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Edited on Tue Feb-15-05 12:55 PM by MostlyLurks
Things they can't answer in a platitude or canned response. Maybe even use their own prejudices against them. One thing to realize is that you CANNOT convince them otherwise, so the next best thing is to just point out how utterly dumb they are.
Somebody above has already mentioned that God, after the first Biblical flood, vowed never to do it again. So extend that to:
"I thought God vowed never to destroy people again. Does this mean God is a liar or that God changed his mind, which would make him a womanr? I'm confused and not entirely comfortable with either option."
There's also the postmodern deconstructivist approach:
"Your e-mail arrives in a timely manner! I have found myself wondering of late if the recent tsunami was a test run of some sort for God's retribution on man. I can't get over the fact that it happened in a largely Muslim country. What are the odds of that - of so many non-Christians dying? This planet is absolutely covered with Christians, and yet not one Christian nation was hit by the Lord's watery warning. It's like God picked up a spiritual seven-ten split in an attempt to shake us (i.e. Christians) out of our spiritual doldrums!
I too agree that "sprinkler systems" are completely unnecessary. I have a friend who was trapped in a pre-sprinkler building during a fire and he got burned over 40% percent of his body. 40%!? That's not even half! He still works! We need to convince the government God wouldn't let the ark burn in the first place, so anyplace that DOES burn is not under God's protection. Problematically, this casts our brave fire fighters in the role of working against God's will. But if that's the path down which the Scripture leads us...
"The "sea coming to the ark" thing is tricky because the scientists will certainly blame it on "global warming". I worry that any gradual flooding event could be misinterpreted. How could God bring the sea to the ark without validating science? That's the key - we cannot have science appear to be validated. I have this vague, shadowy idea that the sprinkler thing we've discussed above may be folded into this, somehow. God is forming an idea in my head, and I'll get back you once it is complete.
Maybe the easiest thing to do would be to pray that God helps Noah buy a house on the beach, at no more than 5.5% interest over 30 years. But keep in mind that Noah needs a decent house, and he'll probably want to have it inspected to make sure the electricity, plumbing, etc are up to code. That stuff is totally unnecessary for an ark, but Noah will be damned (not literally) if he'll live in a house with faulting wiring and bad plumbing. I mean, he's going to have to house those animals somewhere until the ark is finished, and you DO NOT want warthog shit backing up into the basement because of a sub-standard toilet installation, you know?
"I had no idea that the timber harvesting that endangers the spotted owl was being done under the purview of rapturous preparation. Frankly, I disagree with the Endangered Species list including amphibians or reptiles, as those are so often used as guises by the Trickster. But that's really beside the point here, as owls are not amphibians and your story does not state that ark-building activites are endangering toads, newts and their ilk. Maybe Noah could find a "God friendly" lumber company that harvests only in area with amphibians and/or reptiles that are not yet endangered (but we can hope!). I'm just spitballing here.
Earlier on, it states that God requisitioned "a few good humans". I think you could tie this to the monority hiring issue. You could find a couple of black guys who would be willing to work (HA, I kid!) on the ark and then they could be some of the "a few good humans" you take with you. Given that you're saving them from death, they'd probably work for no pay just so they could be on the ark when the fit hits the shan, you know? Not only does this get you around the minority hiring laws, you'll have minority labor available when you set about rebuilding things, so you'll still be able to obey the labor laws, even after the eradication of society. It's a win-win! I went on a cruise last year, and I can attest to the fact that Bahamians and Jamaicans work very hard, and are willing to sleep 6 to a berth if necessary just for tips! Imagine how grateful they'd be for a chance to ride out the destruction of man! It would be even better if you could use Mexicans for labor, as they will work much more cheaply (i.e. "under the table") but I don't think you could find a couple of good ones, let alone "a few" (i.e. 3).
Indeed, the Government has destroyed the world. They do so much "protecting", it's a wonder anybody can find ways to exploit anything any more. Luckily, we still have places like India and Ethiopia, where big government hasn't pushed people the point where they can't build arks. Frankly, I think God erred by not locating his ark-enterprise in one of those more "hands off" countries. Unfortunately, they're all lousy with non-believers. But then, the ways of God are vast and mysterious and often nonsensically circuitous!"
So that'd be my approach.
Mostly
On Edit: Corrected several typos.
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