Question re: adoption...

[CatBoreal]

My husband and I were talking last night about having more children and pretty much decided that I'm done reproducing. Plus we can't really afford more than two at the moment anyway.

So we started talking about what we'd do if we were making more money (I only work part time at the moment) and he said we could always adopt. That brought us to international adoptions. I said that if we're going adopt from another country then I'd chose somewhere in Africa because something like 30% of children are going to be orphaned due to AIDS. I would even be willing to adopt an HIV positive child.

What I want to know is, is it a bad idea for a white couple to adopt a black child? Regardless of race, babie needs love and I could love any child be it black, white, purple with magenta polka dots; it wouldn't matter. But with skin colour comes culture and from experience, I know adopted children also need to know their roots. Would I be doing a disservice to an African child to bring them up in a white household?

Edited because I shouldn't write and chew at the same time.

[LiberalVoice]

1. Love

Nothing else matters...A disservice? Absolutly not...But it is also important to raise that child with an understanding of his/her culture and background and to instill in him/her morals and values that will encourage him/her to make a better life for children who have found themselves in the same situation as he/she was once in.

[CornField]

2. My HS vocal music teacher adopted a black son

This was back in the day when such things weren't too commonplace. According to him, the hardest part was before he started going to school -- when all of his friends were white and he was the only black.

Although he has never felt like he missed out on some cultural experience because he was not raised with other black people, many of his friends do feel that way --- that he is somehow different from them because he was not raised in a black household and exposed to the same culture they were.

I can't think of anyone better suited to adopt and understand all the feelings and concerns of the adoptee more than you and your family -- black, white, polka-dot or plaid.

[unblock]

3. adopted children are, first and foremost, just plain children

at the end of the day, it doesn't matter how they joined your family.

one of my brothers is adopted, and it's never mattered one damn bit.
he looks aryan, the rest of the family looks jewish. other than the odd look when people first meet us, it's never made a bit of difference.

people only think this sort of thing matters when it's all they know about the child. but as soon as you meet the child, the particulars of his/her mannerisms, personality, and so on, and the relationship you build completely take over.

as for needing to know their roots", i think adopted children, should, at the appropriate age, learn how they joined the family, but not necessarily any more. my brother's birth mother once tried to contact him (when he turned 21). my brother sent a note saying, basically, don't worry, i have a good life, but i'm not interested in further contact.

in your case, a child with a different skin color does need to know about race issues and so on, but, as loving parents, i'm sure you'll learn and teach all they need to know, and you'll then help them find out more if they are so inclined.

good luck!!

[Spinzonner]

4. Some special needs children can receive gov't support for the child

and, of course, there's foster care.

[Book Lover]

5. No

But what's wrong with adopting an older child, of color or not, from your own state or county? You can also investigate foster parenting.

[beyurslf]

6. If you adopt an HIV+ child & bring him to US, the child would have access

to medical treatments that would allow him to live a much longer, healthier life. This alone transcends any need based on race.

On second reading of your post, it looks like you may be English (colour not color) but I imagine the same would be true there as it is here. Be prepared for stigma though if you have an HIV+ child.

[SCDem]

7. No one needs to know the child is HIV+

I worked with a camp for kids who were living with HIV. Ages ranged from 5-13yo and they all had HIV from birth. They were wonderful kids and because of drug combos they continue to grow in to mature adults.

[CatBoreal]

8. Canuck actually.....

eom../