YES! I'm Not A Loser Anymore

[THUNDER HANDS]

She wrote back.

She said she feels retarded because she thought I wasn't interested in her. She said she was just acting nervous because she really liked me and wants to see me again soon.

Holy crap, actually brushing a girl off works!

So now, what do I do?

[LeftCoast]

1. Good Luck Magic Rat

I read of your travails on the other thread. My only advice is communicate. :)

Oh, and when are you going to put your cool sig pic back on? I liked the little wizard rat!

[SoCalDem]

2. GO.....S L O W

Get to know her... Becomoe friends..then lovers.. It works better that way..

[wtmusic]

3. No, here's what works...

If she's not immediately interested in you, you shower her with attention, cards, etc. etc., give it about a week--

Then cut it off cold turkey.

Never fails.

[Maddy McCall]

11. Of course, this was sarcasm

If not, this advice is JUST PLAIN STUPID.

[Tinoire]

23. What a silly, spiteful, juvenile thing to do!!! n/t

.

[supernova]

4. Boundaries and expectations

have a serious heart to heart about what both of you expect from here on. If it's mutual, or one of you feels differently from the other, then it will become more clear what to do.

Misunderstandings like that don't have to keep happening (you get to have new ones! :crazy:)

added: And do this face to face, not over email. And as SoCalDem says, Go slow. Believe it or not, if you really do care for each other sex will always be there!

edit: spelling.

[tjdee]

5. Be careful.

I still think she's a major game player.

But, since she's admitting that she really likes you, maybe there's hope, LOL. I'd make a date for as soon as possible, try to start fresh, and just have a good time.

[AnnabelLee]

6. I don't think it was the brushing off

If I read your other post correctly, you were actually respecting her wishes, as told to you previously by her. That always goes down well, believe me. Glad to see that you have ironed out the problem by communicating. Communication is arguably the most important part of a relationship.

[Moosenose]

7. Horizontal Mamba.....

but be SAFE!!!! No telling what germs she's carrying!!! ;-)

[catmandu57]

8. I came in late MR

but whether or not someone likes you doesn't make you a loser. Take your time, I did with the marshmallow woman now I couldn't chase her off with a stick. Good luck.

[maxanne]

9. RUN

anyone this manipulative should be avoided. Sorry Magic Rat, I truly don't mean to pee on your parade - but this woman sounds wrong to me.

[Maddy McCall]

10. IMHO, it seems as if both of you have some self-esteem issues

you need to work on. Seperately. You don't need a gf to be a "winner." And she doesn't need to feel retarded if she is an inexperienced, young person exploring sexuality.

You never said how old (ballpark) you two are...young adulthood can seem like a minefield through which to maneuver. Just don't let your self-esteem rest on another person's shoulders.

I mean no harm to you by this post :-)

[kimchi]

12. I didn't read the other thread,

but some seem to think this chick is manipulative. Sometimes it is hard to tell. Everyone plays games and puts on their best face when they meet someone. I think it may be biological and evolutionary, like showing your peacock feathers.

That said, if you go out for a while and she's still playing games, lose her. What do I know? I'm happily married and still playing games. (Oh yeah, baby-last night I was a french maid.)

And you are not a loser. I certainly enjoy your posts.

[Capn Sunshine]

13. WE WANT THE SIG LINE

I miss the rat too. Everybody does.

Now, as to the game playing recommendations; you need a basic course in female psychology my friend. Unless you think this is "THE ONE" at which time all game playing should cease/never exist in the first place, I concur with those who recommend aloofness. Drive women crazy that they can't work you. This is attractive to them. Why this works is one of life's mysteries. But note how you immediately got her to come around when you blew her off via email. I just discovered in this new profile I can't PM you or I would offer a bit more personal guidance. How many posts do I need I wonder.:)
:nuke:

[Maddy McCall]

15. you must date some REALLY immature women...

because I would never give you a second thought if you played *that* kind of game with me, nor would any self-respecting woman.


Magic Rat, this is exactly the kind of advice you DON'T need.

[Capn Sunshine]

17. Au contraire J

it is YOU that is in denial about the shallow superficality of a majority of women. You may feel enlightened all you wish, but if I started pushing your buttons regarding your self image you'd be amazed how easily manipulated you are. PLease note for the record I don't condone this; I begrudgingly accept this. It's not me who screwed with womens insecurities about image; its the giant cosmetic beauty hair industry that starts in on them when they are about five.

