Tomorrow is my birthday - and today showed why I don't care about looks

[The Straight Story]

I will be 39 tomorrow. Not that I care all that much.

Today I came home from work and was on a conference call during the drive home and as I walked into the house (had em on mute). My 3 1/2 yr old rushed to meet me in the kitchen "happy birthday daddy!" there were a few presents and a cake.

Wife explained they had went shopping for gifts and the daughter could not wait until tomorrow to help me open them. Someone was bringing up a project I was working on at work, and I knew they would want to hear from me. I closed the cell phone, gave her a hug, and we sat down to open the gifts.

I messaged my boss later (a great guy) and he said the meeting was still on, go have a shot and some cake. Later on the wife and I watched web cam videos of my daughter from times gone by.

We met in CA 6 years ago. Live in my mom's basement, then the garage, then an apt in So. Ohio, then rented a house further south, and a few months ago bought our first house ever next door to my folks.

I don't care I am turning 39, I have a wonderful life. I see so much on tv, stern, elsewhere about beautiful women, having latest fashions, being the hottest, and teen (and younger) girls trying to be the next sex object. I looked at those webcams, and then later played dolls with my daughter (which we do everyday). None of them have clothes, she hates them having clothes on for some reason. I looked at her with a love deeper than one can fathom.

Looks? Money? Fashion? All she cared about was playing with toys with her dad. We watch old sci-fi movies (she loves war of the worlds and for a month or so watched it every night to fall asleep to) like earth versus the flying saucers, sponge bob, and more. We watched wizard of oz and she played with her dog like it was toto and sang somewhere over the rainbow.

She is a beautiful little red headed girl, looks like a porcelain doll. People stop us in the store to touch her hair and talk about her. Then I see things which make me wince...

Young girls on covers of magazines looking sexy, barely dressed. No one looking at those photos probably cares about the person inside, what they think, how they feel. They care about the package and what is being sold. Hell, being a good red blooded american male myself have looked at such pics and saw only the visual myself at times.

I understand it all somewhat, but that does not mean I think it is the right thing morally, or the best thing (in relation to long term results and effects). Sex sells, always has and always will. What I see today, versus many years ago, is how much it is flaunted and pushed. Women of beauty we see daily, in movies, videos, magazine covers. Looks have become the main pushing factor, and not the person inside. No one cares about the avg looking woman and what she thinks or says, they are not covered because they don't look 'hot'.

Female astronauts, scientists, and so forth don't grace the cover of such magazines. Is it that no one cares, or is that all we get to see? My wife spent her 20's as a beautiful woman - had drs, lawyers, welathy men all chasing her, using her as a trophy to hang out with. She met me, and I cared about her. Now in her early 30's she has gained weight after the baby (not alot), does not wear the makeup all the time, and cares more about family and cooking than impressing the men. They don't seem to give her the time of day now because she is not a walking advertisement for sex. They wanted her to be selling something, packaged and ready to buy. Now she is the woman she always wanted to be, and happy as can be. We both cried tonight watching those home videos and remembering how far we have come.

This weekend we are having a halloween party for the kids in the neighborhood, and no one is worried about being 'hot' or trendy. Folks just want to show up and be themselves with their kids.

I hope my daughter grows up in a world where people value her for who she is as a woman. Whether she works in a factory or as a Dr. I hope they see the same loving girl I see, that they want to see her smile like I do each day. The more I see on TV, movies, and so forth the more I hope she learns well that such things are not what is important in life. Happiness is family, love, and something you find in yourself and your own desires.

My life? My family, old computers, programming, work which I love, and just simple day to day living. I am content. If I am on my death bed at 80 and she has not suffered terrible illnesses, abusive lovers, and so forth I will die a happy man. If she sits beside me as I slip away and I know that she had a good life then I can die without care or worry. If those that I know say of me, 'he was a good man and kind to others' then I can go to my life in the beyond feeling like I had won in this life. Money, fame, power? Sure, they would nice in that I could help others - but those things mean nothing without the love of someone like my daughter and my wife.

