"I'm a faithful follower of father John Birch."

[MikeG]

[maveric]

1. "And I belong to the Antioch Baptist Church"

[MikeG]

4. And I ain't even got a garage, you can call home and ask my wife"

[Moloch]

2. "and I ain't even got a garage...

You can go ask my wife!"

[Bunny]

3. And I ain't even got a garage!

You can call home and ask my wife!

[Moloch]

6. Then he started sayin something bout the way I was dressed

[DODI]

9. I didn't stick around to hear the rest.

[maveric]

5. "And I dont even have a garage. Go home and ask my wife".

I wish old Charley was back on the drugs again. I actually used to like him. He put on a great concert back in the 70's.

[DODI]

11. Have you heard him do "Long Haired Country Boy" since he cleaned

up -- it is a travesty! He takes out all references to drugs and alcohol. I wish he would live by his own words!

People say I'm no good
And crazy as a loon
'Cause I get stoned in the mornin,
Get drunk in the afternoon
Kinda like my ole blue tick hound
I like to lay around in the shade
I ain't got no money
But I've damn sure got it made
'Cause

(Chorus)
I ain't askin' nobody for nothing
If I can't get it on my own
If you don't like the way I'm livin'
You just leave this long haired country boy alone

Preacher man talkin' on the TV
Puttin' down the rock and roll
He wants me to send a donation
'Cause he's worried about my soul
He said Jesus walked on the water
And I know that it's true
But sometimes I think that preacher man
Might do a little walkin' too
'Cause

(Repeat chorus)

Poor girl wants to marry
And the rich girl wants to flirt
Rich man goes to college
And the poor man goes to work
Drunkard wants another drink of wine
And the politician wants a vote
I don't want much of nothing at all
But I will take another toke
But

[WMliberal]

7. bob dylan's got it beat

Well, I was feelin' sad and feelin' blue,
I didn't know what in the world I was gonna do,
Them Communists they wus comin' around,
They wus in the air,
They wus on the ground.
They wouldn't gimme no peace. . .

So I run down most hurriedly
And joined up with the John Birch Society,
I got me a secret membership card
And started off a-walkin' down the road.
Yee-hoo, I'm a real John Bircher now!
Look out you Commies!

Now we all agree with Hitlers' views,
Although he killed six million Jews.
It don't matter too much that he was a Fascist,
At least you can't say he was a Communist!
That's to say like if you got a cold you take a shot of malaria.

Well, I wus lookin' everywhere for them gol-darned Reds.
I got up in the mornin' 'n' looked under my bed,
Looked in the sink, behind the door,
Looked in the glove compartment of my car.
Couldn't find 'em . . .

I wus lookin' high an' low for them Reds everywhere,
I wus lookin' in the sink an' underneath the chair.
I looked way up my chimney hole,
I even looked deep inside my toilet bowl.
They got away . . .

Well, I wus sittin' home alone an' started to sweat,
Figured they wus in my T.V. set.
Peeked behind the picture frame,
Got a shock from my feet, hittin' right up in the brain.
Them Reds caused it!
I know they did . . . them hard-core ones.

Well, I quit my job so I could work alone,
Then I changed my name to Sherlock Holmes.
Followed some clues from my detective bag
And discovered they wus red stripes on the American flag!
That ol' Betty Ross . . .

Well, I investigated all the books in the library,
Ninety percent of 'em gotta be burned away.
I investigated all the people that I knowed,
Ninety-eight percent of them gotta go.
The other two percent are fellow Birchers . . . just like me.

Now Eisenhower, he's a Russian spy,
Lincoln, Jefferson and that Roosevelt guy.
To my knowledge there's just one man
That's really a true American: George Lincoln Rockwell.
I know for a fact he hates Commies cus he picketed the movie Exodus.

Well, I fin'ly started thinkin' straight
When I run outa things to investigate.
Couldn't imagine doin' anything else,
So now I'm sittin' home investigatin' myself!
Hope I don't find out anything . . . hmm, great God!

[htuttle]

8. I'll see your Daniels, and raise you the Chad Mitchell Trio

The John Birch Society

Oh, we're meetin' at the courthouse at eight o'clock tonight
You just walk in the door and take the first turn to the right
Be careful when you get there, we hate to be bereft
But we're taking down the names of everybody turning left

Oh, we're the John Birch Society, the John Birch Society
Here to save our country from a communistic plot
Join the John Birch Society, help us fill the ranks
To get this movement started we need lots of tools and cranks

Now there's no one that we're certain the Kremlin doesn't touch
We think that Westbrook Pegler doth protest a bit too much
We only hail the hero from whom we got our name
We're not sure what he did but he's our hero just the same

Oh, we're the John Birch Society, the John Birch Society
Socialism is the ism dismalest of all
Join the John Birch Society, there's so much to do
Have you heard they're serving vodka at the WCTU?

Well you've heard about the agents that we've already named
Well MPA has agents that are flauntedly unashamed
We're after Rosie Clooney, we've gotten Pinkie Lee
And the day we get Red Skelton won't that be a victory

Oh we're the John Birch Society, the John Birch Society
Norman Vincent Peale may think he's kidding us along
But the John Birch Society knows he spilled the beans
He keeps on preaching brotherhood, but we know what he means

We'll teach you how to spot 'em in the cities or the sticks
For even Jasper Junction is just full of Bolsheviks
The CIA's subversive and so's the FCC
There's no one left but thee and we, and we're not sure of thee

Oh, we're the John Birch Society, the John Birch Society
Here to save our country from a communistic plot
Join the John Birch Society holding off the Reds
We'll use our hand and hearts and if we must we'll use our heads

Do you want Justice Warren for your Commissar?
Do you want Mrs. Krushchev in there with the DAR?
You cannot trust your neighbor or even next of kin
If mommie is a commie then you gotta turn her in

Oh, we're the John Birch Society, the John Birch Society
Fighting for the right to fight the right fight for the Right
Join the John Birch Society as we're marching on
And we'll all be glad to see you when we're meeting in the John
The John, the John Birch So- ci- i- teee

ps. the Trio was dismayed to learn that their satire was lost on many chapters of the John Birch Society, who began to use the song as their anthem.

[da_chimperor]

10. "And we're not a cult, so stop saying that!

He's the reincarnation of Jesus! Really! Deny his power and he'll smite you with his eye lasers!" :eyes:

[DBoon]

12. So you are a "long haired hippie type pinko fag"

and therefore you fit in perfectly here.

[Bunny]

13. He's probably got a Commie flag,

tacked up on the wall, inside of his garage.

[Bake]

14. You tip your hat to that lady son

And when I did all of that hair fell out!

Bake