|
In order to win the red states:
Democrats and progressives should begin eating at Applebees, at least weekly. Order steak or pork, please, and for heaven's sake no French dressing on your salad. Don't forget to tip, but tip moderately.
Please avoid flaunting your sexuality or even showing signs that you might have a sexual life. This makes the middle nervous. Wear sensible undergarments and keep that hair neat.
You must never, ever again say you support gay marriage. What the heck is wrong with you? It's not about rights, it's about getting votes!
Don't talk about Iraq being a mistake. The middle will think you're spouting left-wing conspiracy theories. Just say that we might need to adjust our strategies in Iraq. And don't even say that too loudly.
Go to church. The middle likes it when you go to church. Cover your head, too.
Perhaps women should be in the home and out of the real world. Look what has happened since we gave women the right to vote.
Always say you're against abortion personally, no matter your stand on choice. Nobody likes a murderer.
Always say you're for guns. Never even hint that gun ownership entails responsibilities. Guns are good for everybody - got it? Hunt. Show pictures of yourself hunting. Talk about killing your enemies.
Don't talk about science. Science won't win the red states anymore. Science, schmience! It's all about faith.
Get along with your political opponents, even the ones who smear you, belittle you, lie to you, and rip you off. Don't you want unity? Don't talk back.
Never point blame or belittle the intelligence of those who voted for Bush. It isn't their fault that facts have little bearing on their views.
Avoid characterizing yourself as better just because you don't like invading sovereign nations for the wrong reasons, you think killing one-hundred thousand civlians might be a mistake, have doubts about severely misdirecting the fight against terrorists, or think the deficit is avoidable and dangerous. You're not better than anybody else.
|