"If" by Bread is the most insipid, vomit-inducing drivel ever recorded

[dolo amber]

Discuss.

[ScreamingMeemie]

1. Actually, I was thinking the HeeHaw Gospel Quartet was...

but I'll go with ya. :hi:

[elehhhhna]

2. Baby I'm A Want You is worse, IMHO

[dolo amber]

20. Wtf does that even MEAN?

"Baby I'm a Want You"...

:shrug:

[jonnyblitz]

63. that is pretty damn bad.

:puke:

[Ron Green]

45. Actually, the Hee-Haw quartet did some pretty good stuff....

in a tradition that most people didn't relate to.

[ScreamingMeemie]

50. I grew up with it...my husband still listens to it....I can't stand it.

Sorry. :hi:

[Enraged_Ape]

3. I think it's pretty

I kinda like it.

[Bush_Eats_Beef]

4. So you've never heard Bobby Goldsboro's "Honey," I assume

See the tree, how big it's grown
but friend, it hasn't been too long, it wasn't big
I laughed at her and she got mad,
the first day that she planted it was just a twig
Then the first snow came and she
ran out to brush the snow away so it wouldn't die
Came runnin' in all excited
slipped and almost hurt herself, I laughed till I cried

And honey, I miss you and I'm being good
And I'd love to be with you, if only I could

She wrecked the car and she was sad
and so afraid that I'd be mad, but what the heck
Though I pretended hard to be
guess you could say she saw through me and hugged my neck
I came home unexpectedly
and found her crying needlessly in the middle of the day
And it was in the early Spring
when flowers bloom and robins sing, she went away

etc. etc. etc.

[dolo amber]

8. Y'know, I dunno how I've managed

But I have never heard that. :shrug:

[Lefta Dissenter]

12. B_E_B, I hate you

[Bush_Eats_Beef]

17. Hey, I just call 'em the way I see 'em...LOL

:evilgrin:

[miss_kitty]

52. Or "Watching Scotty Grow"-which just struck me as-nevermind

"here he sits with a pen and a yellow pad
What a handsome lad
That's my boy
BRLFQ spells mom and dad
But that ain't too bad
That's my boy
You can have your TV and you nightclubs
And you can have your drive in picture show
I'll stay here with my little man near
We'll listen to the radio
Biding my time and
Watching Scotty grow
Making a castle out of building blocks
And a cardboard box
That's my boy"

*OK Here comes my LEAST FAVOURITE PART. I could not sneer big enough-you know-'face is gonna stick that way kinda on lip dick cheney lip curl'-It is so fuckin dumb! And I don't remember who old I was when this POS was released, but it knocks out ANY Bread as a "wanna kill myself NOW!" earworm. A total tune cootie in the brain-that lays eggs before it exits :cry:*

"Mickey Mouse says it's thirteen o'clock
Well that's quite a shock!
That's my boy
In four short years
I've gone from rags to riches
And what I did before that I don't know
So let it rain on my windowpane
I got my own rainbow
And we're sitting here shining
Watching Scotty grow"

oH and the last FUCKING LINE:


"...Me and God watching Scotty grow."
By Mac Davis-sung by goldsboro, who BTW has his own web site now!

I hate you Mac Davis and Bobby Goldsboro:evilfrown:

[mac56]

5. Or "Rocky" by Austin Roberts.

Alone until my eighteenth year
We met four springs ago
She was shy and had a fear
Of things she did not know
But we got it on together
In such a super way
We held each other close at night
And traded dreams each day

And she said,
"Rocky, I've never been in love before
Don't know if I can do it
But if you let me lean on you
Take my hand, I might get through it" (through it)
I said, "Baby, oh sweet baby
It's love that sets us free
And God knows if the world should end
Your love is safe with me"

We found an old gray house
And you would not believe the way
We worked at night to fix it up
Took classes in the day
Paintin' walls and sippin' wine
Sleepin' on the floor
With so much love for just two
Soon we found there'd be one more

And she said,
"Rocky, I've never had a baby before
Don't know if I can do it
But if you let me lean on you
Take my hand, I might get through it" (through it)
I said, "Baby, oh sweet baby
It's love that sets us free
And God knows if the world should end
Your love is safe with me"

We had lots of problems then but
We had lots of fun
Like the crazy party
When our baby girl turned one
I was proud and satisfied
Life had so much to give
'Till the day they told me
That she didn't have long to live

She said,
"Rocky, I've never had to die before
Don't know if I can do it..."

