DU parents, do you spank your kids?

[11 Bravo]

I just saw a woman spank her daughter at the supermarket. Nothing egregious, just a couple of swats on the ass. I'm not of the school that believes spanking is de facto evidence of abuse. Hell, I have good friends who spank their children. I just have a real aversion to hitting my boys (11 and 8). I prefer to talk to them and simply withhold privileges when necessary. That seems to work pretty well so far. Any thoughts?

[Phillycat]

1. Gentlemen, DON YOUR ASBESTOS!!

:nuke:

Can we get a fire extinguisher over here?

[11 Bravo]

12. Shit, I hope not.

I was honestly curious as to what the prevailing opinion would be on a progressive message board. As I said, I have friends whom I respect who spank their kids. We're not talking about punching or beating here, I'm talking about the random ass swat. I don't do it, but I won't point a finger at those who do.

[Union Thug]

22. My mom used to hit us with hotwheels tracks..

Of course, this was back in the late 60's/early 70's... but DAMN...that put the fear of mom into us...using our own toys against us!

Seriously, I'm glad you asked the question. It's interesting seeing the range of opinion here.

[Truman01]

2. By the time they are. . .

8 and 12 I would agree with you. I have a 4 year old boy, and a swat on the rear to re-enforce the fact that I am displeased with him is sufficient to make him change what he is doing.

[goddess40]

3. Never have Never will

I'm from the belief that people turn out well in spite of spanking not because of it.
If a kid can't understand that their actions are wrong from what you say or the consquences you hand out hitting them isn't going to get through either.

[Dying Eagle]

4. Yes I do

3 and 2 years old. Only in a extreme case when Corner and time out is not working. Plus, I take into account there age with how much force I use.

[rainy]

5. NO, I never use this method of discipline. Studies say it is

not effective. The undesirable behavior continues and just makes the spanked madder.

[BOHICA06]

16. Then they are not swinging hard

enough to hit the reset switch buried deep in butt. If the behavior is so egregious that the spanking is called for - and that is really egregious - then it needs to be an attitude altering knee-buckling experience; one that makes the parent (and only parents should spank) reconsider parenthood and the child never consider repeating the offending behavior .............

[tridim]

6. If that Mom in the store swatted her kid upside the head

Would you be okay with that? Not flamebait, just a question.

[11 Bravo]

20. No, I wouldn't ...

But honest people can differentiate between a swat on a well-padded little butt and a shot to the grill. To reiterate, I do neither, but I'm trying to guage the sense of my fellow DUers.

[tridim]

24. The subtle point I'm trying to make

is that there's really no difference between a spank on the butt and a slap to the head. However, one method is socially acceptable and the other is legally child abuse. It just doesn't make sense to me. IMO, hitting a child is hitting a child regardless of where the hit is administered. I believe in positive reinforcement.. It certainly works for dogs.

[Maddy McCall]

7. Never. Not even once.

It teaches that violence as a solution to problems.

[Zomby Woof]

26. not necessarily

I mean, that SOUNDS logical and very tidy, but it doesn't always work out that way.

As a youngster, my parents spanked me, and I had lots of toy guns and GI Joes. As an adult, I am a non-violent, anti-war pacifist, and I hate real guns.

My parents used reason with me, except at those points I was beyond reasoning. And I had my moments. I love them, and don't hold it against them. They taught me right from wrong, and by no means did they teach me that violence solves problems, hence my pacifism.

Depends on the kid sometimes. I knew kids growing up not spanked who turned out fine, and one who grew up to land in jail at 18 for dealing coke. Sometimes, you just are what you are, no matter what the parents' intentions are.

[Nevernose]

8. I have before, and regret it now

Certainly won't do it again. Hitting my kid, even a couple of light swats, was just wrong, and wasn't about her misbehavior so much as my anger. I don't want to feel that way again, and I don't ever want to see that look in her eyes again -- no child should have to feel like that. There are better ways to discipline one's child. For instance, using logical consequences rather than arbitrary punishment. Besides, my kid would probably rather be spanked than be given some of the consequences.

So, yeah, imo, most of the time spanking is about a parent's laziness (consequences and sticking to them take a lot more work than a quick beating) and anger rather than child-rearing.

That having been said, how someone else raises their kids is their business, so long as it doesn't surpass spanking and move into the realms of abuse.

[CO Liberal]

9. Let's Just Say...

...that there are a few people at DU who DESERVE to be spanked, and leave it at that.

:-)

[donheld]

35. "Let's Just Say..."

...that there are a few people at DU who LIKE to be spanked, and leave it at that.

:-)

[Zomby Woof]

10. I taser mine

And I take their pumpkin pie from them before they have a chance to eat it.

I hate my kids.

[11 Bravo]

14. OK, now THAT made me laugh!

n/t

[Union Thug]

11. I don't spank, but..

there's a time for a swift smack on the hand when the child is about to engage in something dangerous... ie. touching hot stove, etc. It's not about hitting to hurt, rather, it's about grabbing immediate attention. Anybody who has ever politely asked a toddler not grab the handle of a hot pan knows that they will very likely end up with the contents of that pan all over them.

For older kids, like yours, I agree with you completely.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

13. I don't really have a dog in this fight

but I'll ever-so-watchfully stick my toe in this water.

I will ONLY speak for myself, not for other parents:

We don't spank. We HAVE, when she was much younger, but nothing more than a few swats. Honestly, it really wasn't even that effective. More of an instant attention-grabber, but beyond that, not much of a teaching tool (which is what I had long suspected).

She's far more scared of being grounded at this point, anyway. Not being able to talk to or see friends is a BIG deal.

