Best CAT JOKE ever !!!!!!!!!!!!

[pbartch]

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add the required amount of pet
shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe her while you carry her toward the
bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the
noises that come from the toilet; the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and "rinse."

6. Have someone open the door to the outside. Be sure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet and run outside where she
will dry herself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean! Always here to give you the best of tested advice in difficult times....


Sincerely,

The Dog

[Southsideirish]

1. Sorry, not funny - some idiot will do this. Cats suffer from enough

types of cruelty let alone making up new ones.

[kuozzman]

2. I'd be happy to try this with my girlfriend's cat.

I'll let you know how it goes.

:smoke:

[patdem]

4. Please, give us your girlfriends address so we can send condolences!

And have you decided what exactly you want on your tombstone? Here lies a man whom my cats maggots have transitioned onto? something like that? :shrug:

[kuozzman]

13. Think she'll fit?

[pbartch]

15. hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!

My cats HATE the toilet.

[pbartch]

3. Politically correct terms for Cat owners

My cat does not barf hairballs ... he is a floor/rug redecorator.


My cat does not break things ... she helps gravity do its job.


My cat does not fear dogs ... they are merely sprint practice tools.


My cat does not gobble ... she eats with alacrity.


My cat does not scratch ... he is a furniture/rug/skin ventilator.


My cat does not yowl ... he is singing off-key.


My cat is not a "shedding machine" ... she is a hair relocation stylist.


My cat is not a "treat-seeking missile" ... she enjoys the proximity of food.


My cat is not a bed hog ... he is a mattress appreciator.


My cat is not a chatterbox ... she is advising me on what to do next.


My cat is not a dope addict ... she is catnip appreciative.


My cat is not a lap fungus ... he is bed selective.


My cat is not a pest ... she is attention deprived.


My cat is not a ruthless hunter ... she is a wildfire control expert.


My cat is not evil ... she is badness enhanced.


My cat is not fat ... he is mass enhanced.


My cat is not hydrophobic ... she has an inability to appreciate moisture.


My cat is not lazy ... he is motivationally challenged.


My cat is not underfoot ... she is shepherding me to my next destination (the food dish).

[Sanity Claws]

5. This is more like my type of humor.

[BlueJazz]

6. what truly makes it funny is the last 2 words. :)

[pbartch]

7. Question: What do cats like to eat on a hot day?

Answer: Mice cream

[pbartch]

8. Sophie is a joke!!! (she is hubby's cat)

[Sanity Claws]

9. Barbie rides side saddle?

I thought she was too liberated and modern to ride side saddle. Who would have thought she had issues about spreading her legs?

[pbartch]

10. Cat and Dog jokes

What is a Cat?

1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
7. They're moody.
8. They leave hair everywhere.

CONCLUSION: They're tiny women in little fur coats.

What is a Dog?

1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4. They growl when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to play.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They leave their toys everywhere.
8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.

CONCLUSION: They're tiny men in little fur coats

[pbartch]

11. The Cat and The Husband

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he arrived home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!

He kept taking the cat further and further, and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.

Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Susan, is the cat there?"

"Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?"

Frustrated, the man answered, "Put the little jerk on the phone, I'm lost and need directions."

[ldf]

12. about point three you need to mention

little things like gauze bandages, hydrogen peroxide, are you up to date on your medical insurance payments, the fastest and most direct route to the nearest emergency room, your list of beneficiaries, written instructions so you don't end up like that teri woman in florida, you know, things like that.

:-)

[kuozzman]

14. Pic

[pbartch]

16. What is that darling.....cute....little honey cat doing in that

nasty toilet!!!!!!!!

I'll bet the DOG put kitty there