Now it's back to two again
The little girl and I
Who looks so much like her sweet mother
Sometimes it makes me cry
I sleep alone at nights again
I walk alone each day
And sometimes when I'm about to give in
I hear her sweet voice say, to me

"Rocky, you know you've been alone before
You know that you can do it
But if you'd like to lean on me
Take my hand, I'll help you through it" (through it)
I said, "Baby, oh sweet baby
It's love that sets us free
And I told you when the world would end
Your love was safe with me"

[Dogmudgeon]

19. All the world loves a good song about death

"Last Kiss", "Laurie (Strange Things Happen)", "Tell Laura I Love Her", "Shannon", "Wildfire" ... don't knock 'em.

The combination of a movie about radioactive aliens or vampires, followed by some dead-lover songs, was all it took to get the sex revolution started.

In the dialectic of morbidity and sex, the more morbidity there is on the radio, the more sex there is at the drive-in. Or other accessible mating spot.

Of course, when sex was on the radio, people weren't having nearly as much sex. They were too stoned to function.

Let that be a lesson unto all of us.

--bkl

[donheld]

70. Monster Mash - the best song about death EVER

Bobby "Boris" Pickett

Monster Mash Lyrics


I was working in the lab late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
For my monster from his slab began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise


He did the mash
He did the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
He did the mash
It caught on in a flash
He did the mash
He did the monster mash


From my laboratory in the castle east
To the master bedroom where the vampires feast
The ghouls all came from their humble abodes
To get a jolt from my electrodes


They did the mash
They did the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
They did the mash
It caught on in a flash
They did the mash
They did the monster mash


The zombies were having fun
The party had just begun
The guests included Wolf Man
Dracula and his son


The scene was rockin', all were digging the sounds
Igor on chains, backed by his baying hounds
The coffin-bangers were about to arrive
With their vocal group, "The Crypt-Kicker Five"


They played the mash
They played the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
They played the mash
It caught on in a flash
They played the mash
They played the monster mash


Out from his coffin, Drac's voice did ring
Seems he was troubled by just one thing
He opened the lid and shook his fist
And said, "Whatever happened to my Transylvania twist?"


It's now the mash
It's now the monster mash
The monster mash
And it's a graveyard smash
It's now the mash
It's caught on in a flash
It's now the mash
It's now the monster mash


Now everything's cool, Drac's a part of the band
And my monster mash is the hit of the land
For you, the living, this mash was meant too
When you get to my door, tell them Boris sent you


Then you can mash
Then you can monster mash
The monster mash
And do my graveyard smash
Then you can mash
You'll catch on in a flash
Then you can mash
Then you can monster mash

[underpants]

6. The girls in the drama club disagree with you

-see I was nice

[Magrittes Pipe]

7. No worse than "Baby, I'm a-Want You."

[MikeG]

9. "You Light Up My Life" is up there too.

[dolo amber]

10. Oooh....good call

Nothing like a hot sexy love song to Jesus...:puke:

[Fenris]

11. Debbie Boone wants to get it on with Our Lord!

:o

You....warm up my panties...

:o

[Magrittes Pipe]

16. Who doesn't?

:shrug:

After all, "Never Gonna Give You Up" wasn't a huge hit for nothing.

[Dogmudgeon]

25. Jesus is Coming!

So practice Safe Sects.

--bkl

[Dogmudgeon]

13. Don't mock the music. It will come back to haunt you.

When I was in college in the late 1970s, all the hipsters hated The Monkees, too.

They had to do a lot of backpedaling around 1981.

Never mock music. Or else the Good Music Fairy will come 'round and whup your behind.

--bkl

[mac56]

14. excellent point

nm

[dolo amber]

15. 8:30 AM is no time to be faced with that

in the grocery store. While I was there it was that and some other god-awful Chicago-esque drivel I thankfully don't know the name of. I guess they thought it was too early to bust out the hardcore stuff like "Dancing on the Ceiling" or something...:eyes:

[Dogmudgeon]

23. There's a lesson within your reaction to the music

It means that deep inside, you long for an innocent, sweet and tender love affair.

With lots of dirty, hot rutting, gut-busting orgasms, squeals of ecstatic release loud enough to bring the local cops out, and endless nights of erotic dissolution.

Or, possibly, some ibuprofen.

