Argh, I can't answer a personal ad even if my life depended on it!

[thermodynamic]

I end up sounding like a tinpot robot telemarketer, asking obvious questions about his bio and ticking off the little boxes next to them instead of trying to converse with him... :eyes:

On the dating service I frequent, there's this bloke I hadn't noticed before. Which is quite a shame since he had sent me a smiley face back in January! A smiley-face is usually an invitation to send an e-mail. He's got a nice ad, and this is one of those few times where I dare take a risk.

How do I break the ice? Personally, I'd rather melt it with a steamy and hot persona! :evilgrin: Good grief, did I just say that?! :shrug:

[Norm357]

1. How about

just being yourself?
Norm

[KG]

2. works every time

just relax and have fun with it.

I have met several woman online. nothing ever ended up as long term relationships, but a few have become long term friends.

[no one in particular]

7. If only...

"...just being yourself?"

I tried that during high school. I struck out more than Jim Thome.

In college, I treated dating like acting. I'd choose a persona that I thought would work well with a particular girl and it worked wonders.

Now, this "just be yourself" stuff may work if you want to find a mate, but for pure sexual gratification, acting is the way to go.

[Skittles]

8. be yourself is the worst advice you can give most people

:evilgrin:

[number9]

9. it may make them more self conscious but

it truly is the only way to go. don't try to impress, don't try to be something or someone you're not. be yourself.

[SOteric]

3. Open-ended questions.

Anytime you're trying to get a conversation going you ask open-ended questions - things one cannot simply answer with a yes or no.

You're actually quite good at that Thermo, you do it all the time on DU.

It can be as simple as saying "Hi. I'm Thermodynamic. I live in (city/district of city/whatever), and (job/hobby/passion). I'm trying to get to know interesting people and expand my horizons. Tell me about yourself."

[ForrestGump]

4. "Tell me about yourself" Arrrrggghhhhhhh......

Never had it in this context, but as a job-interview question it's the worst they can lay on you. Well, close, anyway. The problem is that you've got to decide whether to begin with "Well, I was born in a two-room cabin that I helped my daddy build" or just to hit the highlights and, more importantly, tell them what you want.

I'd imagine that trying to sort out a potential Love Connection is kind of the same. In a job interview you're best telling them what you think they want to hear, as long as it's (strictly speaking) verifiably true. In a situation such as the one you describe, maybe striking a middle way would be best - don't tell them too much but make sure that you're honest in what you do tell them, at least if you're hoping for more than one encounter if things go well. But leave some room for mystery - always leave them wanting more. Again, I don't play a datingperson on TV, but that's about how I'd go about it if I did. I think.

EDIT: playing with images.....

[number9]

6. again - just be yourself

you are obviously a likeable person with many positive attributes.


forrest: what the hell is going on there? I look for Selma, but no Selma. dangit. I put mozilla on 75% and actually almost saw something for a minute. Probably my imagination.

[ForrestGump]

11. It's a tragedy

I'm having image problems. Hopefully she'll be back where she belongs ASAP - obviously, more than a few of us suffer Salma withdrawals (no lewd imagery intended) having been graced by her presence so much lately.

[SOteric]

10. To a certain extent

we all try to put our best foot forward when we're meeting someone who might well turn out to be the next steamy romance in our diaries.

Personally, I don't see much comparison between a job interview and trying to get to know someone who you might want to date. Actually, I'm not sure I have your philosophy about job interviews, either. And I'm told I do exceptionally well at them.

I tend to look at a job interview as an equal exchange. I'm not auditioning. I'm a real asset (give or take a couple of letters) with an exceptional resume. If they want me on their staff they've got to trot out a few dogs and a pony or two. It's not all on me.

I'm not going to tell a potential employer, OR a potential romantic involvement what I "think they want to hear." Ultimately, I don't need either a job or a guy that badly, - and I never will.

If I tell them the real facts, only allowing for a bit of 'putting that best foot forward,' then I don't have to worry that it will all be going horribly wrong as a result of miscommunicated expectations.

[ForrestGump]

12. I'm not sure I agree with my job-interview philosophy, either

I read all the advice for people auditioning for a job in my field and then I go in there with pretty much a blank slate - I can think fast on my feet so I just let my mind go mushin no shin (the mind of no-mind) and anticipate both nothing and everything. While levitating, of course.

I guess what I meant by telling them what I think they want to hear is more accurately stated as being that I wouldn't tell them what they don't want to hear. You know, accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative. In my field, at least, hype and snowjobs won't even get you in the door. Darn it.

And, yes, I was probably stretching the comparison between job interview and the dating thing. I've had pretty much zero experience at the latter, so approaching it like a give-and-take (but not too much of either, initially) interview seemed as good a way as any......either way, honesty's central to both situations because sooner or later you're going to get busted if you build your relationship (personal or employment) on a foundation of untruth.

In that spirit, I reveal to DU a startling truth about me. Ready? Okay: Forrest Gump is not my real name.

Shocking, isn't it.....

[mitchum]

5. Your posts here are always witty and intriguing...

you shouldn't have a problem. Really.