Help me get rid of these people

[Tsiyu]

I am really feeling like an evil bitch right now, but I am so freaking tired of college aged kids hanging out at the house every single night.

I'm usually pretty damned tolerant, but a woman needs a bit of quiet time every once in a while. But its spring break, kids home from college, friends home from college. AAAARRRGGGHHHHHH!

Should I borrow a loopy caftan and Medusa my hair and start chanting Voodoo Rap? I mean, these people are eating all the pizza and drinking everything in sight and they've taken over the TV and I can't help sitting here thinking if I belt out "Love has No Pride" they'll be out there secretly laughing at me as they blow away Mysterio.

Help. Me.

[jdj]

1. no, honey, all you need is a bible.

start talking about promise rings and shit, and handing them out. soon it will be deathly quiet.

[Tsiyu]

2. Oooh....the biblical approach

"I proclaim that Spiderman is of THE DEVIL!!!!!Out of my house, vile video game!!!!!!!"

But they handed them out the Spring Break Survival kit at college, complete with condoms and safe sex info and a lollipop that says, "Don't be a sucker, watch your drink!"

I bet they'd think that would protect them from Godly wrath.....

[Dookus]

3. aww...

you'll miss it in a few years, when your kids don't hang at home.

[Tsiyu]

6. Well, there are a sixteen-year-old and an eleven-year-old

waiting on deck. And i do love having them around. they crack me up. it's just that every single night ...aaahhhhhhh......

But my son did bring home some fancy chocolate so I am eating that and ignoring the sounds of death and destruction issuing forth from the living room...and plotting my revenge....

[Mabus]

4. My sister has a remedy

She used to get rid of relatives by telling them she felt a menopausal hot flash coming on. She would start fanning her face and complaining (the tv's too loud, the light is bothering her eyes, the house is messy). After a couple of minutes the eyes would roll and suggestions of where to go started cropping up. When she started in on the physical complaints ("my knees hurt, can you go get me my book? No. Not that one.") she could clear a room in seconds. When they (her sons and half a dozen of their friends) left we regained control of the living room and got the leftover pizza.

They're on to her now but it worked for a while. It was a great ploy. She used Cher's "Laverne" character as her role model.

[Tsiyu]

7. Now that is great, Mabus

One of my friends recently confessed that when he was young, he thought a hot flash meant a woman was extremely horny. Ha! That would scare em off, believe me!

I used to mop the floors with straight vinegar when the kids were little, but I haven't had to buy a bottle in a while. That'll keep them off the freshly mopped floor for hours.

Now, i must "glaze " my face so I can do a convincing hot flash.....

[Mabus]

9. Let me know how it turns out

Just the look in my nephews' eyes the first time she announced a "hot flash" coming on. They could have died of embarrassment right then and there.

[Mabus]

11. Or you try my mom's trick

Whenever she wanted us out of the house she would do a few things:

bring out her curlers and start to do her hair;
want to have that talk about (sex, relationships, school, etc.), a real heart-to-heart with everyone in the room, you know, a touchy-feely session. It was like we were on Dr. Phil;
start to comment on the television show, usually, "back in my day, they wouldn't have shown that on tv. Did you know there was a time when television couples had separate beds?" When video games started becoming popular she would either complain about the "flashes" (they made her dizzy/woozy) or we'd get the "back in my day all we had were Sears catalogs...."
or the worst one, "Did you know when Mabus was a baby..." followed by the story sure to embarrass.

Sis learned the "hot flash" routine from mom.

LOL on the "hot flash" = "horny" I remember "hot flashes" from Edith Bunker's experiences. She'd be mean & aggressive and then walk in the kitchen only to return a couple of seconds later singing.

[Tsiyu]

15. I forgot about "Edit." LOL that show was a hoot.

I've always been pretty open about discussing sexuality with the kids. We have some interesting conversations around here, so they probably wouldn't run away on the sex issue. But embarrassing the youth with tales of their childhoods.....hmmmmmmmm.....there's a good one, Mabus....