So I turn 39. One year closer to death some might say. I see it as one more year I can file in my mind as happy times with the ones I loved. Today was a good day. The future could be better or worse - but today I saw my baby smile and tell me she loved me, and saw her eyes light up as we opened some gifts. Today I lived the last day of my 38th year, and today I realized how happy I am to look forward to another year with those I loved.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

1. Happy birthday...my daddy died 7 years ago and I am 46

But reading your sentiments about your wife and daughter reminded me of the kind of man my father was and the kind of man (via your words and thoughts herein) that you are.

Reading this was like you giving ME a gift for your birthday.

Thanks

[The Straight Story]

4. Sorry to hear of the loss

I have been lucky myself. My mom almost died a few years ago during a triple bypass. She got pnemounia after the surgery. Was touch and go for a month. She does not remember much of that time but we all do. Was damn hard seeing her like that. She was yelling out for her dad, who had been dead over 50 years.

My parents are wonderful people. My wife loves them and has gotten along better with them than her own, adoptive, parents (who later had their own kids so she got pushed aside. Happily with a new life and daughter things are going better for them all).

My dad has been a die-hard christian his whole life. Might be overly solid in his views to many, but none have ever doubted the kindness he has shown them over the years. Nicest man many have ever met, and I have damn glad to have him as my dad. Whole reason I bought this house was to be closer to them as they got older - but he still out works younger people at his job (and he is 69).

Dad was in korea, but didn't see battle. He was a typist, then he was helping orphans learn how to read. He met and helped many people in his day, something he is still doing now. I watched some old home movies of his time in korea, seemed like a different world back then. One lady he met and helped was somewhat well known there, a star in her times. But dad talks more about the kids and the common folk he met.

I know someday they will be gone. I hope between now and then that I get to know them both on a level I never did when I was young and more into myself. I don't think dad has ever bought a new car, he has helped build churches for free, helped people out almost weekly expecting nothing in return, and has been happy over the course of his life with the little things. His dad died when he was 14. He grew up poor and learned to value the simple things. Same thing basically happend to mom. Her dad died when she was young. They lived with her uncle for a short time in WV and he bought her a doll for christmas, the only thing she got that year. She was overjoyed and played with it and kept it for many years.

Not having much was the norm, so what they have today seems like a lot. They have taught me to appreciate the little things in life, and other people.

What will life be like without them in it? I cannot fathom it. They are my connection to another time, another place, another era and way of life. They are good people and I was a damn lucky kid being born to them. I had a good life and most my problems since reaching adulthood have been of my own making.

So indeed I am sorry to hear of your loss - for it is one I know I will face someday. Like watching those old webcam movies of my daughter tonight - you can never go back. I watched the dvd home movies my dad got for me of the 1960's, how simple and different life was. But we can never go back. Last week they finally got rid of the old freezer they had. Mom bought it the day Kennedy was assassinated. It was still working. They had gotten a new one someone gave them and did not have room for the big old one anymore.

We can't go back - but we can carry the torch, and the memories of how things were.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

7. Lots of parellels in our lives and since you're into reflecting

My dad also lost his father at 14...he enlisted in the Navy and served in WWII in Pearl Harbor where he earned a purple heart.

He was a labor activist and long distance truck driver...was in a serious accident in the mid 80's...I went into labor law in the early 80's and represented him in part of his case following the accident...I found witnesses by taking his CB radio out to where the accident occurred and radioing truckers that might have seen the accident. Anyway...he lost a leg and an eye and about ten years later lost the rest of his vision in a botched surgery.

He was comepletely blind after that and suffered a series of strokes that left him in a wheelchair with severe dementia...everything a small baby needed including changing, he needed for the last five years of his life.

Don't know why I am rambling except to say...it sounds like you are well aware they won't be around forever and it sounds like you are savoring the time you have with them while they have their health.

It's good that your wife is close to them and it's great that you are nearby for when they will need you ...and that day will come.

You sound like a wonderful son, father and husband...you sound as though you are dedicated to living a life that is worth living..and that is something to pat yourself on the back for on your birthday.

A lot of people NEVER get that one and never work on it...they simply exist and suffer without the meaning of life in hand.

Good on you for being the reflective man you are :toast:

[The Straight Story]

14. My Uncle

Was in Korea, got three purple hearts and came back a different man. Had nightmares and never talked about it.

