' Chicago

dangollilolbandfromTexasman. Dangolzztop.

[RagingInMiami]

30. I agree

[DBoon]

8. Rock and Roll N*gg*r

Patti Smith

[Rooktoven]

17. Oh yeah, that is a good one --nt.

[OldLeftieLawyer]

9. "Plastic Jesus"

I don't care if it rains of freezes
'Long as I got my Plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car.
Through my trials and tribulations
And my travels through the nations
With my Plastic Jesus I'll go far.

Plastic Jesus! Plastic Jesus,
Riding on the dashboard of my car
I'm afraid He'll have to go.
His magnets ruin my radio
And if I have a wreck He'll leave a scar.

Riding down a thoroughfare
With His nose up in the air,
A wreck may be ahead, but He don't mind.
Trouble coming He don't see,
He just keeps His eye on me
And any other thing that lies behind.

Plastic Jesus! Plastic Jesus,
Riding on the dashboard of my car ...
Though the sunshine on His back
Make Him peel, chip and crack,
A little patching keeps Him up to par.

When I'm in a traffic jam
He don't care if I say "damn"
I can let all my curses roll
Plastic Jesus doesn't hear
'Cause he has a plastic ear
The man who invented plastic saved my soul.

Plastic Jesus! Plastic Jesus,
Riding on the dashboard of my car ...
Once His robe was snowy white,
Now it isn't quite so bright -
Stained by the smoke of my cigar.

I don't care if it rains or freezes
As long as I've got my Plastic Jesus
Glued to the dashboard of my car,
You can buy Him phosphorescent
Glows in the dark, He's Pink and Pleasant,
Take Him with you when you're travelling far

I don't care if it's dark or scary
Long as I have magnetic Mary
Ridin' on the dashboard of my car
I feel I'm protected amply
I've got the whole damn Holy Family
Riding on the dashboard of my car

[cruadin]

29. That's my favorite too. I remember a couple of different...

stanzas though:

Hang a ros'ry from your mirror,
that should help you lose you fear of
spinnin' out and landin' in the grave.
Don't worry if your brakes should fail you,
just remember what I tell you,
Jesus came,... all of us to save.

An' get yourelf a sweet Madonna,
dressed in rhinestones, settin' on a
pedastal of abalone shells.
Goin' ninety, but I ain't scary
'cause I got the Virgin Mary
assurin' me, that I won't go to hell.

[Rooktoven]

15. "They ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore"

by Kinky Friedman

[GreenArrow]

18. "Jesus takes a frown

and turns it upside down...

OOPS! There's a smile!"

Oops, There Comes a Smile -- Tammy Faye Bakker

[Fenris]

19. "Chocolate Jesus" by Tom Waits

Well, i don't go to church on sunday
Don't get on my knees to pray
Don't memorize the books of the bible
I got my own special way

I know jesus loves me
Maybe just a little bit more
I fall down on my knees every sunday
At zerelda lee's candy store

Well, it's got to be a chocolate jesus
Make me feel good inside
Got to be a chocolate jesus
Keep me satisfied

Well, i don't want no abba zabba
Don't want no almond joy
There ain't nothing better
Suitable for this boy

Well, it's the only thing that can pick me up
It's better than a cup of gold
See, only a chocolate jesus
Can satisfy my soul

When the weather gets rough and it's whiskey in the shade
It's best to wrap your savior up in cellophane
He flows like the big muddy but that's okay
Pour him over ice cream for a nice parfait

Well, it's got to be a chocolate jesus
Good enough for me
Got to be a chocolate jesus
It's good enough for me

And it's got to be a chocolate jesus
Make me feel so good inside
Got to be a chocolate jesus
Keep me satisfied

[Love Bug]

20. "Operator -- Information -- Get me Jesus on the line"

Manhattan Transfer!

[Bluebear]

21. "Keep your Jesus off my penis"

http://www.ericschwartz.com/video.html

[GreenPartyVoter]

23. "Jesus is Just All Right" Doobie Brothers

[faithnotgreed]

40. once again gpv you are right on!

[GreenPartyVoter]

42. Thanks you *curtseying* And I thank my hubby who intro'd me to the

song. :D

[Dukkha]

24. Ministry - Jesus Built My Hotrod

soon i discovered that this rock thing was true
jerry lee lewis was the devil
jesus was an architect previous to his career as a prophet
all of a sudden, i found myself in love with the world
so there was only one thing that i could do
was ding a ding dang my dang a long ling long

[Huckebein the Raven]

25. "Personal Jesus" - Depeche Mode

[ghostsofgiants]

26. Bad Religion - "American Jesus"

Though "Jesus Is Just Alright" by the Doobie Brothers is good stuff too.

[name not needed]

34. Beat me to it

I don't need to be a global citizen,
'Cuz i'm blessed by nationality.
I'm member of a growing populace,
We enforce our popularity.
There are things that seem to pull us under and,
There are things that drag us down.
But there's a power and a vital presence,
It's lurking all around.

We've got the American Jesus,
See him on the interstate.
We've got the American Jesus,
He helped build the President's estate.

I feel sorry for the Earth's population,
'Cuz so few live in the U.S.A.
At least the foreigners can copy our morality,
They can visit but they cannot stay.
Only precious few can garner our prosperity,
It makes us walk with renewed confidence.
We got a place to go when we die,
And the architect resides right here.

We've got the American Jesus,
Bolstering national faith.
We've got the American Jesus,
Overwhelming millions every day.

