I'm sick and I'm mad.

[SarahB]

Here I am hacking up green stuff (I'm pretty sure I have bronchitis) and I'm calling the doctor tomorrow. I don't get sick like this much, but this has lasted for a number of days and I think it's time for antibiotics before I end up with pneumonia. Still doing laundry, still making sure the kids are fed (and mediating assorted battles too), and still making sure a zillion things are done around here. I won't be able to take the boys to this Halloween thing though and their dad's working extra, so I'll probably get shit for it because I had said I would before. It's not like I don't care. I'm just sick.

Why does it make me mad? It makes me mad because every time in my life I'm sick or I need help, no one in my immediate life gives a shit. A few years back, I had pneumonia (only time I ever had it luckily). At the time, I had a six year old, three year old, and a nursing 4 month old baby. My fever was 103. I couldn't breath well. My lungs hurt. I asked my husband to stay home from work (he had paid time off he could use) and his response was he'd rather save it for something more fun down the road. I asked my mom (who lives less than a 1/2 hour from me) and her response was that she was afraid she'd catch it. I have no siblings around, my husband's siblings could care less, and all my friends have little kids themselves. There's even more to the story and about a zillion other examples. :mad:

The point is that I'm tired of it. I'm tired of having to be strong. I'm tired of being understanding to everyone and rationalizing other people's negative behavior toward me. If you're going to be an asshole to me every time I'm down- screw you! I don't care who you are. People in my life wonder why I want to leave my marriage or why I'm so "distant" now. That's why. All I do is take care of other people. As for me? Ha! My needs? Ha! Yeah, I'm going to be a responsible mother and continue being a good one, but I'm going to make sure that the rest of my life is what I want it to be, have some fun once in awhile, and not further waste my time on anyone who doesn't treat me the way I deserve to be treated. :grr:

[still_one]

1. if you are coughing up crap with color, get an antiiotic

[SarahB]

3. I know.

That's what I said in my first paragraph.

[Demeter]

2. Honey, Your Husband Doesn't Love You or the Kids

but you don't need me to tell you that. I have been in that situation, and I lived with it until the day when I saw that he was going to steal everything. I get calls from lawyers looking for him now for other crimes he's committed. I got out, and it was hell, but it would be much worse being married.

[SarahB]

8. I'm on my way out.

It just takes awhile. His does love the kids and isn't a terrible person, but my needs are something else all together. I think too much is expected from me and I used to be someone who was rather a doormat. I'm not anymore thankfully. That's why I can vent sometimes and be quite at peace with it. :7

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

4. I'm so sorry for you!

You might wish to remind your husband of your wedding vows, if you went the conventional route-I believe they say something about "...in sickness and in health...."

Could your mother or another relative take the kids trick or treating? Seems to me that would be 'fun' enough to make them want to do it.

[SarahB]

9. He'll be back in time to take them.

As for my mother or other relatives, not many or much help.

[XanaDUer]

5. I never wanted to get married or have kids

and this is the main reason why.

No matter what society, religion, or whoever/whatever says, you are entitled to respect and help, even if you are a woman and expected to give all and sacrifice all for everyone else.

I get really mad when I read this kind of stuff, because I know so many other women in the same position-you're there, like a piece of furniture, and that's all.

I am so sorry, SB. :hug:

[SarahB]

13. I don't blame you.

It's hard sometimes.

[auntAgonist]

6. You have every RIGHT to be MAD!

What's wrong with people. Families are SUPPOSED to help each other. Folks we NEED to get back to being there for one another.

SarahBelle I wish there was a way to help you out today! PLEASE TRY to get some rest. You'll only get more ill if you don't. I know it's hard with kids at home, but damn the laundry, make sandwiches for lunch and the kids will get over it if they can't do trick or treat tonight, OR gee Dad can take them if all else fails.

<hugs> to you!!!!!

now go REST!!!

[SarahB]

12. I know.

I've always said I want to be the kind of person who is helpful as they get older and have children, but I'm afraid I'm going to be so burnt and fried by then, I'll be off on an island somewhere trying to avoid the vast majority of humanity.

Thankfully, most of the laundry was done yesterday. About 8 loads. Probably why I'm a bit extra beat at the moment. I'm such an energetic person, so being sick just knocks me out really.

[mirandaod]

7. Hope you can get some rest.

Is there another mom who can take your kids to Halloween tonight and give you a break?
Sending good, healing thoughts your way (I'm too far away for anything more).

[SarahB]

11. Their dad will be back for that at least.

thank goodness

[jdots]

10. Have NO Fear

I'm on my way over,do the kids like maccaroni and cheese ?
When i get sick my wife says nice stuff like " You're allways sick
the kids make extra noise,the dog drools on me. NO RESPECT,then when they get sick i waite on them hand and foot.

[SarahB]

16. You sound like a keeper.

:thumbsup:

[tblue37]

14. You wrote:

"I asked my mom (who lives less than 1/2 hour from me) and her response was that she was afraid she'd catch it."

That is such a crock. Tell your mother that bronchitis and pneumonia are not contagious. (Fortunately, laziness and selfishness are not either.)

Good luck!

[SarahB]

15. She knows that.

She's an RN. Makes it even worse. :(

[tblue37]

18. SarahBelle,

I ran a home daycare for 18 years. The parents I babysat for were often as inconsiderate and exploitative as your family are. When I had a health crisis and landed in the hospital for several days, I made sure the daycare was covered before they even had me out of the emergency room. Not one parent had to miss even a minute of work.

Nevertheless, some of the mothers were so obnoxiously angry at me for daring to get sick that I gave notice as soon as I got out of the hospital.

A few weeks later, one of the mothers complained to me that it was going to cost her twice as much per month to have her kids cared for now and that she would probably have to get a second job (I had three jobs at the time!), and I said, "Well, you guys never did appreciate how good you had it with me."

When she responded, "We did too appreciate you!" I replied, "If you had appreciated me, you wouldn't have driven me out of business by exploiting me the way you did!"

When people exploit you, you have to get away. There's no way around it. My marriage ruined my health so badly that it took two years beyond the divorce to regain it. Then my daycare situation undermined my health, too, but once I ditched the daycare (specifically the exploitative parents), I was able to get better and to live my life for myself and my own kids.


If you want to read the story about the way the daycare parents responded to my illness, I have it posted on one of my innumerable websites:

"Heart Squeezies, Heart Clutchies, VAPORLOCK!"
http://salvoblue.homestead.com/vaporlock.html

BTW, I had pneumonia about 6 years ago. I taught my college classes for two weeks with it, and never shut down the daycare for even one day while doing so. I masked my symptoms with DayQuil so I could continue to function, so I didn't even realize it was pneumonia until I finally found time to get to the doctor.

They wanted to hospitalize me for it, but I responded that I couldn't let my students or my daycare kids down. I continued to work (with the help of powerful antibiotics).

I now realize that no one really appreciates us when we put our own health so far down on the list of priorities. If I were to get pnemonia now, I would take time off to get to the doctor and to get better.

I do think that there was an element of "They can't get by without me" in my refusal to stop working when I got ill. I have, I think, managed to overcome it. I now know the world will manage without me if I have to rest and get well.

[Missy Vixen]

20. Thank you

>When she responded, "We did too appreciate you!" I replied, "If you had appreciated me, you wouldn't have driven me out of business by exploiting me the way you did!"<

This is the story of the child care industry. When one cares for others' children, one is not allowed a) a living wage, b) a personal life, or c) to be anything but someone else's personal servant. I worked in child care for several years in my 20's, then I was in a nanny-share situation with two different families that finally caused me to realize I needed to get another profession (and a life.) Fifteen-hour days were routine while I was nannying. I am only sorry I didn't write "The Nanny Diaries", because while my clients didn't live on Park Avenue, I saw the same stuff over and over and over.

The parents you worked for (and the ones I worked for,) exploited both of us because we loved their kids. I got the same crap when I left, too: "Oh, but you're so great with _____! How will we ever find someone else? bla bla bla..."

Child care has created an entire race of "working poor".

Julie

[SarahB]

21. It's sad.

My initial degree is in early childhood education. I have never been a nanny, but taught and worked within the field in other ways. I love children. I'm great with them. I love being a mother (just need a break once in awhile or to be treated well when I'm sick). Unfortunately, this country puts the priorities of children at next to nothing. I was recently in a situation where I had a situation of having to turn down a job tied with a major federal social services agency because the pay was low enough that with childcare for one child, it just wasn't worth it.

I'm working part-time toward a nursing degree and hope to work in maternal-child health down the road. At least that way I can take my love of children and knowledge and actually make a living wage down the road.

[tblue37]

24. Ah, SarahBelle--

I mentioned in my earlier post that I have "innumerable websites." One that might be of interest to you is "Who's Minding the Children." On that site I post my commentary on issues of childrearing, children's welfare, and daycare. Here is the link to that site:

http://www.childrensneeds.homestead.com/index.html

Links to all of my other websites can be found on the homepage of each one of them, so check out my other sites to see if any seem interesting to you. I write on a wide variety of subjects.

[SarahB]

26. Just bookmarked it.

Looks good. :thumbsup: Thank you.

[SarahB]

22. I understand.

"When people exploit you, you have to get away. There's no way around it. My marriage ruined my health so badly that it took two years beyond the divorce to regain it."

I have gone through so much in the last few years and right now I'm at a point where I feel confident and secure within myself. I feel younger and more energetic than I did 5 or 10 years ago (most of the time anyway when not sick), but I want to stay that way. I want to keep it. I don't want to go back to being old before my time. I remember years ago, watching the movie "Jerry McGuire" and Renee Zellweger's character said, "I feel like the oldest 26 year old in the world." I could relate at the time, but I was 25 I think. Here I am now at 32, in a stronger place within myself-- physically, emotionally, intellectually and young enough to have a better life and future still. I don't want to be a shell again. I will not be that.

[blondeatlast]

17. I'll be right over with some nice chicken soup and a shoulder...

I know the feeling--I keep going like everything's just fine but when hubby has the sniffles time and motion stop.

Hang in there, SB; we love ya, darlin'.

:hug:

[peacefreak]

19. Oh kiddo--

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. There was a point in my life when my mantra was "that which does not kill me, makes me stronger". I started to wonder just how fuckin' strong was I suppose to be.
Do you have a Prompt Care in your area? You need to get on meds NOW. Get a referral from your MD if needed. The sooner you start, the better you'll start to feel.
As far as the daddy, call him & tell him he needs to get the kids now. You need to be in bed, recuperating.
Get your meds, make some tea, get a pile of trashy magazines or chick lit & HIT THE SACK!!!!!!!!
Hope you feel better soon. Love, P

[Amaya]

23. Damn Sarah!

Do you need anything? My kids are with their grandparents today, so if you need anything I'm here.

[SarahB]

25. Just in maintenance mode now.

Majorly vegging obviously. Thank goodness Audrey's almost 13 now anyway and the evil one daddy is returning shortly. Mainly, I was pissing and moaning about years past. I just can't believe the level of sh*t I just kept putting up with for years.

[Amaya]

27. I know where you're coming from, sweetie

I'm sorry :hug:
Please Sarah if you need anything, you know I'm only 30 minutes away. I could bring you some soup:9 or something....

Feel better soon :pals: :hug:

[SarahB]

28. Thank you.

:pals:

[Peter1x9]

29. You should get the pneumonia vaccine when you get better.

I never caught pneumonia again after I got my shot.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

30. God I hate hearing that, especially from someone as great as you...

If I were nearby, I'd totally come and take your kids off your hands for awhile. Of course, that would be if you knew me better, but you get the sentiment. I hope things get better. And you know that anyone here at DU would be totally there for you if we could. Good luck Sarah.
Duckie