When I was 17 he died of cancer and some other things he had. We were there that night. He was one helluva man. He was good to all he knew, was a ham operator, and left behind 4 kids. I still see him on the dvd home movies and miss him.

We have such a short time in this world - why do so many spend it making others miserable and sad? We come, we go. Why is it so hard to be nice to one another and do what we can for people? Sure, some people make mistakes which F things up - but lets forgive and forget and move on.

My niece is married to some jerk who beats her, sells drugs, they have three kids and are now living in some trailer in WV. She moved back and forth to home. Her dad took out savings to pay for a divorce. She changed her mind at last minute. They spend her welfare check on alcohol and drugs, and borrow for diapers and food from family. It kills my brother to see those babies suffer, he has done all he can for her but she keeps going back and wanting to stay and be independent (well, as much as one can with the man she is with). Those little kids live in hell. Why? Why don't people love others as much as they love themselves and their habits?

Sorry for the rant - but I just talked to him a few minutes ago when he came by. Her husband had called and said she wanted to talk to her dad and needed a ride - but she has no home to go to now. My brother quit his job, is selling the house, and moving into my parents' garage while he looks for a new house. Now she is stuck and she has to make some tough choices...I dunno...

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

2. Excellent Post . Happy Birthday !

[amerikat]

3. Happy Birthday

It's always the simple things in life that make it joyful. Your post made my day! :party: :party: :party: :yourock:

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

5. Wow a literate geek. Happy birthday.

Little girls are the best. I have two, and I love them more all the time.

[The Straight Story]

8. The sad part of things for me

I have 5 kids.

3 sons I have not seen in over 6 years - not by choice. Oldest is 18 now. I just found out where they live a few months ago. Will see what happens. They whole thing breaks my heart to no end. Not a holiday goes by where I don't cry when I think about them.

A daughter in CA. I broke up with my X girlfriend. Tried for 2 years to get her to marry me. But she was young, wanted to wait, and her parents ruled her life (her checks were deposited into her dad's account who paid all her all bills and tracked her money). I broke up with her. Met the woman I am now married to, and moved back to Ohio to be closer to my boys (which is when the X wife went weird on me and did not want me to see them anymore, once she got remarried I was out). Found out the X girlfriend had stopped taking her Birth control pills and was pregnant. NOW she wanted me to marry her.

That was the worst time of my life. I still loved her, always will. But I knew in my heart things would not work out. I decided to stay here and make a new life. And somehow, things worked out for us both. She is happily married with another child now as well. I am happy too. We still talk from time to time, but my daughter does not know me. I wrestled with being a distant father, and we both decided best thing was for her to not know much about me until later. I did not want her torn apart over the whole thing. When she is older, that will be different - she will be more able to handle and discuss, but I did not want to ruin her childhood with being bounced around and fought over. We made peace, and did what we thought best for her.

Right or wrong, she is happy, doing well in school and involved in choir and such. I saw her when I could early on, held her. Was there for the ultrasound too. She did not choose to be born into the situation she was, and we chose not to put her in the middle. I miss her too, her birthday is in a few days.

So I have a deeply broken heart. I have made choices in my life which have not always been the best for all, but I have tried. My x girlfriend never understood the pain I had over my boys who lived so far away, until she had a daughter. Then she understood the hell I lived and how depressing my christimases were and such. She was though, a good woman I will always remember fondly and care for.

So here I sit. Glad for what I have, sad for what I have lost. It has all inspired me at times to write poetry:

http://65.60.190.134/stuff/poems.htm

(domain name is registered, just need to get my dns server kicking in a few weeks - for now using my IP)

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

11. That's some heavy shit, man. I like the poems

sometimes you just have to keep going, even when it hurts.

There was a time recently, when my wife and I were having problems, I was afraid it was over. I honestly could not see myself being a part-time dad to my girls.

Fortunately the decision did not have to be made. I am not sure if I could have done it.

But now, well, I love every minute of daddydom.

