Ask a Fishwife

[Ellen Forradalom]

Set aside your inhibitions and ask a vile-tempered battleaxe anything.

[CubsFan1982]

1. My SO doesn't like my friends. What should I do?

:D

[Ellen Forradalom]

4. Grab your SO by the collar,

your friend by the collar, and butt their heads together until they get over it.

[guinivere]

13. Fishwife gone fishing

I'll answer in as battle axey a fashion as I can.


Dear Cubs,
If you have a SO, you are not allowed to have friends. Not a single one. Tell those friends to get lost, SO is all you need.

[Ellen Forradalom]

15. Welcome to DU guinivere

Now go find your own turf, I'm trying to make a living selling fish and giving advice here. *SPLAT* :-)

[guinivere]

22. Aaah, fish splatter

so good for the complexion.

Thanks for the welcome, Ellen. :)

[Ellen Forradalom]

23. You see how well it's preserved my complexion

I'm 182 years old.

[democracyindanger]

2. Are you really married to a fish, and if so, fresh or salt water?

[Ellen Forradalom]

6. No, I smack my customers in the face with them.

*SPLAT*

[Dookus]

3. does this look infected to you? n/t

[Ellen Forradalom]

5. That's DISGUSTING!

Why the hell do you keep picking at your herpes lesions? You know it just spreads it!

[XNASA]

7. Do you have a subscription to .......

"Martha Stewart's Living"? And if you don't, when do you plan on getting one?

[Ellen Forradalom]

9. No, but I have a copy of

"Martha Stewart's Guide to Sally Relationships" and "Martha Stewart's Recipes for Ice-Pick Cakes."

If you bring me Mrs. XNASA's back issues of MSL, I'll wrap fish in them.

[short bus president]

8. are the crabs from the Bay side

really safe to eat?

[Ellen Forradalom]

11. No.

Crabs are easily cured these days. You should see a doctor before dating any more Bayside girls.

[short bus president]

14. dare I even ask about

shrimping on the shoals? ;-)

[Ellen Forradalom]

17. As long as you're not loaming in the gloaming

you should be okay. But stay away from my daughter or I'll smack you in the face with a fish.

[short bus president]

20. I'm floundering here...

you don't hafta get snapperish with me! I never had a ray of hope with yer daughter, anyway, but now I might go after her just for the halibut!

:P

[politicaholic]

10. Was it hubby that gave you that kinky whip cream halo? n/t

[Ellen Forradalom]

12. My husband's been dead for fifteen years, lost at sea

I wear tripe on my hair as a sign of mourning.

[CubsFan1982]

16. How's Queen Victoria?

Is she coming over for tea this afternoon? :D

[Ellen Forradalom]

18. Yes, with Kaiser Wilhelm.

No, ya flamin' idiot, she's dead as a doornail!

[CubsFan1982]

19. Follow-up question, if I may.

So is the corpse coming over for tea, then? :P

[Ellen Forradalom]

21. I'll send this fine octopus over to your house for tea

Now enough of you! Run along before I smack you in the face with a fish!

[Ellen Forradalom]

24. The Vile Tempered Fishwife is signing off now

So don't ask my anything more, or I'll smack you in the face with a fish.

[Bertha Venation]

25. Dear Fishwife: Where can I read about what your life was like?

Thank you.

[Ellen Forradalom]

27. I keep these in my pocket--have one

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

26. Dear Fishwife: What's better, surreal threads or geeky threads? (nt)

[Ellen Forradalom]

28. Neither.

Kernel-level threads are best. They take best advantage of multiprocessors. Now begone, lest I smack you in the face with a fish!

[NightTrain]

29. What's a "crabalocker fishwife?" The ex-Beatles aren't talking.

[Ellen Forradalom]

31. Boy, you've been a naughty girl

You let your knickers down. Now begone before I heave my crabalocker at your head!

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

30. What is the best psychedelic tune?

[Ellen Forradalom]

32. Anything by

[Technowitch]

33. Fishwife? Not a question, but a request--

Please don't visit my nightmares tonight.

Please?!!!

*looks at that picture staring out from the page again*

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!

*runs away screaming*