Stupid Things Women Do On The First Date

[Merrick]

Here's one a coworker told me another female coworker did recently:

She goes out on a date with a guy and after dinner offers to pay the bill. He doesn't forcefully object, she pays, silently fumes and quietly resolves never to go out with him again. I said he should consider himself lucky.

So I guess that would fall under the category of "Manipulative Tests/Games".

[steve2470]

1. This is easy. Talk for an hour straight. True story nt

[Name removed]

36. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[steve2470]

54. I'm sorry, I really didn't understand your point :-) nt

[Aiptasia]

2. Sounds about right...

I, for one being male, don't fully understand the mental landmines my girlfriends have pulled in the past until way after the fact, and the damage has been done.

I agree, he's lucky. If she's pissy about paying for a meal, she's about as deep as a cat dish.

[aden_nak]

3. If I were that guy, I'd be thrilled.

Because I wouldn't want to date anyone that played those stupid kinds of games. Sounds to me like she wanted to PRETEND to be modern, but still get a free dinner (no offense to the genuine articles out there!).

The worst (and most common) one I have experienced is the Date As Therapy Session syndrome. Where you meet the girl, go somewhere, and she essentially treats the entire date as an oppertunity to air her grievances with the rest of the world. And I'm not talking about just discussing likes and dislikes. . . nor am I talking about just general bitching and complaining. I literally mean Date As Therapy.

Anyone else run into this?

[steve2470]

4. um yeah, way too often nt

[LoZoccolo]

15. Yeah, she gave him an early out.

I'd like to find out about this kind of game-playing sooner rather than later!

The therapy thing is, I would guess, a testing of your tolerance for working around all her gripes for her. Next!

[kcwayne]

16. Oh yeah

It wasn't the first date, it was about after 5. She came by my house and left a note on my windshield that was purportedly to a friend. It was in an envelope addressed to me, but the note in side was "the wrong one". It went into gory detail about the psychological problems she was having and how my inability to tell her I loved her and commit my life to her was a major source of depression to the point she was thinking about suicide.

This woman knew me for all of 3 weeks, and I am thinking, "Spare me, I ain't no Clint Eastwood, but here I am stuck in 'Play Misty for Me'".

[northzax]

5. wearing a skirt below the knee

c'mon now, show some skin!

[aden_nak]

7. Uh oh. . . *quickly sprays northzax with flame-retardant foam*

[kcwayne]

6. Tell you she is looking for a husband

When I was in college I went out with a girl and was asking her about what she was studying, and why did she select that major.

She said she did not care about the studies, she just came to the university to find a husband. This was at the University of Texas in 1973. I was from the midwest, which was not a hotbed in the feminist movement, but I thought, "Holy shit, is this 1947 here, or what?"

I have no clue whether she accomplished her mission. I never saw or talked to her again.

[aden_nak]

10. Translated: I don't want an education, just someone to pay for me forever.

[merh]

67. Oh, going for that good old "MRS Degree" in Pre-Wed!

:silly:

[tridim]

11. Was her name Laura Welch?

[kcwayne]

18. No, but she was the prototype

[Tyrone Slothrop]

20. I had a similar situation in 1994

I was a freshman in college and went out on a first date with my friend's girlfriend's friend.

We went to a movie which was fine and went to get some dinner afterwards.

Basically, the entire conversation revolved around her telling me what a great wife and mother she would be. And it was not disguised as such. She came right out said just that.

I was shocked. We were both approximately 18/19, first date, 1994/95, and she was trying to sell herself based on her domestic abilities and qualities.

Needless to say, there were no future dates.

[MissMillie]

51. Personally, I don't see anything wrong w/ that

From my perspective, it's about being up-front about what you want.

I'm 40 years old, and I've reached the point in my life where I don't want to waste any time on anybody that isn't looking for life-long commitment.

I may not be the one a man is looking for, but if he's not looking for someone, I can't be bothered to give him my time.

I've already given years of my time to men who were just "not ready".

