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Lavender Brown Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-03-04 04:20 PM
Original message
Quick... someone say something funny
:(
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RobertOnion Donating Member (21 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-03-04 04:22 PM
Response to Original message
1. OK
Gasoline - powered turtleneck sweater.
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Cyndee_Lou_Who Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-03-04 04:22 PM
Response to Original message
2. something funny
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RobertOnion Donating Member (21 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-03-04 04:24 PM
Response to Reply #2
5. One more time.
Pee-pee can?
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realisticphish Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-03-04 04:23 PM
Response to Original message
3. buttweasel!
:hippie: The Incorrigible Democrat
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madinmaryland Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-03-04 04:24 PM
Response to Original message
4. whistle pig
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commander bunnypants Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-03-04 04:24 PM
Response to Original message
6. ass rat the president
laura bush loves her xanax. ass rat the president likes ball gags

DDQM
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XNASA Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-03-04 04:24 PM
Response to Original message
7. Cock-a-leekie!
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Bossy Monkey Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-03-04 04:25 PM
Response to Original message
8. Pert_UK put up a good joke and a piece from the Onion
I'll kick them and you can see if they help.
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Atlas Mugged Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-03-04 04:25 PM
Response to Original message
9. jugs
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HEyHEY Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-03-04 04:25 PM
Response to Original message
10. Hmmm - I got nothin
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Phillycat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-03-04 04:26 PM
Response to Original message
11. Um...balls!
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Blue-Jay Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-03-04 04:26 PM
Response to Original message
12. Two firemen were buttfucking in a smoke-filled room...
The fire chief walked in and shouted "HEY! What the hell is going on here?"

One of the men stammered "ummm..well...you see, sir, he was suffering from smoke inhalation..."

"SMOKE INHALATION?!?!" the chief said, "Didn't you try mouth-to-mouth?"

"Of course" said the fireman, "How do you think THIS shit got started?"

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RobertOnion Donating Member (21 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-03-04 04:28 PM
Response to Reply #12
13. Shrub joke
To start the day right
Instructions

1. Open a new file in your PC
2. Name it "George W. Bush"
3. Send it to the trash
4. Empty the trash
5. Your PC will ask you: "Do you really want to get rid of George W. Bush?"
6. Answer calmly "Yes" pressing firmly on the mouse's button


Doctors recommend that you not repeat the operation until you have waited six hours because there is a risk of addiction...
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Worst Username Ever Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-03-04 04:29 PM
Response to Reply #12
14. LOL!
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RobertOnion Donating Member (21 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-03-04 04:33 PM
Response to Reply #14
15. Uno mas
IMMEDIATE ATTENTION NEEDED : HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL

FROM: GEORGE WALKER BUSH
202.456.1414 / 202.456.1111
FAX: 202.456.2461

DEAR SIR / MADAM,

I AM GEORGE WALKER BUSH, SON OF THE FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA GEORGE HERBERT WALKER BUSH, AND CURRENTLY SERVING AS PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

THIS LETTER MIGHT SURPRISE YOU BECAUSE WE HAVE NOT MET NEITHER IN PERSON NOR BY CORRESPONDENCE. I CAME TO KNOW OF YOU IN MY SEARCH FOR A RELIABLE AND REPUTABLE PERSON TO HANDLE A VERY CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS TRANSACTION, WHICH INVOLVES THE TRANSFER OF A HUGE SUM OF MONEY TO AN ACCOUNT REQUIRING MAXIMUM CONFIDENCE.

I AM WRITING YOU IN ABSOLUTE CONFIDENCE PRIMARILY TO SEEK YOUR ASSISTANCE IN ACQUIRING OIL FUNDS THAT ARE PRESENTLY TRAPPED IN THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ. MY PARTNERS AND I SOLICIT YOUR ASSISTANCE IN COMPLETING A TRANSACTION BEGUN BY MY FATHER, WHO HAS LONG BEEN ACTIVELY ENGAGED IN THE EXTRACTION OF PETROLEUM IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, AND BRAVELY SERVED HIS COUNTRY AS DIRECTOR OF THE UNITED STATES CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY. (CIA)

IN THE DECADE OF THE NINETEEN-EIGHTIES, MY FATHER, THEN VICE-PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, SOUGHT TO WORK WITH THE GOOD OFFICES OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ TO REGAIN LOST OIL REVENUE SOURCES IN THE NEIGHBORING ISLAMIC REPUBLIC OF IRAN. THIS UNSUCCESSFUL VENTURE WAS SOON FOLLOWED BY A FALLING OUT WITH HIS IRAQI PARTNER, WHO SOUGHT TO ACQUIRE ADDITIONAL OIL REVENUE SOURCES IN THE NEIGHBORING EMIRATE OF KUWAIT, A WHOLLY-OWNED U.S.-BRITISH SUBSIDIARY.

