Here's how to be better than someone else at anything

[laconicsax]

This is also a lesson in how to be an asshole to some, a cynic to others, and really awesome to a few.

Simply say, "I'm better than they are" to someone else, or "I'm better than you are" to their face.

It's like the big lie--if you tell someone gullible and they tell everyone else, then everyone believes it.

Here's the best part:
If someone challenges you on it and wins (ie. you say you're better at basketball and they beat you in a 1 on 1 competition), you can still be better than them--here's how:

The Detroit Tigers have the worst record in baseball and have a shot at having the worst record in the history of baseball. Every team is arguably better than them. The Tigers however, have won at least one game against every other team in the American league.

If the Yankees say that their better than the Tigers, but then the Tigers beat them in a game, does that mean that the Tigers are better? Of course not. The Tigers just happened to win that one game.

Now, if you just apply such an analogy to your situation, then you can keep telling people that you're better.

The best part, is that most people either won't care that someone (you) says that they're better, or they won't challenge. If they do challenge, and you don't want to actually try to prove yourself, just say, "I don't need to prove myself." It works for * and company, why can't it work for you?

I lied...that isn't the real best part. The best part is really that I'm better than all of you at everything.

note: I'm laughing my ass off at the ridiculous nature of my post.

[BlueJazz]

1. Oh Yeah?....Well, Mr. Smartypants...

...I....um...ah ....Oh..I'm a Selmer Mark VI and you're a student Conn.
(Figure that one out) :)

[laconicsax]

3. Actually,

I play a 1953 Buecher Aristocrat tenor. It plays better than every Mark VI I've played. It's got a fuller, rounder sound and better intonation.

Selmer bought out Buecher around 1955 and cut production of the Aristocrat model.

I used to play a Mark VI though. Before that, it was a student Jupiter.

[BlueJazz]

6. I figured with the "sax" in your name that .....

...you'd know what I was talking about.
The 53' Buecher sounds like a wonderful horn.
I play Tenor and Alto (Alto is a Serie III silver..)
I use an Otto Link on Tenor (10*) and a Nete PD67 on Alto.
Nice to see another Reed-Person on DU!

[laconicsax]

7. I'm actually a clarinetist

I'm going after a BM Wind Performance degree on clarinet. Sax is a secondary instrument for me.

[Nikia]

2. Then they think that I am an arrogant b****

There are a few things that I am obviously not better than most people at like auto repair, which I am not going to even pretend that I am better than all but the most clueless. From my size, it is obvious that I am not stronger than a big man that does physical labor every day. Many people who I encountered do not like people telling them that they are better than them. I am willing to bet that most of the people at my company would believe me if I said that I was better than them at most things since they see me as an outsider (small Wisconsin town) and a bit different except my mentioned examples. They would see it as me saying that I am too good for them and I've been trying to avoid conveying that attitude.

[Darth_Kitten]

4. LOL.....

:thumbsup:

[trof]

5. Anything you can do, I can do better.

I can do anything
Better than you.

No, you can't.
Yes, I can. No, you can't.
Yes, I can. No, you can't.
Yes, I can,
Yes, I can!

Anything you can be
I can be greater.
Sooner or later,
I'm greater than you.

No, you're not. Yes, I am.
No, you're not. Yes, I am.
No, you're NOT!. Yes, I am.
Yes, I am!

I can shoot a partridge
With a single cartridge.
I can get a sparrow
With a bow and arrow.
I can live on bread and cheese.
And only on that?
Yes.
So can a rat!
Any note you can reach
I can go higher.
I can sing anything
Higher than you.
No, you can't. (High)
Yes, I can. (Higher) No, you can't. (Higher)
Yes, I can. (Higher) No, you can't. (Higher)
Yes, I can. (Higher) No, you can't. (Higher)
Yes, I can. (Higher) No, you can't. (Higher)
Yes, I CAN! (Highest)

Anything you can buy
I can buy cheaper.
I can buy anything
Cheaper than you.

Fifty cents?
Forty cents! Thirty cents?
Twenty cents! No, you can't!
Yes, I can,
Yes, I can!
Anything you can say
I can say softer.
I can say anything
Softer than you.
No, you can't. (Softly)
Yes, I can. (Softer) No, you can't. (Softer)
Yes, I can. (Softer) No, you can't. (Softer)
Yes, I can. (Softer)
YES, I CAN! (Full volume)
I can drink my liquor
Faster than a flicker.
I can drink it quicker
And get even sicker!
I can open any safe.
Without bein' caught?
Sure.
That's what I thought--
you crook!
Any note you can hold
I can hold longer.
I can hold any note
Longer than you.

No, you can't.
Yes, I can No, you can't.
Yes, I can No, you can't.
Yes, I can
Yes, I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I No, you C-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-N'T--
CA-A-A-A-N! (Cough, cough!)
Yes, you ca-a-a-an!

Anything you can wear
I can wear better.
In what you wear
I'd look better than you.
In my coat?
In your vest! In my shoes?
In your hat! No, you can't!
Yes, I can
Yes, I CAN!
Anything you say
I can say faster.
I can say anything
Faster than you.
No, you can't. (Fast)
Yes, I can. (Faster) No, you can't. (Faster)
Yes, I can. (Faster) Noyoucan't. (Faster)
YesIcan! (Fastest)
I can jump a hurdle.
I can wear a girdle.
I can knit a sweater.
I can fill it better!
I can do most anything!
Can you bake a pie? No.
Neither can I.
Anything you can sing
I can sing sweeter.
I can sing anything
Sweeter than you.
No, you can't. (Sweetly)
Yes, I can. (Sweeter) No, you can't. (Sweeter)
Yes, I can. (Sweeter) No, you can't. (Sweeter)
Yes, I can. (Sweeter) No, you can't, can't, can't (sweeter)
Yes, I can, can, can (Sugary)

Yes, I can! No, you can't!