[aden_nak]

56. I think it's more accepted and common when you're past your 20s.

I know I would be a little put off by that, but I'm still IN my 20s (and the only women I have dated that were older than me made it clear that they didn't want to get married). I also think it depends on how the subject is brought up. There's a difference between, "Sure, I want to get married when I find the right person," and, "I'm gonna' rope me a MAN!" ;)

And it's not a fear-of-committment thing, either. I had a guy friend that wanted to find someone to "settle down with", but he said he stayed away from girls that mentioned it on the first date (again, he was in his late 20s). Basically, his reasoning was that any girl at his age that mentioned it RIGHT AWAY was probably going to rush into things, or be deceptive about the relationship because she wants to get married.

I've been there. But again, the age thing makes a difference, I think.

[kcwayne]

60. Your point is well taken

but there is a difference between telling someone you are serious about focusing on long term relationships and saying, "I don't have any personal aspirations, I want a husband."

And from the male side of the fence, it is intimidating to have the proposition put forward on the first date "are you prepared to give me half or more of everything you own, and are your prepared to make a complete emotional commitment?". If you say yes, then you are immediately invested in something that will be more difficult to walk away from without losing face ("I thought you were interested in a LONG TERM relationship?"). It is easier to make that decision after you have spent enough time to at least get some basic idea of what the other person is like...

Putting up a filter will definitely clip out the pure good time seekers. The filter could be a little strong though, and clip out serious people that are uncomfortable making snap decisions. But I understand fully where you are coming from.

[MissMillie]

61. I see your side as well

My thought wasn't that I expect anyone to commit to ME right off the bat, but to know that the guy is looking for someone to commit to.

I'm perfectly willing to accept that I may not be someone's cup of tea, but I don't want to find out after a year or so that they're "not ready" or "not looking for commitment".

(Can you tell I've been burned by this one... more than once?)

[RagingInMiami]

8. Start talking about the perfect honeymoon

[sniffa]

9. says, "do you have a personaL reLationship with jesus christ?"

or, "are you ready for the coming of jehovah?"

[Akoto]

13. LOL

Yeah, bro, that would be a deal-breaker. :D

[NewJeffCT]

48. that happened to a friend of mine in an odd way...

This guy met this gorgeous, but wild, woman when he was involved with another woman. So, he didn't date her or anything, even though she seemed very interested in my friend.

A few years later, he ran into the same woman at a random ATM halfway across Connecticut from where they both lived. So, he's there almost thanking his lucky stars to find the woman again. They strike up a conversation and turns out she is now some born again fundamentalist who has sworn off her wild past.

[ET Awful]

12. Says "no" :) n/t

[Bunny]

14. Did the guy ask her out? If so, what was she doing offering to pay?

I think it's generally understood that the asker is footing the bill, at least in the very early stages. Why would she even make the offer?

Having said that, if he did indeed ask her out, why did he agree to let her pay? I probably wouldn't have offered to pay on the first date, but if I did offer, AND he took me up on it, I'd probably scratch him off the list too. Offering to help pay the bill would be only a formality, a courtesy if you will. He should have insisted on paying the bill himself.

It sounds strange to me.

[Merrick]

22. Yeah, I don't know who asked who out on the date, but

Its still a crappy, manipulative game to pull. basically the whole issue of bill paying and the gravity people put on it is just a huge source of annoyance to me in the first place - its one of my pet peeves as it suggests a shallow preoccupation with money (assuming neither parties are indigent). since I was like 10 I remember being severely irritated in such situations when my parents would have these fake, petty squables with relatives and friends when the bill would come and I'd just want to bang the table and shout "Somebody just pay the thing or split it or whatever but for Christ sake shut the fuck up!"

[Bunny]

44. Yeah, I know what you mean. I hate when groups go out and then

"fight" over the check. Either everyone tries to pay it, or they bicker over who had the $9.99 special and who ordered the $10.99 special!

The etiquette rules are pretty clear on dates though. Unless it's the consensus that the bill will be split, the asker pays. The askee should understand this, but in the event they don't, and offer to pay, the asker must very firmly say no.

So the girl in your scenario was "wrong" to offer to pay, but I would contend that the guy was even more wrong to let her do it. Her offer may have just been misguided, rather than manipulative.

Boy, am I glad I'm out of the dating scene, at least for the foreseeable future!

[Jokerman]

17. Window shop for wedding dresses.

She couldn't even walk past a bridal shop without gawking at the dresses and pointing out which one she wanted to wear in case this relationship "went somewhere".

