Single women

[JanMichael]

Do you feel like you would be ultimately personally happier when/if you choose to get married?

[mcscajun]

1. Been there, done that - twice. Don't have to buy T-Shirts anymore

:)

[SarahB]

2. Married before; not even remotely interested!

I have literally spent my entire adult life married. My experience with marriage equates with being treated like he owned my very being. I'm frankly frightened of even a serious relationship again because I just don't want any man telling me how I'm supposed to act, think, or anything else. I don't plan on marriage for a very long time, if ever.

[BlueJazz]

7. Well..SarahBelle....That's certainly no way to think!

I'll pick you up at 7:30....we'll go to a restaurant ...oh..and wear that green dress I like.

[SarahB]

10. I will beat you now.

[hfojvt]

13. I think of the same things as a male

I imagine that it would be nice to be married, but then I think the reality would be like this:
She: "What are you doing?"
Me: "I am going to play around on the internet for a few hours."
She: "No, I need (or want) you to do this, this, this, and that."

I have spent about 25 years of my adult life doing what I want, when I want, because I want to (except for the huge limitation of much of the time I wanted to have sex and could not.) I find that real people tend to be bossy and moody, and when I get bossed around or forced to argue, then I am gonna get moodier too.

[Straight Shooter]

3. Relationships are "hard werk," I'm tellin' ya, they're "hard werk."

Thanks, but no thanks. I'd rather spend time with several friends and sustain that network of relationships rather than concentrate on one significant other.

Anyway, I'm not "marriage material," and have more peace of mind remaining unattached.

[hfojvt]

14. There was a Cathy cartoon

where the fashion salesperson says "We are sick of hearing what women want only to have you 'pooh, pooh' it after we kill ourselves trying to provide it." And Cathy's boyfriend Irving says "Bravo" and applauds.

One time I was biking around and I saw this girl who had refused to go out with me. She was in the summer sun trying to start a lawnmower, and trying, and trying, and pushing her hair out of her eyes, and trying. As I kept on going, I had to laugh. Under different circumstances, she could have had me do that work for her, and lovin' it. I think there might be some benefits to a relationship as well as the "hard werk".

[madison2000]

18. Women can learn to do anything they want in terms of jobs around the house

and they can have male friends or relatives or neighbors if there is anything left over that they can't learn to do.

I reduced the chores I couldn't do without help to moving the air conditioner in and out of the window - and then one year I realized that I actually was strong enough to pick it up and move it myself. Nice to have someone around to ask for help and I will ask, but its not necessary.

Gay women seem to do just fine without a man around to help with chores. The last summer I had to move I did have some male help lifting things. Then I realized that the difference between myself and my gay neighbors was about 25lbs- I would ask for help with things 35lbs and over but they would ask for male help only for things about 60lbs and over!

[hfojvt]

19. of course, why buy an ox

when you can get ploughing for free?

Actually, that was another reason I did not stop to help. I figured that I probably could not get it started either if she could not. My point is not that women need help, or that men need help, but that there are some benefits to a relationship. Or that there could be, in theory.

[madison2000]

26. Its more like: why buy an ox when you can learn to do it yourself

or simply ask for advice? Helplessness is not particularly attractive in either sex, competence is. I don't believe in taking that to an extreme - everyone will have areas where they would rather ask for help occasionally than invest a lot of time learning about something they're not interested in.

But I am amazed at the number of women, married and single, who never learn to drive, to manage money, or to make a major purchase. Everyone should have some basic life skills.

[Seabiscuit]

31. Could it be that single people spend more time on the internet?

[Freebird12004]

4. I'm not getting married again.

It's the fastest way to spoil a good friendship.

[madison2000]

5. single never married women are treated like crap by society

so in that sense I think it would make my life better to get married. In terms of personal happiness, I wouldn't get married unless I were sure it would make me happier.

[hfojvt]

20. as a part of society, that is not entirely true

I love single women. In fact, I worship the dirt they treat me like.

[madison2000]

29. Hey, I'm not saying everyone.

I happen to have grown up with a mother and sister who think a woman is nothing without a man. I have never been married and get a ton more respect from the men in my family than the women.

But it happens in other areas too... there is still wage discrimination and job discrimination. For a while I thought it was an advantage to be childless and single in an employer's eyes- I'm not going to call in sick because my child is sick. But a lot of employers behave as though it is more important for men to have jobs than women, and as though the only stable, dependable people are married people.

It subtle but there is discrimination that comes out of what people believe - and some people believe that EVERYONE should be married and raising children.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

27. The main way in which that happens is

people being surprised (even appalled) by my being single and never married. Their attitude is, "What's wrong with you?"

[madison2000]

28. Exactly. Its as if being single has to constantly defended against the

"why aren't you married?" question. And if you take never married men and women in their thirtie or forties there is a social assumption that men chose singleness and women are unchosen or undesirable or whatever.

