Share a REALLY stupid joke.

[Speck Tater]

What's the difference between a swimsuit top and a great movie?

(One's a blockbuster and the other is a bustblocker.)

[tk2kewl]

1. why is 6 afraid of 7?

'cause 7 8 9

[BurtWorm]

Will February March?

No, but April May.

[AuntiBush]

63. Clapping!

Good one!

:thumbsup:

[eaprez]

2. I don't think I can top that one!

[JVS]

3. What's yellow and equivalent to the axiom of choice?

Zorn's lemon

What's purple and commutes?

An abelian grape!

[Salviati]

23. A couple of functions were walking in the forest one day...

A constant function, a linear function, and an exponential. From the depths of the forrest, they heard the roar of the deriviative monster and they took off fleeing. Shortly the monster caught up to them, gobbling up the constant function leaving nothing behind. Unsated, he then took a grevious bite out of the linear function, leaving only a constant behind. The exponential function stood his ground bravely proclaiming:

"You don't scare me, I'm e^x !"

To which the derivitive monster cooly smiled and replied:

"Too bad I'm d/dy..."

[Speck Tater]

27. And speaking of the unspeakable...

An Indian gave his first wife a deer hide and she bore him a son. He gave his second wife a buffalo hide and she bore him a son. He gave his third wife a hippopotamus hide and she bore him two sons. Thus it is that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.

[Richardo]

29. **snarf**

<steals joke for use against math teacher brother>

[pbartch]

46. You're welcome to steal/use this one...............

Curtain Rods

After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for his young secretary.

His new girlfriend demanded that she wanted to live in the couple's
multimillion dollar home, and since the man's lawyers were a little better, he prevailed. He gave his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out.

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a half dozen shrimp, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning & mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked.

People stopped coming over to visit..
Repairmen refused to work in the house...
The maid quit...

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back...

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth... But only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour, his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they watched the
moving company pack everything to take to their new home...

.....including the curtain rods.

[hfojvt]

34. why is life like a vector space?

Because without direction it has no basis and is simply null space.

[barackmyworld]

61. I love this one! Another math joke...

Before my stat final last year, I told a joke to the professor and he repeated it to the (200+ student) class.

What do you call a tea party with more than 30 people?

A Z party!

[Sanity Claws]

76. Do you and JVS go to the same parties?

[hfojvt]

24. what about the guys studying ancient Egyptian plumbing

they are Pharoah faucet majors.

[central scrutinizer]

47. another math joke

And so it was to be, that after the waters receded,
Noah commanded all the animals to "Go forth and multiply."
He broke off the top of the rustic picnic table that adorned the patio deck of the ark, picked up the snakes
and placed them on it. Noah and the snakes both knew
that even adders could multiply on a log table.

[Sanity Claws]

75. Are you a Virgo? or a Capricorn?

I never got their sense of humor.

[JVS]

78. No, It isn't about the stars. It's about math

[Richardo]

4. Why is one side of a V-shaped flock of birds always longer than the other?

There are more birds on that side.

[JVS]

5. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[bloodyjack]

6. I posted this in a failed joke thread

So this woman goes to see her doctor complaining of abdominal pains and the doctor decides to run some tests

He comes back w/ the results and says to her, "Tell me, Miss, how do you feel about a lot of crying and soiled diapers?"

The woman, elated at the possibility that she may be pregnant says "Oh doctor I havent a problem with those things at all!"

The doctor says "Good, because it turns out you have advanced ascending bowel cancer and only six months to live"

Ba dum tshh

[underpants]

7. A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says "we don't serve your kind"

the mushroom says, "Why not? I'm a FUN GUY!!!!"

[WHAT]

54. a variation...

What do you call a mushroom who takes you out to dinner, dancing, and the movies?

a fungi...

[Left Is Write]

8. They're gonna name George W. Bush President Of The United States!

Ha ha! Isn't that funny? Does a joke get any more stupid than that? Ha ha!

Oh...wait....


nevermind.

[Speck Tater]

9. What's green and has wheels?

Grass. (I was kidding about the wheels.)

[brentspeak]

10. What's big and purple and lives at the bottom of the sea?

Moby Grape.

