Whaddya know? Our neighborhood watch works!

[Dr Batsen D Belfry]

We started a block watch last summer after my wife caught a drug deal on the corner. Last Tuesday we caught another deal right in front of our house, and thanks to our block watch, the police were all over it.

Today we used it to notify our neighbors that the area saviors were on the prowl looking for souls. B-) While I realize everyone has a mission in life, pushing their religion and agenda in my face is just not welcome. After showing them the prominently displayed mezuzzah next to the front door, they just skipped to the rejection part of their script. I swear they drive me nuts.

Thankfully the block watch works

DBDB

[fertilizeonarbusto]

1. I got one way to shut them up

"We're here to offer you eternal life!"
"Living forever? That sounds AWFUL-I'll leave that to God, thanks."
They never know how to answer that one.

[Dr Batsen D Belfry]

2. I like Robin Williams' response

He walks to the door naked, exclaiming "No, I haven't found Jesus, but he's in here somewhere!, Why don't you come on in and help me look for him?

DBDB

[TlalocW]

3. A friend of mine was put on the Jehovah Witness

Do not visit list.

A mom, dad, and young daughter came to her door to witness, and she stood in the door frame talking to them on the porch for a few minutes before she asked, "Is this your daughter?" It of course was. She then bent down to get on the kid's eye level and said, "Aren't you pretty? Did you know your mommy and daddy are in a cult? When you get older, I'll give you sanctuary if you find your way back here."

The JWs left quickly, went out to the middle of the street, made some strange signs towards the house, and went back to Freedom Hall and told the others not to go to her house as she's never been bothered again.

TlalocW

[fertilizeonarbusto]

5. har!!!!!!!!!!!

I like your friend.

[C_eh_N_eh_D_eh]

6. I've got an even better story.

This didn't happen to me; I read it off a campus newsgroup a while back. A bunch of holy rollers descend on this guy's house, and on his way to the door, he palms a matchbook. As the Witnesses start their spiel, he politely tells them he's a Satan worshipper, and so he isn't interested in what they have to say.

Of course, any experienced door-to-door god salesman knows this is the oldest trick in the book, so they keep on trying to indoctrinate him. Then, when one of the Marauding Missionaries tries to hand him a pamphlet, he calmly strikes a match, and sets the pamphlet on fire while it's still in the guy's hand.

Which only proves what everyone on DU already knows: When you're dealing with fundies, sometimes it's necessary to resort to elemental forces of nature in order to get your point across.

[TlalocW]

7. That's pretty good

A friend of mine from high school and college, who's an atheist, was running late for class the day the Gideons were on campus handing out their small Psalms book. He made the mistake of saying, "No thanks - I'm an atheist," so he had an elderly gent in a powder blue suit following him across campus trying to convert him.

About 2 years ago, after constantly being woken up from weekend naps by Mormons knocking on my door, I put up a sign that had a picture of a shilouette of two missionaries with a circle around them and then a cross through the circle (like the no smoking signs) and the words, "NO SOLICITORS" above it. I listed off a couple of examples - "Just in case you think this doesn't apply to you, it does." At the very bottom to be a smart-ass, I put the following:

*Jehovah Witnesses are welcome to knock as long as you're ready to explain Deuteronomy 18:20-22 (false prophets) and how it relates to predictions your church elders have made that did not come true.
**Mormons pretending to be Jehovah Witnesses will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

I haven't been bothered since except by a boy scout who apparently did not have good reading comprehension skills.

TlalocW

[Samurai_Writer]

4. I was on the do not visit list in Houston...

I would always greet the JWs and Mormons wearing an upside-down cross, a Slayer tshirt, and holding the satanic bible. I kept all by my door. I would offer to read their bible if they read mine. After coming by a few times (were they expecting to find someone else opening the door?), I was never bothered again.