[hyphenate]

35. Oh. yes, indeed!

A friend of mine in the sometimes backward state of Kansas had a mother who was a bit on the, er, ignorant side. Her mother, when told by her daughter, my friend, that I was in my 40s and single, asked her daughter if I was a lesbian. (I'm not.) It seems if a woman goes without a man by her side for any length of time after the age of, oh, let's say 15, then she must have a completely disfiguring scar or tumor, or she must be a lesbian. I assume, just for the sake of argument, that my friend's mother must also believe in creationism.

[madison2000]

39. And if you're single, over forty, and moving to Madison Wisconsin

you have to have documentation that you're not a lesbian!

It seems like such a warped way of thinking to me, but that is their view of women- incomplete without a man.

[xmas74]

41. I'll agree with that.

I have a child but am not married and am in my early 30's. When asked why (and it comes up often) I try to brush it aside. One woman actually wouldn't shut up about it until I blurted out "Well, he was an abusive SOB who shoved me out of a moving vehicle when I was about 10 weeks pregnant, knowing that I was pregnant w/ his child. Do you think I should have stayed?" Her answer was "Maybe it would have been better for your fatherless bastard. She needs a father and you need to be respectable".
Shocked doesn't describe it. She also insinuated that the only women who are beaten have a major character flaw and deserve it. Real nice there.

[HeeBGBz]

46. I believe I would have had to stick my foot up her ass

Sounds like a repuke to me.

[xmas74]

47. RR. She had her Bible w/ her at the time.

[HeeBGBz]

49. It figures

Judgemental and stupid, what else could she be?

[supernova]

6. You have to find happiness within yourself

it's not something someone can give you. If you're not a happy camper as a single person, getting married won't change anything.

Oh sure, they can momentarily make you happy with something they did: supper, a nice favor, etc...

But ultimate contentment with your lot in life rests with the individual.

[jus_the_facts]

8. NO...most definitely NOT..just livin' with someone for 14yrs.....

...taught me enough to know that it doesn't take bein' with someone else to be happy...quite the contrary in fact...you have to be happy with bein' your own individual self...too many women are taught they're not normal if they aren't married with children...and sooo many are fucked in the head by this *society standard* and then exaserbate the problems of society by passing along their destructive behaviors to their children by never realizing who they are or what they could have accomplished otherwise....besides ulimately you're all alone regardless of having someone else in your life or not...it's YOURSELF you have to depend on and I think that fact is lost on most people and why *dysfunction* is such a common term as of late.

[alarimer]

22. I think it is dangerous to rely too much on other people

for anything. People have a way of letting me down.

[stellanoir]

9. that would be entirely dependant upon

to whom one was to marry. duhhhh

[Kat45]

23. Exactly. n/t

[WindRavenX]

11. Marriage should not chance how a relationship functions

IMHO, all marriage does is provide a ceremony that symbolically announces that you will be together for the rest of your life.
It shouldn't change how you feel about your partner.

[Lady Effingbroke]

12. When I was in my 20s, I felt like I was under a lot of pressure to find

the "right guy", get married, and "settle down". Now that I am a little older, it seems like that pressure has disappeared, and I am quite content to stay by myself.

Another factor is that, if it ever happens, I would prefer to meet/date/marry/whatever a guy who has never had any kids and doesn't want any, and the older I get, the less likely that is to happen!

I am single, never married, no kids, don't want any kids.

[hyphenate]

36. I have "kids"--

the four legged and furry ones. They're more than enough work and more than enough to love and protect. :)

[REP]

48. You're Not Alone

You're not alone in not wanting kids. There's plenty of childfree men out there, wondering where the childfree women are! If you want one, you can find one.

I found mine 13 years ago. Still feel no need to marry.

[Misunderestimator]

15. Other... I would if I could only because I would take comfort in knowing

that my spouse would be provided for in the event of my death, much more so than if we remain unmarried.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

24. awww honey...kiss

[all.of.me]

16. if you aren't a happy person before you get married,

you won't be happier after you get married. happiness comes from within (what a cliche, but it's true!).

[mordarlar]

17. I was married. I LOVED it. He apparently did not. ; )

[SamanthaJones]

21. I'll get married when Hell freezes over

and even then, I'll have to think about it.

I find myself miserable when I'm in relationships and I like variety too much. I can't imagine myself chained to the same guy for the rest of my life or even 5 years.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

25. Single, never married, but I've been in relationships

and I much prefer that. Really. When I'm in a good relationship (emphasis on good), everything else goes more smoothly. With more of my emotional needs filled, I work more efficiently.

Relationships and marriage take work, but so does being single. You have one income, you have to do everything around the house yourself or hire someone, you have to work very hard to establish and maintain a network of friendships so as to avoid loneliness, you have to gather up a group if you want to go to some place that is habitually frequented by couples, and if you're sick, there's no one around to take care of you.

There are plenty of other single women around, but in order to feel that I haven't joined some sort of invisible convent, I do like to associate with intelligent, witty men. However, at my age, the choice seems to be between gay men and other women's husbands, and being too friendly with other women's husbands is a way to get one's self into trouble.

