Random Acts of Senseless Kindness.

[Shadowen]

Who here has, when confronted by a situation that needed rectifying, done something good on the spur of the moment?

When approached by people asking for money to buy food, I buy them a meal. I haven't had cause to do it too many times--not that many people spare-changin' where I live--but every time, the person was incredibly grateful, giving me the warm fuzzies for at least half and hour. The graciosuness, I gather from some of my friends, is unusual; they have tried to skip the middleman, as it were, and gotten shoes thrown at them...

If I had any connections at all, I'd spend time with them over lunch, try to get to know them, see if I could find out what skills they had so I could help them find gainful employment. As it is, I'm unemployed myself, so I must resort to the "give a man a fish" half of the equation.

(I must thank Lynn Johnson, the amazing writer of For Better or for Worse, for giving me the idea.)

[phusion]

1. I once bought a man $8 in groceries...

Non-perishable stuff. He was an older man who had been asking for money for the last week or so on that corner. Probably in his 60s. He had the biggest smile on his face when I gave him the bag of stuff.

It was a wonderful feeling...made my week!

[TahitiNut]

2. It's much better when I don't talk about it.

So I don't. :shrug:

[Shadowen]

3. It isn't much more than patting oneself on the back, is it?

Still, something (things, actually) always niggled me about the "charity in private" thing. I realized what it was a while ago.

1) Conservatives, in particular conservative Christians, don't seem to obey this. Or, more often, they don't do charity at all.

2) Encouraging people to be quietly charitable seems almost like encouraging people to act like charity is something you should be ashamed of. Like, "Yeah, I'm gay, but I haven't told my parents, or they'll disown me" or "Yeah, I gave $500 to the SPCA, but I'm not gonna tell my buddies, or they'll call me a sissy"--you can do dirty things in private, just don't tell anyone about it.

I mean, it's one thing to wear a sign saying, "I'm a good person and I give money to sick impoverished homeless kids." It's another to tell people about the good feeling being charitable gives you.

[hickman1937]

4. That's how I was taught too.

If you tell, it's not kindness, just an ego boost. That said, sometimes I think we need to talk about these things because it's like sharing ideas. Sometimes I've only recognized an opportunity because I've heard of something someone else has done.

[TahitiNut]

6. Well, I don't mind 'sharing ideas' and talking about what others have done

Indeed, the (semi-)anonymous nature of the Internet tends to eliminate the chance that the 'real person' who calls himself TahitiNut would get a pat on the back. At the same time, I cringe inside whenever I find myself treading into the territory of announcing some 'good deed.' I question my own motives. I don't think myself immune from being prone to "human failings" - maybe more than some others. I dunno. Self-delusion and rationalization is something I'm every bit as vulnerable to as anyone else, I think. Even in doing the "navel-gazing" of internal "housekeeping" I can't be sure I'm not playing just another level of rationalization. It gets troublesome when I enjoy sharing some of the more exciting or fulfilling experiences I've been blessed with - since I wonder how much I'm doing 'approval sucking' as opposed to just hoping that some perspective I gained might be useful to another. Hell, I even agonized over posting that above. (It's a conundrum for me.)

All that said, I can at least draw the line at staying mute about whatever (not saying there are any, of course) 'random acts of kindness' I may have privately enjoyed performing. I'm sure I've smudged that line a lot, though.

[hickman1937]

10. If it might help someone, tell the story from a third person

point of view. I can't believe I just said that. Reading your post just pushed me to solve this problem for myself. Might not work for you, but I'm already seeing...did I mention that I'm half Irish?

[TahitiNut]

12. (lol!) The Plague of Introspection.

As a (purported) baby-boomer, I guess I'm symptomatic of the self-centered generation ... not to mention a heavy dose of Roman Catholic influence. (Is "Catholic Guilt" contagious?)

It's hard to tell a convincing story in the third person about an event nobody witnesses. I've heard stories about people who periodically put money into parking expired meters while they're taking a walk. I've heard stories about people who send "Your integrity is appreciated " flowers anonymously to people at the office. I've heard that there are ways of donating DU stars to people in ways that even Skinner doesn't know that it wasn't the person themself. I've heard of people paying the toll for the car behind them. There's a million stories in the Naked City. Maybe someday I might try one of these things... when I take time-out from my navel-gazing.
:silly:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

7. At the same time, I can't really say I'm acting selflessly...

because it feels so good to be able to help someone that way. I wish everybody could know how wonderful it feels to give a damn about someone when it's not the most convenient time to do so. So I don't mind telling...

[TahitiNut]

13. Well, that's probably why "virtue is its own reward"

I think we're supposed to feel good about some things. :-) Me? I guess I wouldn't know. :silly:

[Dave Reynolds]

5. My wife and I

saw a young lady by a disabled vehicle on an off-ramp. It was quite late at night. We asked her if she needed help, she asked for a ride to the nearby gas station as her car ran out. We took her and offered her a ride back to her car with the gas can. She came out of the station without a can and told us they didn't have a loaner gas can, she had to buy one. She didn't have enough money.

I bought her the gas can and filled it for her.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

8. Here's a funny one for you...

Several years ago, I was driving to a gig in DC through a not-so-great part of town. I saw a young woman walking along with a suitcase, looking rather nervously around. I thought she must've been lost, so I asked her if she needed a lift.

She thanked me and got in the car; and my god...the odor was horrific. She wreaked of cigarettes, sweat, and sex. Then she told me she really appreciated me picking her up, because some woman had chased her off "her" corner the other day, threatening to beat her up!

As I dropped her off at Logan Circle, she asked if I was sure she couldn't help me in any way. My sides were about to split apart from holding in the laughter. I just said, "No thank you, dear. Good luck." and smiled.

[hickman1937]

11. At least she offered to pay, in her own way. Must have been a

democrat, a puke would have jumped out and said "sucker!"

[GoddessOfGuinness]

14. No, a puke would have accused me of doing something unspeakable

just to keep another Democratic voter out of the booths.

[orleans]

9. i went to the grocery store today. on my way into the store

there was a woman who had just finished loading her groceries into her car. she began to turn around with the cart, trying to decide where to put it. i was passing her and said: "here, can i take that for you?" she hesitated, uncertain of my motivation, and then said: "sure. thank you." "no problem," i told her, and headed into the store with her shopping cart.

does that count as kindness?

i believe it at least counts as a "random act" or perhaps more to the point: "a spontaneous act"