--bkl

[dolo amber]

26. Bwahahahahaaaa!!!!

We have a winnah!! :evilgrin:

[bif]

18. No. Those honors would go to "Horse With No Name."

n/t

[donheld]

57. That's a fine song IMO

:spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank::spank:

[Beware the Beast Man]

21. Nope...that honor goes to "Butterfly Kisses."

Even if I have a daughter, please don't let me succumb to that Electra Complex-esque drivel.

[Biased Liberal Media]

28. I hate this song for so many reasons

but it's so buttery it's not funny.

[NamVetsWeeLass]

22. LOL sorry

But for me, it is "The Edmund Fitzgerald" by Gordon Lightfoot... I knoe the song is about a true event, But anytime I hear Gordon Lightfoot start to sing I wanna HURL

[CO Liberal]

24. Nope - It's Paul Anka's "You're Having My Baby"

:puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke:
:puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke:
:puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke:
:puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke:
:puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke:
:puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke:

[Burma Jones]

33. One of my favorite mock a breakup song......................n/t

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

27. Insipid, yes, but hardly vomit-inducing.

And I like "The Guitar Man".

[RetroLounge]

43. And I like "The Guitar Man".

and Cake just did a remake of it...

RL

[Biased Liberal Media]

29. What about "Alone Again (Naturally)"?? That is a song

that makes me want to vomit everytime I hear it! Who sung it??

Blech.

[CO Liberal]

40. Gilbert O'Sullivan

But it's not as bad as his "Claire", which is three minutes of him musically lusting after his niece...

[Richardo]

41. I'm embarrassed to admit I know this: Gilbert O'Sullivan

I go now. :(

[miss_kitty]

56. I had an alternate title for this one

'Alone Again (Nastily).

:evilgrin:

[DelawareValleyDem]

30. No worse than Air Supply NT

[Biased Liberal Media]

32. Gross

reminds me of my childhood, my parents used to listen to their sappy drivel....blech.

[jdots]

39. go back to Gary Pucket and the Union Gap

there stuff will make you foam at the mouth "I'm keeping my Baby " by Slutdonna is a snappy tune "My Way " by Frank Sinatra is the republican top tune of all time

[Burma Jones]

31. I give that prize to Terry Jacks' "Seasons in the Sun"

With a close second to "Honey"

However, Bread definitely wins the most dreck by a band award in my book.

[dolo amber]

34. Ah yes, Seasons in the Sun

That and "Wildfire". Reminds me of being 7 years old and thinking adults were idiots. :D

[Biased Liberal Media]

35. Funniest.last.line.EVAH n/t

[no name no slogan]

68. HEY, what's wrong with Michael Martin Murphy's "Wildfire"? ;-)

And if Bread were collectively driven off a cliff in a VW microbus, I know I sure wouldn't lose any sleep.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

36. "Biggest Part of Me" by Ambrosia

:puke:

[Dogmudgeon]

37. Buck Up! Christmas is coming!

And what better way to celebrate the birth of Our Savio(u)r than with ...

The Christmas Shoes
Newsong

It was almost Christmas time, there I stood in another line
Tryin' to buy that last gift or two, not really in the Christmas mood
Standing right in front of me was a little boy waiting anxiously
Pacing 'round like little boys do
And in his hands he held a pair of shoes

His clothes were worn and old, he was dirty from head to toe
And when it came his time to pay
I couldn't believe what I heard him say

Chorus:
Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my Mama, please
It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry, sir, Daddy says there's not much time
You see she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes would make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful if Mama meets Jesus tonight

He counted pennies for what seemed like years
Then the cashier said, "Son, there's not enough here"
He searched his pockets frantically
Then he turned and he looked at me
He said Mama made Christmas good at our house
Though most years she just did without
Tell me Sir, what am I going to do,
Somehow I've got to buy her these Christmas shoes

So I laid the money down, I just had to help him out
I'll never forget the look on his face when he said
Mama's gonna look so great

Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my Mama, please
It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry, sir, Daddy says there's not much time
You see she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes would make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful if Mama meets Jesus tonight

Bridge:
I knew I'd caught a glimpse of heaven's love
As he thanked me and ran out
I knew that God had sent that little boy
To remind me just what Christmas is all about

Repeat Chorus

Yeah, repeat it, ya friggin' smug, rich, Jeebus-cryin' basstid!

--bkl

[elehhhhna]

38. ...guilty feet have got no rhythm...WORST LYRIC!