[BurtWorm]

19. Why do women still, in this day and age, expect the man to pay

for the whole date? Why is that considered "romantic?" I don't get that.

[Worst Username Ever]

21. It is the chivalry thing.

Goes along with opening doors, pulling out the chair, etc. Evidently paying for the date falls along with that. Personally, as I posted in the other thread, I think double standards are ridiculous, regardless of which sex receives the benefit.

That being said, I always pick up the tab/open doors/pull out chairs :P

[BurtWorm]

24. I always let the woman pay.

I wound up married anyhow. ;)

[Worst Username Ever]

26. Lol

I'm engaged... After our first few dates I started taking her up on her offer to take me out. Glad I did, she still takes me out on a date now and then :-)

[Tyrone Slothrop]

31. I don't think it's as much "romantic" as it is fodder for the post-date

conversation with all of her friends.

I've witnessed this firsthand with my ex-GF and her friends when one of them would have a first date. There was a detailed discussion about how everything "went" with analysis of possible character defects, etc. One of the first questions is always about who paid and how and what transpired around that.

I think it's more about social status amongst their peers than anything else.

[BurtWorm]

33. Bitter?

;)

I tried not to go out with women like that, and boy did I succeed! Only once did a date of mine get all weird over the tab, and it was a blind date I was coaxed into going on. I thought we had nothing in common during the dinner, but then I found out we had even less in common!

[radwriter0555]

64. Because when a man is interested in a woman, he WANTS to pay to 'prove'

that he is able and willing to woo a woman to whom he is attracted.

The cave man gals only wanted to mate with men who would be able to protect and feed their family and young. They were the ones who would produce the best progeny capable of furthering the best of the species.

We aren't much evolved from that, after all.

[BurtWorm]

65. Of course.

It's not just women who have that expectation. I know that's true!

[Worst Username Ever]

23. Asks how much money I make n/t

[Radical Activist]

40. If I'm ever a millionaire

I will still refuse to go out with any woman who asks me that. Of course, if I'm ever a millionaire I'll have all the more reason to avoid gold diggers.

[NewJeffCT]

63. Not long after my divorce was final...

We had always struggled to make ends meet financially... well, I struggled to make things ends while my ex-wife spent money like George W. Bush... We were great before marriage and then during the divorce process. It's just that marriage was a disaster.

But, not long after the divorce was final, we spoke briefly on the phone. She knew I wasn't happy at my job I had while we were married (a ton of long hours) and I told her that I had just gotten a new one. "Congratulations" wasn't the first thing out of her mouth, it was "how much money does your new job pay?" and I could practically hear the adding machine in her head trying to calculate how much more she could now spend before I was completely broke.

Luckily, she had run up so much debt that the state didn't burden me with any alimony on top of the 2nd mortgage I had to take out & the pile of credit card bills.

[fit4life]

25. Use too many four-letter words.

Can't, won't, don't, stop...

[Merrick]

27. Talk about their cats ad nauseum

No offense to the female cat lovers here (and I know there are quite a few judging from the number of "Cute Kitty Photo" threads) but no man wants to hear about said "Cute Kitty" and all the adorable things he does with his tail, your houseplants, shadows on the floor, etc. for an eternity while on a date.

[MsAnthropy]

28. Sleep with him on the first date

Never worth it--learned by experience

[aden_nak]

34. I had a few good ones that started that way!

In one case, though, I already knew the girl, so we were familiar with each other. And in another case, SHE as the one that got weirded out afterwards. I was completely happy with the concept of sleeping with her again. :P

[MsAnthropy]

45. It must be something in my technique

that they never come back again! :-)

[LoZoccolo]

35. I know this girl who met a guy at a club...

...and went back to his place and slept with him. This is not a strange occurrance at all. The unusual part to this story is that she expected to be there for a short enough time that she parked outside with her hazards on and didn't get towed.

[MsAnthropy]

42. LOL! I love it! No use paying for parking if it's a short trip.

[Radical Activist]

50. I don't think most men will complain about that

It sure can be a big issue with women though. She might worry about whether she will be respected, if he only wants her for sex etc. ugh

[NewJeffCT]

52. agreed

If a woman agrees to sleep with a guy on a first date, most guys are silently screaming "YES" and pumping their fist in their minds... or, if that happens on the 2nd date or the 3rd, or the...

[flvegan]

29. Hit on/whistle at/grab the ass of/drool over another guy.

No, didn't happen to me, but I've heard stories.

[Debi]

30. The end to manipulative games....

Okay not a first date story, but I commented to my hubby that the outfit I had on made me look fat, he being the wonderful guy he is said "No it doesn't". I was being moody so I said "You always argue with me". He replied, "Fine, you've got a fat ass". End of conversation for a VERY LONG TIME....:P

[aden_nak]

32. See, no woman has EVER liked the response to that question.

And no man has ever enjoyed having to fumble through one. That long pause that we always leave before blurting out the wrong answer, incidentally, is us hoping that at the last moment, a cement truck will come crashing in through the living room, and allow us to escape the situation entirely.

[LoZoccolo]

37. My tack: steer right into it.

Say whatever you want to say, but be sure when it blows up that you're the one complaining the most severely and getting the most offended.

[aden_nak]

39. That's about all you can do.

Although my new strategy is to never again date a woman who would ask that kind of question. I was going out with someone who used to ask me that kind of shit all the time, either looking for a compliment that she would then specificly accuse me of lying about, or just to start an argument. One night I snapped and replied:

"You know, I don't care. I'm going to go back to my dorm and play video games now, because it's way more interesting that this conversation."

Biggest. Eyes. Ever.

[LoZoccolo]

41. Ha, you done good!

:yourock:

[aden_nak]

43. The weird part is that we DIDN'T break up after that.

Though we did break up months afterwards. Yeay!

[Debi]

47. In my defense

And not a very good one, I was commenting that I felt I looked fat. His agreement was actually verification of my feelings.

But I've come to the conclusion that I don't want verification of THAT feeling :silly: anymore!!!

[cally]

66. One of my favorite Du posts ever

was when a male DUer said that he didn't understand women. He told his gf her ass looked big in that outfit, she got pissed, and he wondered what the problem was. I don't remember the posters name but I think we often see things differently. It may have been a compliment.

[Debi]

68. Cuz who doesn't like a big ole booty?

:bounce:

[SOteric]

38. I don't have a problem paying or reciprocating in some

way with a home cooked dinner down the line.

But, I can see a host of possibilities in this scenario that cause me to observe that we weren't there and we don't know what happened.

For all we know, maybe the check was put on the end of the table and he sat there like a bump on a log for 20 minutes until she wondered aloud if he was hoping she'd pick up the check.

When it comes to dating and all the emotions and vulnerability it engenders, perspective is everything.

[Merrick]

46. Here's a good one that happened to me

On the way to dinner she gestured out the window and said: "My friends and I used to smoke speed behind that McDonalds."

I remember feeling "Really tired" half way through that one and never went out with her again.

[two gun sid]

55. ROFLMAO n/t

[aden_nak]

58. Tip: Always set the alarm on your phone to go off mid-date.

If you want to get the hell out of there, answer it as if you have a call, and then say your Crazy Aunt Esther is wandering around the airport and screaming at the security guards, so you have to go pick her up from custody. Then go home.

[CanuckAmok]

49. Get really wasted and make-out with a stripper.

Oh, no...wait, that was really cool, actually.

[aden_nak]

59. Pics, please.

[Radical Activist]

53. Say she's proud George Bush is our President because

some good could still come out of Iraq even if it was started for the wrong reasons. She was an old friend that I hadn't seen in a long time and we decided to go out on a date. I won't be calling her again.

[taught_me_patience]

57. There are several I've had happen to me

1) Not at least offer to pay (I'll pay anyway)
2) Talk about "Jesus"
3) Admit to being a virgin (ie. you aint getting any)
4) Talk about "drinking" with her "sorority"
5) I had one girl tell me the movie "American Beauty" sucked.
6) Bitch and whine the whole time (we were hiking)
7) Sleep with you on the first date (there has to be some intrigue)
8) Talk incessantly about her ex
9) Admit she's seeing more than 1 guy (at least hide it)


taught.

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

62. Pretty much everything I do on a first date

Nobody follow my example