[Mabus]

18. My favorite is "The Picture"

We refer to it as "The Picture" because it got used more than anything else. It is a picture of one of my older brother with his Sunday clothes on. The pants are pulled up so high they're almost under his armpits. He's got this big contorted smile on his face and he's holding up a six oz. bottle of 7-Up. He's also got this big round urine spot on the front of his pants. My dad was having trouble with a new camera. He insisted that my brother hold the pose until he got a picture of it. My brother had to pee but was too scared to say anything that might upset our already frustrated dad. He finally couldn't hold it any longer and peed in his pants while my dad was taking the picture. For some odd reason my brother hates that picture.

Anyway, he was the one who was always commandeering the house/living room with his friends when he was home from school on break (mostly because we just got one of those new fangled microwave antennas installed on the house so we could get HBO - this was mid-70's). If mom didn't pull "The Picture" out you could bet one of us other kids would. Every girlfriend he brought home ended up seeing that picture within minutes of departing the car. It's amazing he hasn't turned serial killer and that he finally got married.

[Tsiyu]

22. That is so damned funny

poor thing!

The boys are all at a show tonight, so antigone382 and I have a girl's night in. FINALLY!!!!!!I hope the guys spend the night at another mom's house and torment her for a while.....:evilgrin:

We gals are DUing and eating and watching the dozen new chickens we just brought home. And we're about to drink some of that homemade wine.... yeah for a testosterone-free( except for one of the dogs and maybe a couple of the chicks) house!!!!!

[mondo joe]

5. My method to get out of parties I wanna' leave: turn the heat all the way

and when it gets too hot everyone starts to leave and I slip out.

This might help you.

[Tsiyu]

8. Hell no, not these wuss boys

It's supposed to start snowing soon. If I crank up the heat, they'll just hunker down and never depart into that cold, cruel, foggy world out there.

But nice to remember in summer!:evilgrin:

[Robeson]

10. More background...please....

...why do you have college kids hanging around your house?

[Tsiyu]

13. My singlewide resembles a Gingerbread Video Game Store

They wander in, unsuspecting, then I hack them to bits and bury them behind the horse pen.

Uh, not really, though. I have two 19-year-olds and one 20-year-old at home. Two are in college. They are in plays and are politically active, one is in a heavy metal band, so we have friends, bandmates, etc. who visit often. I am the "cool" mom. They feel free to hang out here.

The problem is, it's EVERY NIGHT.

[orleans]

12. go talk to them. take over the t.v. and tell them there are some

really funny parts of movies you want them to see.

start with "when harry met sally" and then you can move on to other meg ryan movies, then streisand. put in the rocky horror picture show and start doing lines of dialog (talking back to the screen)

are these college types your son/daughter's friends? bring out the old family photo album and show them childhood pics of the fam.

are these guys your roommates friends? tell them you want to have a seance--everyone has to sit in a circle, hold hands & concentrate really hard. (you're trying to talk to your dead grandmother)

are these college people your friends? if they are then just tell them all to get lost.

[Tsiyu]

16. "okay guys. It's 'CHICK MOVIE TIME"

Yes, orleans. I could start with 'The Color Purple." Then we'll move up to 'Mona Lisa Smile,' all my ( pant, pant) Hugh Grant movies and end with 'the Secret Garden.'


they'd love the Rocky horror Picture Show too much, I bet, since I told them all about "the day" when we would dress up and load up on toilet paper to go see it once a month.


But thanks for the ideas.

[datasuspect]

14. "OUT! OUT! OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

screaming and throwing shit usually will help you get your intended effect.

[Tsiyu]

17. The Psycho Mama Method

Will my homeowners' cover injuries to guests due to flying debris? I do need to clean out the fridge, Black, slimy, moldy stuff could do the trick.....

[gfr4656]

19. turn on c-span. works every time.

[Tsiyu]

23. We don't have cable

drat....

[CO Liberal]

20. Buy a Yanni or John Tesh CD and a Set of Earplugs

Put in the ear plugs, play the CD on high volume and watch the college kids scatter.

:-)

[Tsiyu]

24. I don't have any Tesh or Yanni

but you've given me a great idea for next time. Some Gypsy Kings or *horrors* Dave Matthews!

I love you guys.

[bleedingheart]

21. Tell them you have chores for them to do...

[Tsiyu]

25. That used to work when they were younger

But they have usually done chores all day ( mine) and my son is just getting off work late at night, so it's hard now that they financially contribute as well.

I caught a break tonight. Amazing, the universe heard my pleas for justice.