He's the farmer's barren fields,
(in god)
The force the army wields,
(we trust)
Expressions on the faces of the starving millions,
(because he's one of us)
The power of the man,
(break down)
He's the fuel that drives the clan,
(cave in)
He's the motive and the conscience of the murderer,
(we can redeem our sins)
He's the preacher on T.V. ,
(strong heart)
The false sincerity,
(clear mind)
The form letter that's written by the big computers,
(and infinitely kind)
The nuclear bombs,
(you lose)
The kids with no moms,
(we win)
And i'm fearful that he's inside me...
(he is our champion)

One nation under god...


We've got the American Jesus
See him on the interstate
We've got the American Jesus
Exercising his authority
We've got the American Jesus
Bolstering national faith
We've got the American Jesus
Overwhelming millions every day

One nation, under God...

[ghostsofgiants]

35. Can't go wrong with Bad Religion

Kickass band.

[tnlefty]

27. Very simply - "Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the

world. Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in his sight. Jesus loves the little children of the world."

[woofless]

28. "Everybody" by John Prine

While out sailing on the ocean,
while out sailing on the sea
I bumped into the Saviour
and He said "Pardon Me"
I said "Jesus you look tired."
He said "Jesus, so do you.
Sit down son cuz we got some fat to chew."

(Chorus)


Well everybody needs somebody
that they can talk to.

Someone to open up their ears
and let that trouble through.

Now you don't have to sympathize
nor care what they may do,
but everybody needs somebody
that they can talk to.

Well we sat there for an hour or two
just eatin' that gospel pie,
when around the bend come a terrible wind
and lightnin' split the sky.
He said "So long son, I gotta run
I appreciate you talkin' to me."
And I believe I heard him sing these words
as He skipped off across the sea.

(repeat chorus)

[Left Is Write]

31. Jesus Christ Is Risen Today

[Orsino]

32. "My Girl Dumped Me for a Guy Named Jesus"

"...Now I see a cross and I fall to pieces.
It hurts to say His dad's name when someone sneezes.
My girl dumped me for a guy named Jesus.

And Jesus better watch his back."

...from the marvelous, short-lived Comedy Central series EXIT 57. Still waiting for the DVDs.

[sundog]

33. Thrill Kill Kult

:bounce:

[sakabatou]

36. Jesus bleibet meine freunde

I think I have the title correct.

[iconoclastic cat]

37. Nirvana's cover of "Jesus Doesn't Want Me for a Sunbeam"

And while there isn't a "Jesus" in the title, "Opiate" by Tool.

[faithnotgreed]

38. Jesus is just all right by doobie brothers

He is my guy (and the 70s were also awesome) what can i say.....

[mcscajun]

39. "One Toke Over The Line" by Brewer & Shipley

:smoke: :evilgrin: :smoke:

From the Brewer & Shipley website:
It was a banned record in 1971, but the listening audience of the time chose to make it a hit anyway. Spiro T. Agnew, the vice-president of the United States, named Brewer & Shipley personally as subversives to American youth, and they wore making President Richard Nixon's hate list as a badge of honor. Ironically, at the same time, Lawrence Welk performed the song on his T.V. show, and introduced it as a gospel song.
Hunter S. Thompson mentioned the song several times in his 1971 novel, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas," and it is now part of the soundtrack of the 1998 movie starring Johnny Depp.

Chorus:

One toke over the line, sweet Jesus, one toke over the line
Sittin' downtown in a railway station, one toke over the line
Waitin' for the train that goes home, sweet Mary
Hoping that the train is on time
Sittin' downtown in a railway station, one toke over the line

[gizmo1979]

41. Own personal Jesus

Marylyn Manson.Great tune.

[Lautremont]

43. "My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink And I Don't Love Jesus"

by Jimmy Buffet(t?), just for the title alone.

[Ron Green]

44. "Just a Closer Walk With Thee" .... been covered by every kind of musical

ensemble and soloist in the world, and always allows someone to rock, to swing, to emote, to jam ... was present at the beginning of jazz, and indeed was probably one of the first tunes that "crossed over" from the sacred to the profane, creating American music.

I declare this one .... The Winnah!!

[faithnotgreed]

46. great choice ron and thanks for that bit of history

[leftofthedial]

45. Jesus is Just Alright

[Hatalles]

48. Agreed. How is this one not on the poll?

[puerco-bellies]

47. Alice in Chains "Man in the Box"

I’m the man in the box
Buried in my shit
Won’t you come and save me, save me

Chorus
Feed my eyes, can you sew them shut?
Jesus christ, deny your maker
He who tries, will be wasted
Feed my eyes now you’ve sewn them shut

I’m the dog who gets beat
Shove my nose in shit
Won’t you come and save me, save me

[MrSlayer]

49. Jesus Saves - Slayer

JESUS SAVES

You Go To The Church, You Kiss The Cross
You Will Be Saved At Any Cost
You Have Your Own Reality
Christianity
You Spend Your Life Just Kissing Ass
A Trait That's Grown As Time Has Passed
You Think The World Will End Today
You Praise The Lord,
It's All You Say

Jesus Saves, Listen To You Pray
You Think You'll See The Pearly Gates
When Death Takes You Away

For All Respect You Cannot Lust
In An Invisible Man You Place Your Trust
Indirect Dependency
Eternal Attempt Of Amnesty
He Will Decide Who Lives And Who Dies
Depopulate Satanas' Rise
You Will Be An Accessory
Irreverence And Blasphemy

Lead - King

Jesus Saves, No Need To Pray
The Gates Of Pearl Have Turned To Gold
It Seems You've Lost Your Way

Lead - Hanneman

Jesus Saves
No Words Of Praise
No Promised Land To Take You To
There Is No Other Way

Lead - King

[ScreamingMeemie]

50. "Jesus Christ is Risen Today" Especially when done by a really good

choir. It gives me the chills.