[donheld]

58. Wham! Careless Whisper

I love it:bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:
Don't knock it :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :yourock:

[Bunny]

46. Oh my dear lord. Who the fark sings that?

That is god-awful. Just god-awful. :puke:

You know what's funny? While reading the lyrics, I can picture a kid in the checkout line, slowly counting his pennies. bunnyj right behind him doing a slow burn because I'm sick of waiting in that farking line! I'd have given him the money for the god-blessed shoes just to get the line moving!!! How's that for the Christmas spirit? HAHAHA! :evilgrin:

[dolo amber]

60. Thanks. I will now scratch out my eyes

and pour cement into my ears. x(

[flamingyouth]

42. I always think of that episode of the Hardy Boys

Where Shaun Cassidy's girlfriend dies and they play that song while he's crying. Or something like that. It's been a while. ;)

[BlackVelvetElvis]

61. Ha! They were probably trying for an Emmy.

IMHO, the worst song of the 70's (maybe worst ever) was "Run Joey Run".

Daddy please don't, it wasn't his fault, he means so much to me
Daddy please don't, we're gonna get married...just you wait and see.

She called me up, late last night, she said Joe, don't come over
My dad and I just had a fight, and he stormed out the door
I've never seen him act his this way, my God, hes going crazy
He says he's gonna make you pay, for what we've done, he's got a gun, so

Run Joey Run Joey Run
Daddy please don't, it wasn't his fault, he means so much to me
Daddy please don't, we're gonna get married...just you wait and see.

I got in my car and I drove like mad, till I reached Julie's place
She ran to me, with tears in her eyes, and bruises on her face
All at once, I saw him there, sneaking up behind me, WATCH OUT!
Then Julie yelled, he's got a gun, and she stepped in front of me
Suddenly, a shot rang out, and I saw Julie falling
I ran to her, I held her close, when I looked down, my hands were red,
and heres the last words Julie said...

Daddy please don't, it wasn't his fault, he means so much to me
Daddy please don't, we're gonna get married.....aaahhh..ahhhh
ahhhh....ahhhhh

Run Joey run Joey run Joey run Joey run Joey run

[flamingyouth]

67. Geez, I don't even remember that

Clearly, I've repressed it. Sounds "delightful." :D

[RetroLounge]

44. Hmmm. Precious & Few by Climax is up there too,

I hear Hedges likes it though...

RL

[dolo amber]

59. No no, you heard it wrong

Hedges just likes *to* climax...

;)

[Red State Rebel]

47. HOW COULD YOU???!!!!

Do you have any idea how many times I listened to that 45 on the record player in my bedroom while mooning over my high school sweetheart Jim C.????? Over and over.....it was the complete and utterly perfect declaration of my love for him. And I'm almost positive he felt something like that in return....maybe....well....

Hearing that song takes me back to 1972-73 and my first date and first love....ahhhh memories.....

[amazona]

48. this is true but only if you forget...

"Sunshine" by John Denver.

arrrgggghhhh!

[exJW]

49. I can only argue with the word "most"...

... and it would be a passionless argument.

[mitchum]

51. That honor belongs to "Moonlight Feels Right" by Starbuck

[EstimatedProphet]

53. Nope. Remember these aural wonders?

Puppy Love-Donny and Marie
Muskrat Love-Captain and Tenille
You're Having my Baby-Paul Anka
There's more too I'm sure.

[CO Liberal]

54. "Puppy Love" Was A Donny Osmond Solo in 1971

Marie Osmond's first hit was 1974's "Paper Roses". That's back when she was a little bit country, and Donny was a little bit rock and roll....

[bmbmd]

55. Stop the Hate!

These were the songs of my youth. No point in ragging on someone's choice of tunes. Now that we are back in the seventies, though-what is the next line of a little ditty that starts "Crossin' the road, late one night..."?

[leftofthedial]

62. you say that like it's a bad thing

Besides, "I Want To Make It With You" is even more "If"-like than "If."

[gollygee]

64. That song reminds me of the Hardy Boys on tv (m)

When Frank (or was it Joe) Hardy's fiancee died in a car accident - he heard that song. It was the brother played by Shawn Cassidy.

[Misunderestimator]

65. I kinda like the song...

color me insipid and vomit-inducing :D

[tigereye]

66. sad to say when I was 13

Bread seemed to represent all my early adolescent longing. I did grow out of it though and later progressed to the Velvet Underground representing all my "late night why am I hungover and why did I screw him and why didn't he call angst." :)

when I find an old Bread album now, I think, Good God what was I thinking.

[NightTrain]

69. Geez, Dolo! Next you'll claim that the capital of Nebraska is Lincoln.

;)