"I don't want a relationship right now"

[realisticphish]

do you know how hard it is to tell someone that? when you really do mean it?

it's been cliched, and now means "i never want to talk to you again." but dammnit, i really don't want a relationship right now!


:hippie: The Incorrigible Democrat

[slackmaster]

1. I think I know exactly how you feel

It's especially hard when the person you're saying it to stubbornly refused to believe it.

[realisticphish]

2. yeah

the thing is, i would be happy with a relationship with them later, just not NOW. :mad:

:hippie: The Incorrigible Democrat

[sir_captain]

8. Sucks being on the receiving end of that, though

I got the "I love you, and I want to get married to you someday, and I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone else because I much prefer you, but I don't want to be in a relationship with you either right now" line.

To say it smarted would be an understatement.

[all.of.me]

15. add to that....

... teasing, flirting, sexual innuendo, lots of attention and time spent together...

well, do you want a relationship or not?!?!?! i was totally confused and am glad we're not in touch anymore. the friendship did not even weather that storm.

be honest and live by your word. walk your talk, i told him over and over.....

[sir_captain]

22. Yep

she was the same way. Told her she had to make up her mind and she couldn't--haven't spoken to her in months--and even though I know she's bad for me, thinking about her still breaks my heart.

[all.of.me]

23. i'm sorry.

relationships are so hard! they are heart breaking. yup, my guy was bad for me, and it hurts sometimes, but i know i'm much better off this way.

it helps to remind myself that there was nothing wrong with me, i did nothing wrong, that the confusion lies within him. i pray for him every day, and i pray for any other woman who he plays these games with, too.

i hope you find a good woman some day! a friend told me to be myself and someone would appreciate that. what a simple thought! but what a difficult thing to believe sometimes!

[sir_captain]

24. Heh...I understand what you're saying all too well

Hang in there... things have to pick up eventually, right? ;-)

[all.of.me]

25. well, it's not all bad!

i learned a LOT about who i am, what i want, who i attract and how i appear. it's been an enlightening several months. i have higher quality people in my life now, so that was an unexpected bonus. i'm also more cautious about who i let in!

[sir_captain]

27. Sounds pretty good

it took me about five years of listening to her hem and haw to finally cut the cord. Hopefully I'll get to the point pretty soon where I don't have to keep on reminding myself I did the right thing!

[all.of.me]

29. time heals all wounds

sitting through that time, though, can be hard! but things always do come out right in the end. it all happens for a reason, even the unpleasant stuff. it's in the name of growth! sometimes even that is hard to swallow, though......

tell yourself out loud every day that you did the right thing. you'll feel a shift after a bit. 'out loud' is the key word here.

[radwriter0555]

3. no no, it means, "I don't want a relationship with YOU right now..." If

the person of your dreams walked in the door, that relationship would happen.

Otherwise, "s/he's just not that into you..."

It's not about being mean, or cruel, it just IS.

[Misunderestimator]

5. Yep... there is no perfect "right now" for the right person, it just is.

...for the wrong person... not "right now" :)

[LSparkle]

4. Didn't get it when I was younger but now I totally do

I'm coming out of a relationship that has been high-maintenance and right now, all I want is a few trusted friends and minimal demands on my free time. (Is that so wrong?)

[Squeegee]

6. Karl Rove said that to Jeff Gannon recently

He didn't seem to find it too difficult.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

7. Been there, done that...

Naturally, saying it only made him want a relationship more, and he got really bent out of shape when I went on a date with another guy, whom I didn't want a relationship with either, but at least guy #2 understood that.

I'm sorry...I know it's hard. But you're wise to stick by your gut feeling. :hug:

[realisticphish]

11. thanks

luckily, i think she understands. but its hard to tell from an online convo

:hippie: The Incorrigible Democrat

[GoddessOfGuinness]

20. If it's any consolation...

several years later, guy #1 told a friend of mine that he felt badly about the way he'd treated me, since I'd been totally up-front with him about not wanting a relationship.

Time heals most wounds...

[Technowitch]

26. Ditto -- said it, had it said to me

Always hard. But better to be honest.

[Baclava]

9. Whatever happened to...

Fuck em and forget em?

[Misunderestimator]

10. You do know though, that if it was the right person, it might be the right

time? I can only speak for myself, but when I have not wanted to make time for a relationship, that person was not the right one for me.... and the right one came at a time most inconvenient to be beginning a new relationship, but I did. Just... I M O. :)

[Amaya]

12. Being honest is ALWAYS the best policy

I know what you mean, tho

[slackmaster]

13. Even that failed in my most recent relationship debacle

I was 100% honest about my wants, needs, and intentions. The other party insisted on hearing what she wanted to hear. When the cognitive dissonance became overwhelming, she snapped.

Police were involved at one point.

[realisticphish]

14. wow

we're still friends, though, so i dont think it will come to that. i hope. :scared:


:hippie: The Incorrigible Democrat

[Misunderestimator]

18. I had to have police involved once...

not a delightful experience...

[Borgnine]

16. I've been told that.

I later found out she was secretly seeing somebody else.

Hmm.

[Ilsa]

17. Been there. Got called "neurotic" over it.

I told him I wasn't going to waste my time trying to change his mind and I asked him never to call me again.

If you aren't into anything but seeing friends right now, then stick to your guns.

[realisticphish]

19. she seems to understand

everything appears stable, hopefully it stays that way

:hippie: The Incorrigible Democrat

[driver8]

21. Man, I said that to a girl in college once and felt horrible later...

I really did mean it at the time. This girl was such a sweet heart and I really liked her, but I just didn't want a relationship at that time. The reason I felt horrible is because three weeks later I started dating this other girl I had liked forever and we started seeing each other.

I think the first girl thought that I lied to her...I felt like a heel.

[Radical Activist]

28. That line is ALWAYS bullshit

It only means you don't want a relationship with that person right now. If someone really good comes along you'll start a relationship. That usually happens two or three weeks after you tell someone you aren't looking for a relationship. That is true even if you are in denial with yourself about it.

Two weeks later: "Oh I don't know how I ended up in a relationship. I really didn't mean to. It just happened."

[GoddessOfGuinness]

30. It wasn't for me...

This was years ago...I'd gone through an exceptionally painful breakup, and I really didn't want my head cluttered with another relationship. It wasn't that I didn't feel affection for the guys I dated; but my brain couldn't handle one more complication.
I was seriously depressed, angry, hurt, confused, and a host of other emotions that I needed to deal with myself, without feeling that I was dragging someone else down with me.