Also fo rthe recored, note that this sort of subterfuge is NOT necessary with an enlightened soul. Sadly, most people under the age of fourty don't really qualify for this.

Belive me J it's not immaturity that has women behaving this way. Talk to your sisters.

[Maddy McCall]

18. Oooo...poor you...victimized by the "beauty hair industry"...

so that you have to manipulate women into getting what you want. Poor pitiful you...a guy who can't approach women on his own merits...has been forced to "play a game" forced onto him by society.

No, my "sisters" would take you out with one sharp, crisp, scathing rejection, as would I.

It IS indeed immaturity, an aspect of which is insecurity. And I am in no sort of denial. Perhaps it is because I choose to surround myself with "sisters" who think more highly of themselves than to put up with the bullshit you proffer.



And, on edit, if at 50 years old you still feel compelled to play the games you suggested to MR, then truly I pity you.

[Tinoire]

24. What kind of women are these? Magic Rat - NO!

This is horrible advice. What sort of way is that to go through life?

I doubt Magic Rat blew her off in the e-mail. That's not what it sounded like to me. Sounds like he tried honesty and honesty works wonders.

Peace to you and to Magic Rat but that's really horrid advice. Aloofness isn't attractive at all. If anything, it's a real turn-off to intelligent women. At least for me and the ones I know.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

14. Quit trying to devolve this into some kind of cookbook

Are you interested in SEX or a relationship? If you are interested in sex, then you will get bit in the ass by her every move since you will be easily manipulated according to her every move. I

f you are interested in a relationship then there is just NO way to minimize the risk. Relationships are about getting to know each other and going from there. As you get to know her outside of your desires for certain actions, it will become apparent that she is either right for you or wrong for you.

Reading your posts, however, is like reading a MOOD SWING. I am not saying this to be mean, only to get you to read what you have written and to see if you see anything about yourself and your own volatility in the matter. She isn't weakening you, you are.

[molly]

16. Go for it - but with caution!

:toast:

[jonnyblitz]

19. Being single does not make one a loser....

Lotsa loser's with girlfriends/boyfriends out there too. But...good luck anyways! :hi: :thumbsup:

[qandnotq]

20. ummm

you've been out on 2 dates with her. of course there are some little games going on. it's part of dating in the early stages. it makes it more exciting and challenging. it's not going to go away. and you unwittingly made a good move in her little game. some people make it sound like she is some kind of evil manipulative bitch. she's just dating, not marrying. keep it in perspective.

so now you call her (not email) tomorrow and laugh it off and tell her that of course you would like to see her again. then, after at least 3 days wait, you give her another call with a specific invitation.

[TXlib]

21. My $0.02

First, read my reply in your first thread.

Holy crap, actually brushing a girl off works!

Don't start playing games. Proceed with open, direct, honest communication. When she offers you conflicting signals, ask her to clarify.

When going in for the first kiss, there's a fine line between spontaneity and respectfulness. I've heard, and experienced firsthand, that most women don't like to be verbally asked for permission to kiss them. It tends to kill the mood. If you're moving in, and she pulls back, that's a "No".

When I was dating I found the best way to ask permission was to proceed slowly, follow her lead, but take some initiative of my own, be very aware of her reactions, and ask her if what I'm doing feels good. If you're not a sociopath, you can figure out. By the time you get to heavy petting, and some removal of clothing, it's time to discuss how far she wants to go, and whether condoms are available, that sort of thing.

Now, for the other $0.01:

A lot of people summarily dismissed this woman as a tease, manipulative, or a bitch on the basis of your story. We have very little evidence to go on, and we;ve only seen your version of events. You know her better than we. As well-intentioned as their support may be in trying to dehumanise her for you, I would strongly caution against substituting our judgement for yours.

[Tinoire]

25. Best advice I've read yet. Ditto for me Magic Rat

Follow YOUR instincts. I see nothing wrong with this girl based on the little you've told us.

You just go out with her and have a good time. Be true to yourself and stay honest. Honesty in a man is the SEXIEST thing out there. No games- not unless all you want is a quick "wham bam thank you ma'am".

[MissMillie]

22. Well, it worked w/ THAT girl...

It wouldn't work w/ me.