MY FATHER RE-SECURED THE PETROLEUM ASSETS OF KUWAIT IN 1991 AT A COST OF SIXTY-ONE BILLION U.S. DOLLARS ($61,000,000,000). OUT OF THAT COST, THIRTY-SIX BILLION DOLLARS ($36,000,000,000) WERE SUPPLIED BY HIS PARTNERS IN THE KINGDOM OF SAUDI ARABIA AND OTHER PERSIAN GULF MONARCHIES, AND SIXTEEN BILLION DOLLARS ($16,000,000,000) BY GERMAN AND JAPANESE PARTNERS. BUT MY FATHER'S FORMER IRAQI BUSINESS PARTNER REMAINED IN CONTROL OF THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ AND ITS PETROLEUM RESERVES.

MY FAMILY IS CALLING FOR YOUR URGENT ASSISTANCE IN FUNDING THE REMOVAL OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ AND ACQUIRING THE PETROLEUM ASSETS OF HIS COUNTRY, AS COMPENSATION FOR THE COSTS OF REMOVING HIM FROM POWER.

UNFORTUNATELY, OUR PARTNERS FROM 1991 ARE NOT WILLING TO SHOULDER THE BURDEN OF THIS NEW VENTURE, WHICH IN ITS UPCOMING PHASE MAY COST THE SUM OF 100 BILLION TO 200 BILLION DOLLARS ($100,000,000,000 - $200,000,000,000), BOTH IN THE INITIAL ACQUISITION AND IN LONG-TERM MANAGEMENT.

WITHOUT THE FUNDS FROM OUR 1991 PARTNERS, WE WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO ACQUIRE THE OIL REVENUE TRAPPED WITHIN IRAQ. THAT IS WHY MY FAMILY AND OUR COLLEAGUES ARE URGENTLY SEEKING YOUR GRACIOUS ASSISTANCE.

OUR DISTINGUISHED COLLEAGUES IN THIS BUSINESS TRANSACTION INCLUDE THE SITTING VICE-PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, RICHARD CHENEY, WHO IS AN ORIGINAL PARTNER IN THE IRAQ VENTURE AND FORMER HEAD OF THE HALLIBURTON OIL COMPANY, AND CONDOLEEZA RICE, WHOSE PROFESSIONAL DEDICATION TO THE VENTURE WAS DEMONSTRATED IN THE NAMING OF A CHEVRON OIL TANKER AFTER HER..

I WOULD BESEECH YOU TO TRANSFER A SUM EQUALING TEN TO TWENTY-FIVE PERCENT (10-25 %) OF YOUR YEARLY INCOME TO OUR ACCOUNT TO AID IN THIS IMPORTANT VENTURE. THE INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA (IRS) WILL FUNCTION AS OUR TRUSTED INTERMEDIARY. I PROPOSE THAT YOU MAKE THIS TRANSFER BEFORE THE FIFTEENTH (15TH) OF THE MONTH OF APRIL.

I KNOW THAT A TRANSACTION OF THIS MAGNITUDE WOULD MAKE ANYONE APPREHENSIVE AND WORRIED. BUT I AM ASSURING YOU THAT ALL WILL BE WELL AT THE END OF THE DAY. A BOLD STEP TAKEN SHALL NOT BE REGRETTED, I ASSURE YOU. PLEASE DO BE INFORMED THAT THIS BUSINESS TRANSACTION IS 100% LEGAL. IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO CO-OPERATE IN THIS TRANSACTION, PLEASE CONTACT OUR INTERMEDIARY REPRESENTATIVES TO FURTHER DISCUSS THE MATTER.

I PRAY THAT YOU UNDERSTAND OUR PLIGHT. MY FAMILY AND OUR COLLEAGUES WILL BE FOREVER GRATEFUL. PLEASE REPLY IN STRICT CONFIDENCE TO THE CONTACT NUMBERS BELOW.

SINCERELY WITH WARM REGARDS,
GEORGE WALKER BUSH
Switchboard: 202.456.1414
Comments: 202.456.1111
Fax: 202.456.2461
president@whitehouse.gov
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lpbk2713 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-03-04 04:36 PM
Response to Reply #12
17. We need Blue-Jay's sig line squirrel pic back again
to lighten things up. I love that pic.
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Blue-Jay Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-03-04 04:46 PM
Response to Reply #17
18. Here you go!

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lpbk2713 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-03-04 05:00 PM
Response to Reply #18
20. WAH-HA-HA-HA
I love it.
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lpbk2713 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-03-04 04:34 PM
Response to Original message
16. Fartblossom Bunnypants.
Will that do?
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meganmonkey Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-03-04 04:53 PM
Response to Original message
19. A little joke
A little boy goes to his dad and asks "What is Politics"?
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family so call me the President
Your mother administers the money, so call her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
The nanny is the Working Class
And your baby brother is the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense"
So the little boy goes off to think about what his dad told him. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So he goes into his parent's room and finds his mother fast asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. He looks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his dad "Well, I think I understand Politics now".

Dad says "Great! Tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies "The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The people are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit!"
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AmandaRuth Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-03-04 05:16 PM
Response to Original message
21. soylent green is brown peepole.....!
actually, i guess thats kind of sad....
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Reciprocity Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-03-04 05:34 PM
Response to Original message
22. Good news bad news.
Man: Preacher! Preacher! do you want the good news or the bad news?

Preacher: The good news

Man: Jesus has returned! It's the second coming!

Preacher (delighted): what news could possibly be bad after that?

Man: He's dancing naked round a bonfire with the Pagans.

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