You must always read your spam

[Bossy Monkey]

My latest insane obsession is checking the white space of the spam in my inbox (ie, click and drag on it to see if there's any hidden text there). The bizarro verbiage that's usually found there never fails to crack me up and sometimes is rather beautiful. This one from the most recent email only qualifies under the first of these criteria:
"A flock of our fell-ows are going to drive over by-and-by, and I'll be hanged if I don't make them buy every fl`o-wer she's got, and camp down before her table afterward," said Laurie, espousing her cause with warmth. Spooks the hell out of the Mumia guys.He throws the white cat at Imh-o,tep. Imho~tep instinctively

All punctuation, including the single quotation mark, are as in the original. I'm assuming this is supposed to get the thing past the spam filters somehow, but this one seems like a good start towards a Bulwer-Lytton contest entry.

[mairceridwen]

1. someday the kermit will be bland

the golda on the donkey. coy plus whitney equals consuela. I said ' kill me now, You look like a firmer gayle, 'you automatic mohammed. Much like a dear terica the john is extremely thirstiest. Hey baby wanna let me start allows your sena?thi are swallowing the toi. the monitor was fade the inboard lourie?We better go on top of the CD, Don't be so modular Friends don't let friends go decentralize the tricia. sweet sauce, Someone is damaged the sharmaine, Shave the melida, vicki plus jeannine equals abe. Where am the moist karie?in front of the kena?you are a tiny leandro, andre is so appropriate that I am shone the dixie. the ronald was puncturing the expeditious julee?We better go nearby the rosalie, Someday the kermit will be bland. My camellia are broken. Where are the icier skater?in front of the insect?Hey


(and when I selected all)

Got rico? I wonder if the han was blue.
the present is riding the alone madalene?We better go behind the elene, classie are deeding the rock hard chara, Someday the caroll will be low. bev is so alkaline that I am resume the kellie. I love you from the bottom of my wrongful jaquelyn.


this is an old one

[Bossy Monkey]

5. LMLO! (= Laughed My Lungs Out)

I think I'll add this to my Spam Slam email poetry document (as well as those below which were also funny)

[mark414]

2. from henry

mockery how chat and void we dumbness I procurer like chatpowerfulness
jfle37, Once you enter the spunkfarm you'll never want to leave!

http://080442527.heygorgeouswanttosee.com/fff/

n0 m0re plz: countingyourfingerswithpaste.com/zen/


yelling this void and mockery we dumbness will powerfulnesschat and mockery

[StrongbadTehAwesome]

3. I don't even need to highlight the white space to find bizarro verbiage

I got one recently whose subject line read,

"Jesus loves you - refinance now!"

WTF?

[Bossy Monkey]

8. Reminds me of a hung-letter sign I saw in GA just after 9/11

God Bless America
90 Days Same As Cash

[MisterP]

4. Bronoo, Jully, and Litsa say it's all right

and a ZDnet bit that says spam isn't that big a deal...

[uncle ray]

6. i must be the only person with email that doesn't get spammed

i can count the spam i've received over the last several months on one hand, and i got two email accounts i use, a hotmail and a msn account. i've NEVER got spam to increase my penis size. i must be doing something wrong.

[Bossy Monkey]

7. Well, if you don't put your email address on the web ever you'll cut a lot

out. The spambots find any email address on any webpage and this will generate untold amounts of spam. Some shrewd folks will put nospam in the middle of their email addresses when they need to post them, just explaining to any humans reading the page to take the nospam out. But presumably the evil swine who program spambots will figure this out eventually, too.

The other big way to get spam is when they just try every variant of a given email address at a given ISP. Thus my email address starts with pudntane but I get a lot of spam for pudknocker. Maybe you're on a small or unpopular ISP, I don't know.

I never used to get spam and actually would brag on Earthlink in this regard, but those days are well over. Still, I average maybe one a day, so can't complain compared to some sufferers.

[Anaxamander]

9. Wow... check these words out

They were so tiny they looked like lines. I copied them into Word and enlarged:


pyrosises marketeers chloralformamide assisting ringbark stippler. reshun photonephograph ringbark bandsmen genuflex. sappiest anapterygotous irresuscitable apyrases sincaline balden. unintermittent coheirship corelatively cyclotomic ultraenthusiastic erotize florification. prenatal beguilers hilting turnel pst leached. subverter zoosporocyst uncomminuted festuca turnel annonaceous reinstauration encraal.
bolus threshingtime heartbreaking ncc keyways naiveties pachyderma scrawler. daubs quatorze scranny alulet diffract ignatia amba miteproof. precanceling plowstilt. reshun sterneber thymectomy playingly thysanopteran unwiseness cotoneaster altarpieces. precooling stalklet amiray galiots shog nychthemer fourcher oscilloscopes unintermittent. plowstilt cellarets sonance simianity swanned shipshapely pillmonger. snooperscope flask putouts bandoleers piquantly dogfights gauntries. apaches offlet armholes uterointestinal haytime protozoon appendix hillier. machinizing tautophonical philadelphians iqs procacious pinchecks eme phylactery. wowserian hysterical undisadvantageous cordage mysticly pinchecks electragy semioblivious. plumped scuta curdled urinative pondweed franker sentry antikings apomecometry mg. urinative wisents aquascutum geodesical fosterlings prologize. frige eupneic concretes rachidial. gustation fined constructer bebouldered dundee baccalaureates plumped colourful. diffract superorganize prealarm rotundas trysts debye. filmsets regulatively dogfights stalklet outpick compunctionary thysanopteran imprudentness streamwort. protozoon untemperateness epinicial unconsonant extractors. unpermeated overunsuitable amphisbaenian adenosine earcockle decals pst smockings steamtight tressels fistiana.

[Anaxamander]

10. This one is a MUST-READ!

How embarrassing. He extended his hand by way of introduction. It was time... Love, and hate, are powerful emotions.

I was just thinking. He extended his hand by way of introduction. This is what I like, I'd tell myself. (I'm loving the way you walk with me so quietly, contentedly.)

That could well be the answer. I was just thinking. Can you tell me the answer? she asked. Are you getting pieces of this?

I was just thinking. What are we going to do tonight? I asked. That could well be the answer. There's something I should tell you. (Things were looking worse.) cm9iYWF0b19ub3VtYW5AeWFob28uY29t

[Bossy Monkey]

11. Strange thing

I googled "This is what I like, I'd tell myself," thinking that since the piece was actually in nearly lucid sentences that it might have come from some known work of fiction. (This isn't just a wild-goose chase; some trojans take chunks out of documents on infected machines and pass them on as part of email; was just checking). Anyway, somebody else had gotten the email and posted it:
http://www.faithiepoo.com/archives/cat_spam.htm
but the odd thing is that there were 52 other hits. It seems like a random set of words to me; I'm not even sure what it means. I wonder if it's from a song or a movie, or are there just 52 people out there who write like spammers?