[The Straight Story]

13. Thanks!

Daddydom is wonderful, and sometimes hard. I am heading out of town on business soon for 3 days - and I dread it. Sure I will stay at a 5 star hotel and have free dinners and such - but I would rather be home with my daughter. Boss told me we would have to delay the trip a week, and I was damn glad.

My wife goes to see her folks a few times a year with the daughter, gone 2-3 weeks at a time 2000+ miles away. I sit here alone missing them, then I talk to my daughter on the phone and we discuss dolls and such. I hang up and cry. Sure I can spend all day in my undies posting and programming, watching what I want when I want. But it is all hollow without her here to come barging into my computer with a doll yelling 'play daddy play!'.

I'll take the headaches of being a dad any day over money and things and loads of free time to waste playing computer games....

[Kenneth ken]

6. Happy Birthday!

You're well on your way to making a million the important way! A milion good memories of how you live your life and the influence it has on others.

The Straight Story
:yourock:

:hug:


:hi:

[The Straight Story]

10. Thank you!

I hope I keep the good things going as best I can. I do hope to be wealthy someday, but only because I want to give those I love more.

Money is cool and all, but all my best memories are not of things I bought but of things I shared with others.

My poetry (listed above somewhere) reflects some things about me and those I have known (scott for one). Scott was my best friend in high school. A football player who lived down the street. He was injured and could not play and so we hung out (I was a geek even then, being in the chess club and such).

I taught him to play D&D, which he thought was for nerds, and he loved it. He died at 27 in a car crash. I just happend to be in Ohio for a few weeks when it occured. My mom told me he was in the hospital, figured I would go next day after work and see him. He died a few hours later - leaving behind a wife who was pregnant with their first child.

Life can suck at times - and while those times ache my heart I try each day to dwell on what I have, and not on what I have lost.

Thanks again for your post, made me feel better.

[ALago1]

9. That was a very nice post

Happy birthday!

And you have quite the lucid insights when it comes to the rough situation young women are in today.

Mass media is the major culprit - influencing the attitudes of the general public.

[The Straight Story]

12. Mass Media sucks

I remember some time ago a show called McGee and Me. A christian show I used to get for my boys. Now I know many can knock my faith here (and that is ok, it is the land of the free and I don't want it any other way) but I do recall it and other shows being based more around the people than sex.

Now I am no prude, I enjoy a wild and exciting sex life :) I just think it is a shame what has become of advertising and such thesedays - and how it affects the mindset of our kids.

Here are a few personal stories relating:
When my wife and I were camping, and this was the trip she became pregnant on btw, we sat in the RV at night and played cards. We also listened to old radio shows on cassette. These shows had hokey adverts (like for lux soap) which we thought were pretty awesome. I compared them mentally to today's advertisements. A shock to me really.

We view people so much as sex objects today, it is a shame really. I have studied advertising as a geeky hobby since I was a teen (my geek friend james and I got a video from sears once about home remodling and we tore it apart - from how the lighting outside was changed to make it look better and happier to the clothes the people wore after the work was done) and have found it all quite interesting.

I still prefer magazines which inform me - which is why I read du, slashdot, and other things which have information without all the sex stuff (which is cool once in awhile when used right and with good measure, I think we have an enormous over-saturation - but that is my own humble opinion).

I may well have my eyes drawn to some lush, air brushed, woman on a cover (hard to miss anyways) but I seem to revert back to wanting to know her as a human and not as something I can 'do'. There are many beautiful people, pleasing to the eyes like an artwork or a beautiful mountain range, so I make no apologies about that really. I just think it is a shame, personally, that we have reduced women of physical beauty to nothing more than a way to sell something (ie, we still make money using women to lure people in).

And what is with women's magazines today? sex, sex, sex and how to please your mate and more sex. Is that all there is to life? No, and many people know that - but it is a shame that stores front things which seem to promote only that. I never see science mags at the check outs - have we become that shallow or is it that we are thinking that we are because that is all we see to buy?

I don't know all the answers for everyone - but I do know some for me. I won't force my ideas and beliefs on others, I will however call em as I see em.

[nutsnberries]

15. Beautiful. Thanks, and...

Happy Birthday! :hug:

[miss_kitty]

16. A Very Enjoyable post

Thanks for this! Happy Birthday! :hi: