My sister, an adulterous tramp, has no shame.

[IdaBriggs]

I'm basically okay with it, but I'm in a "shake my head at the stupidity" moment, so I thought I'd share.

She decided to end her (second) marriage, and had him served with papers around Thanksgiving. I'm not going to cry over it; he's a loser, too, but frankly no different than he was when she married him six years ago -- no ambition, likes marijuana, and frankly, kind of lazy. I know some of their problems had to do with different parenting styles, and I'm not going to pretend the ending was a surprise. Their marriage is their business, and I respect that.

HOWEVER, there are six kids involved -- four from his previous life, one from hers (who he adopted), and the youngest they had together. I'm not sure if her new "boyfriend" was around before her husband was served (again, around Thanksgiving), but he's been spending the night since (at least) mid-January (that's less than six weeks since she had hubby served) and is introduced to everyone as "her boyfriend." The new guy is at her home pretty much all of the time, and has been given authority over her children. (She has made no attempt to stay in contact with the four step-children; my husband and I are the only ones who got them Christmas presents this year!)

My parents have welcomed him into their home with open arms, and a brief conversation with my mother this morning was what told me that *I* am considered "the strange one" because a) I don't approve of adultery, b) paraded in front of her children, c) paraded in front of our parents, d) paraded in front of ME and e) I'm not interested in socializing with her and the flavor of the week while she's still married. I am officially a judgmental bitch, and I'm okay with that. (No, I'm not running around shoving everyone's nose into my opinion, but I'm not talking to these two either, and this is is just ONE of the reasons for the deafening silence when we run into each other at my parents' house.)

How do I know this stuff, that really doesn't impact me or my life? Well, my thirteen year old niece, and my six year old nephew talk about it with me. Originally, it was obvious that it was having a negative impact on them because they were both upset and wanted "daddy" home; now the thirteen old is hanging all over the New Guy, while the six year old is developing some "behavioral problems" because he ignores the commands / instructions / whatever New Guy says to "correct his behavior...."

Obviously, I'm not saying anything bad to the kids; I make the appropriate supportive noises, and say obvious stuff like, "I know your mother loves you; maybe you should talk to her about this," which we all know isn't going to do any good. I'm very worried about the niece at the moment, since her mother's latest marriage is the longest she's had a "stable" male figure in her life, and its starting to show as she enters into adolescence. Did I mention her adoptive father doesn't want to pay child support on her because she isn't his "real kid" and he's made a point of saying it TO THE CHILD'S FACE?

I just want to smack these people. My dead drug-dealing sister left us a teenage heroin junkie to deal with, and now Idiot Woman doesn't seem to get that her sexual hijinks may impact her children's views of adult relationships. I'm NOT going to talk with her about this, so I'll just come here and rant for a bit --

ARGH!!!!!

[WI_DEM]

1. I think it was just good for you to rant

and I hope you feel better now. Other than that I have no judgements to make one way or the other.

[IdaBriggs]

2. Thanks. Its an amazingly AWKWARD situation, and I can't believe

we're actually having to deal with it. I think my niece is going to be pretty screwed up...:(

[Bridget Burke]

3. Keep a discreet eye on the kids, please.

Especially on the confused teenage girl who's "hanging all over" her mom's boyfriend.

[IdaBriggs]

9. Definitely! I'm worried about her.

She told Grandma (my mom) that it wasn't that big of a deal that her mother was getting divorced. In an incredibly nonchalant way, the (then twelve year old) explained her mother was going to get divorced, have a bunch of boyfriends, live with some guys, break up with them, then get married, before she got divorced and started the whole thing all over again. Sadly enough, this *is* what she has grown up with...sigh...

[ronnykmarshall]

4. and they say us gays are a threat to marriage!

Rant on, sister woman! You are 100% on this.

I got some of my own.

My step-mom has this one friend that was living with her (not romantic) for a while. He really helped her with her grief over my dad's death. A good friend to have around and pal around with. More like a big kid.

He was three great kids from his first wife. From what I've heard he doesn't provide much in $$$ support. But his kids are just great.

He met this woman and starts dating her. She has a son from her first marriage that is bi-polar and for some reason her ex husband (who is a pot head) has custody of. They got married (which my step-mom helped them pay for and my hubby and I busted our butts running all over town to help my step-mom) in mid 2003. Lived with my step-mom for a while then got their own place. Even right up to the wedding, they were fighting. She just had an adorable baby and now they are already split up, he's back at my step-moms house and she's living with her cousin and they are filing for divorce.

Yeah, my partner and I don't respect marriage! :grr:

[IdaBriggs]

10. Sounds like some of my family soap opera!

I swear, if people had to pass a common sense test before they were allowed to reproduce, the human race would die out in a generation! I grumble right back with you!!! :)

[hickman1937]

5. I got news for your BIL,

If he legally adopted the girl, he pays, at least here in Mich. I'm sorry this is happening in your family. Sounds like a bunch of 12yr olds playing house. Unfortunatly they've taken hostages. I hate to say it Ida, but I'll bet, in a few years, you'll be expected to help clean up the mess.

[IdaBriggs]

11. You are completely correct about the child support --

and he isn't happy about it. In fact, he's being a downright *ssh*l* about it with my niece. :( Of course, my sister isn't making things any easier with her attitude; on a black humor note, it turns out he's been driving around for the last few years with no driver's license because of a DUI -- and she turned him at their last court date! (Yes, she knew about it while he was doing it, but she never needed it as a weapon before, so...) I think your "12 year olds playing house" is one of the most apt descriptions I have EVER heard -- and they have DEFINITELY taken hostage.

[redqueen]

6. Aww Ida, I'm so sorry.

:pals:

Please be your neice's 'cool aunt' and stay in her life as much as possible. Perhaps you can be the role model her mother isn't.

[IdaBriggs]

12. We'll do our best; she's always been one of the favorites!

She was born the day my husband and I had our "first kiss" -- in fact, my parents showing up unexpectedly to share the good news of her birth while I was messing around for the first time with now-my-beloved husband, is still up there in the "most embarrassing moments ever" category! :)

[bleedingheart]

7. some people never grow up or mature

they conduct their live according to their wants and they ignore the consequences of their actions....

I had a cousin who had an adulterous affair with a married man. She got pregnant, stalked the guy and carried on like a lunatic. He actually left his wife for a period but then couldn't handle my cousin's crazy behavior. She moved back in with her parents, had twins and made a big mess for her parents to clean up....it gets worse but it is just to depressing to relate.

[IdaBriggs]

13. I agree. Complete and utter sympathies.... nt

[Mizmoon]

8. People have grown up with worse and turned out great

people have grown up with better and been adult disasters.

Humans. They're totally unpredictable.

[IdaBriggs]

14. True. I just hate it when people have the deck stacked against them --

especially when I *expect* better from them. This type of stupidity is so unbelievable to me; I *know* she knows better, so what kind of excuse is acceptable? Oops -- someone forget to tell her not to sleep with men she isn't married to in front of her kids? (Sorry, still ranting a little!) But you are correct; its up to the kids what type of people they want to become....

[Maddy McCall]

15. Sounds like the biggest problem your family has is establishing boundaries

and adhering to them.

[IdaBriggs]

17. Who can argue with the truth? (smile) nt

[MissMillie]

16. I'd be very nervous about a man who agrees to

move in with a woman and her children after only 6 weeks. Sounds to me like something a pedophile would do.

[IdaBriggs]

18. That thought did cross my mind.

Its why I'm almost hoping they were messing around before she booted the husband. (Isn't that terrible?) My sister does NOT have good judgment when it comes to the men she picks; the bio father of her eldest is currently in jail after having molested a child. Fortunately, my niece has NEVER met bio-criminal dad....