Microwaving Illinoisan gets patent for round paper towels

[Champ]

BY LUCIO GUERRERO Staff Reporter

John Esparza has a simple idea for a rather irritating problem.

Every time the 60-year-old Esparza wanted to heat up a sandwich in the microwave, he'd cover it up with a paper towel. But he always encountered a little geometrical problem -- the square paper towel would slip off the revolving round plate.

So the Illinois inventor came up with a solution -- round paper towels. This month the U.S. Patent and Trademark office accepted his application for, as he calls them, "microbuddies," paving the way for the newest "must-have" in every kitchen.

"I kept having to tear the corners off the paper towels myself," said Esparza, a retired railroad worker. "I thought, 'Why don't they make round paper towels?' "

"When I saw there weren't any available, I decided to make them myself."
http://www.suntimes.com/output/news/cst-nws-round24.html

[JaneDoughnut]

1. Yay! More shit to throw away!

[salvorhardin]

2. Oh good gawd

They wouldn't come packaged in a roll like conventional paper towels but instead would come packed individually in a box.

By packaging them individually, Esparza said, they are safer than square paper towels on a roll.

Safer? WTF is dangerous about paper towels?

[realisticphish]

4. paper cut?

i will give 1000 dollars to anyone that can cut themselves with a paper towel.


:hippie: The Incorrigible Democrat

[Feathered Fish]

6. The Edges

You know, when you tear off a square, you could hit your eyeball.
:D

[billyskank]

16. As my grandmother would say

you could have someone's eye out with that.

She'd say that about, like, a stepladder or something.

[denverbill]

10. Perhaps it's the 'individually packaged' part.

After all, an entire roll of paper towels dropped from the top of the Empire State building could cause an injury, or perhaps even a fatality if it happened to hit a large bird on the way down and the large bird landed on someone below who was knocked into the path of a truck by the impact.


However, a single sheet of round paper towels would eliminate that danger.

[salvorhardin]

19. Oh no!

We need to win the war on paper towel terrorists! Won't someone think of the children!?

[realisticphish]

3. i keep thinking of

Phil Hartman's Anal Retentive Cook sketch....


:hippie: The Incorrigible Democrat

[ScreamingMeemie]

12. Good to see you back! You spammer, you!

;) :hi:

[realisticphish]

14. lol thank you

i tried to force my wares on you, but the wiley spam guard stopped my evil plans! :)


:hippie: The Incorrigible Democrat

[htuttle]

5. Was his middle name Hudsucker?

"For instance, take a look at this sweet baby. You look like you can keep a secret. Something I developed myself. Yessir, this is my ticket upstairs...you know, for kids!".
- Norville Barnes

[tridim]

7. Do people really use paper towels in the microwave?

I don't.. Regardless, how hard is it to fold the 4 corners under to make an octagon?

Worst invention since the Segway IMO.

[Champ]

8. Worst? How about....

1. Pay Toilet. A great idea unless you really have to go and have no change in your pocket.

2. Single knob for hot and cold water in sinks. One knob for hot, one for cold was more user-friendly.

3. Giant Shetland pony. Not all genetic engineering serves a purpose.

4. Helicopter ejector seat. "The Russian military obviously didn't think this idea through," Powtley notes.

5. Inflatable dart board.

6. Solar-powered flashlight.

7. Fireproof cigarette.

8. Mesh umbrella. Although quite trendy in Manhattan now, it's useless.

9. Pedal-powered wheelchair.

10. Auto-mind-reader. "Invented by Japanese software engineers, it supposedly 'lets you hear your own thoughts,' " Powtley explains.

11. Doggie Sweater. What for? Dogs already have fur.

12. Antivampire collar. Notes Powtley: "This highfashion chain collar is easily penetrated by vampire fangs -- and actually attracts the undead if worn at night."
http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/features/science/61480

[realisticphish]

15. helicopter

acutally, IIRC, the helicopter ejector seat was horizontal. but i dont think they could prevent the massive stress on the pilot like they could with vertical ones


:hippie: The Incorrigible Democrat

[DS1]

17. The rotor-bladers were break-away

they'd go flying off into the helicopter next to them as the seat was launched up

[realisticphish]

18. o, my bad

ok, that IS fucking stupid


:hippie: The Incorrigible Democrat

[kcwayne]

9. Uh, gee, I always just fold the towel in half

because if I was eating a sandwich bigger than half a towel on a regular, I would weigh 400 pounds.

I wonder if I can get a patent for the incredibly brilliant idea of "Folding a paper towel to fit on microwave plate invention".

[sandnsea]

11. I tuck it under my sandwich

Silly me.

[JohnnyRingo]

13. Nice try Esparza...Only an idiot would buy paper towels that were only

used to cover a sandwich in a microwave. Come to think of it...WHY does he cover sandwiches? They don't splatter in the oven.

Then again I know 59,000,000 people that can apparently be talked into anything. Maybe if they market 'em as "resolve".

[flamingyouth]

20. Does this remind anyone else of Spinal Tap?

That scene backstage with the cold cuts and pumpernickel bread? :D