How do you deal with a racist pig at work?

[Love Bug]

My son-in-law (who is White) just started a new job and is partnered with some guy who makes racist and sexist comments. My son-in-law doesn't want to cause trouble, especially at a new job, but these comments are really bothering him. This is a small office with no HR department, so he can't get help from there.

What is the best way to respond to these kinds of comments without becoming confrontational? He is aware of the legalities of a "hostle work environment" and all, but he wants to handle this himself and preserve his job, and hopefully, the work relationship with this person.

Any suggestions? Mine was to look the guy in the eye the next time he makes a comment and state something like, "You realize my grandmother is Black, don't you?" and watch the guy cower -- because we all know racists are fundamentally cowards.

My son-in-law said -- "This is 2005. I can't believe people still think like that."

[amazona]

1. your way works fine

I've known people to use that -- also "My mom is Jewish," etc. It seems to work well. The racist will talk about you behind your back but as long as I don't have to hear it, I don't care. I can't control everybody else's behavior, just my own.

The conservation movement is a breeding ground of communists
and other subversives. We intend to clean them out,
even if it means rounding up every birdwatcher in the country.
--John Mitchell, US Attorney General 1969-72

[MemphisTiger]

2. Tell your son-in-law to vote with his feet and find a new job

this may be easier said than done.

[Mizmoon]

3. I would just say "I don't like that kind of talk"

That's what I did with a Jesus freak at work who wanted to tell me about "the end times" every freakin day... I just asked her nicely not to talk to me "about that stuff because it makes me uncomfortable." She has honored my wishes and I appreciate it.

[radwriter0555]

4. "You know, racist comments aren't acceptable to me, so please don't

make those kinds of comments when I'm around."

Then change the subject back to whatever business was at hand.

It really IS important to state the actual issue clearly and concisely. Let him know it's NOT acceptable in plain english.

The man may well try to engage the discussion further and your SIL must refuse to debate the issue. "The workplace isn't a place I will discuss racism." etc.

It really is so important to take a stand. The point is to attack the message, not the messenger... choosing one's words carefully is important too.

[Hobarticus]

5. Far too kind...tell him to stow that garbage, in no uncertain terms.

Otherwise he won't get it. It doesn't belong in the work place and he knows it.

People like that don't care if your grandma could be Jewish or black or whatever. If he did, he wouldn't talk like that in the first place.

[amazona]

12. yeah but they care if they look bad

The way I used to see it done was the person would lower her voice and glance around and whisper, like they were trying to save the racist embarrassment, "I guess you didn't know about my mom."

To be honest, I don't think I've seen this card played since the late 1970s or thereabouts though. But it did used to work. Maybe it wouldn't work now, since Rush tells the bigots they have nothing to be ashamed of.

The conservation movement is a breeding ground of communists
and other subversives. We intend to clean them out,
even if it means rounding up every birdwatcher in the country.
--John Mitchell, US Attorney General 1969-72

[Hobarticus]

24. You're a good person, to think of this guy's feelings...

Props to you for that.

I dunno, if I was running my mouth off insensitively, and got brushed back...well, I had it coming.

[sniffa]

6. document it

other than that - have him make fun of white peopLe. :D

[havocmom]

7. Whatever he decides to say to the offensive person needs to ALWAYS

be aimed at the offending comment, speech, term and never at the person himself. That keeps him out of the trap of making 'personal attacks' yet offers a sort of training program about what is and isn't acceptable behavior in the workplace. It will make your s-i-l look like the professional which can't be a bad thing in a new job. And if the bigot has any brain at all, he will pick up on the cue and STFU. If he doesn't, well, that will mean require a more aggressive, pro-active approach.

Look for the offending behavior to increase slightly when a behavior modification program is instituted. It generally happens but most people will eventually learn. If they don't, they need to be trounced in a very precise way while one covers one's own ass. Always make it about the behavior and not the person doing it.

[Generic Other]

8. Always act confused. Force the person to explain what they mean

Ever seen a person squirm when he or she tells a racist joke that someone else doesn't "get"? Trying to explain leaves a person tongue tied. How do you say this is funny or this is true because I am racist without looking stupid? Racists rely on the rest of us "understanding" what they mean. They only say what they say to those they believe share their assumptions. Don't make it easy for such a person.

Play ignorant. See who looks like a fool.

[MemphisTiger]

14. That's great

[realisticphish]

15. ive done that before

a guy said "what a bunch of jews". i asked "what do you mean?". he said "well...they cheated me" i replied, "what does that have to do with being jewish?" and looked all innocent. the guy stammered, made and excuse, and high tailed it :D

[radwriter0555]

17. You're RIGHT, that is a great way to corner someone.....

that's the best suggestion.....

[secular_warrior]

20. Bingo. Disrupting their 'game' is enough to stop them.

Also, forcing them to explain may make them think about what they are really saying.

[Tektonik]

9. Put him on an iron spit

and slowly cook over a nice fire.

[ArkDem]

10. Have a luau.

[StopTheMorans]

11. Hire a racist wolf. Problem. Solved.

[4_Legs_Good]

13. I'm a vegetarian, but I think this guy might taste good with like a

honey pineapple sauce rosted on one of those spits.

Personally, I would just shake my head and slap my forehead every time he said something idiotic and walk away. Also maybe, saying, to other co-workers, in front of him, "I can't believe people still think like that.", and then just walk away.

At least until the job is more secure, then he can take him to the cleaners (or to the roasting pit!)

david

[El Fuego]

16. And then there's the passive-aggressive approach...

Your son-in-law could say in response in a very matter-of-fact way:

"Hmmmm... Well I guess that makes my grandmother a ___________. Should I tell my grandmother she is a ________? Here's her picture. What do you think ?"

Racists are all loser cowards who have to degrade others to make themselves feel superior.

On edit: If that doesn't work, stick an apple in his mouth, dig a pit in the backyard, and have a piggie cookout!

[Love Bug]

23. Actually, the grandmother is White. But the pig doesn't know that!

I recall several years ago a program on TV about diversity training where the trainer was a middle-aged White-appearing man. Turned out he was African-American, which really challenged the perceptions of the class attendees. Goes to show you can't make assumptions!

[Blue Diadem]

18. It's shocking isn't it?

Here it is 2005 and we still have these bigots. My daughter ran into them looking for work. She had two separate incidents that happened during interviews, where specific races were brought up. With the first, she told the lady that she would report that kind of behavior..naturally she didn't get the job. The 2nd time, she said she just looked at the woman with a shocked expression..and of course didn't get the job..not that she wanted them after hearing that stuff.

I'm the type that will say "I can't believe you just said that!" and walk away. That is, after I pick my jaw up off the floor and pull my eyebrows off the ceiling because I tend to show my feelings in my facial expressions.

I hope your Son can find a way to deal with this fool that gets his point across...and that Mr. Bigot respects your son's wishes.

[Raenelle]

19. My daughter had a great way

Her ex back in 1992 said something about "rag-heads" during Desert Storm. My daughter said: "Brent, you're too educated to talk like that!" She juxtaposed his better qualities to the ugliness of that kind of talk--not shunning him, but appealing to his better side. I thought it was perfect.

[Love Bug]

21. I like that approach

Of course, that assumes this guy HAS a better side. This is the kind of guy who said that Alzheimer's was a form of population control. I'm not kidding.

[Love Bug]

22. Thanks all, for your comments

I'll pass them on to my son-in-law. I'm thinking he'll take the "grill on a spit" option! :D