(bad 60's joke that inspired a great 60's rock band)

[central scrutinizer]

11. what's the difference between Rush Limbaugh and the Hindenberg

One is a flaming Nazi gasbag but the other was just a dirigible.

[Arkana]

25. What's the difference between Rush Limbaugh and a bag of shit?

The bag!

[mr_hat]

12. Why did the pervert cross the road?

His dick was stuck in the chicken.

[JVS]

13. That's not a stupid joke at all, it's a classic

[mr_hat]

17. (Hangs head in shame...)

[central scrutinizer]

49. why did the rooster cross the road to attend the basketball game?

He heard the refs were blowing a lot of fowls.

[Mr. McD]

14. Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Freeper Murder

1. All the DNA is the same.

2. There are no dental records.

[WMliberal]

15. ha, didn't see your thread. here's my contribution

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x2502647

[tk2kewl]

16. I wish I had my Dixie Joke cups right now. I loved those wen I was a kid.

What do monsters eat? Thing
What do monsters drink? Coke. Things go better with Coke.

[dean_dem]

18. A Blonde, a Jew, and an Arab walk into a bar...

...the bartender says, "what's this, some kind of joke?"

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
One is made of plastic and dangerous to small children. The other is used to hold groceries.

Ah, and with one fell swoop I have lowered the collective IQ of the Lounge.

[CO Liberal]

19. What's Brown and Sticky?

A stick.

:-)

[dean_dem]

20. Hah! Best bad joke ever!

[LynzM]

48. Dammit, that was mine!

Ya beat me to it! :)

[da_chimperor]

50. What do gay horses eat?

Haaaaaaaaaay!

[barackmyworld]

21. What did the 0 say to the 8?

Nice belt.

[alwynsw]

22. A skeleton walks into a bar and says

I'll have a beer and a mop.

[northzax]

26. what's the difference between a tiger and a panther?

a tiger's a great big cat, and panther's what you wear...

[dean_dem]

30. One more....

Two waffles are in the toaster. One waffle says to the other, "Man is it hot in here."
The other waffle says "Holy shit! A talking waffle!"

[barackmyworld]

65. this joke is far better with muffins

muffins are just a funny food.

[dean_dem]

68. Ah, you're right.

I changed it to waffles because I thought that would be funnier. Oh well, you can please some of the people some of the time...

To make up for it, I submit what is possibly my favorite stupid joke:

A man is sitting in his house one day when a flood comes. As the water is lapping at his front step, a boat comes by full of people, who yell to the man "Jump in, jump in, we'll rescue you!"
The man calmy replies, "I don't need to be saved, God will save me!" The people in the boat give up and speed away.
The flood waters continue to rise and the man has to climb up his roof to escape. Another boat comes by and the people yell, "Jump in, jump in, we'll save you!" The man replies "I don't need to be saved, God will save me!" The boat speeds off.
Finally the waters get so high the man can barely keep his head above water. A helicopter flies over and throws a ladder down, the people inside yell, "Climb in, we'll save you!" The man replies "*gasp*I don't need to be saved, God will save me *gurgle*!"
The helicopter gives up and flies off.
Finally the man dies, and when he gets to heaven he sees God. He asks, "God, I waited for you to save me and you never came. How come?"
God replied, "What the hell do you want? I sent two boats and a helicopter!"

[CO Liberal]

28. What's The Difference Between Karate and Judo?

Karate is a form of self-defense, and judo is what bagels are made of.

[Worst Username Ever]

43. lol, that one took me a sec!

[jdonaldball]

31. Rene Descartes' girlfriend asks him,

"What are you thinking?"
Descartes says, "nothing", and disappears.

[edbermac]

32. You've got mail...

Saw this on a corny joke website...

A man was in his front yard mowing grass, when his attractive blonde female neighbor, Judy, came out of her house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.

A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box, and again opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, YOU'VE GOT MAIL."

[Worst Username Ever]

33. A guy walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.

Says to the bartender, "Two beers. One for me, and one for the road."

[Debi]

35. Why do squirrels have such small balls?

Because not very many of them know how to dance! :party:

[alwynsw]

66. Oh yeah?

[Debi]

74. OMG!

He's a rock star!!! :yourock:

[jody]

36. George W. Bush n/t

[achtung_circus]

37. There are 10 kinds of people

those who understand binary notation and those who don't.

[hfojvt]

42. there are two kinds of people

those who put people into two kinds of classes, and those who don't.

[McKenzie]

38. what's the difference between light and hard?

it's possible to sleep with the light on...

[fob]

39. REALLY stupid jokes? This calls for the "talents" of Andrew dice Clay!

Why'd the monkey fall outta the tree?

He was fuckin' dead!

How do you get a witch pregnant?

You fuck her!

[underpants]

45. "So I finish laying carpet in the whole house...

and I am laying there in bed and I look at my wife and say 'Hey it ain't gonna suck itself!'"

-On the Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn

[CottonBear]

40. What's green and yodels?

Phlegm Whitman

[CO Liberal]

56. What's Green and Ice Skates?

Peggy Phlegm.

:-)

[CO Liberal]

57. What's Green and Ice Skates?

Peggy Phlegm.

:-)

[CO Liberal]

58. What's Green and Sings?

Frank Snot.

(Pronounce the last name as two syllables - you'll get it.)

:-)

[CottonBear]

59. LOL! I like that one. n/t

[Jessica]

41. Okay, so a string walks into a bar.

He asks for a shot of tequila. The bartender replies "Sorry we don't serve strings." So the string leaves.

The next day, the string walks back into the bar. He asks for a shot of tequila. The bartender replies "Sorry we do not serve strings, please go away."

The following day, the string stands outside the bar debating about whether or not to go back in. He ties himself in a knot and shreds the bottom of the string.

He goes in and asks for a shot of tequila. The bartender replies "Hey aren't you that string that's been coming in here everyday?"

They string replies "No - I'm a frayed knot".

[Patiod]

60. I love that one

I don't know why

[tonekat]

44. How can you tell when theres a Michael Jackson sale at K-Mart?

...little boys pants are half off!

[maveric]

51. Sergio Franci was walking down the beach with his son...

washed up on the beach was what looked like an eel. His son asked him "Dad, is that an eel?" Sergo responded "No my son "Thats a Moray"".

You would have to had been around during the 70's to understand this really stupid joke.

[corksean]

52. What goes Clip Clop, Clip Clop, BANG, BANG, Clip Clop, Clip Clop

An Amish Drive-By.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick.

[sakabatou]

53. I pirate walks into a bar

(Ouch)

and he has a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender syas to him, "Sir... why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?"

The pirate replies, "I d'nno, bu' it's drivin' me nuts!"

[Tony_Illinois]

55. How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same?

Somebody is gonna lose a trailer.

[AuntiBush]

62. What's the Difference between a Freeper

and a Bucket of Sh*t?





The bucket, of course!

[okieinpain]

64. the pats will win the superbowl.

[rug]

67. What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

I win.

[bobbobbins]

69. Whats #19 and has been done before?

This joke!

I win!

[rug]

72. That's what I get for PWR, posting without reading

But a stupid joke is worth repeating. It happened in November.

[HEyHEY]

70. Two muffins are sitting in an oven

One looks at the other and says, "Man, it's getting hot in here."



The other muffin turns and says, "AAAHHHHH A TALKING MUFFIN!"

[RaleighNCDem]

71. Two hydrogens are walking along a street...

The first one says, "Hey! I think I lost an electron!" The second one replies, "Are you sure?" The first one then says, "Yeah, I'm positive."

[Jeff in Cincinnati]

73. So this guys' out mowing the lawn...

and he hears this eerie, disembodied voice say. "Go to Las Vegas." At first he ignores it, but he hears it again and again saying, "Go to Las Vegas."

He thinks it must be a sign. So he takes his entire life savings, including the deed to his house, and he jumps on the next plane to Sin City.

He's walking through the airport and he hears the eerie voice again, "Go to Ceasar's Palace." Guy figures he's gone this far, so he hops the first cab for the strip. Walking through the casino as Ceasar's, he hears the voice again, this time saying, "Play Roulette."

He goes to the big wheel and is standing there when he hears the voice again saying, "31 Black." He puts the entire bankroll on the line and the wheel starts spinning and it comes up 36 Red.

The guy hears the voice again...

"Fuck"

[Willy Lee]

77. What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A Fsh.

[LynneSin]

79. 54million americans actually think Bush is a smarter man

:eyes: