Bad Jokes (warning: bad jokes inside)

[Guy Fawkes]

Q: Why are ducks so funny?
A: Because they're always quacking jokes!

Q: Why didn't the pig get a job?
A: He said it didn't make scents!

(feel free to post your own)

[sister moon]

1. did you get those off of a penguin biscuit wrapper?

[Guy Fawkes]

4. Penguin biscuit? I'm a vegetarian!

[mr blur]

15. Why don't elephants eat penguins?

'Cos they can't get the wrapper off.

[pagerbear]

2. Q: Why do elephants wear green tennis shoes?

A: So you won't see them when they sneak across the pool table.

[Guy Fawkes]

6. Q: Why are elephants grey?

A: So you can tell them apart from blueberries!

[Kierkegaard]

3. K

Q: What the hell is Guy Fawkes on?
A: Hell, I don't know, but I want some too.

[DrWeird]

5. What did the fish yell when he ran into a wall?

DAM!

[grannylib]

7. Two of my dad's favorites:

Q: What kind of tree is a toilet?
A: A pecan


You know when geese are flying in formation, and they are in a V-shape, and one line of the V is always longer than the other? Why is that?

There are more geese in that line.


The first is a 'daddy original' and the second NEVER failed to crack him up, especially if he was listening to me tell it to someone else who had never heard it.

[rogerashton]

9. Daddy original?

I remember hearing that from the peckerwood kids at Blanchard School.

By the way, it really is rednecky to pronounce it pea-can. Knowledgeable southerners pronounce it puh-conn.

[grannylib]

10. Well great minds must think alike! And he never pronounced it pee-can

when speaking about it otherwise...he just thought it was rather 'punny.' He loved any kind of word-play.
Midwesterners say 'puh-conn' too, unless we are making bad jokes!

[captainjack]

8. oooo, fun!

Q:what do you call cheese that's not yours?
A:nacho cheese(not-cho-cheese :) )

Q:did you hear about the new pirate movie?
A:it's rated "AAAAR!"

Q:what do giraffes have that no other animal does?
A:baby giraffes

Q:what's the sickest country?
A:germ-any

Q:how did the government know the tree was a spy?
A:it was a redwood. it was arrested for treeson.

Q:have you seen the tree's new car?
A:yea, it's a two sedar.

did you hear about the cowardly book?
it had no spine.

two fish were in a tank. one fish says to the other, "How do you drive this thing?"

Q:why does a chicken coop have two doors?
A:if it had 4 doors, it'd be a chicken sedan!

Q:What do you say when a dog runs away?
A:dog-gone!

ok, that's enough bad jokes for the day :D

[TlalocW]

11. Mine

Two men are walking down the street. The first one walks into a bar. The second ducks.

What's brown and green and if it falls out of a tree onto you, it will kill you? A pool table.

What's green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.

Go up to someone and tell them, "Ask me if I'm a tree."
Are you a tree?
No.
(Depending on the type of person you do this to, they'll find this really funny, or they'll just give you a painful stare)

Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his brother in the woods?
(I sometimes say this when dining with a group of people and then continue eating while everyone just looks at me waiting for me to finish the joke. It eventually sinks in.)

TlalocW

[grannylib]

12. Those are good ones!

[grannylib]

13. What kind of luggage does a vulture take on vacation flight?

Carrion.
(carry-on)

[davsand]

14. For all you fans of old westerns:

Why didn't the Indians in old westerns have beards?
They cut them off at the pass.

How do you get a one armed idjit* out of a tree?
Wave at him.

How do you break an idjit's finger?
Hit him in the nose.

Did you hear about the idjit that nailed one foot to the floor?
He ran in circles all day.
-----

Lord, I can't tell those jokes and not think about my dad. He loves silly jokes and will tell them with great joy. I can't tell you how many dinners were spent with my family laughing like hyenas over some silly joke. I'm gonna have to print these out for him...


Laura



*idjit is a term in my family for folks who are just plain "stoopid"--as in lacking common sense.

[ava27]

16. Bush will be pResident

for 4 more years.

[baldguy]

17. That's a sick joke!

[CO Liberal]

18. Q - What Did Tarzan Say When He Saw the Elephants Coming Over The Hill?

A - "Here come the elephants over the hill."

Q - What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill wearing sunglasses?

A - Nothing - he didn't recognize them.

[ironflange]

19. A snail bought a fast new sports car

He had a big 'S' painted on both doors. Whenever he tore around town in it, everyone said, "Wow! Look at that 'S' car go!"

[Snotcicles]

20. Whats the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

oral sex makes your whole day.
anal sex makes your hole weak.

[ironflange]

21. You win the prize for

worst joke I've ever heard. Congratulations!

[JimmyJazz]

22. what did tarzan say when the elephants came over the hill?

Here come the elephants over the hill.

[JimmyJazz]

23. what did tarzan say when the elephants came over the hill wearing

sunglasses?


Nothing - he didn't recognize them.