I lost my friend last night - Democratic Underground

puerco-bellies

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Sun Mar-13-05 12:52 PM
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I lost my friend last night

She was beautiful, 38, and quite the princess. My friend passed over around 11:00pm PST after a very long struggle with AIDS. She was infected by a boyfriend in the mid-eighties who knew he had the virus and did not tell her. She was always so afraid of telling anyone of her condition because of what she had experienced in the past. She was infected before the Ryan White dust up and never forgot the isolation and paranoia that AIDS inspires in others, then and even today.

I first noticed her with mutual friends, she stood out because instead of that "pretty in punk" look that many women in my circle tend to emulate, she ALWAYS look like she had just stepped out of an Ann Taylor ad. I fell for her right off and asked her out 4-5 times with the same result (no). Finally I asked her to the opera and she said that she would go on one condition, I wear a coat and tie.

I was not the "guy" for her but we both loved each other and spent a great deal of time together during the last year and a half. We talked on the phone every day, and shared all our thoughts, hopes and fears.

Last Sunday, I took her to breakfast at the "Original Pancake House" in Mission Viejo, then shopping (her most favorite past-time) at Nordstrom’s and other department stores looking for a replacement to a Swarvorsky crystal figurine that broke when a curio shelf that I hung in her bedroom fell. We hung out watching t.v. till late Sunday night and I left not knowing that that would be the last time I saw her feeling well. We talked as usual Monday, and Tuesday nights, and she was fine. When I got home from work Wednesday she had left a message on my machine saying that she was in trouble and to come help her.

I am one of three people who have a key to her place for such emergencies. I drove from Torrance to Irvine as fast as I could to find an empty apartment. I used her phone to track her last calls and got a hold of her best girlfriend who told me which hospital she was in. When I got to her bedside she told me that in case she went into a coma she needed to tell me even though I pissed her off on occasion she really loved me. I stayed with her till very late and did not leave till they gave her a sedative. I went back Thursday and stayed till 2:am she was very uncomfortable. I called in sick Friday, and we almost lost her several times that day until she stabilized and I stayed with her till 2:am again. Yesterday I called first thing in the morning and her brother said she was stable and I took care of some business before heading for the hospital. Her room was empty and one of the nurses directed me to the I.C.U. I got there and our friends said that she was asking for me.

40 minutes before I got to the hospital she was demanding (a princess to the end) her cell phone to call me, but they don't allow cells to be used in I.C.U. Her family was trying to get my number from her cell to the wireless phone that is used in I.C.U. just has they gave her the last morphine push. Her brother told me she went out with the phone in her hand. When I got to her bedside she was breathing very shallowly, I told her that I was there and that I loved her with all my heart, and I would see here again. She tried to respond but could not form words or even open her eyes. I told her that she had fought the good fight, and it was o.k. to let go, that I loved her and would see her on the other side. I kissed her for the last time and left her with her family.

I am far richer for her friendship. In a short time she taught me so much about life, and living with dignity. There is a hole in my heart, but not in my soul.

Princess I love you, and I will see you again.
Dennis