Most of all, I miss the day-to-day stuff: talking over what to do about this or that, doing chores together, cuddling on the couch in front of a movie, having dinner together. sharing private jokes.

My stepfather says that after his first wife died, the hardest part about being widowed, even though it hadn't been a good marriage, was coming home to an empty house.

I've been coming home to an empty house since 1995, and I've never gotten used to it. :-(

And yet, if some typical middle-aged Middle American suburban guy asked me to be his one and only, I'd tell him no. Most of them are neither intelligent nor witty, and being stuck with a stupid, boring man would be far worse than being alone.

[pink-o]

30. Right now, I'm loving my "Friend w/Benefits" :-)

...I was divorced from a guy who virtually changed overnight the day we got married. He chucked his career (that he'd sunk a ton of $$$ into via student loans) and started from Square One, expecting me to bring home all the money. In pursuit of his new career (photography) he met a girl in his class and immediately began an affair with her. I knew nothing, because I was working and going to school myself, and finally one of my neighbours told me because he caught him kissing her on my street. Even then, I wanted to work it out, we'd put a lot of effort into our relationship after all. But he was determined to leave, so there you go.

That was then--this is now. I told my 38-year-old manchild (I'm 50)that I couldn't invest more emotion in him because he's too irresponsible and a bad risk for anything other than some fun in and out of bed. And he knows his limitations, so he's cool with it (for now--there usually comes a point where one person wants to take this kind of relationship to the next level, but I'll cross the bridge when I come to it)

The point I make is that once women throw off the expectations of their parents and society, we're a lot happier. I feel I'm in a lot better position to judge whether I want a relationship because it's good for me, or it validates some old social tenant. So see--being old isn't all bad!!!

[fauxpolitico]

32. For me, marriage would be a victory.

It means society has come around and actually acknowledges same-sex marriages.

I love my life partner and no marriage will make me happier or sadder. It just means a turning point will have occurred in society.

[hyphenate]

33. It's very much of a man's vanity

to think that women can't get along without them. Personally, retaining a complete sense of independence, combined with the complete knowledge that you don't have to listen to anyone except your own self, is not only liberating, but ecstasy. ;)

On the other hand, there are some single women with low self-esteem who seem to feel that way as well. Those of us with greater confidence mostly feel sorry for them, and can't really understand their attitude.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

40. It's not a matter of low self-esteem for me

I think I'm plenty special, which is why I refused to settle for all the typical American guys (dull job, house in the suburbs, big income) that my relatives tried to pair me off with.

I understand that the feminist movement had to wean women of the idea that they were worthless without a male partner. I lived through those days as a college student and graduate student, and I welcomed the change in attitude. If you can believe it, the biggest women's event on my college campus was the spring bridal show until the feminist movement hit.

HOWEVER, the admirable notion that women can live fulfilling lives without a man has been twisted into the idea that any single woman who wishes she were paired is "weak" or "has low self-esteem." It's a new double standard.

Does anyone put down a man who wishes he had a ladyfriend? Or even to a lesbian who wishes she had a partner?

I don't think so.

I'm a heterosexual adult who is not a hermit, and I refuse to be ashamed of my natural human interest in being paired.

[Lilith Velkor]

42. Took the words right outa my keyboard

Thanks.

[tjdee]

34. No--but being in a long term, life relationship, yes.

I have never liked dating, and the idea of "settling down" is extremely attractive to me.

[skygazer]

37. No

I'm not married and I will not be married. I am, however, in a committed relationship and I'm very happy with it. No happier, however, than I was when I was alone but a different happy. I never felt like I was "missing" anything when alone, I enjoy my own company and am very secure in my self. But I love my guy and am also happy with him.

To me, marriage as it is practiced, has very little to do with love and affection. It has to do with money and property and custody of children. It is, essentially, a business contract. To my way of thinking, if I enter into a business contract, I want it to be of my own writing and not that of the State and since I have no religious feeling on the matter, that aspect is not applicable to me either.

I'm not with my guy because I want his social security when he dies or because I want my children to be "legitimate" (what a horrible term). I'm with him because I love him and I enjoy being with him.

I have been married in the past - twice, as a matter of fact. My views don't come about because of that - I held them prior to ever being married. The truth is, I was pressured into marrying both times. Both husbands felt like they were missing something in the relationship by NOT being married. :shrug:

[HeeBGBz]

38. I'd be happier if I could get laid

Other than that, I don't dare speculate. Tried marriage twice and wasn't all that freaking happy. I would like to find a decent companion to do things like go to concerts, movies, sit around and bs, and maybe someone to hug me when the fascism seems overbearing.

[Lilith Velkor]

44. All I want is a friend with benefits

Had a good one for a few years, but he left town. Most guys where I live are too uptight for that.

[HeeBGBz]

45. I live in repuke/fundieland

I don't want to go there. I have to live with myself after. LOL

[yvr girl]

43. I think happier is the wrong term

I'd like to get married. I think it would add something to my life. You can get a bit selfish when everything in your life revolves around yourself.

But you can't look to someone else to make you happy. No one can do that for you. It's wrong to expect it.