I don't judge parents who spank, but I do think the line is VERY fine between spanking and going right over into abuse. And I know that a lot of parents consider ANY spanking to be abuse. I'll leave that to them to debate.

I was a heavily physically abused child, which I acknowledge is not the same as having received a few swats here and there.

Hitting done in anger gives a negative message, in my opinion, but if the hitting is cold and calculated (not done in anger), it seems even creepier to me.

Also, no matter what form of punishment is used, talking about what happened and what can be done differently is a requirement. Not preaching or sermonizing. Talking.

Ever seen a parent hit their child in a store or somehing while yelling "DON'T HIT!" They got the swat because they hit another child. The irony of that one always gets me.

But again, I don't see it as my job to sit in judgement of other parents for the most part. If someone does witness something they think is abusive, they should take some kind of action, whether it is to diffuse the situation or call authorities (depending on severity).

[arwalden]

15. This Is One Of The Few Times That I Agree With Dr. Phil

when it comes to the subject of whether or not to hit children.

[Nevernose]

17. Just out of curiosity--

How does Dr. Phil feel about this?

[FuzzySlippers]

30. Dr. Phil is against it.

[arwalden]

34. He's Opposed To Hitting Children

[dolo amber]

18. It's what I live for

:D

[elehhhhna]

19. After beanie took TaeKwonDo, she could block me really well--

so no more swats (which were onoy for major self-endangerment situations). Grounded to the room works, but the BEST technique when my gals fight (they're 8 & 11) is to ground them from EACH OTHER. They can't staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand it.

[MrSlayer]

21. No, it's pointless.

I went that route for a while and discovered it doesn't really solve anything and makes me feel like shit. Talking and taking things away solves the problem a lot better.

[bunkerbuster1]

23. Yes, on occasion, with my 4-year-old.

But only as a last resort, and we do our damndest to enforce household rules by other means.

I really do not want to be resorting to this when she's, say, seven or eight. If a parent is still whacking their kids when they're clearly old enough to reason and make informed decisions, something's screwy.

[BearClaws]

28. Hit, Beat? No...Swat,Yes!

I have on rare occasion had to give my kid a swat on the ass.
I am a strong believer that is a deterrent.
My brother who is married to an intellectual type with a master's degree, has on the other hand, raised their kids "By The Book" they have all the manuals on child rearing from all the so called "experts" They "Reason" with the children (6&4 yrs old)
The result? I can't stand to be with his little monsters!
They are completely out of control!They have no respect, they often bite other children and the worst discipline they are likely to get is the dreaded 'Time Out".
I regard their child rearing techniques as a miserable failure.

[NewHampshireDem]

25. Nope, I don't ...

To me, spanking simply teaches that it is okay to hit ... as long as you are bigger or older. Not exactly the lesson I'd like to teach. Besides, most "bad" behavior is simply limit/boundary testing and should not be stopped with violence but with reason and rationality.

[buddhamama]

27. No.

I personally do not approve of spanking as a means of discipline.

I talk with my son and that works.

[Maine-ah]

29. spanking

I don't have children yet, I'm one of those terrible married people who have decided not to have children. :evilgrin: But, I was spanked, so were both of my brothers and my sister (she actually got it across the face once, but she's still a dumb (R) bitch :evilgrin: ) IF and I mean IF we were to have children, I would spank them once all other means of punishment have not worked. I see nothing wrong with a spank on the butt, you are not there to be your child's "friend" you are there to be their PARENT. My sister-in-law tries to reason with her kid all the time. It gets her nowhere. Kid walks all over her. Throws major temper tantrums in stores, knocks over displays, screams, yells ect.. she's only four. I can imagine what she's going to be like as a teenager. Look, I have most certainly seen people go overboard with spanking, I even threatend a woman in a store with reporting her, (I got a good F-U for that one) kid was extremely dirty, bruised, and the mother would not let off the kid's ass. However, a single or couple of spanks on a butt can sometimes get the message through better than any time-out. IMHO.

[warrens]

31. Never

She's 14 now, so it's irrelevent, but spanking only says, I'm bigger than you and I can do what I want to you.

[MissMarple]

32. Spanking signals a breakdown in parenting skills.

While not always egregious, it does illustrate a failure on the part of the parent, not the child. It reflects back on the strict father (authoritarian model) versus the nurturing parent(authoritative model). The authoritative, nurturing parent model produces better children, who become more thoughtful, insightful adults, and hence, better citizens. However, they are not as easily led as children raised under the "other" model and government may seek to counter this trend. That is why we now have Bush pushing his judgmental, punitive, vengeful values on the American populace. IMHO

[BearClaws]

37. Strict AND Nurturing!

You can be BOTH a strict and nurturing parent at the same time.
I respected my parents and loved them dearly and deservedly received spankings when I crossed the line.
I know I would have "crossed the line" more regularly if I didn't have the fear or the threat of a red ass looming over me!
On the other hand, the rowdiest kids I knew in school had the strictest parents. I think it was a case of rebellion.
You must discipline fairly and reasonably and set the boundaries at a very early age, or the children will own you.
I think that by the time they grow up, they will respect you more for being fairly strict and concerned about their activities and behavior than a parent that does not set limitations with discipline.
The bottom line is that everyone is entitled to raise their children according to their own beliefs.
Only time will tell if you did things right.
There are good parents with kids on death row.
There are horrible parents with kids on the honor roll.
Go figure.

[LeftyMom]

33. HELL no!

I can't legally hit LeftyDad, if we had a dog I couldn't legally hit it, but somehow hitting LeftyKid is okay? Fuck that!

[alexisfree]

36. no ...

but I still get my wiping..:spank: :spank: :spank: